Estuve 9 Veces Muerta: Las Experiencias Cercanas a la Muerte de Jennifer Vasquez

You were in a coma for 8 years, but you were absolutely aware of everything that was happening around you.

Correct.

I mean, as if right now we closed our eyes and without being able to move, we listened, we smelled.

My mom kept treating me exactly the same. I mean, she would come and tell me her day, tell me what was happening in the family.

Ah.

So that kept me like, I'm not that bad. If my mom thinks I'm here...

Because your mom was absolutely convinced that you were listening, that you were still there, perfectly.

Finally, they realized I was here. Because before, when they insisted, they insisted on my mom disconnecting me. I was like, oh my God, she doesn't listen to us. I didn't want her to hear us, I wanted to give her strength. I started to feel satisfied imagining the food. I started to feel tired imagining going out to jog.

And that's how my life started to be imaginary. We started to communicate with the heart rate. Nobody believed her. We started to... you mean with the nurse? With the nurse.

Only? Only. A doctor came to me and said, with the heart rate. No one believed her. We started to refer to the nurse only.

A doctor came to me and said, why do you have her like that? She was a new person, why don't you practice? And I said, finally, someone agrees with me.

Did you have experiences close to death?

Yes, of course. They were all more or less different.

What explanation did they give you from the science side so that after 8 years in a coma, you suddenly start to recover? There is no explanation, Teika. Sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to let you know that this podcast lasts more than an hour and every minute that passes, the money is losing value. And what can you do to prevent this from happening? Open an account in N26. N26 is a digital bank that allows you to manage your money, save and invest from a single app. It has a savings account where your money grows without having to do absolutely anything, Visum, joint accounts and everything you need on a daily basis. It is also the best travel account, not only because you can pay in any currency,

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Very well, Pedro, thank you very much. Thank you for the invitation.

It's a pleasure. I'd like to give a little context to the audience about how this podcast works because Fran comes to me one day and says, Pedro, I just heard a truly impressive story, he summed it up in two lines, directly, and knowing what I know now, which is very little, I find it incredible that you can be here today, telling us what you are going to tell us, that we will go into detail,

and the only thing he told me is, well, there is a small detail that we would have to bring her and her mom from Bogotá. So they come from there to share this story with us and we can't wait to hear it.

Thank you very much, we're at your disposal to share a part of the story. First time in Madrid? Yes, first time.

Do you like it?

I love it.

And your mom too? ¿Es tu primera vez en Madrid? Sí, primera vez. ¿Te gusta? Me encanta. ¿Y tu mamá también? Qué bueno, qué bueno. Pues Jennifer, hasta donde yo sé, ¿vale? De lo poquito que sé, estuviste ocho años en coma, pero siendo absolutamente consciente de todo lo que pasaba a tu alrededor.

Correcto.

Es decir, como si ahora mismo cerráramos los ojos y sin poder movernos escucháramos, We would close our eyes and without being able to move, we would listen, smell, even see if our eyes opened, right?

Correct. Tell us a little about the background, what starts to happen, why do you end up in that situation, in a coma? Is it something sudden, is it an accident, is it a condition that is little by little. How does this happen? Well, it was something sudden. I was 18 when it all started. It was from one day to the next. I mean, I was feeling like some punctures. It's like something was pinching my toes and my fingers like three months before a weakness was manifested. Yes? How ambiguous was what I was feeling?

I mean, I told the doctor how I felt some punctures in my hands and feet. And up to there, how it was, but the detail did not enter. We are talking about 2006, March 2006, more or less.

I was working, I 2006 more or less.

I was working, I was at the university, and one day, a Monday, I started to feel very tired trying to bathe my head, my arms were heavy, I left home very early to work, and when I went to take the transport, the impulse you do when you get on the bus, I couldn't do this impulse, I felt very tired, but I related it because I had a pretty busy life. That same day when I got to the office, when I tried to open the sheet,

doing this movement took me about an hour or two trying to open the door. movimiento me costó. Duré más o menos una hora, dos horas intentando abrir la puerta. Y cuando ya lo pude hacer, llegué y me senté y dije que, o sea, me estaba haciendo muchas preguntas. Yo estaba sola en la oficina y dije como, ¿qué me pasa? Siento que necesito dormir. Era como were very heavy. I called an aunt because my mom was working and I told her, I don't know what I have, but I want to go to the hospital urgently.

And she told me, better ask for a priority appointment. I had a lot of work. I called my boss and told him that I didn't know how to explain what I was feeling, because it was a fatigue combined with pain and hypersensitivity. I felt a lot of what I was taking. And he told me, well, go for an emergency and come back because I need you. There's a lot to do. And let's say that was the plan.

But I got a priority appointment at the doctor's when I got there I had to leave taking care of the walls slowly because the legs on my knees

felt like they were going to get weak and they were going to get worn out I was alone so I was taking care of the walls I took a taxi and sola entonces iba como con mucho cuidado tomada de las paredes tomé un taxi y allí bueno me metí al taxi pero al momento de salir del taxi me costó muchísimo trabajo

si o sea ya no podía hacer el impulso para ponerme de pie espontáneo sino que tenía que tomarme de algo y hacer fuerza pues para ponerme de pie el doctor que me ve ya ahí and to make strength to stand up. The doctor who sees me, my aunt was there, he looks at my reflexes, you know, with a hammer, and all the reflexes are gone. He said to me, possibly, at that moment he said it because he was a general doctor,

he said, it could be a Guillain-Barré, I, ignorant of the whole medical issue, he said, but it have to see a neurologist so we're talking about Monday, Tuesday I took the appointment with the neurologist and they gave it to me for Thursday of that same week

however, I went to the university, I was in midterms so I went, but when I tried to take the sphere I fell I rested a little and managed to regain my strength. So, if I'm being honest, I wasn't aware of what was happening to me. I was relating it as something superficial, like,

they're going to give me some medicine and that's it.

So, at that moment you didn't have excessive concern?

No, no, I didn't know how to worry.

I understand that you were pushing it to the limits of work, of accumulated fatigue.

Yes.

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And now, let's continue.

So, how long of this video, and now we continue. I went to the medical appointment at 3 in the afternoon. And the fatigue started in the morning. What happened before? I started to have a lot of sleep about 3 months ago. So, every time I touched the pillow, I would get a hiccup. So, I said, what will happen? But I didn't give it more importance, to be honest. And the doctor, well, he gave me this diagnosis, possibly, he was very responsible, because to give the diagnosis you need exams.

And the truth was that I rested a little and I came back and I was on impulse. I had pain, but it was a pain like when you go to the gym and the next day you don't do stretching and your eyes hurt. That was the pain I felt. I said, but why am I so tired? I was worried because I had a lot of work

and I had a lot of homework at the university. So that did make me worried, but what I was feeling, no. Very responsible on my part, yes, but I had never had anything medical. That is, I had never for it, but I had never had anything medical. I mean, I had never been hospitalized, I was not familiar with hospitals or going to medical appointments. I was always superbly healthy. When I go to the neurologist, he tells me,

especially because I was already walking, dragging my feet a little bit, I could feel that the walk was very weak, I was tired of talking too much. So the neurologist did send me back for emergencies. In emergencies in the hospital, they do some exams for me, which are an electromyography, a lumbar puncture,

and it actually matches a Guillain-Barre syndrome. What is this? Ah, well, distal, from proximal to distal, it is presented, that is, the strength is lost from the close to the arms, but it started with me from distal up, yes, that is, from the hands, from the feet, up. Okay. Yes. We are already talking about Sunday, I mean, it all started on Monday. On Sunday, they leave me hospitalized and when they sit me down, I go straight ahead,

I mean, I fall, I completely release my body. And there I was like, oh, how weird, yes? This is more... They start me, that same Sunday, I started treatment with a drug called monoglobulin which at first I had no idea what it was.

My dad took me as a prisoner, if I remember correctly, to see what Guillain-Barré was. At that time, we are talking about 2006. We didn't have cell phones like now, the internet was only in certain places, so he goes to investigate and he gives it to me in print, but I decide not to read it, why? Because I feel that the human being tends to be fatalistic.

So I said, I don't feel bad, but suddenly I'm going to read and I'm going to magnify symptoms, so I prefer to leave it as what is going to happen.

So you didn't want to inform yourself at that time.

No, really.

If you had had a GPT, you wouldn't have asked.

No, no, no. I prefer as the doctors told me. It was more viable as it was there, you know? Because, in addition, I didn't know the terminology. So, if they suddenly told me about a polyneuropathy, I wouldn't have any idea at that moment. So, more questions were going to arise. And I, in reality, out of ignorance,

related the disease as an open wound, what I'm telling you, completely null, in health issues.

What happens? That Sunday they start giving me the medicine I tell you completely null in health issues.

What happens? That Sunday they start to put the medicine on me and on Wednesday I'm already walking normally. Yes, I said it was fast, it was like a flu, it was like a stop. Yes, I did come with a lot of workload and the first day when I sat down at the desk, I went to type in the key and I couldn't, I said goodbye like I'm very tired, I would like to rest for a week. And I put the day in tasks, in everything I had. So I kind of related it like that. I said, how are you? It was a rest, I have to go slower, I have to do more exercise, I related it to more self-care. I left the clinic on Saturday because the schedule for the medication is 8 days.

I left on Saturday, normal. I started my life again, normal. I didn't go to work because when they pushed me very hard, I lost my balance. So public transportation with so much congestion, gave me a little scare. They gave me a month of incapacity. And I said, I'm going to take it.

