DIS1KS4, DIP3RK*OS DAN DIC-BULI SEJAK 5 TAHUN OLEH KELUARGA “TIAP MALEM AKU TAKUT, CUMA BISA PASRAH”

but Batak tribe oh Batak, but born in? Rio this is an extraordinary story I saw in Viti's video on your Instagram

at first I saw it, told about this story you guys see it first

in this house there are a lot of stories that are very similar that regret as a child I even still remember everything here well, I often sleep I'm sorry for my son I still remember everything I often sleep here and my bones do it

This is my room My grandfather knocked on this door I locked it with a hammer Because this is a board, it has a little gap It's scary to open it like this Every night I'm afraid If I hear this, I'm afraid to open it like this. Every night I'm afraid to hear this sound.

And I can only open it when I'm in the bathroom. Because he's sick. He sleeps in his room. This is where I take a shower. This is the bathroom. Where I take a here every day. There was a hole here.

I cover it with something. I'm confused how to avoid it. Sometimes I come here. I come here, but I can pee here too.

That's how smart she is. So this story started when you were as one of these That's a glimpse of the VT So this story started at the age of 5 years old

Correct

Correct? Before we continue, I want to ask What does the meaning of the clothes, the victim is not a water?

The victim is not a water? This is inspired by many DMs and comments where when I uploaded my story, it turned out, I saw many victims like me, but they closed their mouths to not be known by people, even their husbands, even though they spoke up, told their parents, it was their parents who were the ones who said, like, they said,

enough, so that the other family members wouldn't know.

But in your opinion, if I read the words, victims are not victims, it actually means, you are not wrong, right? Why do you have to be silent, why do you have to be afraid, right? Right. In other wrong, right? Why do you have to be afraid?

Right.

Why do you have to be covered?

While you're going through a phase, I read from the age of 5 years old,

I can't read it.

Is that true?

Right.

Tell us, so we can all hear it.

So when I was 5 years old, I was still living with my parents. So my mom and dad were busy with their own activities. So this dad... I'm sorry, I'm a bit emotional. This dad... I'm sorry, I'm a bit emotional. This father, maybe his past was really bad. He was still...

I haven't confirmed it yet, but that's what I heard. That he was gambling, he was... gambling, he rarely went home, and...

was drunk. So, the one who was always busy, rarely go home, and I was always drunk. So, the one who was busy working was my mother.

Okay, so your mother was looking for a job?

Yes.

She was wasting money?

Yes, maybe. But maybe there was also a profit. Indeed, because we were not that close, I did not confirm what I remember and what I hear

you lived with them at first

your parents

until I was 6 years old

6 years old

but not close to your father, right?

father

not close to your father?

no

not close

until now

until now

yes

until now he doesn't know this story?

After I uploaded it, he knew.

Okay.

Well, because of that, where did you go?

So, after the... I'm speaking in Bulgarian. After the recording at the age of 5 years, I will detail how it happened.

Go ahead.

Every day my mother... Do you know what a brundulan is?

What is brundulan?

It's a way of saying a palm tree.

Okay, a palm tree.

So, she took the brundulan. So, every day she he gave me a message that he would take a shower in the afternoon. Well, in the afternoon, the children were free to do what they wanted and were not educated to close the door and so on. While our bathroom is outside. Outside with plastic. The black plastic. In that corner,

there is a hole and I see the eyes. The eyes of someone who maybe we used to joke or be friends. Because I asked him with enjoy What are you doing there?

How old are you? 5 years

What do you see?

As far as I remember, maybe 24-28 years. But do you know? Neighbor Oh you know this is your neighbor? Yes, it's true. But you just relax? Relax. Oh you are 5 years old. Yes. I don't know peeping is wrong. I just know he's peeping. Then I ask what are you doing there? Oh, it's okay. The thump is indeed a loss. But in the end he approached.

Approach me and I asked again, what are you doing? And it got closer. What are you doing? I started to get scared. And my memory just stopped there. The memory was cut off. Then I remembered that I fell down. I was on wet wood.

The floor was made of wood wet after that I don't remember what he did my memory brings me to I was already in the bus ambulance

in the ambulance I stopped in the hospital crying mom, it hurts I said that yes, you're sick. I said, Yes, I am. Wait a minute.

