If you really knew me, you'd know...

If you really knew me right now, you would know that I laugh really easily, but in this season I cry just as easily too. If you really knew me, you would know that I feel happy right now and also still sad, probably about 50-50. If you really knew me, and I actually think you do, I think if we've spent any amount of time together, you have gotten to know me and the real me.

And you would know that I want to answer your questions. Honestly, I just want to have coffee with a friend and tell you everything that's been going on. I actually have a lot to catch you up on and also I never want it to appear that I'm throwing Tom under the bus.

And so today I'm going to answer your questions, both that have been in the comments on YouTube videos. I also asked for questions on Instagram. So I'm going to go from the most popular. There's definitely some that have come up a lot. I also, I want to show you these two certificates I've gotten recently.

One I think is socially acceptable. The other, I'm a little more apprehensive to share, but why don't we just get into it? And actually I would love for you to answer this question too. If you really knew me, you would know this. So you can leave a comment down below and if you have an extra second, go ahead and like or comment on someone else's too. It always feels good to be seen in that way. So again, when it comes to this,

I never know how much background information to give. Have we been hanging out for a long time and you're fully up to speed on life happenings and all of that? Or have you just popped in and out and you're kind of like, I don't actually know what's going on. So I will put timestamps down below if you want to jump around at all. I definitely want to respect your time. But real quick recap.

I did announce back in February that Tom and I had gotten divorced and we have four kids ages 10 through 15. We live in Minnesota, just outside of the Twin Cities. We actually had gotten divorced the previous October and then felt ready to announce it in February. And so now I live at my parents' farm with them. And then Tom kept our farm and we're not far apart. So I'm really grateful for that. And so let's, well, let's get started with,

like I said, with the most popular questions. So number one, is there any chance of you and Tom getting back together? And while I am so grateful for all of the changes that he's been making and improvements, I can honestly say, no, I don't believe that it's enough or the right changes for us to be successful in marriage again. That would absolutely 1000% be best case scenario for me,

for the kids.

I don't think that that is in our future. Then the question comes up,

would I want to get married again? And again, if you knew me, like if you came up to me right now and asked me just like in person, I would be like, no, too scary, too risky. I don't want to get tricked or into anything like that. But at the core, yes, I actually do think that in an ideal situation to be married to someone who can be your partner for the rest of your life and all that, I think that's a beautiful idea. So yeah,

I think that would be super cool. And also that is really scary to think about. And that kind of ties into another question that was posted. It was, be honest, is life better single? I think life is better without conflict. And I'm very aware as I have rehearsed this video in my mind, I mean, if you knew me really well right now,

you would know that I am just trying to say all the right things. But also I'm getting a little more to the point of, you know, I know I can't say all the right things. And like I said, I'd miss here for my friends that are sincerely wondering how I'm doing and want to catch up. I appreciate you so much. And I know if I had a friend going through something like this, these are all the questions I would have for them as well. Right?

So I'm really trying to put the blinders on and just, you know, not try to think through all the negative comments that might come in and just visit with you. Right. But I do think that life is better without conflict. Right. And I'm very aware when I say that and use the word conflict, that there's different types of conflict in relationships. And I think what can be hard is that many in marriage

relationships, you have conflict. And it's a little more the run-of-the-mill conflict, the conflict that you go into marriage expecting there's gonna be. And then there's another type of conflict. There's a type of conflict that is demeaning

and dehumanizing and demoralizing. And often if you've had the more run-of-the-mill conflict and you've made it through, your encouragement to other couples going through difficult things is persevere, work it out, learn new tools, do what you gotta do, power through, right? It's worth it. You'll get to the other side and it's going to be so good.