At work, at the university, no, because I had to keep going. The month passes and I start to feel again the currents, fatigue. I go once in a while for emergencies. And they tell me, it's no es que estás somatizando. O sea, tu cuerpo quedó como con el reflejo de que estabas débil.

Entonces, eso con el tiempo se te pasa. Pero yo regreso a casa y me empiezo a caer de frente. Estaba de pie, me caía y no, it can't be that I want to fall. So we came back again, with more weakness, they hospitalized me, they started a new treatment, and they say it's a matter of time before I go home.

Guillain-Barre, in fact, does not behave like that. It was not normal that on the first occasion they gave me a drug and I recovered so fast.

So there were suspicions that it was Guillain-Barré, they say?

Yes.

But it wasn't just a suspicion because the behavior in your case was being different from the usual.

Correct. It was very different. But they related it as it was temporary. But they related it to time. Go home, it's time. There were some incidents, I had skin burns from a bad praxis, a defective electrostimulation equipment. So, this exacerbated the issue of sensitivity, because I was hypersensitive.

Plus the burns, I was already starting to feel very bad. My mom didn't let me go back home because my face started to lose strength. I was already talking slower, lower, as if it was very evident when I was tired. So mom, like, no, I'm going to leave her here because she needs to be watched. I lose my saliva secretion.

So my mom helped me with towels and the tone of my voice was much lower. They did some kind of maintenance with therapies. I mean, they mobilized me a little, I lost the diglutin, then they put me on a gastric probe to feed me and being on the floor in respiratory therapy they turn me and when turning the lungs that are oppressed and I make the

first respiratory failure so they have have to go to ICU. They intubate my mouth to support my breathing. I spent 15 days intubated with sedation. They do tracheostomy and gastroestomy. Tracheostomy to breathe and gastroestomy to feed me. And they wake wake up.

I mean, I'm already down with the sedation, I'm conscious, with the trachea, with the gastro, I feel much better because breathing involves a lot of strength of your body. So, as I was already supported by mechanical ventilation, I already felt better and I could move my face a little more.

A new treatment begins, called plasmapheresis, which is like a blood transfusion where they take your blood out, they replace the platelets. I don't know how professional I am describing it, but that's what I remember. And this helps me a lot. That is, at 8 days, I am much better. I regain strength in my upper limbs.

A little bit of walking. Slow, but I start walking while in the intensive care unit. Which surprises the doctors. Because we're talking about all this had been going on for two months.

I had had a manifestation of the disease, a recovery, again a relapse, they do treatment, my body responds, and so far everything is fine. They tell me that I can have intensive care output, but they do an exam for me, which is called a gas test, and they realize that my lungs are not doing well in the sweep,

and that there is a CO2 retention of carbon dioxide. They tell me, we have to leave you a few more days supported by mechanical ventilation, so that you do not retain that, also because that produces drowsiness, that is, a lot of sleep. I say, ok, that's normal. But they connect me to the fan and I start falling again, losing my strength.

They do psychological and psychiatric accompaniment because they assume or suspect that I was somatizing something and I was producing the weakness myself. But I had no problems. An 18-year-old girl studying, working, a very quiet life, I was not experiencing any weakness. But I had no problems. I was a 18 year old girl, studying and working,

living a very peaceful life, doing everything normal. So, I agreed to do the process, but it was not evident. Nothing, except that it was giving me a hard time.

I mean, it was costing me to be exposed. And in the whole issue of personal care, to people I didn't know, helping them with the bathroom issue. Yes, that was confronting me,

but it wasn't stopping me. I wasn't going to produce that disease on purpose.

One question. At this point, what was your level of concern with the situation?

I was already scared. You know, because in an ICU, in an intensive care unit, it is not allowed to accompany family members 24-7. Although they made certain exceptions with me, I was afraid of being alone at night. So, more than the illness, it was the environment.

And you, being somatized and so on, I guess it didn't sound good to you, right?

No, I always considered myself very strong mentally. I said, if there is a situation, I will face it. I don't think I would encapsulate myself in that, although I didn't rule out the psychological part, because you can fool yourself. So I said, OK, if they have to help me,

I will do it, I will let them help me. But it didn't feel anything either. I was more worried because I was afraid of the place where I was. That did make me afraid, and when it starts...

Fear in what sense? Of your safety?

What happens is that there comes a time when the paralysis, yes, the paralysis or the lack of strength, started to rise and my face started to look affected so I couldn't speak anymore. Yes, it was only with the eyes. This was very fast.

We are talking about that it started in March, January, February, March, April, May. My face started in June. I was getting red, I was very tired in the same position and it was very tedious to transmit how I wanted to be accommodated or that I was in pain.

That was taking me to fear. My brother started at the beginning the communication as a blink of one blink is yes, two is no. So, I would see myself red, I would see myself crying, I would say, calm down, tell me, do I make you comfortable? Then, one blink.

So, that was at the beginning.

At the very beginning. To do a… well, the lack of experience, you can't imagine this kind of situation. That's why at the beginning we did it only with yes and no. So, yes, it was a blink, no, it was two. But it took us a long time and it was very difficult to be precise. For example, my foot hurts. So, he started, does it hurt? Yes.

From the waist up, from the waist down, yes, like hitting it. And he makes me a sign with the alphabet and says, better describe me or sign what you feel. me So when he looked at me, he didn't see what letter I wanted to point out. He said, no, I'll tell you. So he started telling me the alphabet. And I moved my eyes, the blinking, to the letter I needed. He arrived the next day and the blinking was gone.

I mean, I can't blink anymore, it was just the eye movement. Since the movement was so reduced, what he does is that he sits at the feet of the bed, solamente el movimiento ocular como era tan reducido el movimiento el lo que hace es que se hace a los pies de la cama apaga las luces de las que hay en el cubiculo donde yo estaba y con el reflejo de la luz del stand de enfermería

que estaba atrás de el ve el reflejo en mi ojo y ahí sabe que es un sí no era silencio o sea, quieta

y el sí y el sí I put the reflex in my eye and there you know it's a yes.

No was silence, that is, stillness. And the yes was a movement. And so it starts with the alphabet, but the movement was getting smaller and smaller. For this time, there were several respiratory failures. It is known that due to the lack of oxygen in your brain, damages are generated and the person can have some brain damage.

So, as it was not evident my state of consciousness, because my eyes began to remain still, my eyelids remained still, physically I had no movement, it is considered that there was some lack of consciousness. But what happens?

The night staff is in charge of making plates, of taking Thorax, all this. And two guys come up, they're going to take a plate from me and one of them says, I'd rather be dead than like her. It sounds hard, but for me it was a great tool,

because the next day, with the eye and the alphabet, I tell my brother that last night they said they'd rather be dead than like me. This is communicated to the director of the clinic, of the ICU, and he consults with the people on duty at night, and they say yes. Then they confirm that my state of consciousness is real.

They put a sign on me, like I am Jennifer, I see, I hear, I feel, and they try to be a little more careful with me. I don't see it as bad. What the guys did was a tool for me to confirm the state of consciousness. However, looking in the eyes

was much more tedious for me. So one day my brother came, in fact it was for his birthday, and as happy birthday, I had him there, I tried to be very aware of the dates, and I told him, but it's taking me a lot to move my eye.

I'm telling you all this with the alphabet. It's taking me a lot, but don't leave me alone, I'm just as aware. The next day... So you were communicating little bit communicating that, hey, I'm still as conscious, but I'm already losing the ability to

continue communicating. Correct. So I was already very afraid. You felt like all the doors were closing to your communication with the world. Yes, and also that the change, the treatment changes when the diagnosis of the patient depends. It's sad, but it's very real. And it's that when you see that a person is aware and can interact with you, the treatment is different from when it is is a patient who seems to be absent. So medically, that gave me a lot of fear, that they would think I was not there and things would happen that were not right.

That's what I was afraid of. It it was panic. But panic that you couldn't manifest in any way.

It was panic inside a jar that has no way out.

Correct. So it overwhelmed me because you are afraid and you do something, right? There it was just feeling it. And the next day, my brother arrived. In the morning, well, there was a change of position. The fan disconnects. And I have a respiratory arrest because it is not evident that it had disconnected. And I was unconscious that day. no se evidencia que se había desconectado y quedo inconsciente ese día en la noche

cuando me despierto está mi mamá mi familia llorando porque les había dicho que pues había sido un paro de más de media hora entonces que se había producido un daño cerebral bastante fuerte pero yo estaba consciente o sea yo me desperté si en la noche no sé I was awake at night, I don't know what happened during the day, but I said, what happened? What's up? I'm here, why are they saying I'm going to die if I'm fine? I woke up with courage, but why are they saying that? Why are they sad? You didn't see anything there.

I saw, but it was blurry, my eyes were open, between open. So they weren't completely closed or completely open, I could see like a translucent window, something like that. And since it didn't blink, my eyes were drying up, so it looked like there was smoke, a lot of smoke. It wasn't that clear.

But...

And a question. When you felt a lot of pressure, for example, if you started crying inside, if we put it like that, did your body also manifest and cry?