We're going to the doctor.

Then,

after that,

that's all I remember.

Okay.

I don't know what... Sometimes I feel like all my memories about all of this it's like a hallucination because I confirm it a little bit doubtful

you hope it's a dream too?

yes, that's right

and that must bring you back to emotional, sorry

yes, it's okay

because I want to see how you get through this. It's amazing, right? And you can share it. But on average, what the victims experience is a very hard blow. And the more it is told, the more people know, the more uncomfortable it is for them. But sometimes, stories like this also relaxes the soul.

Because in the end, we can be open and open to everything.

That's right. And even if we cry, it doesn't mean we're hurt. It's just that we just want to cry.

Yes, and we want to be heard.

Yes. When we feel heard, we sometimes feel like, if someone was listening to me. It was like I was back to my childhood. Wow, someone was listening to me. So I felt like the kids wanted to hear my voice.

Someone cared about me. Because at that time, it seemed like no one cared about that little human.

Why did you feel like no one cared at that time?

Everyone was busy. Everyone was busy with their own activities. If I wanted to be rushed, I would go straight back to the time when we lived with my grandmother. Because a year later,

my parents separated.

After the incident?

Yes.

We hadn't had the chance to be treated, hadn't had the chance to admit that this was a sad incident, but we were already faced with a more bitter reality. After that, I was with my grandparents. My mother never came back. My father was also not there. Because my father left us all,

the four of us, I was the third child my father's parents. My father

went to another city. And you didn't report it to the police?

I did. He was put in jail.

Oh, okay.

After that...

You thought it was over, right?

Yes. You moved to your grandmother's place and move to your grandmother's place. Actually, to remember, I don't know how old I was when my grandfather was bullied. How old I was when my uncle bullied me and how old I was always poked by my uncle. But, I remember it was still very small.

Well, the point is above 5 years.

Yes, because for a year, 1 year, 6 years. Yes, maybe. Because I was 6 years old, it means I was already at my grandfatherundrum. I'm a bratty can order the rumaka Okay, I thought I was a play to long so much. I'll be like, okay I thought I'm gonna talk rumaka get to young come on. I see that if you do it again, then I'm gonna flashback like you So now I'm gonna do the bentuk. Yeah, I'm gonna turn that to a skunk. I'm a master. I'm a kakek Who is this from? My father. So you feel safe, everything is fine, right?

No. What's sad here is that we often get physical and verbal violence. Like a bicycle problem. Like, it's a problem of being lazy. So, the problem is like not washing the dishes, the rope, what is it called? The rope is pulled? Yes, the rope is pulled, the rope is pulled,

the rope is pulled with wood, thrown with sandals or stones, and often kicked out of the house.

Oh, hard, huh?

Yes.

Who is it? Grandmother or grandfather?

If the one who does this kicking out is him, They were evicted from their homes. Oh, they were forced to leave? Yes. Who were they? Grandparents?

The ones who were evicted were usually the grandparents.

Okay.

The grandparents who were evicted were often picked up again. They were evicted and picked up again. So there was a kind of tug of war where we felt it was not worth it, but we were brought back. So there was a tug of war that we felt was not worth it, but we were brought back. What do you mean by we? We, all of us, were brothers.

How many siblings do you have?

Four.

So all four of them were sent there?

Correct.

With you?

Yes.

So you were the first girl?

The second girl, my younger sister.

Oh, so you's two girls and two boys? Correct. Who's the oldest? My brother.

Oh, there's a brother?

Two. Okay. So at first, you were beaten up.

Yes.

Everything was even.

Yes.

Because we have our own obligations. That's bad. I think it's bad for a child of that age.

How bad?

Being beaten up is painful for me. I was 6 or 7 years old. You were being beaten up. Yes, I cried. It happened almost every day. Even though we did wrong,

we did it often. Because there were kids who wanted to play. It was normal. Like when we were late to the field, we were beaten up. And then, I want to play, like being late to the field, I was also beaten.

And then, after that, how come you were beaten by Mr. Kim? I don't understand that.

Actually, there was no beating at all. I was used my fingers.