However, if you are experiencing this other kind of conflict where you just never really make real progress, that type of advice doesn't necessarily work for this. And so what happens is you keep trying and trying and trying to grind it out and to learn new things and to try counseling and marriage retreats and prayer and

turning the other cheek and fasting and declaring and all the things, right? And you still don't see the improvement and you end up back where you are. And that is a recipe for losing your mind, for physical illness, for just so much destruction. And so when I say life is better free of conflict, I'm talking about this stuff. Obviously, in any type of relationship,

there are going to be conflicts to work through. And ideally that when you work through it, it actually strengthens the relationship, right? And it builds trust and you come out the other side stronger. However, that is not always the experience with this other type of conflict. So is life better single? Well, I don't necessarily think so. Again,

if you look at the psychology of it, I think we're not meant to live alone. And I know many of you who do live alone, especially for extended times, that it is lonely. Right? And I think it does feel a little unnatural. Now circumstances are what they are, but ultimately, yeah, I think no, I mean, this wouldn't have been the path I would have chosen. Right? And also I do think life is better free of this type of conflict.

All right, why don't I talk about the two certificates, and then we'll get into more of the questions. So I had mentioned that I was working on my master's in psychology. So back in June, I earned my master's in general psychology. And honestly, when I was in the process of it, I was just,

I was doing it because half of the week I did not have kids and it was winter in Minnesota. And I'm like, what am I going to do with my time? Right? I had always wanted to go back and get my master's in psychology. And so I found this really cool program through the University of Phoenix. It's meant for adults going back to school. I got credit for work history. It was actually very affordable. And so 12 week cycles for the classes and you could take two to four classes. And I'm like, well, I'm going to take four classes.

I'm just going to see how it's going to go. Both Diana and my therapist are like, are you sure that's a good idea? And I'm like, I need somewhere to focus my energy right now. And so I completed the program in June. I was just kind of like, eh, no big deal until this came in the mail and I opened it and I was like, wow, that's actually really cool.

And so it does feel significant and I am proud of myself for completing it. I also know too, I'm just really fortunate that school, this type of school and being able to do it online actually comes pretty easily to me. I know that's not the case for everyone. I know lots of adults who would love to go back and do something like this or further education or get a degree. And it's hard. Actually,

my sister and I watched our younger brother struggle all through school because he was just not wired the same way. Right? And so I am grateful for that. And I don't want to take that for granted or this opportunity either. It was pretty cool. And then the question comes up like, well, is this going to change anything? Are you going to do anything with it? No, I'm probably just going to hang it on the wall. And then I do love diving into the science of using it for decluttering. Why do we get so cluttered? Why do we hang on to stuff and all that? So you've heard me talk about the mindset shifts and all that around decluttering. So you'll

probably hear a little bit more of that as well. I do eventually probably want to go on to a doctorate program, but that'll be a little further down the road. And if you really knew me, you would know that I love my Helix mattress so much. And I'm not exaggerating. I don't like when people exaggerate just to sell a product or for a sponsorship or whatever. I am so serious. This mattress in here, oh my goodness, it is a Helix Elite. We got to put this in, I don't know, a couple months ago.

This is the most comfortable mattress I have ever slept on in my entire life. Now I love my Helix Dusk that I have, that I sleep on every night in my bedroom. Great mattress. Like it's really, really good. I love it. I sleep well on it. I've been sleeping on a Helix mattress for over four years. But if you are ready to take your sleep to the next level, you're going to want to check out this mattress too. Today's video is sponsored by Helix Sleep and they have extended their Labor Day

sale, which means you can still get 27% off site-wide. Helix Sleep are mattresses that are customized to fit your unique needs. They come rolled up in a box, delivered right to your door. Shipping is free in the US. They have a 100 night sleep trial, so you can try it out, make sure it's just the right fit for you. And I love it so much because sleep is so important. Sleep is so important. We cannot be emotionally stable.

We cannot be present and level for our family members. We can't make good decluttering decisions. I mean, everything about life is harder when we are not well-rested. And so I know how important sleep is and having a good mattress is a big part of that. And what I also love is that Helix also just released their line of mattress

toppers. And so you can also make a non-Helix mattress much more comfortable as well with their toppers. They have a bunch of different ones to choose from. We were able to put one on Adeline's mattress here at my parents' house that was, is not a Helix and was not very comfortable for her. She loves it. It made a world of difference. And it's so easy to get matched with your perfect mattress too. You just go online, take their sleep quiz. It takes less than a minute. They're going to give you a great

mattress recommendation. For me, it's the Helix Dusk. And so again, right now, if you go to helixsleep.com slash minimalmom, you get to take advantage of their Labor Day partner sale, 27% off site-wide and they have some flexible payment plans available as well. Now, the other certificate that I think is less socially acceptable, and I'll tell you why, is this one. And so I had a friend who said, Hey, to celebrate you getting your master's degree, why don't we go skydiving? And it turns out there's a place not far from where we live.