Yes, in fact, that night, what happened, the last stop, which was long, my mom was on this side, que pasó lo del último paro que fue largo, mi mamá estaba a este lado y una prima. Y mi prima le dijo, tía tranquila porque la niña te está escuchando, se nota que está llorando. Y mi mamá me miró y dijo, sí, está llorando. Entonces sí se evidenciaba y yo me ponía roja, pero físicamente no había ningún movimiento, solamente como red, but physically there was no movement, just like turning a little more reddish. And when they realized that, I said, well, even if it's crying, they realize I'm here. However, that was only believed by my mother and my cousin at the time, because there were

physical details, such as my pupils my pupils were anisochoric, that is, one completely dilated and one contracted, and from what I understand, that is a sign of a vegetative state, of a brain death. They did encephalograms, other tests, but what I remember is that the results were very ambiguous.

That's why medically it was believed that he was in a vegetative state.

But when you remember that the results were ambiguous, we are talking about a situation in which you are in a coma and you are listening to how the results are interpreted about your situation in front of you.

Correct.

And that those results can be the doctors by your side saying no, he's in a vegetative state, he has a brain death and you inside understand that in desperation, without being able to transmit anything to the outside, shouting that no, that I'm here, that I'm listening and that I even see in a translucent way.

Correct. Wow. It was... You know, sometimes I thought, I was in a translucent way. Correct. You know, sometimes I thought, I was in a trance, and I want to believe

that I'm fine, and I'm not fine, mentally speaking. There were doctors who came and opened my eyes and did a kind of

massage, as if they were going to send me their hand to see if there was any reaction. But there was not, not because I was not being conscious, but because I had no way of responding. There were painful stimuli, medically,

as they are allowed, like pinching, yes, in certain parts that are more sensitive. And there was no answer, but not because I didn't feel it.

Did you feel pain, even a pinch?

Yes, yes. I lost my perception during that time, which means that I was not conscious. Not conscious, I couldn't identify the position of my feet. I knew that they were both stretched. identificar la posición de mis pies. Yo sabía que estaban los dos estirados, sabía que me dolía porque estaba mal posicionado, pero no podía identificar si era que estaba torcido hacia un lado, torcido hacia el otro. Me dolía por mal posicionamiento, pero no lograba identificar.

Después entendí que era propia excepción, era lo what I had lost. They took me by the arm, with a very cold hand, and they let me go. I stayed one or two days with the feeling of concentrated cold. And it was very strange, but I kept feeling a lot. I felt like my skin was burned, I had a burning sensation.

This seems to me to be such a particular situation that I have a million questions to ask you, but for example, the issue of sleep, I understand that within being in a coma you would have your sleep routine also...

Look, something happened there, and it is that I always slept with my mouth down. I mean, normal, before I got sick. Being in ICU, in intensive care, with my mouth up, they couldn't turn me around. And they made me feel like it was good for them. So, making up for sleep was super difficult.

At first, they supported me with sleeping pills, Reconciliar el sueño fue super difícil. Me apoyaron al principio con medicamentos para dormir, pero cuando se cree que hice un daño cerebral, me retiran los medicamentos que me apoyaban en el sueño. Entonces me costaba bastante dormir, además porque me daba miedo la noche, en otro lugar que no fuera mi casa.

Siempre me pasó eso, entonces tenía miedo de que pasara algo así como de susto, ¿sí? I always had that, so I was afraid that something scary would happen. A spirit, things like that. They gave me a lot of fear. So I didn't sleep because something would happen to me. Then I started to take it with more grace. I said, well, if something scares me, I'll call the doctor or something because I need help. I tried to get along.

But did you sleep 8 or 10 hours a day?

No, at night I couldn't sleep. During the day I slept when my mom came and put a mask on me. Because my mom kept treating me exactly the same. She came and told me her day, what was going on in the family. So that kept me like, I'm not that bad. If my mom thinks I'm here...

Because your mother was absolutely convinced that you were listening, that you were still there perfectly.

Yes, my mom always... At first it took her a while because she's nervous. And what you see in a music with health issues, it kind of impacts. So when I was at the beginning, in an intensive care unit, I said like nervosa y lo que se ve en UCI con temas de salud como que impacta. Entonces cuando yo estaba al principio en unidad de cuidados intensivos dije como, uy no va a ser tan fácil charlar con mi mami todos los días porque a ella le dan nervios al principio. Pero ya después fue como quien estuvo acompañándome todo el tiempo. Mi papá iba, pero pues claro el cambiar el diagnóstico es más confrontante para él my dad was going, but of course, changing the diagnosis

is more confronting for him and for my brother. Who stays every day is my mom, because they also had their occupations. My brother was working, studying. So who stays all the time is my mom. And besides, she didn't seem to be affected by the diagnosis or the condition.

I mean, she didn't come to cry next to me. No, she came to tell me how life was going, what was going on, who had sent me greetings, who asked about me. So she was very normal.

And that would be very valuable for you, I understand.

Of course, because I didn't feel sick. I felt like I was on standby, but my mom was still normal, so I was still normal. And while she was coming, I would spend all the time chatting with her. I talked a lot, I always talked a lot, and in that condition she was no exception. So she had a lot of conversations with me, she prayed a lot, he didn't know much about God. He had him as a fire god, without wanting to be rude.

That is, only in moments of anguish. And during that process, I asked him to make the hours for me as seconds. Because I knew, I don't know why, but inside me I had the conviction that this was going to happen.

Okay, but being at that point where you have so many hours for yourself, how do you remember it? Boredom, sustained anguish? I understand that anguish reaches a point where it ends and you start to find ways to get used to it and to make a series of mental journeys and schemes to... because yes, because the human being, in the end, adapts to what he has, right? How do you remember that? A lot of boredom? That in so many hours

isolated in your own head, inside your shell, right? At that moment, what did you do with

your time? I didn't get bored, you know? You didn't get bored? No, I didn't get bored. I started reviewing things I was seeing at the university, I was learning English, so I tried to review the classes. If someone heard that someone went to see a movie, I imagined going to the movies. At first I didn't get bored. Well, in fact, in general I was not bored.

I was very scared. I was very scared when I spent a lot of time in the same position. Because, let's say, they left me half-naked and I was very thin. I was extremely thin and the bone prominence was very high. So when they left me in the same position for more than half an hour, that was overwhelming.

There were days when I was in the same position all day. Because they saw me and there was no need to change it, they continued. But it is very painful to be on one side when you do not control the weight of your body. That did give me a lot of fear. dolorosísimo estar de medio lado cuando tú no controlas el peso de tu cuerpo. Eso sí me daba mucho temor. Angustia. Porque lograba como desestabilizarme, como con ganas de llorar, como de girarme. Ahí sí se veía, porque me ponía roja, mis signos se alteraban. Y ahí sí como que decían, ay, ¿quién sabe qué le pasa?

La giramos para el otro lado. Entonces, mientras tanto, me imaginaba haciendo muchas cosas. Entonces, como que se me... el tiempo, eso, fueron seis meses sin comunicación. Ninguna. Mi mamá firme no... digamos que cuando los médicos consultaban para el tema de la desconexión, por el diagnóstico, mi mami se oponía. They were asking for a disconnection, for a diagnosis. My mom was against it. She said, leave her there, she'll be fine in a moment.

So the doctors were debating with your mother if a disconnection was worth it.

Correct. But my mom stayed strong. She said, send her to another place because maintenance in intensive care maintenance is very expensive. But my mom was strong, like, let's hope, let's hope. They take me to an intermediate care unit and what I was telling you about being on the side, as I was getting upset, one of the helpers who was with me, realizes that I increased my heart rate a lot

when they put me on the side, because I was in anguish, it hurt, it was very painful. And she starts to suspect...

But did the heart rate increase because of the pain or because you wanted to send a signal?

Both.

Did you know how to handle your heart rate? I didn't know it was obvious. Or because you wanted to send a signal? Both.

So you knew how to handle your heart rate? I didn't know it was obvious. I felt it. Because in that condition you start to hear everything inside. But I didn't think it was going to get someone's attention. But she did feel it, because of the pain and because she wanted to get their attention. And when she sees it, she told me,

like, your heart rate is going up, because I just turned. She said, turn it up more. So I tried to turn it up more and in fact she saw it. She said, turn it up more if you want me to put your mouth up. So I turned it up more, she said, well, it's okay, I'm going to put it up. And she put me on the other side.

So, I put it up again, and she said, I was just doing a test. So, she identifies that I'm conscious. And she starts to support my blink, like I had my eyes open, she starts to support the closure,

and she opens me again. And that starts to clear up my vision a little bit because in the end what I needed was to lubricate There were many issues with the exposure of my eyes for example, they put patches on me to supposedly protect but my eyelid was retracted, that is, to close it, they had to force it. So she supported and started to go up and down.

And we started to communicate with the heart rate. Nobody believed her. We started, you mean, with the nurse? With the nurse, only.

So it wasn't with your mother or anyone else, just the nurse?

Yes, because in this place the schedules were more restricted. She tells my mom that I'm answering questions with the heart rate. It had been six months. My mom says, ok, but it's very broad to think that it's with the heart rate that we communicate. This assistant tells one of the doctors, he asks the question, he sees it, but he doesn't believe it.

My brother arrives in those days and the assistant tells him, we are communicating with the heart rate and with a small movement of the right eye, because she sees if it is done sideways, con un pequeño movimiento del ojo derecho, porque ella ve, si se hace de lado, ella percibe que yo trato de mover un poco, no el párpado, pero si el globo ocular,

y eso hace que las pestañas se muevan un poquito. Entonces, claro, cuando mi hermano escucha eso, dice, así nos comunicábamos antes, ¿sí? Entonces hace una prueba, se sienta a un lado, So, I do a test, I sit down next to the light in front of me, which reflects on my iris, and she asks me basic questions to confirm my state of consciousness.