Oh, you were slapped. It was called a slap. Why? I mean, what was he like in the beginning? He was just beating everyone up. Then one day, what did he do?

Well, I don't remember the exact moment. Which one was it? Which one was it? Was it the violence or the beating?

Oh, you skipped it?

yes, so there are some memories

that I cut out

but do you still remember when you were bullied and all that? yes, I still remember sometimes he replaced two, sometimes he replaced three

his fingers

your grandmother didn't know that?

no, so we have separate rooms I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know. That accident, he slept with his grandmother With my youngest brother That woman While I I sleep alone in one of the rooms And my grandfather In one of the rooms

Which is also different

Oh, he's not with your grandmother?

Yes, no

Because he's sick Just prepared like a warm drink every night

how old was he?

maybe around the age of 60 already sick? already sick, he just walked, he had to take two steps

huff huff huff

like that

then what happened first?

no, I don't remember.

But you remember that he did that to you?

Yes, and I remember that he did that almost every day.

You mean, he did it every day?

Yes, almost every day. And sometimes I didn't dare to talk to him.

What did I do?

I didn't dare to talk. What am I saying? I don't dare to talk. Sometimes, the way I ask for help is I go to my grandmother's room and sleep there at night. But at midnight, she wakes me up to move to the room.

Your grandmother?

My grandmother.

That's not my room. At midnight... You don't tell her? Yes, it's my grandmother. It's not my room. It's midnight. Did you tell her? No, I didn't. Did you tell your sister? No, she's only 2 or 3 years old.

Did you tell your husband?

No, I didn't. Maybe because we don't know. I don't know why I didn't want to talk to her.

So, no one knows? No, no one knows? No one knows. So you want to go back to your room? Yes. Your grandfather came again at night? Midnight.

Midnight. What are you doing? What pleasure did you get? You don't understand, right?

Yes.

And every night you were afraid? Yes. Sometimes it was my grandfather, sometimes it was my uncle. Because sometimes I slept on their sofa in the middle room. So at home, your grandfather, your grandmother and your uncle? Yes.

This is also a perpetrator?

Yes. Not uncle, uncle. Uncle, an uncle, but a relative.

A relative, yes.

A relative is a relative of your father, right?

Yes. Right? Right. He's also a criminal. No.

What about him? He also used his fingers. Huh? I still remember him changing 2 or 3 of his fingers.

You really remember that in your head recording?

I remember. If I have to say, I sometimes want to deny all of those memories.

What was the point?

I can't understand. Maybe they were masturbating or something.

I don't know.

And you don't remember that part?

Yes, I only remember that they were doing that. Every night? Almost every night. Did you fight back at that time?

No. From what I heard, there were some incidents that had the same response. What was it? The response was, the rejection was like, they just did it.

Then,

if it was too long, they pretended to switch their sleeping positions. Actually, they knew the situation, they were scared, but they pretended to switch their positions to the left or right.

They only pretended to be quiet, so that no one would know. Actually, we knew too. A few minutes later, they were connected again. Actually, we also know. Later, a few minutes later, it will be connected again.

So you're like pretending to sleep?

Yes, pretending to sleep. Like, afraid he knows when we wake up.

We mean you, right?

Me and the other victims too. Other victims? Yes, I mean the people who told me. Oh, the ones who told you, right? So you're pretending to sleep and he was doing his job every night. Until when did it all end?

For this Paman Atutulangku, he came just for a project. There was a terminal there, a terminal that was going to be built, and he worked there. After the terminal was finished, he left.

What was his job? I don't know. want to be built and he works there after the terminal is finished he goes what does he do? you don't know?

yes at the terminal he built the terminal

okay you just know that

yes after that he left and I never met him again

oh so he was only one time yes

only your grandfather continuously yes one time it's not just a project, it was a long time, years. Oh, years. Yes, the terminal project was years.

So you've been there for years?

Yes.

How old were you?

What I remember is class 6th grade or 1st grade.

How many years?

It's been 12 years. you? You were 12 years old? Yes, I was 11 or 12. I'm confused, your grandfather did that. Why did your uncle follow them? Did they support each other or wanted to inform each other? Or what?

I don't know. But my uncle, I think he was only 3 years old. Let's say 3 years old, it means he was already dead it means until 9 years old, he's gone. While my grandfather, he...

