big updates... I'm starting over (& why I decided to sell...)

This is a single or a double.

Appears to be a one and a half.

We got some big stuff to discuss.Lots of things.But we're having egg salad and then we're gonna dive in.This is pretty good.I've also just received a nine minute voice note from Allie.So I'm diving in while I eat my breakfast.

All right guys, it is time to discuss some big things, big choices, big decisions.big moves, big.I sold my house and it was made official, official, at like 11 .30 p .m.last night and I saw the email and I was just like, relief.Pure like exhale vibes.

I sold my house.And we sold my grandfather's house.This was not an easy decision by any means, and it was one that I have been thinking about for many, many months, obviously.When I first decided to make the move downtown, which I think is the best choice I've made in a very long time, I thought that I would rent my house out.I just figured that would be the move.But the more that I thought about that, the more I was like, you know what, let's just see what happens.

Let me see how I like living downtown, how things kind of shake out and just see how I feel and then make the decision when I'm ready.With that being said, I don't think I will ever be 100 % ready for any big decision.Like I think I will always have a little hesitation, a little attachment to the past and I have a hard time like just ripping the band -aid.But with that being said, sometimes you just have to rip the band -aid.Like I can't sit in uncertainty forever.So with being here for five months, having that time, I've had more time to think about all the options.

And like two and a half weeks before we left for Italy, I was like, I was at 90 % sure that I should sell my house.And that's because I had a hundred percent certainty that I would never move back there.The 10 % of uncertainty with selling is that I like getting to go back there.And I like, I just love the house.I love the house so much.My family and I had so much fun renovating it.

And obviously I lived there for four or five years, four years, four years.I had a lot of beautiful memories there.And I just, I love the house and it's what I knew of my Toronto life, you know?So that part of it doesn't change.Like, I love that house.I think it's a beautiful home.

I love so much about it.If I could have plopped it downtown or closer to downtown, I would do that in a heartbeat.But I also knewi lived there that it was not my forever home like i always always knew that even when i first bought it i was kind of like this is very much like my solo chapter right now, it never fit the image I had in my head of like me with a family.So I always knew that like, it wasn't forever.Also, I'm gonna like go into all the details here.

Like truly, we're sitting down, so grab a snack because I'm gonna go over everything.All my thoughts, all the things, how we got here, everything.I'm not just gonna summarize this in like one sentence.If you know me, you know I love to sit down and like go through the whole thing and I've done that for so long, so.Here we are.So two and a half weeks before Italy, we met with a real estate agent to discuss what it would look like selling, how much he thinks it could sell for, as well as my grandfather's house.

But we'll talk about that after we talk about mine.Obviously, I could have still stuck to the renting plan, but renters laws in Ontario and just the thought of having to like find renters that I felt comfortable in my home, you know, like I got attachments to that place.I don't want random people in there.Like I just, I had a hard time separating my attachment and like my life there.from like an investment property.And also in the grand scheme of it all, like I would be paying a property manager to, you know, manage it.

What I would end up getting, it just didn't really make sense for me. I would rather just clean slate it, sell it, take the money, invest it versus getting, you know, a little bit every month from renters.That just feels like more hassle than just wiping the slate clean.selling it you know.I feel like especially right now the market is so uncertain that there is more value in just taking the cash from it and investing in ways that can provide me an income versus just holding a property that I'm not living in for the sake of like my old attachment to it you know.Anyways it all happened really fast after we met with the real estate agent like within the week both houses were on the market and I didn't want to talk about it like the moment that I saw itchoice because I mean, there's so many reasons.

Safety reasons.I knew that the moment I listed it, no matter what, people were going to find it.And that in itself is very uncomfortable to me.Literally within hours of it getting listed, I got comments on my socials being like, you have things to tell us, girlfriend.We see it listed.And I just, it makes me feel very exposed and very vulnerable.

And you know, I don't want to bring more attention to my house being in the market and having the address out there and knowing that like people, if they wanted to, could go look at it like that makes me very very uncomfortable like that was my home and it just doesn't feel very good it feels really icky in my body the thought that somebody could like and go tour it just for the sake of like knowing I lived there, you know?And some people might say I'm being dramatic for that, but the amount of messages I got about it being listed before I talked about it right now, there are a lot of creepy, really weird people in the world.There's a lot of people that have very, very serious parasocial relationships with people online.And for my own comfortability, for my own safety, I just felt like, you know, let's talk about it once it's a done deal.I think that makes all the sense in the world.Me selling my house, very simple to understand.