So, is it daytime? I was quiet, no. Yes, it was some movement, even if it was minimal. She asks me if she is my mother, like to look at my state of consciousness. Once vez ratifica eso, me pregunta si recuerdo cómo nos comunicamos con el abecedario, le siento que sí y él empieza a decirme el abecedario y yo le

empiezo a decir yo no estoy en coma, nunca he estado en coma, yo veo, yo siento, yo escucho y pido cosas puntuales como pídele al auxiliar que no me eche agua I've never been in a coma. I see, I feel, I hear. And I ask for specific things, like asking the assistant not to splash water on my face, because I have my eyes half-open, they hurt a lot, not to touch my feet, because sometimes they gave me foot massages, but it was very painful. Like that, specific things. Because I'm afraid that the next day I wouldn't be able to communicate. So I say what hurts me, what hurts me.

And the next day my brother comes back to know a little more about what happened. But I was already in self-denial, that is, I no longer felt I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to say things, like, suddenly, negligence, because I said to my family, I can't do anything,

but they will worry, they will get angry, so I prefer to leave that reserved for me. And I start to communicate strictly what I need. Like, accommodate me, take me away, do me, yes?

All of them, well, at the beginning it was not so credible for the medical part so they came up with the way that someone, a head of the infirmary, went out and told me a secret and told me who to notify, without anyone knowing, so that they could confirm my state of consciousness. So, he passed, he told me the secret,

the diagnosis of vegetative state was changed to an enclosure syndrome, which is like a lock-down syndrome.

That's what it's called, being locked up inside yourself.

Inside my own body. This is very unusual, right? Yes, yes, the truth is that I have searched a little, but the information that is given about it is quite limited. It changes my quality of life. 100%.

Well, as far as possible. When you start being able to communicate. Yes.

I understand that the euphoria inside would be tremendous.

Yes, of course. I would say, finally, they realized I'm here. Because before, when they insisted, they insisted on my mom to disconnect me, I was inside like, my God, she doesn't listen to them anymore. Yes, don't listen to them, give them strength, motivation, that she has faith, like all these things.

So, despite the situation you were living, you had all the desire to live there.

Yes, I was 100% there. I felt like, if you want, you can. You know? That was my motivation.

And at no time do you ever think about saying, I'd rather take this off now, take my life off.

A long time later. Okay. At first, if you want, you can, every day, trying to have the best attitude, therapies, everything they offered.

One second, before we continue, to give us an idea, since you were left out, since that time when you communicated with the altar boy, with your brother, until everything ended, how much time did it take?

Everything ended... What do you mean? To be able to get out of bed. Does it all end? How long does it last? It all ends... What do you mean?

Being able to get out of bed 8 years 8 years, ok. And to understand, chronologically, how all this happens From the moment you feel, or apparently, except for your mother everyone thinks you're not there anymore desde que sientes o aparentemente menos tu madre, todo el mundo piensa que ya no estás ahí

hasta que empiezan a percibir esta pequeña señal en el ojo y te puedes comunicar de nuevo, ¿cuánto tiempo es incomunicada?

Seis meses.

Seis meses.

Seis meses incomunicada.

Me empiezo a comunicar.

O sea, todavía queda mucho por delante desde que te puedes comunicar.

Vale, vale, entiendo. En ese tiempo en el que me empiezo a comunicar, ya digamos que cambia todo, ¿sí? Y seguimos con toda la actitud, pero yo empiezo a desarrollar un pánico en la noche. O sea, me daba... aunque ya me podía comunicar, no había record remembered this, you know? I started to communicate, they took me home, but I started to have an incredible fear at night. How did they take you home?

Yes, they do a home hospitalization program. And the EPS, it's called the insurance in my country, takes all the devices that are needed, oxygen, fan, everything. And they do a 24-7 nurse accompaniment with a rehabilitation plan, all the therapies, the specialists, but being at home. Excellent, because for my mom it was less moving around,

I was at home, I don't know if I'm being very honest, I don't know why this fear of the night started so marked. I saw that it was getting dark and I started to get tachycardia. I was afraid of dying. Very strong things started to happen. I was panicking. And suddenly, at night, I had a lot of bad dreams. So I started to be afraid to sleep. Very crazy. But now that I remember it, I say,

why did you think that? Because I felt like that. But it was something that happened. The same thing in the day, with all the attitude. Five years go by, with all the attitude, thinking that if you want, you can, but five years went by and there was an event at my house,

a little robbery by one of the people who accompanied me to an auxiliary. And I confronted myself. I said, how am I taking my family with me? In what sense? How did that robbery happen? An auxiliary gave me something to sleep on, in nutrition, and started taking things from the house little by little.

And you were a witness?

I didn't realize it, then we realized it. One weekend my mom wasn't going to work and the helper who did this got upset and told her to go and she said no, but Jennifer doesn't wake up. How was the issue of waking me up? It was because my frequency changed. They covered my eyes with wet towels and gauze

to make it stronger and to keep my eyelids closed. And when I woke up, my heart rate increased. It should be noted that my unconscious never got used to the condition. So every time I woke up, it was like I had a nightmare. I mean, I thought was like a nightmare. I thought it was a dream, but when I heard the fan, I said,

okay, it's real, calm down.

Okay, so your subconscious never got used to the condition. And therefore, do you remember me? The other day we had some people here who spent a period of their lives as very addicted to drugs, okay? And they commented something that I understand that the shots go there, which is still on the same page, they said The monkey is something that chased us all day, the desire to be chasing consumption and feeling like a slug, feeling sunk and bad And when the drug has swept through your life and it has taken everything, it has taken everything at the economic level, at the level of social relations, at the level of the relationship with your family, of ambitions, of everything The only 5 seconds of happiness that we experienced in the day was when we woke up.

It was like 5 seconds in which you wake up and suddenly you realize the situation you're in. For you it was the opposite. The 5 seconds in which you... Not the opposite, but the same, right? As soon as you woke up,

you weren't aware that this was your normality, your life.

Correct. It was like, I had a nightmare and I listened to the fan and... it wasn't a nightmare. Yes? Okay, of course. So I tried to calm down. I had to get along with myself.

So, like, So I tried to calm down. I had to take it very well with me. So like, calm down Jennifer, everything will be fine. Today there is this person, we are at home, we are fine. Yes, calm down. This is going to happen, nothing happens. Yes, we are going to live today.

In eight years, the body never got used to that. no pasa nada, sí, vamos a vivir hoy. En ocho años nunca se acostumbró al cuerpo ese.

No.

El subconsciente.

Sí, el subconsciente era como que yo pensaba, como en la noche tenía pesadilla, como que las ganas era despertarme. Claro. Y cuando me despertaba, uy, qué pesadilla, ay, pero esta realidad todavía está, ¿sí? Como un poquito chocante. I was having a nightmare. Oh, but this reality is still there. Yes? Like a little shocking. When I was already doing all the programming for the day, the heart rate was rising and they already knew that they had to uncover my eyes. They helped me lubricate and we started the day.

Sorry to interrupt you here again. The mechanism to raise the heart rate, because I was thinking about it before, right? And I say, would I be able to raise the heart rate, because I was thinking about it before, and I say, I would be able to raise the heart rate right now if I tighten the muscles and cut the breathing, obviously I get to a point, but of course, I understand that your mechanism would not be that. No, but I imagined it. It was with the head, purely. It was mental.

Your own placebo effect. Yes, let Yes, I imagined myself running through the room. Like, hey, I'm here. But imagining it.

And I started to raise my voice. Because you couldn't do any kind of muscle strength, nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing, in fact, I think... And how was it? You arrived, of course, I can't imagine it, but you arrived to send the signal without an answer, or couldn't you even send the signal?

By that time, the signal was already... everything was mental, because I couldn't alter my breathing either. So it was definitely mental. So it became...

For example, I mean, I've ever stayed with my arm... I've slept like on top of my arm twice in my life and getting up and the whole arm hanging for 20 seconds. So I'm aware that I'm sending the signal to the arm

but the arm doesn't respond. Was that the feeling for you in the whole body or wasn't there even a signal as such? No, it was that feeling. ¿Esa era la sensación para ti en todo el cuerpo? ¿O ni siquiera había una señal como tal?

No, sí era esa sensación, porque yo sentía el cuerpo todo el tiempo como hormigueo.

Vale, pero sí había sensación del cuerpo.

Sí, del cuerpo sí. No tan específica, porque cuando ahorita que tú haces la comparación, claro, si uno tiene el brazo así, you want to do it with each finger. But when you do this, you feel like you're getting pinched. Like a tingling. That was all over the body, all the time.

And that hypersensitivity of tingling, of when your leg falls asleep, is very unpleasant.

It's extremely unpleasant. It becomes painful. We're electricity, right? So, like a short cable that sparks. That's how I perceived it. So, that's why when they took my foot or something, it was uncomfortable.

I wanted to take it off because I felt... Those sparks were painful. It was like short short circuit in the whole body. In fact, a therapist told me recently, he reads the electricity of the body to perform the treatment. He told me, I can't read you, you're in a short circuit, still.

It's very difficult for me because I guide myself through electricity. So I can only do certain things, I can't serve you like a normal person.

You have to use your imagination to speed up the heartbeats. Power is in your head.

It's wonderful because I was hungry, even though I was over-nutritioned, I wanted to eat a dessert, an ice cream, drink water. At first I was very frustrated, but then I started to imagine. So I would go to a certain place that I love, and I would order the dessert that I loved, and I would imagine what it tastes like, what texture it has, how it smells.