I remember he died when I was 11 years old. So, maybe from... 11 years old, while I was at home, starting from 6 years old. I don at home from the age of 6 years. I don't know since when they did that. Maybe there were 3-4 years of that incident.

My grandfather then died there. That was when you were in first grade? Oh It's a part of a sad It's a big lesson But you want to do a car at a cooper

I'll get to Selama but on town the person I

can walk to my serum I just know when I was young, I didn't really know, I didn't really get the impact, or I didn't realize the impact of the Kadenzo. But after I saw it, after I saw it in my adulthood, it turned out that there were a lot of psychological impacts. Okay, so you just felt it when you were an adult.

How old did you start to feel? How old was I? Maybe 20 years old. 20 years old there. What was the first sign that you felt? One of them is that I don't want to take care of my body.

What do you mean?

I don't want to take care of my body. So, when I'm dating, they do whatever they want.

Oh, so you've lived like that before?

Yes. So, I even remember thinking that I was living as a child.

Child?

Yes. My body is to be enjoyed by people and my energy is to serve people, including my grandmother, my grandfather, my employer. I really work. If I'm asked to do something, I'll do it, I'm the type of person who obeys at that time

Your employer?

Yes, my employer, I work But after that incident, there was no more prostitution or rape, and so on, right? No, after what happened Your grandfather passed away. For those who took a shower, I left the house. If I'm not mistaken.

Yes, but it means there was no more incident, right? Only the impact after that. Free interaction, it's like you're doing all kinds of things, you don't see yourself as having respect and so on and that makes you enter what phase is it like that

I don't know I remember if it happens, every time I dating, in my opinion, there are many disputes because it is not disputes not in agreement I think dating is a lot of cheating because it's not up to agreement so if the couple suddenly kissed, kissed and I was silent, just like my reaction when I was treated by my grandfather

Oh, freeze, ketakutan. Aku ingat waktu itu dia sampai bingung kenapa aku gak mau membalas chatnya lagi karena aku sebenarnya ketakutan. Mungkin itu kayak aku juga trauma lagi tapi pada saat itu aku gak paham. Dia pulang lalu chat aku gak aku balas. Dia mau datang aku gak berani. Aku juga gak mau I didn't reply to his chat He wanted to come I didn't dare I didn't dare to say that I didn't want to be treated like that

But, I'm sorry my question is a bit confusing but you didn't sell yourself or anything else you didn't go there, right? So, it was just for socializing

but you didn't have a relationship at that time hmmm couples were in a relationship often yes, but not in a relationship no, okay but for me, to hold on to someone

who doesn't belong to me or without permission is already a violation.

Okay, but at that time, was there a desire? Like a desire to go there or more to the desire of the male plotter when he did it, you were silent?

I feel like since I was young, I entered adulthood, I just accepted it, I didn't enjoy it.

There was no desire, right?

Yes, the difference was when I was already an adult.

How old were you when you were an adult?

Maybe 25 years old or above.

25 years old or above? 23 years old or above. So at that time, in your psychological phases, your psychology started to get disturbed

maybe

started to get confused and then you just let it be

yes, because I haven't admitted it and I don't know if this is the impact of the past and that phase take you? That phase took me to meet a man who was already married. We met through social media. And because he did it quickly, with BOOMBASTIS, he expressed his feelings, he showed his effort. I think it's big. I miss that, because I never got that. I think it was a big effort. Big? Big. I missed him.

Because I never got that. Finally, I accepted him quickly.

That's it.

Became a partner. Then he invited me to live together. In my opinion, Wow, there's someone who really wants to be with me.

But you told him about your childhood experience oh you told her

so she's the first person you told

no

oh your ex-girlfriend you told her? I did

oh

unfortunately I was too over with people who

over sharing?

yes

why was the over sharing not good?

because I think a lot of people took advantage of it.

What do you mean?

They took advantage of the psychological side, especially for men who are Mokondo.

Oh, you've met a Mokondo guy too? Yes.

You were exploited for your money.

Yes. What did he do to did he use your psychology? By knowing the secrets you told him.