It's actually in Western Wisconsin, so just east of the Twin Cities. And they do this all the time there. I had no idea. There was something so close to home where you could go skydiving. So they made the appointment. They said, all right, we're going. Now this is something that had been on my bucket list for a long time. And at first I was like, wait, we can't do that. Like I don't have life insurance. I have to get my will in order and all of that.

And then we were looking at the research. Did you know that it's actually more risky to drive your car to the place where the skydiving is than to actually go skydiving? And I have to tell you, this experience was not like what I expected. You show up at this place, you watch an eight minute video about skydiving, you sign a 15 page waiver while you're watching the video, and pretty much all the video is telling you is that the skydiving place, Skydive

Twin Cities, does not assume any responsibility. So you are jumping at your own risk. They're of course doing everything they can to keep you safe, but at the end of the day you cannot sue them, right? That's pretty much the gist of the eight minute video because you're going tandem and the instructor is pretty much doing all the work. You're just along for the ride, right? So you watch an eight minute video,

you sign a 15 page waiver, you walk outside, the gentleman came out, the instructor, he's like this 20-something hipster, right? And you get it on and then it's like, there's the airplane, here we go. It all happened so quickly, which I was actually kind of grateful for. And so then you go out to this little plane

and we start going up. And there was three of us that were going tandem, so for the first time and going tandem. And then there was a couple other people that were going solo on their own. And I didn't know that. This is just what people do. They'll go out there for the weekend,

they'll camp and they'll just go up and jump and jump again. And that is their weekend entertainment. I had no idea. Now, a couple of things. What gave me peace of mind is that I asked my instructor how many times he had done this. And he said over 5,000. And I'm like, okay, so you know what you're doing, right? And so we're heading up in the plane. It's a very small plane. We're all just kind of tight in there. And I was trying to prepare myself mentally because what I

imagined was, what is the hardest part going to be? When you have to step out of the plane, right? I'm like, if I can get past that, then I do think I can enjoy the rest of the ride. And I've gone on like big roller coasters before. I don't love that stomach drop feeling. Right? Nobody really likes that, I don't think. And so I'm just trying to prepare myself mentally.

Like if you can just get past that, the rest of it's going to be fine. We're talking, you know, what 10, 15 seconds, right? Get through that. The rest of it is going to be fine. Now the only thing that wasn't ideal is that we got in the plane first. So we were actually the last ones to go. So everyone else had to go first. And I did not love that, but it was what it was. But here's what I also noticed as people were going, especially the other tandem ones, they didn't give them time to chicken out. It was like they got to the door and they went. There was no asking like, are you ready? Here we go. It was

just like, go. And I think that is by design, right? They're like, we're not giving you room to back out here. And so finally everyone else gets out. It along with it. Don't... The worst thing you could do I think is get to the edge of the plane and look down. That would be the worst. So I'm like, I'm just closing my eyes. And so I close my eyes, we're by the edge of the door. You can hear, it's cold now at this point, cause we're so high up and you can feel the wind coming through. And so I'm just hanging on and I'm like, all right. And he just like takes us out. Right? Now, here's what surprised me.

You don't actually get that stomach drop feeling. What you notice is the wind rushing so fast in your face. It feels like you're in a car or something going really fast with no top, and it's just wind in your face. So that is definitely what I noticed first was just the rush. And I did not know, so I didn't want to ask a lot of questions ahead of time. I didn't know until we were free falling.

And then I finally was able to open my eyes and start to look around. And then I asked the instructor, I'm like, how fast are we going? And he's like up to 130 miles per hour. And I'm like, Oh my goodness, that is so fast.

so you're falling and you can look down now you have goggles on and you look down.

But what's odd about it is you don't really have a grid for how fast you're going. Cause it doesn't actually feel like the earth is coming at you very fast because you're so high up. And so it's like, you feel the wind of going fast, but it's not calculating with how far you are from the ground. It's very strange.