It makes all the sense of the world.I don't want to move back there.And that is not because of the house.It's purely the neighborhood.Like I actually kind of find it crazy.The amount of people that think this move was crazy because people move all the time within the same cities and new neighborhoods that are better suited for them at different points in their life.

And me moving downtown made all the sense of the world to me at this point in my life.And literally everyone in my life doesn't understand why I didn't do it sooner.Like people would ask me all the time why I lived so far away.I feel like when I made this move, I saw so many comments being like, it's only 20 minutes.Like, it's not, it's not.And even if it was, even if it was like a quick 15 minutes,

drive, I don't want to do the drive.And I don't have to do the drive.I want to live in a walkable part of the city where everything's around.I think it just makes so much sense.And I'm, that's, this is the last time that I'm going to even attempt to explain it because people, don't want to understand me and that's okay.Looking back when I bought that house, I bought it in a time that I like did not know the city.

I didn't know anyone in the city for the most part.Like I didn't have a life here.So the logical choice was to move into a place close to my family because the world was shut down at the time.Like it was so different.And now that I know the city a lot better and I have a much fuller life, I know that I will be able to make a move down the road.that is like just well thought out and like well understood.

And I will have a better understanding of my life here.I had no understanding of what my life looked like in Toronto when I bought that house.And it was the right thing at the time.It made all the sense.And now this makes all the sense to me.At the end of the day, my decisions just need to feel comfortable and good to me for me to make them.

You know, I don't need to make choices that are gonna make other people feel uncomfortable.good.I don't know.At the end of the day like we have one life and we have to live it for ourselves and do what we think is best and follow our intuition and our gut and hope that our choices work out the way that we hope they will.And this one is...

more than I could have hoped for.And I'm really glad that I did it.Now, for my grandfather's house.I feel like this one, this one was a little bit more complicated to me because it was a really awesome opportunity to build a brand new home in a place that meant something to my family.Now, with me saying that, I need to clarify that it meant something to me to be able to start something new in the place that my dad grew up.But to my dad, he did not have the childhood that I had.

And that home holds not the best memories for him.So I loved the idea.of clean slating it and getting to build something with him and my mom to create a new fresh beginning in a place that was hard for him.I had an attachment to that dream.He didn't give a fuck.He really didn't.

His only desire was to help his kids, my brother and I. So the property was either gonna get gifted to us if we sold it, and my brother and I would be splitting the income from the sale, or I was going to... inherit the property and then pay out my brother his share so that it was fair, obviously.There was no world I was just gonna get gifted the property and then my brother gets nothing, you know, like that was not gonna happen.So at the time, I thought this, you know, I've only lived in this area of the city.My grandfather's house is in the same area that my townhouse is.And so when I was in a relationship, I had a path that led me to, you know, one day moving into a bigger home and maybe starting a family and all these things, like that was the path.that I was on.

Then that relationship ended and I was no longer on that path, obviously, and it gave me an opportunity to take a step back, see what I wanted my own journey, my individual journey to look like now, without the thought of being in a relationship or a family.I mean, I hope to have those things one day, I really do, but I am not certain of them and I don't want to build a life for something that doesn't exist right now.You know, I want to build my life for what does exist and right now I'm independent and I love being around people and things and I love having access to everything five minutes away.So the thought of building a family -sized home in a family residential area just doesn't feel good.It feels like anxiety to me and I don't want to feel that for a really awesome project and opportunity that would be really great if I was in a different stage of life, you know?And I don't really want to do that on my own.

I don't want to build my dream home alone and then expect somebody to move into it.Obviously I think likewhat a gift.If somebody had their dream home and was like, you can move in here, that'd be awesome.But for me, I wanna be able to, if I meet somebody and I have a partner, I wanna be able to make choices for our future together.And I think designing a home is a really big deal and not one that I would wanna do on my own.