I think it was with attention. I think just getting attention was like melting. Oh, in your condition. A small form of attention means a lot to you. And it's really easy to make you follow that way like that, follow wherever I can, including the guy who finally

you married that, not married, so living together, you're living together with a guy you know on social media, in this short time, yes 740 yes We live together Initially I confirmed whether he was really married and I saw the KTP we live together I don't have to be afraid to for loss or deception I know where he works because I was once invited there Okay I didn't think he had a family I didn't think he would lie to me

What does he do?

He sells gym equipment

How old is he?

He's 34 now

At that time he was 32

32 years ago

It turns out you live together with him You are pregnant I'm 34 years old now, 32 years ago. 32 years ago.

It turns out you're living together with him, and you're pregnant.

Yes.

Unfortunately, I don't know why, I even wanted to have a free child.

You don't have a baby, right?

Yes, I want to, but there's no such serious business

what do you mean?

like KB or whatever

oh

but you already have a desire at this moment you already have a desire with him there is love and everything else until finally it's a burden

well you know he already had a wife when?

5 months old.

Were you surprised at that time?

Like collapsed. The world collapsed. At that time, he went home to the village. Because his grandfather, eh not grandfather. Because his parents were sick. He said there was no signal in his village.

Because it was empty. Where was it?

In Lampung.

Okay.

I believe. Just like I never checked his cellphone. I just believe. At the end, one morning, there was a phone call. I picked it up out of longing.

Out of longing, the man I loved at that time called me. With a sulky face and a soft voice, I said, Hello, dear.

And it turned out that the one who called me was a woman. And I was immediately scolded. Wow, long day, black cord. I was shaking there, I even fell. I don't know, like hoping this was a dream. I thought I was dreaming. I was told off for calling my husband's name.

Because that was his wife. Right.

And you didn't know. I didn't. It turned out his wife was in the village. And he found out. He turned out that his wife was in the village. And he knew in the end? He knew. I was scolded. Because of my position, being pregnant, no one knew.

I didn't have a friend to tell me. I was an introvert. I didn't have a friend. My world was only him at that time. In the end, I could only stay silent. I hoped that it was all a dream.

But when he came back, I felt like I needed an explanation. I needed an explanation as to why he lied. Even though he shouldn't have done that

so, from that incident, he came back to you?

yes

did he explain to you?

yes, he explained he came back from Lampung to our office he explained, he apologized that we have been like this for a long time. Actually, we had left the divorce process.

Oh, he said that? The fact?

The fact, no.

Oh, he lied to you again?

He lied again. When he took it, it was very emotional.

Sure. very emotional. Sure.

Very emotional. He said, even just with that sentence, I immediately smiled. As soon as that. He said, if you don't succeed with your first neighbor's house, maybe you can succeed with our relationship.

With your relationship?

Yes.

Our child.

Our child. Oh, you admit your child.

Yes, that's right.

But weren't you worried when you got pregnant outside of marriage?

I was very worried. The first time I found out I was pregnant, everything was dark. Because there was so worried. The first time I found out I was pregnant, everything was dark. Because there was no preparation. Because I...

You wanted to be child-free, right?

Yes. That's why. I was child-free because I knew I was hurt as a child. I didn't want to hurt my child. It turned out that I did it there, it was destroyed. It turned out that I did it in the sense that there was no concept of marriage. There was no concept of marriage, there was no prepared financially, psychologically. At the end, I was really

afraid. Afraid that I would do the same thing. The same thing.

You were afraid that what you experienced could be repeated by your child. And it turns out that the child was a woman. Right.

I met her earlier.

So after the incident, she explained all kinds of things, your relationship continued?

Continue, unfortunately.

Unfortunately, it continues.

Yes.

Shouldn't it? Shouldn't it? After this, this time, I should have thought, if it's been lied to, don't ever give a chance.

You give a chance.

I give a chance.

And what happened?

it turns out it turns out that the request for forgiveness is a pattern to people who really want to deceive oh, it turns out that he can do this oh, it turns out that he can do this and if we have been lied to once, and we forgive, he will definitely lie again.

We forgive and continue until we are the ones who are satisfied with what he does. That's a lot of things that happen to girls, right? Why is it so difficult to get out of that moment? Why is that, sorry, I don't understand. So, like, you know, the girl must have known, but they let themselves just there, until they're so angry.