And so we free fell for a minute to a minute 15 seconds, I believe they said. It felt a lot longer than that. And then finally he pulled the parachute and then we were able to kind of more just float down. He asked if I wanted to pull the cords to steer us. I'm like, nah, I'm kind of just along for the ride. And so he would do some turns and stuff. He could actually get us going kind of fast depending on what he did.

And then as we started getting closer to the ground, the only instruction they give, like the only thing I really had to do the whole time was to lift my legs up to land so he could kind of be in charge of that. And so we land, we get to the bottom. It was awesome. I would have got in the plane and just gone up and done it again. It was such a cool experience. In fact, what was crazy about it is on my Oura ring, which will monitor stress levels and everything,

I didn't even reach the highest stress level. I stayed just in engaged. And so I think because I was just kind of mentally preparing myself. And so it was a blast. So if anyone wants to come to Minnesota or Western Wisconsin and go skydiving, I asked everyone around me. It didn't really seem like anyone was super eager. Diana's husband said he probably would. So if anyone wants to go skydiving,

I would love to go with you. But it was a really cool experience. It was a beautiful night. And what was, what's been interesting, I'm reading this book right now, it's a fiction book. It's set in the 80s and there's a gal who is going to the NASA school to be an astronaut. And on one of their like tasks that they have to do, a test to be prepared for anything, they have to parachute into the ocean. And then their

parachute would drop on them. They have to detach from it, swim out from under it, inflate a life raft, and get up onto the life raft. And so she's describing this experience and then she finally gets the raft inflated and crawls up onto it. And then when she's inside the raft she says to herself, if I can do this, I can do anything. And I wasn't able to put words to it, but I think that actually describes exactly what I felt afterwards. Like if I can do this, I can do anything. So it was,

it was surprisingly empowering. I think probably both of these things, I guess. I feel fortunate to have gotten to do both of them. Yeah. It makes you feel kind of like, all right, game on. So that's been kind of cool. But the reason I say that maybe this one is not so socially acceptable, you know, if you haven't gone through divorce, you probably wouldn't even realize this,

is that I sometimes worry that there's this perception that when you get divorced, that sometimes women kind of, I don't like to use the word crazy, but they kind of are a little carefree or they're reckless or they make rash decisions. And so I don't want it to be like, oh, Dawn gets divorced and now she's going skydiving and doing all these things. And I have actually been hyper aware this whole past year of like, don't change anything.

Don't change your looks, don't change your clothes, don't let your weight fluctuate. Like just look really normal and like level-headed, right? Look really stable. Don't buy a sports car. Don't go on exotic vacations. Don't, you know, nothing that's going to make it look like you've kind of gone over the edge or anything like that. And if you haven't been through this, I don't,

you probably wouldn't understand that. And I don't think it's just because I'm on in the public eye or anything. I feel this with like the immediate people around me too, of like, just be normal, play it cool. Look like you've got everything under control. And so probably something else you wouldn't know either is that I have been, unfortunately there's actually a lot of women in social media right now that are going through divorces. And so I have been observing them. J. Morrell Stewart, Jordan Page, Brittany Vassar,

Amanda from This Crazy Life Vlog. So I've been like observing them. I'm like, okay, what are they sharing how much and what's the pushback? Like what are the comments that they get then when they do? Because there's no handbook for this, right? And what's been such a hard tension for me is I just want to be open and honest and I want to share everything.

And I especially want to help other women who are in confusing relationships, especially if they are in the Christian faith, because that seems to complicate it even more. And I just want to be open and honest and share my experience. But like I said, also, I don't want to throw anyone under the bus or bad mouth anyone. And I'm aware my kids could see this at any point too, right?

And so I'm always feeling that tension, but I think I'm getting to the point a little bit more where I'm not stressing so much about the naysayers and the negative comments. And I really just want to help others, whether you're going through it yourself or you have a friend or someone else you know that might be going through something like this.