Like I might buy again one day on my own, But I think building a family home feels crazy to do as a 31 -year -old single girl.It just felt not good.I also don't know if that's where I want to be.I don't know if I want to live in that neighborhood again.Maybe I will, but maybe in 10 years.And I don't want to make a choice now that sets me up to have to decide in a year and a half to move back there or stay here or rent it or sell it.

I just want a clean slate to live in the present and see where life takes me. that is like all I really want.I feel like since 2020, since the world shut down, I've lived in a state of constant pause, fast forward, back up, rewind, pause again, and then jump ahead, and then just so much that I feel like I have not been on a straight, clear path that like was open.I feel like I've always had ties to certain things.Like my LA house, I had ties to that once I moved back here that I had to deal with, and I couldn't, give that up yet, so then I got another apartment, which I then again had to deal with, and then I moved back here, and then I had a relationship, and then I had another relationship, and there's just always been ties elsewhere.And all I want is a clean slate to see where my life can go.And now this battery's dying, so one second.

Okay, we're back.Obviously, I recognize the privilege in what I'm saying, that I have the option to just like clean slate it.and start over and see what happens.I know that not a lot of people have those choices, but because I do, I don't want to take it for granted and I want to have the options.I want to see where life can take me and what can unfold and just, I don't know, be, like be present.for fucking once.

I'm in a very unique position in life where I can do anything with my life.It's a crazy feeling and I want to soak that up.And right now I feel the most grounded in where I'm at.I feel like this, like my path is finally back on track.Like I'm finally exactly where I'm supposed to be.I don't know, I feel like I'm picking up where I left off when the world shut down in 2020.

I don't know how else to explain it, but I feel like I'm finally, like the puzzle piece has clicked back in and I'm, it's right.I don't, I don't know.And I think this is going to sound so silly.Getting my Ed chair was like a full circle moment in the way that like picking back up, I'm taking things that like I loved and like had a lot of meaning to me, as silly as they are, like it's a fucking chair.And I'm like restarting where I'm supposed to be.I don't, I don't know.

So ultimately, We decided to sell both homes, clean slate, all the money from the properties I'm investing in a way that is continuing to set me up for my future and that feels really good.I see more value in that right now than being a homeowner.I think having the perspective of buying a home at a pretty young age has brought perspective into my life.I think There's such a checklist that we're supposed to have in our lives of like, you know, we graduate, we get the job, we buy a house, we find the guy, we get married, we have a baby.The checklist is so stupid.Obviously, it's good to have goals but I think there are so many things that we are constantly striving for that we never take a moment to pause and Appreciate where we are.

I think most of us are always looking for what's next like what can we do?What can we check off and you don't really take a moment to look back at everything you've accomplished like my life right now is Beyond what I could have ever dreamed of and it would be so easy for me to be like, okay Well now I need to get in a relationship againI have to get married.I have to like stick to the timeline instead of just appreciating everything that I've done to land me here.And I feel so much peace right now.And all I want to do is take that in for as long as I can.

And I think moving forward here is the best thing I can do for myself right now.I just feel so much peace in this decision, so much relief in finally making it.And that is where we're at.It feels really good going into summer and just all of the good to come this year.Some big moves over here.I think next week I'm gonna go over to the house and get some of the things that I wanted to bring here, but was waiting because we wanted to like keep it staged, such as some paintings and whatnot.

But we have cleared out most of it.So right before Italy, I had a crazy week where like I had social plans every single night and then most days we were at the house emptying it.So most of the hard work is done.The furniture that's left there that didn't fit in here is all going into a storage unit until one day I am somewhere in a bigger space.And until then, I am moving forward with my life exactly where I am, and I could not be happier.And that is your very long -winded explanation as to why we decided to sell both.

And now I'm here.It is noon, and I'm just working this afternoon.Like, there's really nothing exciting to share except for, I mean, That was pretty exciting.But the rest of the day, not exciting at all.I am getting my nails done because they are extremely grown out and way too long.So I'm really excited, but that's in four and a half hours.

Until then, I'm just gonna be continuing to edit the Italy vlog.And that's what's going on.I'll keep you updated on the day, but you've gotten the gist of today's vlog, I think.The person that changes into comfy clothes as soon as I get home, like literally immediately brought off, sweatshirt on.Kept my jeans on because they are comfy, but.

Nails are done.I went back to red.I figured the sun is out and the red nails are on.I almost went for a brighter red.