Why? Like being addicted, being hurt?

Not addicted, being hurt. Like there's... denial.

Denial?

Denial.

Denial. Even though I know it, but denial. Denial. When is the moment when a girl feels like she's enough with denial?

I don't know, but if it's from me, it's like I need help from people around me.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Sometimes I don't want to hear it.

Well, that's too bad. That's too bad. So confused.

Yes, it's true.

I mean, it's hard on yourself.

You need help from outside, right?

But sometimes they are also denied with help from outside.

How far? Well, how far were you at that time?

Until I was confused too, when my brother invited me to Pekanbaru he said to do business, to be a content creator then I think I'll just try it first because if we keep going there, the problem will be just that

yes, right

finally I tried to leave Tangerang. And I went to Pekanbaru. I wasn't in Pekanbaru with my son. There were new awareness. Oh, it turns out I was lied to too far.

But it's weird. Women like this I think This is just Overthinking I think she's not like that

Even until I Write my book I feel like I'm just Excessively considering her like that Consider her as bad

It turns out Yes, that's the fact I think he's too much I think he's that bad

It turns out?

Yes, that's the fact So I think that my knowledge or my thought that he's a criminal that likes to have a relationship with many women it's just my thought Your thought. Yes, I have that denial, while I know

myself that oh, when he was in a relationship with me, he was in a relationship with A, B, C, D. A lot. A lot. But like that, like no, like I don't want to admit it. Until you finally left from there, you followed your brother, there you started to be a bit wild. There I started to be a admit it. Until you went from there, you followed your brother,

there you started to be a bit wild.

There I started to be a bit wild. There I started to admit that I was indeed a woman who was easily deceived. I admit that I have what is it like, I don't think I have to be in a relationship with another person or a partner, a man, with my condition like this because it tends to be used because it's not over yet, right? But I went to Pekanbaru, I still have responsibility.

But after I went to Pekanbaru, he started to put a new drama on how to avoid giving his salary.

What kind of drama?

He said that he got the information from online gambling with his boss. And finally his boss asked for responsibility response because he used company money. That's the story. But I think it's true. Because he was very loyal. While I was collecting a lot of people's money.

While he had a wife who must be used. Then... while he has a wife who must be adopted then sorry, sometimes I forget what I want to say

skip, because there are too many things in your head, in your soul I can handle it too, because of the energy but it's okay, take it easy don't be forced to, it's okay, just relax. Don't be forced to do it. It's called sharing.

Yes, and then he said he would be imprisoned. But I waited. Our communication I limited it as

an adult person who is responsible for what he does financially responsible to me but why isn't he in prison for months? I was waiting for his moment in prison

if it's really the conversation not in prison but there is no transport too gone gone, there is no transfer gone? gone, there was no transfer

until finally I tried to speak up

like that

oh

yes

means

the one who speak up started from that?

yes

oh until we are in the video that we saw

so he's back with his wife again or what?

back

oh back

he also has a wife in Kalimantan and has two children

he's a rich man

I think for his job

it's quite enough okay, so your business with him is not finished yet, not finished yet, what is your goal, actually, you want to tell everything, except for this speak up,

what is the initial goal, I don't remember why I told you at first, it was about my father.

Yes, yes, that's it. You continue to tell your childhood story.

Yes, it took months.

It took months?

Yes.

You went back to that house. Yes. How did you feel when you go back to your grandfather's house, that's the most

I see, why is this person going back there, it's just that it's already biased, it's already biased, the trauma feeling is What does bias mean? Like a bar? Yes, a bar for for your own events but you are triggered by other people's events.

Oh, from you sharing that. Many people are sharing to you.

When I read news about children, especially about their misbehavior or whatever, it's about children. I can suddenly feel like I want to disappear from the world The trigger is there, yes, I suddenly have my hands shaking

My breath is soaring That means it hasn't healed yet, yes, actually not yet, but with my story I'm already like I'm used to it.

But when you tell your story,

you're not triggered?

No.

Oh.

Is that possible? So the more you tell,

the more you get triggered?

Yes.

