answering questions i usually avoid... aka more tea spilled

I'm going to the gym now I'm going to the gym now

I'm going to the gym now

I'm going to the gym now I'm gonna sit opposite you in the back.

Thank you.

Have you started to feel great just now?

Yeah.

Hello guys, and welcome to today's vlog. We have a lot of exciting updates We have a few starting with I got the composite bonding off my teeth. I did it last week I actually just got back from the dentist I feel like I've talked about my composite bonding on my teeth like a Thousand times at this point because ever since I got it done I've been like I do not like feel like myself with these teeth

But composite bonding if you have not heard me talk about it and any of The other hundred times that I've talked about it It's not veneers because they don't shave down your teeth They just like add on top of it to make your teeth look like more perfect. Basically, I don't know They were just too perfect for me So I had had them adjusted multiple had her take all of the bonding off

So it's just kind of like subtle, but I'm sure you guys can tell a difference I look like my old self again, which is so nice. I feel like I look younger I can like talk more normally There's so many reasons that composite was just like not working for me, but I went last week and got it all taken off There's still like a little bit left on the surface, but it's kind of just nothing I can do about that for now And it looks fine like the overall like shape of my teeth everything about them like the size is like back to what it was Before so then today I had a follow-up. We just saw if anything like chipped and then

Whiten them very exciting. I feel so much better. I feel like myself again. That was such a long time Literally just not feeling like myself, and I'm so obsessive. I like can't get over things. So I was like, no I'm never gonna be able to let this go. I think I have to just get it taken off That's our first life update. What else our second life update is that I went to Utah like a week or two ago I hung out with Josie

Where is the volume?

This car is so fancy

Guys I'm back with Jolie

Do we need this now or no?

Ever Hi! Do I need this now or no? Best day ever! Or does that look bad? Does it look worse or does it look better? I think it's fine. We're opening up the sunroof.

I think it adds more light.

Back in Utah.

What month did I come here last? For 48 hours. When was that? It was when Macy was here so it would have been, it was the my break. Oh, no, it's so hot. Tell me tuck summer for Josie. We took summer I'm in my compressions follow me on Instagram Plug on her podcast before when does it come back in September September 4 guys? Should I have asked you know, yeah, I was gonna say should I go on again for the third two best friends talking?

They're tied. We would just yeah because I can't I can't deep dive you anymore. I know you already know everything. You know a little too much. How much of your love life are we sharing on the internet nowadays? None. It's not a secret. It's sacred. That's what the church taught me. Oh really? Yeah, like about the temple. They'd be like, it's not a secret. It's just sacred. I'm filming a TikTok translation. This is behind the scenes of me trying to be an influencer. And I just want to go comment. They have to go find yes talk go find this tick tock and go comment Just weekly trash or yeah, the weekly trash to ease comment the matcha emoji. You got much more the coffee one We just went to JJ's coffee JJ coffee in or out the in Utah. It's so good

I got matcha with banana bread syrup and it's really yummy and they both got avocado toast Yeah, I got the latte with almond milk. Let me taste you You guys know I don't like coffee. Do you wanna taste mine?

I don't like matcha.

How?

Okay, let's try.

That is so bad.

That tastes like dirt.

That tastes.

That tastes like grass.

I'm not saying it doesn't. I don't know the word for that, but it's not good. This tastes like coffee or matcha better? Yeah, you should comment a coffee or a matcha Okay, she's doing transition. I saved her nails done and I'm coming with her

Yeah, we're doing a nail transition and I already like practiced it

So I know what I'm doing for the itinerary that you made me and I don't see get along. So we're really type a

Let's see if I got it. Oh Oh

No, it wasn't good enough I need to start over so I need to be more like yeah, okay I'm nervous. I was really good. I'm having an audience like sooner. I have to watch that was good. That was better Yeah, itinerary today is do this. I think we're gonna get ramen for dinner. I'm gonna drop that. I'm gonna try one more Update my app yours looks different. Oh, is this Instagram? No, this is tick-tock. Oh, no tomorrow going to the gym. We're gonna get breakfast. We're running errands. We're getting pedicure I'm excited to hang out with your kids. Are you? They're so crazy. They're so fun. Are you gonna bring like anything? I was gonna say maybe I'll bring these in case I- Freaking talk to me. I have some work or something. Well, if you want to come back in the car you can It's like a little tight in there. Is there a chair? Yeah, there's two

