🎵 El dĂa de hoy estoy muy feliz muy contentos estamos quitamos los manteles no tenemos ni manteles largos ni manteles cortos quitamos a la verga los manteles vamos a comer en el pinche piso porque ese invitado tiene que tragar en el piso es un gran amigo mĂo es un gran comediante es ganador de masterchef Le fue super bien en la casa de las famosos y asĂ ya saben que pedo os hago es un icono ya de la televisiĂłn mexicana con ustedes Ricardo Peralta!
Uuuuh!
So that the reason is never lost. I mean, it's never lost. You're already stealing Carlita's phrases.
Love!
And besides, remember, he has them registered. He's going to charge you. What happened, Lua? Lua is inua, you idiot. You came here to screw up his house. But if it wasn't for me, who else would you invite? Nobody, my love.
Many people. Many people want this to happen. For example, no, today was the premiere. I mean, we're recording this when the first episode premiered. Los invitados putito Me preguntaba como estoy como estas mi amor triste y enojada porque no salieron ese primer episodio y nada más al list con danny porque
porque queremos este que le fuera bien al proyecto Queremos que llegaran marcas Ya se fueron a dios ya se fue a Ă©l a dios Yo las tengo que tocar tengo que tocar todo para que le vaya muy bien Rafael. Adios. In Guadalajara? In Guadalajara. There are also bionics and they sell chayote with potatoes and cheese. Very tasty. Guadalajara is a town.
It's not a town.
It's a very nice town. Very full of traditions and homosexual people. What we're going to need to make the salshitacos, we need a pot of oil. A pot because these come like this. As Herbie likes it a lot. We have tortillas, sausage, cheese. I added extra cheese because I'm a big girl and I have money.
And...
That easy. And you even bought it sliced because it's a fucking egg.
Of course.
I was going to order it normal because you're used to it, you always have to come to the supermarket and stuff. So I took that job off you. I took that job off you, beautiful. So you have to tell me a lot of... We're getting worse and worse.
It's getting worse and worse. So that's all we need. It's very easy. We're going to add ketchup at the end. Blah blah, a lot of s**t. But first, Mojigata, help me there. I have a big pot.
Today we're going to talk about... We're going to fry it well, bastard. It's a pot, right? Yes, Jota, no, in the other one. What other one? I mean, in this one, more churros, right? So we don't spend so much oil. It's probably the one you put in there when it's just cooked.
Yes, why?
No, you have to save it, you have to put it in another container and save it. The oil? Yes. How? If you put it there, you contaminate Mexico. Ay mi amor ya estamos contaminados con su puta madre wey osea te lo juro que un nutrioli mas a la contaminacion no le va a hacer daño a Mexico Ah el dia de hoy vamos a hablar de que vamos a hablar Nelly deja tu celular por favor
porque si no te voy a bajar el sueldo Primero te iba yo a decir a quien se le ocurrio el nombre de este canal Ah si Dile gracias, mandale un saludo, un beso, un agradecimiento I didn't know what to do with my life. I don't know if I should go to the drugs side or the projects side. And I said, both! Both! Let's go both!
You're very skinny. No, but it's not because of drugs, dumbass. No, but you're very skinny. What's the trick, dumbass? Exercise. You're going to play tennis every morning. I'm going to play tennis because I'm going to be the next Carlos Alcaraz. She thinks, but she even bought her skirt and everything.
I saw her once in the store, I found her there in Arts, and the old woman from shopping. Dude, I got the impression that I saw you there that day. I always go.
They let you pass.
The saints who say that they don't let ugly people pass, there are the ones I go to. I really like to go there because... Whenever she takes this out, she always tells me, if you're going to pass, you're going to get in the way. Because I tell her, what if they don't let me in? But I already took off the makeup you have. I don't know. Sometimes I do.
Is that my camera? Today I didn't go overboard or did I? Don't zoom me either, you asshole. Don't call her an asshole. Hey, amor. No le digas pendeja a la estúpida que está atrás, a la inservible que está atrás de la cámara haciendo nada.
Yo no sé por qué viene un chingo de gente. ¿Qué cocinaste con Dani? ¿Qué te importa? Pues véanlo en YouTube. Pero yo no sé. Ah, cociné, este, panderillas. I was a very small girl, I went to the temple And then? Why? Because... What the fuck?
And then?
I was in crop top and like this You dropped your hand and everything? Because of the fault of the father
Oh no, forgive me my friend
Since I was 3 years old he was calling me
Oh no!
I left the documentary, they just gave him another name I see
X
Do you know what this word means? Fagot? Es en italiano.
Fagot?
Fagot, no.
No sabes qué significa?
Es un equipo, a lo mejor, de Naucalpan.
¿Qué?
Significa, no.
ÂżSĂ?
Me la puse por ti.
Ay! Ay! Ay!
Ay! Ay, Resturio! Ay, wait! Put in the comments who is more woman, who is more girl, of the two. Ay, this asshole understands that he or she on Instagram. You have a lot of shit. You have a beard, asshole. We're going to see you on the street and we're going to say, he, he, he, of course, the man, the man, mommy, the man,
the man because he's dressed you should put on your Instagram. But you already know a new word.
Pagod.
Just thank Charlie. Oh, Charlie, thank you very much. Oh, because that's what I was saying. When I chose the drugs,
I found Charlie.
I found Charlie once. I found Charlie with four poppers. And I said, lend it to me. I found Charlie. I sent him a message and I was like, what are you looking for? What do you want to steal? I'm looking at your kitchen, I've already shown it to you.
You've already shown it to me? Congratulations, love. Thank you so much, beautiful. I know, the ones that left you were beautiful. I'm missing 5 million, subscribe to Pepe and Teo. 5 for a million?