And I started to think about going to eat it. Well, I thought about waking up, going to shower. While they were showering me in bed, I imagined going to the bathroom, feeling the water, what temperature I wanted, how I would shower. Because it wasn't... Of course, they did everything with the greatest love, care, care. agua, que temperatura quería, cómo me bañaría yo, porque no era... claro, lo hacían todo con el mayor amor, el cariño, el cuidado, pero es diferente que te bañen a tu bañarse.

Entonces, como no me podían girar tan fácil, yo quería sentir el agua en la espalda, entonces me lo imaginaba, alistaba la ropa que me quería poner para ir a ese lugar, y invitaba a alguien, I would list out the clothes I wanted to wear to go to that place and I would invite someone, all mental. So sometimes I would take a car, sometimes I would walk, I would get to the places and I would eat, imagining what I was eating and tasting.

I had lost the sense of taste because they would for phonoodiology with lemon or things like that and I felt everything like iron. But I was lying. Because they asked me, do you feel the taste? I said yes, yes. I mean, I don't care if they don't feel it in their tongue, I imagine it and I remember it. The lemon tastes like this, in a certain way. So I forced myself to imagine it so deeply that I experienced it.

So I started to be satisfied imagining the food. I started to get tired imagining going out to jog. And that's how my imaginary life began. I love design, so while I was in bed I remodeled my house many times. I imagined it, I imagined clothing design, many things like that in my imagination. But when this event of that robbery happened in the house, I felt very sad because I said I am exposing the intimacy of my family.

And I started to break down. I started to say suddenly I did have to go, I had to die, and I clung to life. And it was not my time. In other words, it was no longer the purpose of staying here is to leave and I'm clinging to it. So I better understand it, I give up. And if five years have passed fighting with my mind that everything will be fine, now I'm going to do the opposite and I'm going to speak badly. I'm going to start saying that I want to die.

I'm going to start imagining how they bury me, how they take away all the devices from my body and how they make me the funeral. I started like this, fatalistic. But then I said, but why am I like this? If I'm fine, they're taking care of me, I don't have pain.

A chronic pain. Calm. Then I came back like this. I was between a good moment and another sad moment. And you owe this to all the robbery. Yes. Yes, because I felt...

I understand that in a moment like this, with so much time for you, the things that maybe later and right now could seem smaller or more insignificant to you, they make you big inside, right?

Everything makes me inside me. Of course. In fact, after these 5 years, I start to think that I'm going to cause myself a deterioration and die faster. But not with the desire to die,

but with the pain of being exposed to my family. Maybe I got stuck and it wasn't necessary. So I hear that euthanasia is legal in my country. With certain characteristics. There is one of my assistants who became a very, very good friend. And she became my hands. So everything I asked her, well, they were all my hands. auxiliaries que se convirtió en muy muy muy buena amiga y ella pasa a ser mis manos entonces

todo lo que yo le pedía bueno todas eran mis manos pero ella era algo en particular porque ella nunca me cuestionaba entonces si yo le decía ayúdame a investigar sobre la eutanasia pero porque pero no ella solamente lo hacía y me transmitía la información No, she only did it and transmitted the information to me. I was not so aware of the advancement of technology. I did not understand it, rather. So, since she is looking for euthanasia somewhere,

that's it. We analyzed it and I met the requirements. I met the requirements of being following a bad prognosis. I was in a bad condition for a long time. I was completely dependent on a person or a medication. I was conscious.

And I don't remember which one it was. The other one. Without a recovery prognosis. So, all of them, check. I said, ok. I'm going to ask for euthanasia.

I told my doctor, I'm going to ask for euthanasia. I told my doctor in the middle of the eyes, with a letter, my mom, my brother. They didn't want it and I was angry, yes, yes. I remember a lot that my brother told me, you can see it, because he was crying. You are saying it out of anger and that's not how decisions are made. But no one understands me, mom, no, calm down, but you are envious. I don't know if I'm going to be able to do it. I don't know if I'm going to be able to do it. I don't know if I'm going to be able to do it. I don't know if I'm going to be able to do it.

I don't know if I'm going to be able to do it. I don't know if I'm going to be able to do it. I don't know if I'm going to be able to do it. me I'm sorry. I was shown a movie where the protagonist is quadriplegic because of a bad blow he receives in boxing and she is a girl who tries to commit suicide by biting her tongue and I said, but I can't even bite my tongue.

But...

Sorry.

Don't worry.

Are you ok? Yes, I went the other way.

I hope my eyes get my glasses dirty. Don't worry, don't worry. Do you want more water?

Yes.

Yes, yes, take some.

Oh, I'm thirsty.

It's hot.

A little more. That's it. So, I was saying, I can't bite my tongue. Perfect. And the answer was no. But you were convinced that you wanted to die, that you wanted to practice euthanasia,

but your mother didn't let you, so you got angry with your mother without being able to manifest it because you were in a coma.

If I could communicate, I would manifest it. I mean, with the ABC. Sure, sure, sure. Okay, but before that anger, how did your mother respond? She followed me, we say, followed me, she told me, well, do you need anything else? Yes, because everything was with the ABC. I said, but they don't listen to me, I was frustrated.

Sure.

And that day I saw the movie, I said, I can't bite my tongue, I can't do anything to get rid of it. And the question was, do you want to die like that? And I said no. If I could only blink, assisted death would not be an option for me. Because what took me to the limit was the exposure of my eyes

and the fear that people would not believe that I was conscious. Because it was not everyone, it wasn't easy. My care wasn't easy. In fact, I take this opportunity to thank all the people who gave themselves to the task of understanding me with the alphabet. New friends, new assistants, because I understand my mom and my family

because they love me. But a third person, really's really for dedication and affection. So, I said, if one day I'm alone, my mom leaves, how can someone who doesn't know me believe that I'm conscious?

If the movement was very minimal, there wasn't even a blink, like, did she wake up or sleep? Not all the time, the eyes was very minimal. There wasn't even a blink. He woke up or fell asleep. The eyes were the same all the time. So that was my fear. And I said, okay.

I've always been a believer. So I would tell God, what do we do? My question was never why. No. I would say, what doqué hacemos? Yo hago caso.

Mi familia, mira, siempre hubo manos de ayuda. Médicamente no se escatimó en ningún momento. Es decir, si se decía, ¿este tratamiento le puede ayudar? Ese tratamiento me lo hacían. Nunca hubo como, ay, ¿qué tal esto? Le hubiera podido funcionar y no se hizo. No. Todo. I was like, I'm going to be a doctor. I'm going to be a doctor. I'm going to be a doctor. I'm going to be a doctor. I'm going to be a doctor. I'm going to be a doctor.

I'm going to be a doctor. and I was always saying to God, whatever is not yours, do not touch me. When I recovered, I mean, I kept talking in affirmative, when I recovered, that nothing or no one can be glorified, only you, yes? Only you, because there was a time when medicine says, we got here, then we started trying more things. And that's where I say to God. My desire is not to recover.

My desire is to understand what is happening and what we should learn from this. And three years pass in that struggle of if I want to die, no, I don't want to die like this. But what if suddenly they practice euthanasia on me?

No, I'm not going to say it because my family did a lot of things to keep me distracted or happy. And in the end, that was very valuable to me, so I also took it into account. But after three more years, well, two years old, more like. From a very volatile process of wanting to do it or not, a doctor came to me and said, why do you have her like this?

She was a new person. Why don't you do euthanasia? And I said, finally, someone is agreeing with me. So I felt like a support. For some people it's like, no, why did she say that? For me it was a help. me and she says that she's going to take care of the process my mom, in quotes, gives in, that is, she follows me

and we are going to do it, she talks to the medical team according to me, dates are being considered, we are talking about like October 2012 if I'm not wrong and I start like, ok like in October 2012 if I'm not wrong and I start like, ok

I'm going to die like this, yes? we're going to do it and I tell my mom to give away all the things my clothes, before the euthanasia is done so that later I'm not like with the pain

taking out the things and not let's do later I wouldn't be taking things out in pain. Let's do it together. Let's give this, this. How curious, because there were things that I said, no, I like that a lot, I don't want to give it away. So I was like, no, not that. But the rest, yes. general practitioner told me to think it over, to ask God for forgiveness, you're too young, he was a little frustrated, almost angry at the decision. But he kept it, he only expressed it to myself, but...

You respected it. Yes. And I, within everything I had tried, I had asked for help in writing a letter. And I said, a person who gives me peace, I'm going to ask them to give the letter to those people. My mom is discomfited, that is, ya se le nota la tristeza en su

trabajo y su jefe le dice como, ¿qué pasa? Mi mamá le cuenta todo lo que está sucediendo, que me van a desconectar y ella le dice como, ¿será que pueden ir a visitarla mis tías? Y ellas, mi mamá va y me pregunta, yo le dije pues, uno más, uno less, what more is there? I was already bored. And they went to visit me. I don't remember what they told me, they are women from the congregation,

but I had peace and I didn't feel that peace many years ago. So I ask that they give him the letter and they took them to the pastor of the congregation and he says, you don't know God. And when my mom comes home and tells me, I got angry.

I said, but I am intimate with him, only that right now he doesn't answer me. I was not angry with God at any time. It was like a questioning of why is this happening to me? So, what do we do? But he challenged me, practically. I, ¿qué hacemos? Pero él me desafió, prácticamente.