I bought her a mirror cuz she didn't have a mirror and I needed to take selfies of my nails

So I literally bought her a mirror

And that is something I would do I bet it's like just let me do this for you. Alright, let's go! We had so much fun. I was not in Utah for very long, but I went and did that what else I'm like Looking at my calendar to see like what I have been doing because the weeks just keep going by so quickly I feel like we are wrapping up the end of summer It went by so quick, but I do want to say thank you to better help for sponsoring today's video I've done therapy on and off for the last few years I feel like therapy is so helpful to literally so many people for so many different reasons. I've been traveling a ton this summer. I've been out doing like a million fun things

I've been spending time with friends. I've been on so many fun trips I've had like a really fun summer, but there's still so much that goes on in my life That is hard like so many hard things that I deal with I've had so much anxiety this summer I feel like for like a long time. I would definitely say I've had some summer blues That is why I love therapy, specifically all-mind therapy. That's like the only kind that I really have ever done and it's my favorite because it's so easy to keep up with. BetterHelp is a great option

if you were looking for somewhere to start. Therapy can be helpful for everybody too. You don't need to like be at rock bottom to be starting therapy. It can be so nice to be able to have an unbiased space to be able to talk things through

and just navigate through And have a therapist help you be able to understand your feelings like one of the biggest things that always like comes up when I'm In therapy or just in my life is processing that two things can be true at the same time Especially just with like getting divorced It's like you feel so good and happy to be divorced But at the same time you're grieving so much of like what you lost like I don't know It's just so much so it's really helpful to have someone process through those feelings and like help make sense of those feelings and when I do therapy I like to have a weekly session just because I love structure and it just helps you keep on track no matter what this season

Is looking like for you therapy fits into whatever kind of summer that you're having getting started through better help It's also super easy You just go on their website a little questionnaire Then you get matched with a licensed therapist in as little as a It's flexible It's easy to make the time when you can do it online do it from anywhere have over 7,000 reviews I've worked with better help many times and they always give me a code for you guys So you can use code Aspen and that will give you guys a 10% off of your first month where you can go to a better

Help HELP.com slash Aspen. I'm also gonna have that linked down below for today I wanted to do questions that I usually avoid. I love like a Q&A yap sesh as you guys know So I filmed part of this and then I realized I didn't even answer all of the questions that I had screenshot it So we'll do the first questions right here. Okay guys now we're gonna do one of my favorite videos that I realized I haven't done in quite a while. I think I did it It's been like almost a year answering questions that I typically avoid

These are always just so fun first question. How do you avoid still hooking up with your ex? I think in general the answer to this is to find someone else. I don't want to encourage like useless Meaningless hookups or anything. I feel like that's just one of the best ways Like if we're being honest to get over one you must get under another I don't know what I don't know How about so like expand on that? I feel like that's just my answer like you never want to rush you always want to take your time to be healing and doing

Whatever you need to do, but that just helps like we can't deny that it helps this one I don't know about this one. I know you're into girls now, but describe your dream man Qualities that you wished for oh my, dream man. I don't- I don't know if I like have one of those. I don't know what you can really picture. Obviously men and women can have like the same qualities. So it's like dream person,

but I'm trying to think of what would like differentiate someone from being like a dream man versus a dream woman. But like being dependable is very important to me and just dependable, but you have to like be proactive and productive as like a human. I don't want to have to be in charge of everything that's going on or assigning things to someone

or saying like, have you seen how this thing is like broken and needs to be fixed? Like, did you, did you not see it? I need to tell you to fix it. Having like goals in life. Somebody commented something the other day, I'm trying to think of what they said.

It was like a very helpful way to phrase something that I'm trying to say. It was like, it's not just about having a shared vision, like for your life. It's easy to have the same idea for like what your dream life would look like with someone,

but having also a shared vision in the drive for like how to get there. Does that make sense? My bar is literally so low. I'm like just someone who's like an equal partner to me in some way. Like it can be anybody. I can't think of a dream man. I don't know. I never wanted to come off like my sexuality had anything to do with the reason why I got divorced because truly it did not. But now just having the freedom to explore that and discovering that that in general like about myself makes it hard for me to think about going back to like just being with a man

because it's just something that I can't picture for myself. Like I genuinely just can't, like I don't see that for myself. I don't know how else to answer this. Like, I don't know. It would take so much for me to exclusively date only a man.