Again a million, subscribe to Pepe and Teo. 5 for a million?
Again a million.
That's good. Subscribe. And do it again, so when I get a million,
you can leave.
It's very cool to do it. Shit, shit, shit. Shut up, asshole. So I don't know why I made you spend money. People are forgetting you, asshole.
We have to remember them. You have to remember them.
Don't forget them. I want to remember them. They're really stupid because they didn't value this J and the gum, dude. And right now I want to die because, dude, they're literally doing absolutely nothing. And I say, dude, where's the content? Where's the content? I found a Cuban guy and he's a great guy. He's also a camera guy. Kisses to my Cuban and to all the Cubans in the world who live in Mexico.
And everything.
I hope you come back. I also get really distracted. And we're two dumbasses. We're not going to achieve anything today. Yes, we're going to achieve. I sent him a message and I told him I don't know what to do.
I want to do a project, blah, blah, blah. The truth is I didn't want to tell him, I want to do the same thing in a row, but alone. The same thing, aha, aha.
And he told me,
I told him, do it.
Well, you can do that kind of thing. Because at first I wanted to do like, burgers, like the shit and things like that. And he told me that, You're very true, right? And he started crying. And then Charlie... And Charlie told me, you can put...
I don't know, because I said, how can I put it to... To the show. To the show. And he told me, he was the one who said, you can put... And I said, yes, but like...
I could do... I didn't want to say, dude, super yes, because I don't want to be like that either.
Like, dude, you know?
As easy as, oh, I'm going to think about it.
I'm going to check.
Let me see.
Then I told him, and dude, it's done. Wow, how delicious, we registered it. And well, no, thank you very much. is I'm gonna be contact to Chris get off. Oh, thank you. Moreno's my I'm gonna be contact to Chris get off. Oh, thank you. Moreno's my I'm gonna be contact to Chris get off. Oh, thank you. Moreno's my brother. I'm gonna be contact anymore. You already told them that you got it once. Shut up!
I'll tell them. Do you have time?
I got it with Ococo, Herpes and BPH.
At the same time.
That day I peed myself.
That was...
I don't want to say it. So, how did we start with this beautiful recipe?
I don't want to go.
I'm going to do my studies.
This is so stupid.
Oh, it stays for a while. And this one? No, go eat your mocos because you're a fucking bitch. This is a bell. Bell over bell. And over the bell, one. Look out the window.
The first time I came to this apartment, I thought this was a TV. I'm gonna So much a la ventana La primera vez que yo llegué a este departamento creà que estar una tele una tele porque mira Ben acércate yo dije way no mames que tiene una tele aquà para cuando estás cocinando Hacemos en este lado pendeja de a pena si no es una tele Yo dije pon de tlis en lo que ahorita hacemos una pasta atrás atrás atrás no pero la televisión a tengo del otro lado me dijo Put Netflix on, we're making a lot of money. No, but I have the TV on the other side. And he told me it's a bell. I was naked and I felt very naked that day.
Well, I want to tell you about the day we went out to a club. The first thing that day I puked.
Ok.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. When you just left, we went to Phonique. Total. It was a friend of mine, Alberto, his name is. A kiss to Alberto. Alberto has no hair on his tongue, man.
You know, man, he's a little asshole.
And what did he say?
Remember, he didn't tell you. Man, we were at the party, and out of nowhere Alberto says, Joto, what happened, man? But out of nowhere, like, man, very serious. And I, what the hell? And he said, he lost all his shine. No, no's not good.
It's not good because it's bad. Is it?
It is.
No, no, Joto.
Well, you didn't see it, dude. It looks like a piñata. At first you were very skinny and now you look like a fighter again. Because I started exercising. I tripled it. I started exercising. Joto, you are so shy. Of course, beautiful. And they can't tell you her name, then?
No way, take that away. Tell us in the comments who is more Joto, this one or the caballona of Dani? Who has the most effeminate voice? It depends, look closely, here's my theory. When I hang out with pure Joto, I have to look good. Your mom thought that because of me you were more of a joker, is that true? It's true, because I...
Look, to be at their level, I have to lower myself four levels.
And be a joker, like, let's go, what's up?
Take out the poppers.
I'm very like that.
I agree, really. So, when I get together with them, I don't know, I become more chava. But once I got to their old apartment and suddenly they told me, I'm going to wear this, we're going to a concert, and I don't know what. And suddenly they took out a blouse, a chava blouse.
I mean, since I saw it, the pants were up to here, those kind of lady's clothes, older, It was a girl's blouse. I mean, I saw it, the pants were up to here, like those old ladies' clothes, the ones I'm wearing now, but I'm 36 years old. This one is 22, 23. And then he takes off the blouse,
and it was a black blouse, very satin, and he says, how do I look?
And I...
That day I peed my pants.
That day I pe fuck. Jota was a girl.
You know what? It was one of those t-shirts that are like this. I'm going to be honest. I said that without a problem, I can style it and I'm going to feel like Jacob Elordi. You know? Like, what? Stop lying to him that he's Jacob Elordi.
Because he's already believing it and the girl believes it. She believes that he's Jacob Elordi. Put a picture of me here and pose.
You believe it?
Yes, I do! You believe it's Jacob Elordi? Jacob Elgordi.
Jacob Elordi.
Jacob Elordi. Jacob Elordi. I'm Jacob Elordi.
I'm Jacob Elordi.
I'm Jacob Elordi. I know, totally. That one, yes. And he's had surgery and everything. Yes, of course. That's horrible. What else do you want? I'll have one of these because nothing is happening. And you're drinking too fast. Ok, let's learn this shit now. And you teach them how to cook here?