Yo lo tomé como un desafío. Sí, le dije, lo dije así en mi mente. Dije, este man no me conoce y me está diciendo que yo no conozco a Dios, que me lo presente. Sí, pero así, con esa actitud, solo que sin físicamente decirle. Y ellos piden como un permiso para ir cada ocho días a compartirme palabra. And they ask for permission to go every 8 days to share a word.

At first, those were my sleeping times, because I didn't get enough sleep. I spent up to 3 months sleeping 2 hours a day. So, the head is a machine. That's why I was in that degree of despair. But when they arrive, as it was not evident that I was asleep, they made their explanation and left. I confronted myself and said, Jennifer, you are a change and you do not pay attention. So I started to learn and I started to pray because I was alert when they arrived. I wanted to know what God wanted for me

because I thought I was going to die. So I said, okay, if I'm going to die, I want to know where I'm going to go. And I want to know the heart of that being with whom I'm going to meet. That is, the heart of the Father.

And I start not to force myself like a burden, but I do become more willing to know who God is. And the relationship starts to become closer and closer. And I start to experience the joy that surpasses all understanding, which is that even if the circumstances are bad, you are calm. I started to enjoy, look, my room, in my house, there is no direct sun, but there is a front, and there is a small reflection towards my room,

and at that time I gave it to the bedside table, and one day when they opened my eyes, I said, how nice, what did I stay? Yes, I mean, why do I want to die? For not being able to be outside doing a thousand things like everyone else. I'm calm. I began to identify the difference between the soul and the spirit.

And I began to identify that the spirit brought me joy, peace. That when I was passing through the waves, I could enjoy it. I started to value that my mom was with me, that I was not alone. I started to enjoy and thank that my body was whole. Despite being in bed for so long, life is not that bad. I can live with it.

I can live with it. I can live with it. I can live with it. I can live with it. I could communicate them. I started to appreciate that and I started to say, OK, life is not as bad as I was seeing it a few months ago. And I started to focus on knowing the heart of the Father. And I said, maybe I'm going to die, but I'm not going to be assisted.

And it's not going to be in sadness or emotion, like years ago my brother had told me, you are asking for it with anger and that's not how decisions are made. So that was in my mind. I said, OK, I'm going to be calm and I'm going to live today. And I'm going to speak well and I'm going to continue with the mental journey

that was imagining doing all the things. And there are changes, and in this process of knowledge God speaks a lot to life. He always tells me that he will accompany me, and I say, I don't want to. I didn't care about recovery anymore. I just wanted to be in peace. And it was what I already had.

I mean, that's it. For me it was... I think that's not achieved sometimes. There are many people who don't have any kind of health condition, but they don't have peace. Regardless of the condition I was in, I had it.

And I felt, not happy, because happiness is an emotion, I felt in a joy that exceeds all understanding. Here is an interesting topic that is linked, and it is in these moments in which you had

respiratory failures and others, did you have experiences close to death?

Yes, of course. All were more or less different.

But you could say that this is commonly called near-death experiences, this is a phenomenon that exists and you have experienced it yourself.

Correct. In what way? Let's say I wasn't aware at the time, I wasn't aware, but I reacted. But there were some helpers who told me, Jennifer, we thought you had gone, zero vital signs. So I said,

ok, what happened? The first one, I was completely unconscious, it was like sleeping, deep.

That was the first one, well, they gave me the resuscitation, I woke up with tracheal tube, with a gastrostomy probe. As the first phase of the whole process went by, there were a few times, and he described it as a feeling of falling into an abyss, as if you were in the middle of nowhere. But in the trance, I say that we were in trance, it was a horrible emptiness in the stomach, as if I were falling and I was trying to take myself somewhere, from something, and I couldn't stop. And it was a lot, a lot of anguish.

These were more or less like three of the seizures I had. It was horrible. And when they reanimated me, I felt like they were taking me out of a lake. I was sweating a lot, but I couldn't communicate there anymore. So I didn't have anyone to tell what I was experiencing. Because of those experiences, in principle, I was afraid of death.

Because I believed that death was that, being left in the middle of the night, and I was praying to God, and I was praying to God, and I was praying to God, and I was praying to God, and I was praying to God, and I was praying to God, and I was praying to God, and in my ignorance I started to pray and that made me stay in a stand-by, like asleep, without the feeling of falling,

without the feeling of an abyss. But there is an opportunity where I become unconscious, I immediately leave my body, it's not much time that I see myself, but I go to another plane, and there is a lot of light,

I can't say that everything was white, because it was actually a lot of light. I look down, there's all my family, the people I love. But what I felt was so full, that I didn't care, without being rude, but like, I mean, I love them, but I don't want to go back. This is what is called fullness. And I want this.

And at that moment, I remember it very latently, this was in 2006, but it's super clear. I remember that I look in the trance to the right side and a coin falls, it goes around a lot, and when it's lower,, I heard them say, I'm not there yet, and I'm awake.

They were encouraging me. One of the doctors said, what does a coin do? And he took it and I said, but I wasn't in a trance. And they encouraged me and I feel very sad at that moment

because I feel again what it is to be alive. But I have that memory, latent, super fresh, and now I know where I will be when I die.

And from those experiences close to death, what aspect would you describe as common among all of them, no matter how different they were?

Consciousness. In what sense? Knowing that something is different, but that you are in a trance. That you are not in flesh, but you are aware of what is happening. I don't know if I'm clear. With time, I started to ask God what was that feeling of abyss?

And it was nothing. It was dying without having fulfilled the purpose. And why was the other so different? Because your spiritual part was looking for a source, origin. And what is the real purpose? To return to Him, which is plenitude.

So I said, wow, there is a difference between dying without God and dying with Him. Because it's the origin. The other thing is nothing, And everything is by decision.

And what do you think changed in you so that you experienced it differently?

The desire to want to know it. Because they tell me a lot, before they told me a lot, you are blessed by God for many things. And I didn't like it when they told me is I don't like to identify myself like that. Then I understood that God doesn't have favorites. God responds to the passion with which He wants to be known. It's different. Not to the extent that you do.

It's not because of works that nobody glorifies. It's because of the inner desire to connect with your origin. To know where you come from, why you are here, and where you are going to return to. That was always very awake in me. When I was a girl, I remember that in the doctrine I grew up in, which is Catholicism, for me the most sublime thing was to be the first communion. Because, according to me, being very young, if I communicated, I was going to eat God and

I was going to have Him inside. I was going to feel Him close. Now I understand and I know that He is inside, not because I communicate, but because it is the desire and it is a revelation.

And by the way, Jennifer, before you continue telling me, taking advantage of the fact that we are in the Christmas season with the tree behind us, we found this under the tree. It's a gift for you, some headphones.

Oh, thank you very much.

From a brand that I have, that we have headphones and other things and those are super cool. They are the most pro version we have of headphones, they have 6 mics, sound cancellation, those go very, very, very well. So I hope you enjoy them.

Thank you very much, you took me by surprise. Thank you.

I have a lot of things to ask you, but to understand in chronological order, because you are telling me this, and the first thing I think, I say, an 8-year period in that situation, I understand that the intestines are not working, you feed in a different way

that your way of breathing is different, you are directly connected to a machine, the functioning of the eyes, and I see you here, as I see you right now talking to me and I say I would love to understand how... and by the way how long ago this happened that we have not mentioned at any point of the podcast

it started in 2006 I reached my critical point in 2013 I start to recover sorry in 2012 I start to recover at the end of 2013 me I was completely open, rigid, I was forced to close my mouth, my face was spastic, my face was stiff with my mouth open, and I started to let go a little, and I started to close my mouth little by little, I started to pass…

How long does this take?

Six months. Ah, over six months? Over six months.

Little by little you start to slowly regain your tone.

Yes, the tone of my face.

Ok, so first the face, the eyes, the first thing.

The first thing were the eyes, which were located, and no longer have to support me so often with the blink. But, softly, my eyes began to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going want to recover. Why? Because I was afraid of humanity.

I didn't want to be one of the many.

Now we get there.

Ok.

Physically, how do you go on in those six months?

I close my mouth.

Ok.

And I start to pass saliva.

Ok.

I start to be able to move to chew. But my denture, when the tongue is spread out at the bottom, my jaw grows and all the upper teeth go to the palate. Because the tongue is the muscle that keeps the teeth in their position. So, by not moving it, they start to get out of place.

Towards the inside. they start to get out of their comfort zone. Inwards, okay.

And down, the force exerted by being displaced, so that the jaw grows.

And...

But I can start eating, I see that I can go through. We do a test with my mom, well, before the mashed potato, it was like with ice cream, to see if you had a runny nose from the stomach, and avoid, suddenly, a sudden aspiration.

And you had a taste.

There, I had already started to recover it.

And when... That first drop of ice cream you feel must be something that I understand that you would not remember the sensation of the taste directly.

Yes, when I... Look, I was afraid that when we started it, I wouldn't like it because everything tasted like iron. But when I felt the creaminess of the ice cream, and I think, if I'm not mistaken, it was like red fruits. Yes, blackberry sauce, what I remember. How delicious, yes, refreshing. We started drinking milk, we started drinking. I speak it in the plural because I always put God like, well, let's go. Yes, so it's always like, we started trying milk. I couldn't close it well, in fact I still have a lack of strength.

I'm not sure which part of my face, but here I could see a little bit of milk. So I touched it with a jug that had a little tip to drink. I think it was on this side. And I start to identify that the liquid goes more smoothly. And one day I asked my mom, since I can now pass saliva more easily, let's try with mashed potatoes.