Like I don't see that for myself in my life Um, someone said why weren't you in the video Avery made of people reacting to her moving to New York? Um, I was supposed to be I was supposed to be in the video I think I'm trying to remember we like had plans to hang out I think last minute I ended up having to like change the plan and cancel and so then she just told me over text and Then I like called her immediately after so there wasn't a video of it, but if you haven't seen that, my sister did move to New York, which is so fun. If I could go back in time and still have my same kids,

but like live my life over, I would definitely do, period, in New York. Like that sounds like the coolest thing ever. Can you elaborate on being sad about the divorce? Is it that you miss him or miss the idea etc. This is something I feel like sometimes I'll talk about a little bit Like maybe I'll post like a sad tik tok or something like do a trend that's like a sad trend

But I don't talk in depth about being sad about it I feel like for a while I kind of thought that I wasn't grieving my actual divorce. There is like so much This is where it like feels so lonely and i'm like I know other people, if I talked about all of my feelings, there are people out there who relate and find it helpful, but it's also just so difficult when I did share my relationship online,

because it just painted a picture that, looking back now, doesn't feel like it was accurate. At the time, I didn't feel like I wasn't being genuine. Obviously, I shared the highlights of my life. Like, I'm not gonna get on here and be like, oh yeah, we were like fighting today. Like, I'm never gonna-

no matter what type of relationship ever that I have, I would never do that. So hard. It's like harder to talk about because my relationship was public. And so then it's like, I talk about it and people are like, well, I thought this and this. grieving a relationship that I was in for my late teenage years and almost all

of my 20s like to feel you almost don't realize how heartbroken you feel and what you went through until you experience a new relationship that is better suited for you I think is a good way to explain it and I think it's something that for a while I feel like I was just kind of numb to everything and it was definitely like a slow burn for my divorce. As I've said, it wasn't like, oh, there's one moment where I'm like,

oh my gosh, I'm done. It's years of like your heart breaking slowly over time from like a lot of different little moments and little things. And for a while, I kind of just feel like I didn't really process that fully. And then I think it's once you move on to a new relationship that it becomes more clear what you missed out on essentially or like how things should have been. When you find someone that's better suited for you it makes reflecting on

those years before so much more painful because you're like oh my god I could have had this that whole time and I didn't. Like it makes it hurt so much worse even though you're in like a better place with a new person, it just doesn't take away that pain of realizing what you should have had, I guess. So it's not like missing the person,

it's just being so devastated for my younger self that she just like had no idea what her life like should have been like or what our relationship should have been like. As we know, I married the first person that I ever dated so it's like you just don't have anything really to like compare anything to and you just don't quite know when there's a disconnect like there is in my experience

but like I just said it's just hard to talk about because it didn't come off that way and I didn't quite realize it was that way until I'm out and can like look back and so then you talk about it and people don't understand you and so then it's like well I'm just not gonna talk about it because you don't even get what I'm saying. Actually that kind of ties into this next one which says what was so traumatic about your divorce? It's kind of like the same answer but it's like getting older and realizing what the relationship was like and what I could have had

if things had been different or if maybe I had been with like a different person. You just like cry for your younger self because it hurts so bad to think of everything that you've been through. And I really feel like I had kind of exhausted

all the resources that I had with trying to like stay in the marriage. People ask like, oh, did you talk about things or did you like try therapy or all these things? And genuinely I look back and I'm like, I did everything that I could like really, really,

really don't look back with any regret in terms of like how I handled trying to make it better. Yeah, I think that, I don't know. I'm curious to like hear other people talk about this, too Maybe like if anybody in the comments has been divorced and then like is in a different relationship Like does that heal you at the same time as hurt you in the sense of like making you reflect back more on your previous Relationship and just like realize how not good it was for you

But then in the same time anyone is like so good that you're just like healing so much It's like so many different emotions. Like it's just the craziest like experience, I think. I don't know, but I feel like no one like talks. I don't hear people say that. So I'm like, am I alone in this? Like, I don't know.