I don't teach them how to cook, I don't teach them anything. They're just watching me like idiots. Ah, ok, ok. I'm sure they'll charge you 20 pesos to watch your show, you fucking dickhead. Instead of watching documentaries. Do you think the people who follow you have money or not? Yes, yes, yes. Because every time we go with this woman anywhere, she's greeted by a lot of guys. A lot of guys.
A man. Very handsome. A bill collector. The first time I told myself, this is a bill collector, I said, what is that? I didn't even know what that was, girl. She had to explain it to me and I was like... Yeah, dude. I got worried. And then, like, that's it? Let's see, I'm going to... No, but wait, that's true.
No, no, no, I'm not going to start doing this. First, we have to do the rolls.
Ah, okay.
You know how? One front and one back? Yes. I put it on. You put it on, baby. But I put it on small because it's natural. So they put it on here.
No, no, I'm big.
Let's see.
Oh, no.
Let's see.
No, no, no, no.
Let's see.
Let's see.
Oh, no.
Yes.
We want to see.
Show us.
Show us.
No, I'm not going to show you. Yes! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!
Do it! Do it!
Do it!
Do it! Wait, I'm going to call Andres Johnson, I don't give a shit. Because you know Andres Johnson has hair like this, horrible, poor thing, because he has a trauma. I don't care if you're watching this. He's very hairy. Very hairy. Well, the other day they told him that I sent him photos of a guy
that I was talking to in the bar and I told him, like, oh, let's see your tattoos. And he started showing me the tattoos. And he said, Oh, I didn't know you were so hairy. And Andres was like, Oh, yes, I have a lot of hair, but why does it bother you? And he said,
Uh, yes, a little, but I could, I could ignore it. I could ignore it, but twice. He even has hair on his back. Yeah, he has from here.
Horrible, it's horrible.
And Andres watching this. Oh, beautiful. Let's go, love. Go do laser like you don't have money. He loves it.
But Jota, the laser would finish the girl. Well, yes.
I mean, what?
We cut these?
We're going to cut them into pieces. Let's see, you don't know what it is. No, I've never seen this. They don't say no secret. I think hope and a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bita with a face of tamales And you with the fucking tambo of tamales, asshole! From the pot! From the pot where they take it out
And you sweat like a pig
Look, I'm going to show you quickly so you know that...
Did it disgust you?
What? Me? That's how they are That's why I'm telling you that it's going to be worth it because I don't have chopsticks No! Like this? Like this. Cut!
Cheese. The cheese has to be like this. We're going to wrap it. And I'm not going to wrap you. Tell me one day that you say, I want to cut one.
When I fought for a mattress, I didn't know it was a joke, but I did it out of love. Like this, right? Like the same size? Like this? Like this?
Yes, like this. Just right.
And now we need the tortilla. Cut it. Who came up with this? A poor guy, right?
What happened? And then what?
How?
What do you mean how, you idiot? Well it was easier, you idiot easier if we did it like this. Yes, yes, how stupid! Oh, stupid shit. Well, we're going to throw this away. Why? Because we throw food. And you do it like this, and then you cut it right here.
Uh-huh, like this, we're going to do it like this. No, you're going to do this because we're not going to waste it. No. It hurts to waste it. No, no. Yes. Yes. There are people in Africa. And you're not even going to know them.
Ah.
You're stupid. No, I know. That's why I miss Dani's asshole so much, who always solved everything for us.
Easy.
Dani does solve it, but I do too, asshole. Here are the toothpicks. Okay. Yes, a lot. Because right now they're not doing anything. Like this? And you do a lot. Or less. Like this, my love. We have to tell her these things, because if not, she'll turn off the light.
But I'm going to do something. Turn this on. What are you going to do here? I'm going to give them... So that it gets even more watery? Yes, we're going to put them in oil, I'm gonna make it look like we want it. No, no, no. How? Don't get involved in my stuff, you motherfucking son of a bitch.
So, how are we going to make it? Like this, you put the oil in, and then, one day, one day...
Oh!
Careful, you can cut yourself. No! We're not going to look stupid. Yes, we're going to look stupid. And then? You know I'm a big fan of MIGA, and I'm always like, what the fuck? I never get the hang of it, but I imagine, I make a movie in my head,
and I say, what the fuck, if it's going to be great, you know? And the fool falls in love really fast. Super. But I know that if not, what do I do? Yes.
I think sometimes he does it for fun, I'm going to be honest, I'm not a fan of the word. I'm not a fan of the word. I'm not a fan of the word. I'm not a fan of the word. I'm not a fan of the word. I'm not a fan of the word. I'm not a fan of the word. No, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know. I don't know. I don, love. We've been talking for two minutes and it's already broken. We have to make it softer. How do you mean softer? Here in oil so it can be...
Soft?
Yes, it's already soft.
But that's a comal. It's going to burn. I didn't see you had a comal. That's a comal. It's going to burn. This is a comal?
That's a comal. I know
It's a circle maldigo, it's a certain
It's the time being is a certain
Comal, you can't be stuck on my to get to use it. So para que hacer comal
the record okay, so sando una una una
Cocina ya me estás haciendo enrojar Porque ni siquiera se me están saliendo las palabras para que me hace un texto que me pone si con de tu puta madre a Why did you do that? No, you son of a bitch! I burned myself horribly. I'll give you an egg. When there's a burn, throw that egg.
You're a faggot!
I burned myself. No, no, with an egg. There's an egg.
Let's see, take out the tears.
No, I think that's it. It wasn't that strong. And it stayed, viste? Que padre! Ahi esta, vamonos con la que sigue. Estupido, pues esta caliente.
Hizo la chamba este, si o no? No, no hizo la chamba. Se quemo, si o no? Se quemo el aceite. Esto es un comal. Es un sartencito.
Como pondrias un comal in this type of electric stove?
The same?