So I'll rant on faith and how things have evolved with that a little bit when we get a little bit further in. But why don't we answer some of the other questions that have come up? Okay, so there's been a lot of questions about my skin and my hair. So on some of the videos, my skin looks very glowy. And I think all I can say is that I have been being consistent with actually taking care of my skin. I've been trying to use up products that I have at home. I don't like recommending products because I know then you'll probably go buy it,

because you're like, oh, if it's working for her, then it might work for me. I will link to a couple of products that I found and that I really like, but more so will often say the magic is in the motion, not the potion. I think it's just been from consistency. Now, my hair, if you really knew me right now, I've gone back and forth on whether or not to say anything about this. So there's been a lot of questions like, Hey, your hair looks really good. Or is that fake? Right? I've wore like halo extensions and stuff in the past.

I hate doing my hair. It usually takes me like 20 minutes to a half hour to do my hair for a YouTube video. My hair is very thin, so I do all the tricks and things to try and make it look fuller and thicker, especially on video for whatever reason. It looks flat and lifeless and I'll get it styled in the bathroom. I'm like, I look great. And then I watch the video back and I'm like, wow,

that looks terrible. So that has always been a stressor for me, even though I'm not really, like I don't stress too much about my looks and all of that. But it's just been something that always, I feel like I have to put a lot of effort into. So I have a friend also makes YouTube videos and she's like, have you heard of hair toppers? Like you can just get a hair topper, put it on, your hair looks the same in every video.

You don't have to go cut something else in or rerecord a part or do a thumbnail or something. And then again, you look totally different. And so this is a hair topper. Again, I was like, should I say something? But I'm just honest with you. So it's just a hair topper. You just put it on top and it just kind of adds some of this to your existing hair. And so this one though is not super expensive. And in some of my videos, it looks kind of shiny, and so it's kind of obvious. But I've been putting on some brown colored dry shampoo just to tone it down a little bit. I only wear it when I'm recording things. So anyways,

for those who have asked, there you go. Next there's quite a few questions about what are you looking forward to as you move forward with your new life? And to be really honest, for the last few years, it has been so hard to plan things into the future. Cause I just was like, I don't know. I don't know where I'm going to be a year from now, a few months from now.

And so I found myself in this place where I've just been living almost week to week, month to month. And it's, it's interesting, because in the past I very much always liked having things to look forward to and planning things out. When Diana and I worked in radio, you know, we were always having to find things to talk about. So we're always looking for research and studies and different things, you know? And I remember one time reading that happy people always have something on the

calendar to look forward to, and that always stuck with me. And so I loved planning vacations or getaways or get togethers with other people. And I have not felt that now for multiple years, but I do think that it will return. And, you know, I mentioned that I feel happy and sad, probably still in equal measures. The happiness is starting to come up more. My optimism is returning.

And sometimes I hesitate to share that because I worry that if I say I'm sad, then it might imply that I made the wrong decision. I don't believe that. And if I say I'm happy and I'm feeling good again, it's like, well, yeah, but also there's like, you know, what you just came through and now you're happy about divorce and all that. Like, no, I still hate that. But also, yeah, I do feel some of my happiness and optimism returning.

And so I trust over time that that will return and I'll be able to think further out than just the next couple months or that kind of thing. How are the kids? The kids are, again, this is where I struggle because they're kind of the same up and down. We have some really awesome days and I'm like, that was so good and it felt like it just felt normal.

And then there's other times where I'm like, oh my goodness. Like I've said, I told my sister recently, I'm like, I've never felt until the last few months, I never felt like four kids was a lot of kids. Right? And now I just have felt like, Oh, they just need a lot. And I was really glad I was watching Jordan Page's Instagram stories. And a few days ago, a week ago, she said, you know, my kids,

they just need me a lot right now. And I was glad she said that. Cause I'm like, yeah, that's it. They just need me a lot right now. And I'm really just trying to do my best to be present, to validate their experience. I heard Jay Shetty say that, you know, we all just need to be seen, safe, and supported. And my therapist has kind of reiterated that. Just witness it. And Jay Shetty had Dr. Becky on a little while ago,

and she's a well-known parenting expert. And she's like, you know, as parents, we want to take away their pain and their hurt and their discomfort. She's like, that's not our job. Our job is to sit next to them in it, to let them know they're not alone in it, to let them know it's not too big for us to navigate together. And so that's hard, right? I think our natural instinct as parents is like, they're hurting, no, take it away, do whatever we can. Right?