You didn't expect that, right? At first, it wasn't for that, right? You just wanted to share, who's my son's father, you told your past story, and you didn't feel anything when you told the story, right? You didn't expect that there were a lot of people who experienced what you experienced.

Yes.

Via DM, they said.

You're a laden.

Laden, but I... There are... I read a what is it, I only read a lot, I can't afford to answer, as confused as I am, what to answer, because I feel like I want to disappear, I want to feel suddenly come in front of the actor and I show the person. You don't know what to do because you're not done yet, actually. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes But you didn't expect it, you were triggered by people's stories who thought maybe they could find help through you.

Right?

Right.

And even just to be heard, for someone who knows about this incident, no need for help. Just someone who knows, because the parents don't know, the husband doesn't know there's only one person who heard her story

but she doesn't want to know who the person is oh I see, so that's helping the victim

correct but actually, when she told you, was that a lot? how much was that? I think there are hundreds because if on Instagram there are a lot of TikToks, there are also a lot of Facebook accounts, I share with the same content and get DM and comments that

relate to you, your life

How is your mother? Good

Does she already know all this story?

I don't think so, because she doesn't use social media

But she must have reached you, right?

Maybe from my mother's relatives My mother's relatives right? mother's relatives must have been using social media maybe they told stories but they also don't know how to respond because of lack of communication

lack of way to express feelings

your two brothers?

I know, maybe

maybe?

yes because they don't know

We are close but

we are not used to expressing our feelings

So, which one of your four siblings are you closest to?

My younger brother I live with him now

He knows everything But he didn't experience that

when he was at your grandfather's? Maybe not. Maybe not? I don't dare to say anything for this.

So you don't know either. You hope maybe not. Yes. But did he ever tell you or not at all?

Never. Maybe I don't want to say anything for this. Yes. But did he ever tell you or not at all?

He did, but maybe I don't want to say anything about it.

Oh dear. What if your mother knew about all this?

What do you think your mother would do?

She's just my mother.

While my father already knew. My dad already knows.

Your dad already knows?

Yes, from social media. Oh, recently? Yes. Does he have any contact with you?

He has my WhatsApp.

How?

He texted me to apologize. He apologized that maybe this's all because of him. He also blamed his father, saying that he was an arrogant father. I'm really sorry. And I hope that the post-mortem will be better...

Taken down?

Taken down.

So that...

Yeah...

So that my friend won't know,'t know. Maybe that's it.

Yeah, because it's a shame.

Yeah, I think so.

Do you have a plan to take down?

No.

You want to leave it there, to be part of your story. Right.

What is your hope with all that story?

Many parents are aware.

Aware?

Yes, that it turns, that people around us see a small child smiling, maybe silently swallowing his or her tongue. Swallowing his or her tongue means being choked. Hoping that there are times when people don't see him, he just touches parts of the body that are not supposed to be touched.

So what phase are you in now? What phase are you in, Adi? In a phase of confusion? In a phase of enjoying or feeling proud to be able to speak. I see a lot of people who are grateful because I speak. Not because their voices are heard,

but at least other people, the parents, because if we are like this, we hope that the parents represent others, who share with you, this is a voice that is not heard, not cared for, but hoping that this voice can be useful for others. Right. Because it makes you, finally, can at least accept your situation, but the situation can help others

that's right be bitter to yourself but don't be bitter to others but when your child, how old is your child now? my child is 1 year and 3 months he's only 1 year old, he's big, this is a digital track everywhere especially here, are you sure you want to broadcast it?

this is a long story. Amen. The podcast is when she's 17, 20 years old. She watches this part. She's like, this is my mom.

Yeah.

She's watching.

I hope she knows that her mom has a background like this. He must know how his mother went through these phases. And not only in this show, I should have had time since I was young, from childhood, children, teenagers, until he grew up, deep talk to him about my journey as a human. As a human, you mean you want the human side to reach, right?

That being human with all the bitterness, wounds and all kinds, yes we become human, whole, like that.

What is your hope with all that for your child in the future? utuh gitu harapan kamu dengan itu semua itu menjadi apa buat anak kamu kedepannya?