What kind of question is that, Jair? This, this is a comal. This is a small pan for the eggs! No, it's for the eggs because they burn there. You put in your comal, that thing you always have.
A comal? It's extended!
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
This has edges, Jair! In your comal, that thing that you always have. A comal? It's extended! Uh huh, uh huh.
This has edges, Jair! It has edges! Don't touch them. I'm getting a pimple. Let's see, you idiot. I need you to put me...
Who's okay? Me.
It's a pan, right?
No, no, no, no. Let's see, this is a pan, yes. But it does the function of comal. And this is a pan? Yes. Both are pans? No, no, no. This is a pan that does...
Again, I'm going to...
It does the function of a pan. Don't touch it. Of a pan. This is a pan that does the function of comal. I told you, you use it for that. Well, then what are we doing right now? the tortillas. I'm the one who's desperate here, Jota! Do you put oil in your comal?
Of course! Sometimes, when you make the gorditas and the quesadillas and all that love. Look how fast it burns. It's delicious! Look. Five seconds.
You don't understand what it is. Of course! It's done! What else do we need for that? I'm already tired. I'm going to put myself in the shit. Turn off the fucking cameras, this is not going to come out because I'm tired. I'm going to put myself in the shit, here, doing nothing, watching you shit.
Look at the wood, it's going to stink. You already smelled like this. Well, I smelled like pork but not tortilla. I'm very stressed, the truth is that's why I wouldn't get into Masterchef, because I'm too stressed. And then... It's hurting, I swear. It's burning. Put a sausage on it.
I...
Butanera.
Butanera.
And I...
Dude, no, this is too big. Let's see.
Like this, and what we're going to do is the following.
We just wrap it here.
I already explained.
Yes, but people don't like you. And now leave it like this, turned over, and you'll see that it stays like this. Hey, and we can throw it like this, huh? Completely. And then we cut it. Of course, of course. I'm making your life easier. You wanted us to cut this and do this. If they do it like this in Guadalajara, they're wasting time.
Don't mess with Guadalajara. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I was in my apartment, and I was like, waiting for a Seaford.
And...
Like this? No, like this. And he told me, see you tonight for dinner. And I was like, yes, perfect. I didn't eat,
I ate at 3 and said, it's burning, shit. You left it there. Get out, man. Oh no. It was there. Ok, get out, Gana.
Oh no!
Just a little more so that it grabs the oil.
And?
One, two, three, four, and...
There it is.
Add the cheese.
I can't do two things at the same time. I'm fed up. Why? Because we're stupid. I want to talk, I swear I want to talk, I want to pay attention, I want to be here, I want to be there, what is this, what is influencer, mom How delicious it was for you, you saw it Already with those three? Already with those three and now we can put the stick there
If you want, I love the idea But since the fucking chilangos always want to change the recipe, so yeah, do it. Because it's faster, Jota. It's faster because people in Mexico City live fast, live fast, live like this, live stressed, live angry, live... Well, there are a lot of things to do. Well, yes, but we, the outsiders, are more relaxed, more like this, more comfortable, we live life, it's super comfortable, and like this.
Add more. and that's it. And it has to be well-soaked. It has to be well-soaked. What was I saying? About Paul and everything. You took too long. Yeah, I was just going to say that. I asked him what he wanted for dinner and he told me sushi.
Paul wanted takos and I said no. I want sushi because he wants sushi. You know? So, sushi. Sushi, sushi. Este... Entonces pues wey,
ay me ves pidiendo y la chingada. Llegó hasta las 12.40 de la mañana. El chavo. Y yo estaba muerto de hambre. Wey. Porque algo que tiene mi niña es que ella,
si tĂş le dices que va a comer contigo, se espera a que tĂş llegues para comer. you get to eat. She's so pretty. Of course, because that's what you have to do. If not, then you have to do a FaceTime. So, we're going to see each other to eat, to talk, because food is sacred. And the hiccup of his fucking bomb doesn't come. And she had already eaten. With a tupperware, asshole!
With a tupperware and tuna! He made me order a fucking sushi and Paul ordered his tacos and he ate at 10pm and I ate at 12.30pm When he got there I saw he came with a fucking tuna and rice And there you see me eating sushi And I ate a lot because I was so stressed and I didn't stay to sleep I stayed for an hour and I ate a lot You didn't even eat at 12?
No, no, no, just like that, just like that, how are you? And you know what else I saw? This really moved me because I saw that she was inside the app. Ah, the mask. While she was here. Yes, in the other apartment. They always do that to my girl.
And I was really... Let's see. I don't like that.
No, she still needs it.
A lot.
She ate all the sushi. I ate the sushi and I told her, you know what? Mucho. Ah, le dije de que... Se comiĂł todo el sushi. Me comĂ el sushi y le dije de que, oye, Âżsabes quĂ©? Yo ahorita me voy a tener que ir a la casa de Erly. De hecho, le mentĂ. Le dije, me tengo que ir a la casa de Erly porque me dijo que está medio mala y voy a ir a verla.
Este, si quieres, pues tĂş yeah, I brought you sushi, you don't want it anymore? I'll throw it away right now.
That's right.
Oh well, it's good for you, oh well, I'm leaving. No, but you have to empower yourself. Well, tell him. You have to lie to yourself. Tell him, go. I lie a lot, I lie I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going gay. Why? Because they don't value me. Because they don't value me and because they don't know what they're doing. You know, like, what the fuck? Fuck off!
I'm going to do what? I don't know. Ehh. Ehh, but the girls love you a lot.
Let's see.
Yes, but, man, these bitches are crazy. Let's try this one. I mean, don't talk about the project. What project? Come on!
What a shit!
I remind you, the project that made you shit. That made you shit.
Don't forget me, asshole.