This is Big Apple Red, I think, from OPI.I almost did a brighter one, but I was like, it's not July.I don't know why my brain works like this, where like bright red is just midsummer.This is still bright, but it's not as bright as it was going to be.

I think they're perfect.

Also just feels so good to have fresh nails that like aren't so long.They were so long.It is now six o 'clock.I'm gonna get back to work for the next hour and then make something for dinner.Call it a day.It's probably a bath night for me, honestly.

A nice bath, my book.I'm actually really into my book at the moment.And so reading the bath with like a whole vibe.Like I want to set up the lights and like make it, you know, perfect peak.Not yet.I've got a couple more things to do before I can do that.

Okay, these two things definitely are not meant to go together.We have crispy chicken, we have Mexican cauliflower rice, and then I threw some spinach in there.These two things are not meant to be together, but I didn't feel like thinking any further about dinner.So this is what we got with a side of raspberry rose poppy.I did no reading in the bath.Honestly, I was doing some work stuff on my phone, so it was fine.

I was doing a little bit of that, a little bit of TikTok.And now it's reading time, because I actually do want to read.So once we wrap up the vlog here, I will be reading until I fall asleep.But the last video that I saw on TikTok before I got out of the bath was from this woman who makes great videos.I love her, Candice Barnes.She makes the most inspirational videos.

She's 65, and she has such great perspective.You know being 65 and the one that I saw my feed today was about not ever being ready to make big choices here I'll just play a little bit of it for you guys.

So Because ready isn't a feeling it's a decision and that hit differently my beloved because most of us are standing at the edge of Everything we've ever wanted waiting to feel brave enough sure enough calm enough It shows up with a racing heart, a shaky voice, and this goes wrong, playing on repeat.And still, it asks you to move.We tell ourselves, I'll start when I'm ready.I'll leave when I'm ready.I'll speak up when I'm ready.But what if ready never comes?

I just, I love her.I love her.I love her insight.I love her energy.And I thought that was really fitting watching that today, you know, talking about how I don't think I'm ever really ready to make the big choices that I do, but somehow I end up doing them.Somehow I end up ripping the Band -Aid and moving forward and i'm so thankful i'm so thankful and this goes for like so many things in my life that have gotten me to this point here even going as far back to like finishing high school and then like you know going to school here and then deciding this was not right and deciding to quit school even though that was like very much not socially acceptable especially in 2013, 2014, and then deciding to move all the way to LA by myself, start a new life for myself, build that life, and then deciding to leave it, and build a new life here, and getting into a relationship, and deciding to leave it, even though that's hard as fuck.

Looking back, I've always chosen the unconventional move, and I'm so glad.I think it's really cool also that I get to share my life and share the unconventional things that I do to show other people that you don't always have to follow the timeline.You don't have to be on track.Like what does that even mean?I'm going from homeowner to a renter again.That is like the opposite of track.

And I know a lot of people say that I'm regressing because of these choices that seem backwards.But like, I feel like I'm moving forward and like becoming the most authentic, true, happy version of myself.And that's really all that matters, right?Like who the fuck cares about what's supposed to be?the step -by -step, or what end, you know?Like, okay, so I knock all these things off my list, then what?

So I don't think you have to follow any timeline, any step -by -step, because everyone's life is so different.Everyone's endgame.is so different.And at the end of the day, we got no control over our end game.Like we really don't know what's going to happen in our lives.We can have a plan, but who the hell knows.

Every day is a new day.I'm just really glad.And I'm really glad to have this closed.So today kind of feels like the start, like the true start of moving forward in one direction.You know, having, I had the deal officially firm up at like 1130 last night.Waking up today, I'm like, this is where I am basing myself now.

Like this is my home.I have sold my house and this is where I live.This is where I am planting myself and growing.And I'm gonna experience so many things here.And I don't know how long I'll be here for.It could be another year.

It could be two years.It could be three years.Who the hell knows?I don't even care.I am here.and I will see what's to come.

I think we're just gonna wrap up the vlog here so I can dive into my book.Thank you guys endlessly for being a part of this journey.The ups, the downs, the in -betweens.I know I say that all the time, but like, I'm just really grateful.So, thank you, I love you, and I will see you in the next one.Bye.