How do you manage jealousy towards your friends in healthy and happy marriages? I feel like this definitely had so much personal growth and Learned so much in the last year like so much that I just wouldn't have like thought After the relationship experience that I had I couldn't understand why anyone ever would be married or why anybody I knew not every relationship Was like mine, but I feel like until you have a new experience. That's like a good experience You kind of just assume every other relationship is like not as bad as yours,

but like that they just can't be that good, especially with a man. Like this is so dramatic and it's not a mature way to think. But I mean, a year ago, I genuinely like couldn't understand like being happy for any of my friends who were married or in relationships because I was like, there's no way that like you are actually fulfilled by that because I hadn't experienced that like I

Didn't know what that was like. So I just couldn't perceive it as like being a real thing. These are like my deep thoughts Oh, I don't know I need the divorce girlies to like rise up in the comments because this is just like such a lonely feeling but now I feel Like I can understand that relationships can be fulfilling and you can feel taken care of and you can feel like you can depend on someone or

Just feel like seen by someone or heard by your partner feel like a connection to your partner Like I just couldn't perceive it before because I hadn't experienced those things. Anyways managing jealousy towards them I feel like that's gotten easier I wasn't really like jealous before because I was like, why are you doing that to yourself? Like why are you married to this man? Even if I thought their husbands were great? I don't know but now it's like almost gotten easier in a way because I'm like, oh I get it

Like I get why you're in this relationship because it is fulfilling to you That was the last one I screenshot it. So let me see if there are any more trying to find like juicy ones and I avoid but I'm answering some that I typically would like not pick or answering with thoughts that I feel like I don't always Want to share like I said because it just feels like no one relates. Do you think it's possible? You're late in life lesbian and not actually bisexual One as I've said, I don't label my sexuality too. I don't really consider myself to be like late in life I had only ever been in one relationship and I feel old all the time but I also feel young

like I'm very young. Could be younger, used to be younger. You guys have been here since I was younger. It's actually my 15 year YouTube anniversary this month which is really crazy. Thanks guys for being here for 15 years. I feel like so many of you who watch and comment have been watching for literally forever so comment down below and tell me how long you've been watching if you remember I feel like sometimes people have like a specific memory where they're like I Started watching you from like this video and I'm always like oh my gosh I remember that like I love that you guys remember When you started watching because it was like an honor or something for someone to like remember that but I just really so many of you

Have been here for a really long time. So love you all I couldn't be doing this without you What's these? These are my makeup. Can I do it? Here, just a little. Tarte palette link down below. One more.

So beautiful.

I wanna see how you're pretty. I just want one. Some up there.

I'll do it. Okay, you can do it right here. I think the answer to that is no. I definitely lean that way now that I have had like experiences with that. Like, I like that more. 90%.

90... 95%. People ask about my southern Utah house. I feel like I avoid that sometimes but I don't know why. I still have it. I haven't been down there in a while but I do still have that and it still gets used

You put on a bit more oh

Screenshot it some other juicy ones and then I couldn't find them and I don't know how I missed them first one I feel like I get asked this a lot. Do you still let your ex-husband sleep over typically? He will sleep over if it's like a holiday or something We usually do like holidays together maybe on a random day if there's like a reason so it's not just for fun Okay, next one is not one that I avoid cuz I haven't been asked this I don't think but I just wanted to answer it Oh my gosh guys my teeth. Ow my teeth hurt so bad from getting them whitened I'm supposed to do like four trays of the whitening stuff and after three I was like I think I need to be done and now I'm getting random pangs of

Like pain anyways says my ex is reaching out for closure. Should I give this or keep silent slash protect my peace? I don't know if I've actually thought about what my answer would be for this because I feel like when someone needs closure It is helpful to give it to them because if you think about if you needed it and somebody was just like refusing It's like no, but that could help me so much I feel like it gets hard when if you were trying to like reason with someone or really like explain yourself to someone and they just weren't getting you and you weren't gonna see eye to eye I feel like it kind of depends on how you go about giving

the closure if they're really wanting you to like basically be on their side with like what happened I feel like obviously that probably doesn't make sense but I do feel like there are ways where you can do both where you make them feel heard While still keeping your boundaries like keeping your peace at the same time I feel like you can do both probably depends on the situation the person if they're like actually being crazy I don't know. I think it's worth it to at least try just so you don't have like a conscience of Feeling bad maybe that you could have like helped someone be able to move on