Because you were doing the swallowing gesture.

Yes. Not so strong, I mean, you can't feel it.

A little bit.

But it went through. And I tried mashed potatoes, I could pass it well. I felt the texture, the flavor. In fact, what I love the most now is mashed potatoes, I could enjoy it well, I felt the texture, the flavor. In fact, what I love the most now is mashed potatoes. I hadn't realized it was because it was the first thing I had tried. But I love it, I love the texture, I love it.

Besides, I take a long time eating now. It's not on purpose, it's just that the brain is like, oh, look what you have, look what you have butter. I mean, I enjoy it a lot. I start eating normal. It was the mashed potatoes and it was getting stronger that week.

I started eating everything. Nothing felt wrong. Now that you mentioned the intestines, yes, I had a chronic constipation. It was terrible, extremely painful. Infections ofrent urinary tract infections, I had a pseudomonas in my lungs, atelictasias, pneumothorax, well, there were many complications.

But my body begins to recover in full. The constipation disappears, it is much easier to eliminate, my lungs no longer... Because I had pneumonia all the time. So I no longer had chronic respiratory problems. Very fast. This happens very fast.

We are talking about 2013. God gives me a promise through a pastor on television. Something that is not so credible, but I know. It was like that. And he tells me, as a person who has that credible, but I know. It was like that. And he tells me that a person who has that process, someone on television was telling a child

who had Guillain-Barré and had fallen on his foot, and in the event he was healthy. And while this is being told, the child, the pastor, turns to the camera and says, there is a person who is watching me, has this same diagnosis, a fairly prolonged process,

but he is going to recover and he will be with me giving testimony. I said, that's for me, I mean, internally. I had doubts, yes, because I said, but he did not say my name, I mean, I was looking for more detail, but I had an act of faith and it was to ask to be taken photos. I did not like the photos, my appearance was quite shocking.

People came and like... Yes, let's say that most of the men in my family were like, no, but she listens, they started crying. So I said, but I feel good because they get like that. What do you feel today when you see those pictures? I understand the doctors and I understand the people who got sick. And I really never felt like I looked. ¿Qué pasa a día de hoy cuando ves esas fotos? Entiendo a los médicos y entiendo a la gente que se ponía mal.

Y yo la verdad nunca me sentí como me veía. Yo me sentía bien dentro de todo. Entonces no sabía que daba tanta impresión. Porque igual siempre mi cuidado fue integral. Entonces me hacían manicure, me ponían ropa que combinara. Mi mamá sabía cómo me gustaban las cosas, me las compraba. My mom knew how I liked things, she bought them for me, I chose what they put on me.

Being in bed didn't mean I was going to be in pajamas. No, I mean, I was dressed up every day and I felt very good. Now that I see the photos, I'm like, wow, you're impressed. I was impressed and it did seem like I wasn't conscious. So, I understand the medical part.

So, you're presumptuous in that situation, right?

Yes. Yes, yes. It was part of that self-love. And respect. Because I loved being bathed when the therapists and doctors arrived. Super early, 5 in the morning, my mom had to go to work, so we started at 2.30 in the morning. Everything was arranged and I was ready for the day.

So, yes, like, there were girls who supported me by reading books, I studied business administration before I got sick, so they took me material, or they would bring me information. I always tried to be very active. I asked for help fixing my stuffed animals. They brought me a lot of gifts.

So my room was like a toy store. It was all very pleasant. We tried to live it well. Not thinking like, when I I recover I will fix it. No, today I am here, today I will fix it.

I understand that the situation you have had to live has given you a capacity to live a lot in the present, to really concentrate. In a world where we are so overst-stimulated, where everything, with social media, with phones, with notifications and everything else, also stimulus of consumerism in food, in clothing, in absolutely everything,

you will have gained a very strong power of, I'm here, now, I enjoy, I savor this food, I appreciate this sunset, this moment, no?

Yes, it's wonderful. Look, I feel... the truth is that despite all the things that have happened, if I'm very honest with you, I wouldn't change a single day of my life. Not even one. I mean, with all the ups and downs, the cool. I don't like to say that I am a bad person. I don't like to say that I am a good person. I don't like to say that I am a bad person. I don't like to say that I am a bad person.

I don't like to say that I am a bad person. I don't like to say that lightly, without burdens. I try to see... I don't like to say that I'm positive. No, I'm more like real. But real, real, deep, not superficial. If there's a catastrophe, I'm not going to go with the catastrophe.

Of course, there are things that hurt. But what really hurts me is to see humanity dead. It's something that happened to me recently. I was walking on a pedestrian bridge and God reminded me, like you remember when you were a girl and you were afraid of zombie invasions, I was always very nervous, sí, sí, me dio mucho.

Y lo tomé con gracia, y dije, ay, qué oso, qué pena, así como qué vergüenza con Dios que yo le tenía temor a una invasión zombie. Y él me dice, estás en medio de una. Entonces, ¿cómo que, dije, por qué? Me dijo, mira la human said, look at humanity. Everyone is dead. In their desires, passions, illusions.

Zombies at least repeat brain. People repeat goals, success, self-satisfaction, selfish desires. If I feel good, I don't care about the rest. And I started to see faces and in each face, each face expressed a banality or pain, loneliness, anguish. When in reality, humanity has realized that it is already complete in it.

That has nothing to do with religion, it has to do with identity. So when I saw that, I was like, that really hurts. It hurts a lot. Because it's like, how many people are struggling and getting worn out every day to achieve something and they have realized

that they already have it all. Regardless of whether you are on the street without an economic resource, or whether you are in a five-star hotel with all the money and all the facilities, but still you can feel alone and empty.

There is no identity, there is only self-esteem. Some with high self-esteem, others with low self-esteem, but still empty, in any of the extremes you look at. That does hurt me. And there I say, how strong. me duel y hay como que digo que fuerte y por eso me gusta vivir si algo de lo que yo viví sirve o contribuye para que otra persona

se dé cuenta que sólo hay un propósito y es expresar tu origen o sea expresar al padre si muy lejos de lo que nos muestra lo que to show the Father. Far from what religion teaches us. Or religiosity. It's more of an experience. Not because I do many things, because I have rituals.

No, it's because I stop and say, where do I come from? What am I doing here? And where am I going to return? There's a lot of questioning. And my answer is, well, let's say that fate is nothing.

Okay, but I don't want to experience that nothing that I had, that I told you about, that I had a feeling of falling and abyss. No, I know that I'm not going to go back there. But let's say we reincarnate, either in a cow, in a butterfly, in a higher being in terms of intellect. Okay, that's fine.

Or we just become a star dust again. That's fine too. But if what the Bible says is true, I only have this opportunity in life to develop it and live in fullness. real solo tengo esta oportunidad de vida para desarrollarlo y vivir en plenitud porque había un pensamiento que yo tuve durante muchos años y era como quiero morir para experimentar la plenitud de esa experiencia de muerte que te conté y ahí voy a tener plenitud y Dios me dice no la

plenitud la puedes experimentar desde ya pero como es eso sabiendo quien soy sabiendo quien You can experience it from there. But how is that? Knowing who I am. Knowing who is with me. I love my mom. And I greatly appreciate her support and everything. But I know that what moves in her is supernatural.

That strength, that constancy. Look, 20 years have passed. And there has not been a day where I tell her I feel bad and she says, oh no, I'm sleepy. I've always been available 24-7. All the people around me, everything that's in my life,

I can't explain it to you, but it's something supernatural. So I already understood that my dad is supernatural. My natural dad is an instrument, my natural mom is an instrument. But the one who governs everything, by decision, is God, who created the universe. So, I rest in that. Jennifer, a question. What explanation did they give you from the science side

so that after 8 years in a coma, you suddenly start to recover. It's curious because at this time I have a new medical team, super specialists, with a lot of knowledge, and they are trying to find what you ask me. There is no medical explanation.

So, suddenly something is activated that will probably be in your mind and a improvement starts.

More than in my mind, I think it is in my spirit, understanding that the soul and the spirit are different. Because in my mind, remember that I fought for five years with all my attitude. And in fact, when it comes to health, I was the most unmotivated to live. So it was something that didn't happen to me. I have a medical support, as far as medication, now last. Because I'm starting to recover, but there was a stagnation where it lasted for about 6 years, from 2014 to 2019, 2020

only with movement from here to there, but my whole body was still. At times I had certain movements, like I was trying to move my shoulder and it moved, it radiated to my arm. And that's it. So it was six years later in a wheelchair. Yes? With only head movement.

It comes in 2019. I have a very strong crisis. Crisis is weakness, a lot of pain, hypersensitivity. And I was like, oh, what if now is the time? I haven't told anyone. I create a channel. I made a very basic channel. For me, the topic of social media is a bit strange.

Because we are talking about 2006 to 2014.

I was going to ask you that. I'll ask you the question and you'll answer it, because it's something that's broader than social media. Let's say that during all those years you've been practically separated from what's being lived outside in society. So how is that change of reintegrorporating yourself, so to speak, to normal life? You find a series of changes because the world today advances very fast and it advances faster and faster. How is that

reincorporation to normal life?

Look, I remember that I once asked my brother something at that time and he told me, I don't know, look it up on Google, he was in a hurry. I stayed thinking and the assistant looked at me, and I told her, in the manual? Then she laughed and told me, no, on the internet. And I, ok, it was still weird, you know? When they put me on a cell phone, I remember that my dad gave me the first cell phone, and they put a pencil on me that had like a rubber on the end, they put it in my mouth

and with a... I forgot what it's called, a support? Like that?