No, not yet. We're going to leave this out. Fuck, it's already broken. Well, this was an experiment. This is an experiment. That one for the kids, what did you say? For here, for the public. This was an experiment. This was an experiment. This one is for the kids, you said, right?
This one is for the audience.
There it is, look, how delicious! Guacala! That one is really guacala!
That's a really good guacala!
Guacala, how delicious!
Oh, fuck. No, wait. Hey, will it fit? Yes, it will fit. I'm taking too long to think. Think. I have another one.
You!
You were cool and we all laughed. No, because you have to express yourself. You have to remember. Remembering is living. That's why. Let's see.
This is another person, right? This other person tells me to go to... Do I know this one? We went to Vallarta. Este es otra persona no esta otra persona me dice que vamos a esta si la conozco si la conoces fuimos a baiar de los homosexuales No
No, let's have interest a sip and they have a yaventa ver como la mano asà No, no tiene tan nada. Uno dos tres La falta de más caliente a ver meter la mano intentarle It's not that hot. It's fine. 1, 2, 3. It needed more heat. Put your hand in and try it. There it goes.
See? Let's see, damn it! Look at it! Look at it, you bastard! What's up, Terre? You only know about Nokia and that, you idiot.
We have the strongest cameras on the market. Did you flip it already?
Yeah, I did. We have the strongest cameras in the market. Should I flip it? Yes, now.
Do you like it very golden? No, you like it white.
No, I like it golden.
You like the sausage.
I don't know of another.
Just pink, D.
Dude, I feel like you have it very purple. You've seen it, stupid.
When?
Well, no. In those days. But that's what I mean. That day I did get a bambay.
It's just that...
It's done!
Careful, you idiot!
Don't do that kind of thing!
Imagine if it had been done like this.
You know?
No, it falls.
I'm a chef. I'm a Master Chef Celebrity 2022. I'm going to put the next one, but look, I... How? Come on! Oh, neither.
Hey, have you seen this? Zoom. And you can see when it starts.
It's a leg, it's a butt. Oh, he gave me a shot, he gave me a shot. Because it has... With the hand. Do you see how it's a spaghetti?
Because, dude, you with the mano, porque eres un pendejo.
Pero la cocina siempre tiene que ser asĂ. Y toque el aceite, pendejo. Andale hijo de tu puta madre, que bueno. Y nomas ahorita que se acabe, te lo voy a echar en la pinche cara, pendejo.
Escuchan?
Hasta re...
Te estaba acercando el micrĂłfono para que lo escuchara bien. I was getting the mic closer so you could hear it better. Oh no. And now turn it around.
Yes.
Now this is the big one. Oh Ricardo, no, no, no. Dude, when Dani came, we talked a lot about Trio de Tres. We told him that because of you, it was over.
No, it was me.
Was it me?
No, no, no.
And then they said no, no. Did they say it later or not? No, we told them about the big fight. Dude, it was cool.
The big fight.
You, at that moment, how did you...
I don't even remember.
I don't remember.
I don't remember, I was...
AHH!
I swear the daughter of her fucking mother jumped on me. You grab it with fear, don't? Don't be afraid. I'm not afraid. Here we are. What's up? How much do we have to pay? Put it in the bowl. Here it is. Move it. Here it is. I'm really afraid of oil. Now?
So that it continues to... And now we're going to break them. Pass it to me. With your hand. With your hand! With your hand! It shows you're not a cochise. How ridiculous.
I'm going to shave.
I'm going to shave it off. No, that day of the fight I was feeling great because I was already drunk after the Pinky Promise Experience and meeting Paris Hilton because I was the girl who helped. You've grown, that's true! I got over it, thanks Paris.
And then, look how pretty the fried egg comes out. We make another one, right?
Another one, another one.
There you go. But look, right now you can use this oil, without fear. Just so it gets... so it gets absorbed. This fucking oil. You're putting on a lot of oil.
You're believing yourself. You can't stand that Dani won too and Dani is better than you in every way. She's taller, my girl. Dani is prettier. Dani is beautiful.
No? Isn't she pretty?
Yes, but you're also a little curious. You have your thing. Papa? Si. Hay un... Si, pero tu tambien eres asi como curiosa. Tienes lo tuyo, la verdad Ricardo tiene lo suyo.
Ay amor.
Cae mal.
Cae mal.
Cae mal.
Esta bien pendeja. Esta bien prieta. No, yo les voy a hacer... Jota ya se esta quemando. Pues tu tienes que estar al putazo en la cocina. Les voy a decir una cosa. I'm going to tell you something. Before I started doing this and all that shit,
I told you once, right? What? That you were a fan. No, no, no. That you were a fan and you said I'm hot. No, no, no.
Yes.
No, no, no.
Yes, yes, yes. And that you had a poster of us there and you liked it and everything.
No, it's true.
Yes, of course. That was the YouTubers, Miki and the other one.
The Jonas.
The Jonas Vloggers. Look, I didn't put a stick on this one and look, it stayed there. Yes, but this is a flute. And those aren't? This is a flute. This too, but you didn't want to do it. This is a salchitaco. This is a flute.
What you just did is a flute. taco You I'm going to be like, who watches them? I mean... Subscribe to the PP&TO channel! Clearly they won't do it. We're done, I'm turning it off. When was the first time I met you? I don't like to think, I take too long! Ok, but don't think, I'm not saying
that it was October 3rd, 1600, because that day is your year. We met in something, I don't remember what, but we got along really well. And I said, this J is really fucked up, because she's also really cute, she's cute. Oh, I said, you know what I said about you?
You said everything bad about me.
Well, everything bad. Cheers. No, I said that you're going to be a really good person, a really good person. I just don't remember that I met you. Me neither. Oh, asshole! I cleaned the oil. Stupid.