But I really feel like it depends on the severity of like what they're reaching out for If they send you like a novel of a text and then you respond and you're like I hear you I understand I'm sorry you felt this way wish you the best blah blah blah like that itself is like closure You know, it doesn't have to be like meeting every point that they have pointed out. Okay next one Do you feel like there was a learning curve to being with a woman romantically. I mean slightly maybe because you're like kind of doing different things but nothing about it ever felt weird or uncomfortable or awkward or hard in any way. It was just like so natural to me even though it was

something a little bit different. So I feel like the answer is kind of yes but like not in any type of negative way. And I do feel like I've been lucky with my experiences. I haven't had like any bad experiences. That definitely helps. I any type of negative way and I do feel like I've been lucky with my experiences I haven't had like any bad experiences that definitely helps I don't know I mean I guess because I think about like where I started versus like where I am now and I'm like oh I've definitely like learned so much but I think when you

have a partner that is like a good partner for you it makes you feel like so comfortable when you are experiencing that learning curve it doesn't feel like you're experiencing a learning curve it just feels like good and natural and it would be like anybody. It'd be like having any new partner I guess it's not something that I look back on and I'm like, oh my gosh, like I had so much to learn I don't know though. Is it? Because I look back and I'm like, let have like such a good experience. It doesn't feel like a learning curve. It just feels good What has been the hardest part of being a single mom?

Hardest part I think I feel like one of the hardest parts for me is like the logistical things the other day I took the girls out on a walk and then on the way back they were like Oh, we want to stop at the park and so we stopped at the park and because I was only intending to go on a walk I didn't bring shoes because we were just in the stroller. And then they wanted to play at the park and it's like on the beach and so a lot of kids like California kids just don't wear shoes a lot of the time when they like go to the park So whatever that was fine. And then one of the girls was like, oh I need to go to the bathroom

And I'm like you don't have shoes It would just would have been so nice if there was another parent there to like carry the one kid to the bathroom Help them go to the bathroom cuz I have no shoes on the other ones can stay but we just we were at the park For like two minutes and then we immediately I was like we have to go like there's no choice But to leave because you have to go to the bathroom and I don't know what to do Like there's nobody else here to help with that So I feel like it's laying down in my own bed I'm like, I have to go clean up downstairs. Like there's just no it's like logistical things like that

I think obviously there's like so much of like the emotional side of it, but my mental load is still very similar We still do things like holidays together if I'm ever not with my girls, I typically am like traveling somewhere I'm very lucky to have like a flexible schedule. A lot of people obviously would say that like the hardest part about being a single parent would be like the time that you're not with your kids and of course that time is hard but I always really try to fill that time with like other things. Like if I'm ever traveling or if I'm out with friends like just doing anything, it's on my time that like I don't have my kids. So I'm very lucky that I'm able to like move things around a lot because obviously things with like the job that I do like

Things kind of pop up randomly and it's not always on a set schedule It's kind of rare for me to be at my house alone and I like don't have my kids that was actually why I ended up going to Utah to see Josie because it was the first time in a really really really long Time that I was home when I like didn't have my girls and I literally was just like I don't I don't even know what to do with Myself like if I don't have them I have to be doing something or it's too sad So that part for sure is hard

But I'm very lucky to have like the opportunity and the resources to be able to be like, okay I'm gonna just go to Utah for like two days So, of course that part a little bit easier. And the other stuff of just like parenting on your own, it just kind of felt like it just doesn't feel that different to me. It's not like you have like a great connection with someone and then you randomly like lose it. It's like that wasn't there and so then your life looks different, but you didn't have that anyways.

Next, best and worst part of living alone. Um, best part is nobody else's Stuff is in my house making a mess. I get my closet out to myself. I'm trying to think of a worse part I really enjoy like not having a partner in my home Who knows if I would be like that forever? but the thought of like someone else moving stuff like someone moving in and moving stuff into my house i'm like There is literally no room. I have everything you need. I don't know I think i've just really enjoyed having my own space and at the time right now currently

I don't have any complaints about living alone The worst part would maybe be like the random little tasks that I didn't take care of before like the if like a smoke like this Morning my smoke detector battery was beeping. So I just like swapped it out I wasn't in charge of stuff like that before but that stuff is like so rare that it's like not that big of a deal So how many complaints about living alone last one have you hooked up with a man since your divorce? One mm-hmm. I'll just leave it at that. Just leave it right there One mm-hmm. I'll just leave it at that. Just leave it right there

I think that's gonna be it because I feel like this video is full of me yapping and answering questions