Yes, yes, an arm.

An ergonomic arm with the cell phone and we put a tube on it, which is where you keep your toothbrushes, you put it next to it with a rubber band, and I put the pencil there, and I started using my phone with the pencil. But it was very weird, when I saw my phone, I was like, where are the buttons? But for me it was wonderful that they told me,

I sent you a photo. And I was like, where? WhatsApp. What is WhatsApp?

Yeah, like... What other things did you find? Social media, for example?

That was new, right? Super new, because at my time it was Messenger. Yes, I remember, of course. And I remember that a friend... Yes, so you can pay mine, one of my friends, one night she said, I'll create a Facebook for you.

I said, well, yes, we created it, but the next day, calls started coming in to my house, asking, it's Jennifer's Facebook because there's something I don't want to overlook, and that is that my friends from before the process were always with me, even if they couldn't visit me because I knew that I was giving people the impression. My mom said that they were restricted visits, but in reality it was because I was giving the impression, well, my condition. in and it helped me a lot. I don't know if I would have been as good a friend as the friends I have. I don't know if I would have had the strength that my mom had, if it had been the opposite.

I just know that I am very lucky, for all the support I have always had. So, when they start calling the house and asking if it was my Facebook, I said, but how so? Why do they know? Yes, so, like, she calls's a friend of my brother on Facebook. So everyone is like, yes, her brother accepted her. So it must be because it's real.

We can go visit her. Everyone is super excited. And I don't understand why they know. But OK. It still took me a while.

You didn't understand the concept of an algorithm that distributes content.

I didn't understand the word. In fact, I still sometimes say, what is it called? What is it that sends you? The similar? The algorithm. I didn't understand it. It still costs me. In pandemic, in 2019, I created the channel and I started to tell how fractional what was happening to me because I said, how about it? It's my time, I didn't count.

But it turns out that I start a new medical treatment and it works a lot for me and my recovery starts to be on the rise, very fast too. So I decided to study a professional career, because before I really wanted to study, but I had to do it with the computer. There was a program that someone installed

and it was a blinker like this, I mean, like a click, and opening your mouth was like going somewhere else. I don't remember anymore. I used it very little, but I said, this doesn't work for me to do a career.

And the movement of the arms was not consistent. So I felt irresponsible when I tried to enroll somewhere, have to pay and not be able to fulfill. But when I see that recovery is sustained and is going up, I decide to study something that I had never imagined I was going to study.

And it was out of conviction. I decided to study psychology and I started virtual. I had no job, I had no resources to work. My mom loved me, but she didn't have a job either. We couldn't afford it, but I have conviction that I should study it and that as God has always provided the resource,

He will also provide it for the career. I started to study, I started to look for a job, but it is not so simple. Virtual and in-person, I took everything I could get in the field of displacement and others. And I got a message where they told me,

look, in such and such need of people with reduced mobility, lower limbs, send the life sheet. I said, tomorrow, because today is 10 at night. He said, no, send it now. I sent it, but I had already sent several life sheets. A week later they call me and say,

well, we're going to send you the tests. I didn't know where it was from. And they do all the tests for me. I passed very quickly. They do the medical exams. And they send me the contract.

That was in a week. I was afraid to work because I was afraid to work because I was afraid that they would scold me. And I would start crying. I don't know how, I don't know myself

after so long, in front of strangers. I don't know myself after so long in front of strangers. I don't know what capacity I have to be diligent, to fulfill, to follow orders. I mean, I'm very diligent or judicious in doing what they ask me to do, but I don't know what capacity I have. Because it had already been, for that moment, it had been 16 years, more or less.

So I hadn't worked. They didn't ask me. When you pass the life sheet, they tell you how you lived that time. No, they didn't ask me anything. I mean, virtual, they did physical exams. I went there. They didn't ask me anything else, just the tests.

I started working, I did very well, I was promoted three times in that job. I finished a year ago, more or less, for an interview. My social media started to grow and they started to consult me on the psychological part. And even though I hadn't graduated,, people said no, I want to do the process with you and well, I value the trust of people. The December that happened a year ago was of many things, I was finishing my specialization, I was finishing my degree,

the specialization as a degree option, I was starting to attend consultants and I was working as a financial analyst. I'm not an accountant, but at the time I was able to develop myself in this area.

It was a lot of information. I was with this information for a year. And during all this process of self-study and observing yourself, of seeing how your body reacts to all kinds of situations, what would you say you learned about the human being?

That he is too powerful, but very stupid. I mean, it overwhelms you, it self-flagellates. It hits you hard, either in the ego or when you feel low. In any of the extremes.

What do you mean by ego?

When a person is high and believes that their successes define them. When the ego is out of the equation, it doesn't experience happiness, because it seems that the successes tell us who we are. And that doesn't tell you anything about a person. Only that they had a great idea, only that they had opportunities, only that they took advantage of the opportunities that were given to them. But that doesn't tell you who you are.

And what would you say tells you who you are?

Identity. God. It seems religious, but if you ask me who I am, I am a daughter of God. I know who my father is.

I know what I came to do here on earth. I know what my designation is. Papá, sé que vine a ser acá en la tierra. Sé cuál es mi asignación. Sé para qué fui creada. No, los humanos no nos crearon y como te lanzan a la tierra y ve y vives. O tú no naciste por decisión de tus padres, aunque te hayan planeado. No, tú estás predestin from before the foundation of the world.

You were born in the heart of the one who created you. That's why you are here. People question it a lot because they say, why do so many bad things happen? And if God exists, why is there so much hunger and why do children suffer? We are in a natural environment where the human being decided to make decisions, worth the redundancy, for his own concept, because it seems to me that that generated consequences and fallen nature is the product of decisions.

If we go to the beginning, where Adam and Eve made the decision to eat something, to see good and evil from their human perspective, that is, from the soul, they are consequences. And it's different when you say, OK, this is what happened, but what is the origin?

I reconnect with who created me. There are people who say, Oh no, you're not well, because I believe in all this. They say, you believe in a reality. Okay, it can happen.

But what I can tell you is that I am a faithful witness and I experience this every day what I'm telling you. That peace is what surpasses all understanding. That is to know that there is a purpose and it is to know that I have identity, not just a high self-esteem.

And nowadays, before doing anything, what do you ask yourself first? Why or for what?

God wants me to do it. I mean, being here, I had a question before. God, I'm going. I have peace.

But in the question you ask God, do you look for the why or the for what?

The for what. The for what, why, why. Look, that question hasn't been in me. We've always been told that people say, why would you care if you were a good person? You were well behaved, so to speak. It's just that things don't happen because you behave well or badly in life.

Good and bad things happen because we are alive.

Period. Las cosas buenas y malas pasan porque estamos vivos. Punto.

Ahora es nuestra decisión cómo les hacemos frente a esas cosas. Porque cuando me va bien, ay Dios tan lindo conmigo, pero Dios por qué? O Dios no existe porque esto está muy terrible, o porque esto sí. Él sigue siendo Dios, me recupere yo o no me recupere. because this is terrible, or because this is. He is still God. Will I recover or not? The decision is in me.

But we even have... I know this can generate controversy, but not all human beings are children of God. Because even in that we have free will. You decide if you want to be a son and you get into the plan that God designed.

Or you go for your own decisions, you create your own future, you create everything you want to create. I don't know where you're going. But I decided to be in the plan. I decided to be protected. I decided to accept what God had for me.

I decided to believe that before my mom had her plans for me, I was already in God's heart and I believe with a purpose and to a Christian. I'm a Christian. I'm a Christian. I'm a Christian. I'm a Christian. I'm a Christian. I'm a Christian. I'm a Christian. Who does he look like? We are here to be perfected in the Son, that is, Christ. I am Christ-centric.

He is my reference. And I want to live Him. I want that when God sees me, my life is a delight for Him. Of course, every day I mess it up. Every day I make mistakes.

Every day I struggle with something else in character, every day I try to educate my soul so that I do not live only for emotions, but live for conviction. Every day I try to grow a little more. People sometimes say, and how long does that last? All of his life. God will always work on you, on your character. He wants us to mature and grow. He wants me to see you as he sees you. That's why it's much easier to forgive. It's much easier not to be offended, not to live offended.

It's much easier to understand that the other person did something because he is like that, because he thinks like that. But that doesn't define me. no vivir ofendido. Es mucho más sencillo entender que la otra persona hizo algo porque él es así, porque piensa así. Pero eso a mí no me define. Lo que tú opines de mí no me define. No enaltí ves, porque si tú me dices algo para mi construcción y para mi crecimiento,

lo tomo y con amor. Pero no quiere decir que yo, entonces, you tell me, no, look, this doesn't seem right to me, I'm going to get mad. No. But this has been a learning process. Because before it hurt me a lot when people told me, no, but I don't believe in God.

So I was confused, like, but why don't you believe in him? Yes, like I took it personally.

Yeah.

And I understood that God is still God because you don't believe in Him, or if you do, you do. He is still God. Now, I decide to receive everything that you have put for me, and that's why I'm here with you today, because it wouldn't have been possible with human effort.

Jennifer, you have an incredible story. It has been a real pleasure to talk to you. I loved the conversation. I hope you have been comfortable.

Yes, thank you.

And that you enjoy these days with your mother here in Madrid.

Thank you very much.

A pleasure. A pleasure.

Likewise. Thank you for the space.