What happened, my love? Since when did we meet? Damn that day. I'm going to put this here so it doesn't show up in the frame. And believe me, it's over. Of course it shows up in the frame.
It shows up all over. 360. No, you have to have a clean area. GoPro, be careful because it can burn you there. It does heat up. I'm going to put a little bit of this. I'm going to put a little bit of this. I'm going to put a little bit of this. I'm going to put a little bit of this. I'm going to put a little bit of this.
I'm going to put a little bit of this. I'm going to put a little bit of this. Guacala. Guacala, que rico! Que rico! No, espĂ©rate todavĂa, no, pendejo. Falta la salsa, o quĂ©? Falta la salsa, falta cortarlo, falta todo. Ta madre. Falta que limpies, falta que todo.
Ay, y la cortada, que?
Ah, es cierto, yo no sĂ© por quĂ© verga fui ese dĂa. Porque la Erly te invitĂł, me dijo, YouTube channel where you had a first time viral. Saying, say popocatepetl. Popocatepetl, I know how to say it.
Let's see again.
Popocatepetl. I know, it was a trauma.
No, it's ok.
This one, yes, it's true, Ricardo. And then we fell in love and then Dani joined us more. Look how beautiful, the cooking is on point, the towel. Of course, of course, love. Yes, I loved it. And then we fell in love. We never fell in love. We fell in love with friends, asshole.
You think. But, until then. Until then. And then we started dating a lot. And we got crazy a lot. And since you like drinking,
we became great friends. Yes, because, even if you don't believe it, Arad told the truth. He is a... He has problems with alcohol and drugs. Oh no, drugs. No, mom. You're going to get raped again, mom.
Oh, please, ridiculous.
Cream, mustard. What? You don't like the mustard? It's just that it's too strong, right? Well, it's too strong, but the ass is strong and the semen is strong too and you like to swallow it and don't make those eyes because I've seen you swallowing it
No, it's not true No, it's true! You haven't seen it Of course I've seen you and it's like the wench
the ugly mom
What is this hair?
This is not mine
I don't have long hair This is not mine Not mine? I don't have hair that long
And it's mine too?
No, it's from one of your wigs Listen to how she's laughing It's mine? No, it's hers, dumbass It's yours? No, it's from one of your wigs
You don't even brush your hair, you must have bangs
You, have you had bangs? must have a lot of hair. Yes or no? You! Have you ever had hair? No.
You have a lot of hair.
I always get a bath.
No, have you ever had hair?
No.
I have.
Of course.
Why?
Because there is...
Because there is what?
Well, like this.
No.
But fast, man. I already remembered. I remember now! What? No, no, forgive me. That I saw you, mom? But I was also you, asshole! Cheers!
Do you know your Gassi?
The one in the back, no. No, we respect each other a lot. No, it's just that, let's see.
It was a pool.
A pool?
A pool, yes.
It was a pool party. It was a pool party. And then I was like, oh, it's creepy. And we were all like, oh, oh. But every time someone came out, I would turn around because I was like, ugh. And then I would also be like, hee, and like that. Uh-huh, I mean, I don't remember seeing it. I don't remember either.
Me neither.
No.
No.
No, no, no. They'll see to get that in a day Papa As he could move or die more in a
Couple the Papa
As he could move or die more in a He Papa Papa Can get a master to a Papa I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know. You once taught us a TC And? Well, no, I mean, I did it like this Like this, like ahhh But I don't know why, dude, lately I've been teaching a lot of shit I don't know why, like I'm getting...
No, stop
It's just that, dude, like no one sees me anymore So I'm like, like, dude, I'm like, like, like, like Desperate, you're desperate As persons who are only fans, wey, eh... It's a job. It's not a job! It's a whorehouse! I'm subscribed to like 17 people. I don't give a shit, but you're a whorehouse. You see the panache, you see everything, wey. Soon you'll get a message saying
if someone tells you, I'm going to give you 10,000 dollars, you're going to end up taking it. Well, what a dick! and I helped him and then I found out that he had already crossed the United States and he has always thanked me and so I visit him when I go to Las Vegas. And when was the last time you saw him?
A little while ago.
Yes?
When I went to see him.
And he still picks you up?
Yes, he still does.
Oh. But that's already a relationship. What a stomach. What a guy's stomach. That he can still pick you up. I'm going to tell you. I'm going to tell you. I'm going to tell you. I'm going to tell you.
I'm going to tell you. I'm going to tell you. I'm going to tell you. I'm going to tell you. ¿La contaron qué? ¿Tú y Dani? No, la contamos, acuérdate, creo que en... ¿En dónde? En... La Cotorrisa. Ah, en La Cotorrisa. Ah, pues es ese, ese mismo chavo.
Es ese mismo chavo que ayudó a constar. Le mandamos un beso, está viviendo una vida muy feliz en los Estados Unidos y qué padre. Ay, qué padre. I'm going to eat mine without ketchup, mustard and mayonnaise. With what? There's no sauce. I thought it had sauce. Like tomato sauce and that? Yeah, a little bit of chicken.
A little bit of chicken.
This is a snack. You want to kill your hunger. You know? This is a snack. Give me this. No, Jota.
I'm going to kill my hunger for four days. I put three and with a platter like this, of course, the plating is super important. Look, and like this, the chicken peck
that we already made.
Oh, look how delicious.
You're screwing it up.
Look how beautiful. And there it is. No way. No, that's not how it is. I don't authorize it. No autorizo. Y ahorita vamos a ver cĂłmo queda aquel. Pues es que nada más es asĂ. Ay mira, lo hubiera hecho asĂ. Eso sĂ, quiero...