Apa ya... Mungkin aku udah pernah memikirkannya tapi aku sekarang lupa. Aku gak tahu apa harapanku cuma aku pengen dia mengetahui ini membuat dia menjadi memanusiakan manusia I hope that he will know this and make him a better person. Make him understand the psychological impact of every person's life. Do you still have any disappointment with your father? For now, maybe there is. It's not because of the past, but even until now, he still enjoyed his gambling.

Until now?

Yes. Online judge.

Well, not anymore.

Maybe a few years ago. Maybe during the COVID times. I heard about ABHYD and it made me want to say, because of you, I'm like this. Until now. I'm still in the process of getting a job. I'm still in the process of getting a job.

I'm still in, like that. I was like that, but I always held myself.

Why did you hold it?

Because, what is it? I think the generation out there, maybe my language is too much of a language that only understands me. So I don't think I need to say it, I always hold it.

If with your mother, everything is fine?

Fine, but there is no attachment. So you're walking alone? Your attachment is only to your child? Yes, I feel like he's the one who touches me, he's the one who really makes me live. That's right. And because of him, I... Because of him, I feel like...

What is it, brother?

I feel like... I found a lot of ways. I found a lot of ways to even get to know myself. To heal myself. With him.

If maybe... If he wasn't there, I'm still a woman who cries at night, I don't know why. At night, I want someone to be by my side. Sometimes I feel lonely, I want to be a lonely adult.

So this is the beginning of loneliness for women. With all the past, but they can't tell their stories. No one cares. And the care is used and manipulated. That's the beginning. Okay. Where do you want to go now?

Yes, because I didn't have a concept from the beginning, I just wanted to be heard. Until now I just enjoy it. Even here, I still enjoy this journey. I enjoy it with pride that my voice is not only to satisfy myself that I can be heard, but also to be a representation of the victims who were buried or buried.

Do you feel like your life now has more meaning?

Correct. All this time you don't feel like your life has meaning? I feel like back then I had the chance to... I think it's okay to kill yourself. But how do you kill yourself so you don't harm others? I often think about that.

As simple as that is your mind.

True.

But there is also a fear of doing it.

Yes, because I'm afraid of hurting others. Like, since I was in high school, I've been in the city. In the city, it's not mine. I live in a building or a house. It's someone else's property. If I do that there, it will harm the owner of the house.

Last one.

If you could talk to yourself, when you were now, what would you say? What would I say? About your little Romayana.

What would I say? I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say to him. I don't know what to say to him.

Just stay silent? Yes. If you meet a kid, where will you stay silent?

Maybe, at first, I just said, say hi. I realized that my childhood was really bad. And I often pity the little girl. I don't even know what to say to her. I just want to hug him. I want to feel his fear.

All this time, he doesn't seem to care about that fear. He's just confused about what to do.

You want to accompany him? I was just confused about what to do.

You wanted to be with him? Yes, I just wanted to sit next to him, feel his fear. I said, are you scared? He said, no, I'm not. I said, come here. I'm not sure if I should talk about my childhood or my childhood is sad. Because I never felt happy. I never wanted to go back to my childhood.

I just wanted to hug that little human.

But the cure is there.

Yes.

But no one dared to go back there. Because it was too scary?

It was scary. Sadistic.

And no one accompanied you?

Yes.

Don't you want to protect this little girl?

I want to, but I... Maybe my business is not serious enough. I don't know what to do. You can't protect him now. Maybe I'll try to find a way to protect myself. But you haven't connected with God.

Unfortunately... You haven't found the way? Before, when I chose to be an agnostic, I was getting more and more chaotic. Because it turned out, in my opinion, for some people, God is really needed. I'm sorry if this is just my imagination, but there are people who are really sincere, big, caring, and perfect, that they don't get in this world.

When I was still so... to be... to have a God, I was really pure and... my life was just like straight. It turned out that when I decided to be an agnostic I was looking for those figures to be my men.

Even though God is a father to me, right? He's a father, who is almighty, and He takes care of His children from the unseen. I pray that one day he will find me Amen He is waiting One day, the time will come

Amen

Thank you so much

for sharing You are strong enough to get to this point Maybe one hug Thank you Can I? Thank you so much at this point. Maybe one word of thanks

is enough, right?

Thank you very much. Thank you very much for your story. Thank you very much for your story. Thank you very much for being strong.