Avisar a Masterchef. Avisar a Masterchef que a mà no me importa el emplatado. ¿Para qué? Para que la pinche mamona de... Para que la pinche mamona de Saji nada más llegue asà con un tenedor y... Lo haga cagadero. It's called Mi Platillo and you're going to present it and everything. Ok. Oh, I'm a chef. I'm going to add a lot of mustard and I don't like it too much.
And I'm going to add cream. Ah, cream. Let's see, add the cream. There's no cream.
Let's see.
No, yes, I have.
But I have a little bit, a little bit. No, it's just a little bit. To kill the hunger you said. Let's see. But we're just going to put it like this. Inga, your fucking mother. It was like this with this one, look.
Behind, behind, behind, behind, behind.
Oh, how pretty, medium, and large. Small? Small. We're out of it. It smells like mustard, right? Oh, man! Do this! Raise your arm! Smell, you son of a bitch!
It smells like mustard, right?
Oh, I can't believe you! Oh, no! It's not true! It's not true!
Give me a little!
No!
Please! How?
For the content!
What?
Like this! No! Please, just a little! No, por favor. Por contenido. Por favor, poquito.
No, no mames.
No mames. Poquito, Joto. Lo vas a vomitarme aquĂ, no mames. No, por eso, hazte para allá. No, no mames.
No, ya no.
Ya no. Por que te da asco, es mostaza. Por eso. Pero puedes hacer muchos aderezos con esto y asĂ salsas y deliciosos. Yeah, you know, but I'm gonna ask who's most awesome What's poor so but we'll just have much sadder says connected to the status of the idea I got a C. Sabres de cocina pendeja siempre sabido cocina. No, it's gonna be sepia. No, but I could do it. Yes, todo Hola chefs, please. They will present our last restores. Oh, no, so she tacos con pico de gallo y crema I'm going to put them in the oven. The three towers? Really? Yes, I put them like little towers. How ridiculous.
Let's see you. Hola, chefs. Hola, chefs. Hola, chefs. I'm sure you have to come up to me and say, Hola, chefs. Today I'm going to show you a typical snack.
Here in Mexico City, they made it more like food. Why? Because it's the hungry dead account With a sausage without ceviche, blah blah blah That's not food Ehh, it's a...
Sausage...
Wrapped No, better shit What do you mean shit?
Jota, four horas para salchicha envuelta. Salchicha envuelta.
O sea, ya sabemos que es una salchicha envuelta, pendejo, pero ponle un nombre.
Toma dos, toma dos.
Toma dos.
Hola hijos de su puta madre, vuelvo otra vez aquĂ. Vuelvo otra vez a decirles mi estĂşpido platillo. El dĂa de hoy se llama
Yeah, yeah, I get no no no the Cito de Ciro say yama a salty
Pregunta porque porque porque en Corea No porque son taco de salchicha ta salchicha No, because it's a taco of sausage. Ta-salchi. We never saw it coming. You saw it coming, right?
Of course.
Why?
Because it's very obvious, asshole. Ta-salchi? Yes, well, it's more like you say, salchi... taco. present our Salsitacos as a team. And you do a dance. Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh. And that's it. Now we're going to try it.
Jota! I put my whole hand in.
I put my whole hand in. I didn't understand at first. I thought, he's gone crazy again. Oh, but I checked it, and it's true, we put cheese in it, and this doesn't have cheese, but whatever. How much cheese did you put in it?
Well, it's there.
Oh, it doesn't have cheese? No, but it's just to make it more tasty. Oh, so this is your recipe.
Gourmet.
Globa. Let's see, I'm going to make it more... This would cost more. 50 pesos, gĂĽey, que rico. 50 pesos? Oh no. Well, I knew it was going to be good.
Tortilla, cheese, sausage.
And it's not funny. It's not funny to me.
What? Let's see. Oh, no way. It's fucking wow.
Wow.
What did you expect me to do? This is what you deserve. A fucking Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.
Wow. Wow. Wow.
Wow. Wow's good. Mmm. What do you imagine it tastes like? That's what you imagine?
That's what it tastes like.
So what? You have to know that, man, I didn't know they put a candy in it. No, but... You know, there's an explosion of flavors. No, but then if he's made me some really good stuff, that makes me say, oh, try this, because there's no time. Because this punyeta invited me. Right now we're going to...
To the moon.
You didn't fill me up, you dumbass. No, beautiful. What about me? You didn't fill up the moon. I'm going to show up at a fucking place with 500 people that you couldn't fill up.
With four.
There's only four.
How many people are there?
Four.
More than 200? Cuatro. Van más de 200? Cuatro.
No me voy a presentar si van 200.
Van más de 200. Van 400.
52.
Qué bajo.
Para que vean que este pendejo de que, ay no yo sĂ lleno, sĂ lleno, sĂ lleno, no llena, no llena, no llena, no ll because I'm already burned. You're a little crazy. Oh, don't eat it. Let the others go. You don't want it?
Let the others go.
Respect. And now? Does anyone want to come and try this? What do you think it tastes like?
Sausage.
With tortilla and cheese. Go to hell. It should be like this. But like this, still... tortilla y queso. Váyanse mucho a la verga. Es que asĂ debe de ser. Pero asĂ todavĂa... No, no, no, porque este... Mira, mira que bonito me encurge. Mira.
Mmm.
Guácala.
Guácala que rico. Salud. Muchas gracias por venir. Gracias por invitarme bien tarde, pendeja. Yo te amo más. Asà es esta. Asà da amor ella. I love you more. That's how it is. That's how Moreya is. First she attacks and then she says I love you.
But she's my favorite person. You're my favorite person.
I don't know the song.
That's good.
That's how I want her to grab me when we go up to the weekend.
Dude, that's horrible.
This bitch gets really strong, but that's how it is. It's a heart. She cries and gets sad. Wey, que horror. Esta pendeja se hace muy la fuerte y asĂ, pero es asĂ, es un corazoncito. Llora y se pone triste, es super, o sea... Pero obviamente no le voy a mostrar eso a la gente, que a la gente que... ¡MuĂ©strales un poquito!
No, que verga, no.
Está bien tambiĂ©n mostrarle lo otro lado de Yair, que no conocen, no nada. Nos somos amigos. Ellas creen que sĂ. No, pues están pendejas. Ellas creen que sĂ.
Ellas te quieren mucho, Jair.
¿Cómo es? Pues yo también las quiero, porque te trago de ellas. ¿Tú crees que no las voy a querer? Claro, o sea, güey, gracias a mi público. Gracias, los amo, porque sin ustedes no puedo tragar. Pero no nos conocemos. When you go out, ask for a picture and he'll tell you. Oh yeah! And he'll tell you. And I go, you idiot!
Like that.
Because they're the same too.
Yeah.
Then he kisses me, he calls me an idiot. And that's how we get along. They always call us fat in real life. Oh, they always tell me, you're not that fat, thanks. But he says, you're not that... Well, you're not that... I can't Get a kiosk because the rat was a machine gun do I
Have a little bit of a free bus to a bus and then they will go out of the refrigerator But we'll go out of the refrigerator don't let me look at the middle guard a step in the house Contra pero a y esta por ahĂ estaba yo trago yo puedo tragar yo puedo tomar yo puedo hacer todo si estuviera no se En pico de mente no tragarĂa absolutamente nada porque esta pendejita con los de lo puso I'm gonna start doing everything. If I was innocent, I wouldn't eat anything. Because this little bitch, when she put it on, she vomited. She couldn't drink, she couldn't smoke, she couldn't do anything. Why? Because she wanted to be skinny.
You're not going to be skinny, you're always going to be fat and ugly. And dark-skinned. Yes, yes, I still want to play with you. When are you going to show like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, because the next one is Soul Stars. No, there's a lot more, that's until the fifth. Ah, I get it. If it's true, I don't know how to count. Three, four, the next one, and the fifth one is Soul Stars. And you're going to get in again and you're going to get disqualified.
But now I'm going to go to hell, but mentally, asshole. You wouldn't get in? No, man, what a fucking human being. Why? I'm not saying it's bad, but you're doing it wrong. But I love her too. But she cried a lot. And also because of the people that are saying it on Twitter. But you saw it. That's why they kicked her out. And now this season is boring.
And now you're in the farm. Why didn't you go in there if you have a body?
Of a cow?
And you're a cattle farmer. You should have gone to take care of you, it would have gone to take care of you, but the one that is going to enter is the other one, you can say no Oh, yes, I'm going to enter you and now my love is going to go to Pepe and Teo at the same time Now if they are going to reach 100,000 subscribers This plate is going to come back to them for the second time! That's great, because I don't have it. No, you have it.
I'm just kidding.
Oh, beautiful.
You can take it off, because it's going to get worse.
It's true. I hope you support him too much. I feel like he's going to... I don't feel anything anymore. Tell the truth. I don't feel anything in my...
What? It stings in my ass because I don't feel my heart. Straight to the point. What did I say? You said it perfectly. He would love to get his ass kicked because nobody. No, no. What did I say about Teo? No, that the farm is going to do better.
It's going to do much better. I feel like Teo is going to do well. Why? Because when people hear that, they're going to say, what a horror, another J Another Joto like this one. So he's already lost. He's already lost, you know?
With a little bit of luck, with a joke... in time, he's done. And he won. And he won, Jotaro. And everything. He won, he won, he won.
And he...
Sing it again.
And he didn't get this one and they made a clip. Jair was right or Jair was wrong. I'm a ha ha I Don't know What I'm gonna do I'm gonna I I
I I I And he complained. You said, because I wanted to go up, I wanted to go up. Oh yeah. Remember? In the after I told him, what a jerk, what an asshole, because I wanted to go up. I wanted to say things. To throw shit at you. I wanted to.
And he told me, no, no, no, why not?
Why not?
I had already suffered a lot, you went up the stairs with me to the National Auditorium, love. No, because I don't have the skills to do that. Those comedians were very bad, and if one of them made a joke, people would say, Oh, how cool, Bea did nothing.
I love you, Bea.
I'm going to have it here, I just have to put it like a... Like the ones from... Like the ones from La Belito. Well, now, bye. Be very well, subscribe, and see you next Thursday. I love you a Rico. I like it. It's the play I It's the play walk
Jiko walk a like a Jiko It's the way walk. I can't eat. Oh, yeah, I'm keenest Baguette Jiko Jiko Jiko, but the way you start a straddle a key cotorrea. What's up, motherfuckers? Welcome to this new episode of Guacka Laque Chico!
Today I'm very happy, very happy. We're... We took off the blankets. We don't have any long or short blankets. We took the blankets off. We're going to eat on the fucking floor
because that guest has to eat on the floor.
Oh, what?
He's a great friend of mine. He's a great comedian. He's a MasterChef winner, he's hot, he did really well in the house of the famous, and now you know what the hell I do to you. I'll help you because you're a stupid...
I was just going to tell you that I don't know how to light this. You're still using charcoal. How do you turn it off?
And firewood.
Here you turn it off, here you light it. That's it, but who do you think will die first?
You're dead in life
No, you did suck it, remember No!
Well
I would have vomited right there No, my love, you stole it That's not true, she's saying bullsh** We're sisters, she's crazy and that's her dream She pulls it thinking it's a three-shot. I wouldn't have let it go. I would've dropped it.
We're sisters. I would've bitten it just to... Oh no! Oh no!
Cheers.
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