And maybe there was a running joke for a little bit that mom would buy them whatever they wanted in this season. So I would fall into it a little bit too, but it was good encouragement just to be like, no matter what your kids are going through right now, they need to be seen safe and supported. And so she describes a bench in a garden. And she was talking about a kid feeling left out from a friend group.

And she's like, you don't have to sit down and say, well, they're missing out. And you're so cool and all that. She just, you just sat down and say, wow, that stinks. Like that doesn't feel good, does it? And so we let them know that they're capable of getting through this. We're here to support them and to witness it." And she's like, what's so funny, she's like, often they'll just get up then from the bench and be like, okay, can I have a snack? And we're like, this is horrifying and so bad. But when we just support them through it, then they're like, okay, it's not too big. I can handle it. Kind of sucks, but that has been really encouraging to me. So yeah, the kids are,

similar, right? Up and down and to be expected.

But I do think we are starting to find a little bit of routine and rhythm.

We have started, we just finally started back to school in Minnesota. We start after Labor Day. So that was another question. Are you still homeschooling? So we're doing a mixture this year. Our kids started out going to public school, then during COVID we started homeschooling, and now we are back to a half and half mixture. And so I have just committed that for each school year, for each child,

we are going to make whatever decision makes the most sense for them. And so that's what we're doing and we're getting back into it. And so far it has been a crap show, let me tell you. It's not been smooth at all. But I'm really trusting that we are getting it figured out and dialed in and another week or two from now we'll have it all figured out.

It's going to be going well.

But just in case your school year didn't get off to a great start, then there you go. Another question, lots of questions about faith. Are you, do you still go to church? My church did nothing wrong. In fact, they have been incredibly great and supportive, but Tom had gotten much more connected there and everything. And so I was like, you have that as your space. And the kids go there too with him.

Also go from time to time, especially if the girls are on the worship team or something, they've been great. I would say probably if anything, I'm still a little bit turned off by Christians, just some of the stuff that has happened. And I mean, honestly, if I was just going to boil it down to,

I think what still kind of hurts me a little bit or frustrates me is that often it feels like the comments and the suggestions and the you should do this or god hates that is driven out of fear, arrogance, pride, oversimplification, that we can just take one verse and apply it to this like incredibly complex situation. And I don't, I don't want to throw my sister under the bus, my sister is the coolest, um, but she was talking the other day, she was talking about her husband and I'm, they have an And I don't want to throw my sister under the bus, my sister is the coolest.

But she was talking the other day, she was talking about her husband and I'm,

they have an awesome relationship and I'm so grateful for that. They got married a little bit later. Diana was 35 when they got married. But she was talking about she has this great husband and she was like, I prayed for him. And she's like, I prayed and prayed and whatever. And in my head I'm thinking, well I probably said it too or two, but I was like, well, I prayed for that too. Right? And I think as I've come through this, things just aren't so black and white or cut and dry. And I mean,

we all know, we've all had prayers answered, and if you believe in these faiths or whatnot, and prayers not answered, and there's people that get healed of cancer and don't. There are people that are healthy and pass away and then are unhealthy and pass away. My really good friend, Mary Beth, her 15 year old son passed away earlier this year.

Why do many 15 year olds make it and then another doesn't? Right? And so I'm just learning that there aren't these guarantees. And I think often it feels like Christians want to be like, well, if you do this, then this, and this, then this. Right? And unfortunately, it's just not always that simple. And so even now when it comes to homeschooling or public school, guess what?

There are homeschool kids that turn out great and ones that don't. There are public school kids that turn out great and some that don't, right? We can make healthy decisions and not healthy decisions. And there is no exact formula. There's nothing that we can do that ensures basically anything. Right? And so I'm much more... And so I've sometimes wished that the Christians around me, that we could just be like,

could we just sit in this together and say, you know what? Sometimes the way these things go, we just don't know and we don't understand. And can we just be okay with that and not try to explain or scripturize it away? Because often that comes off as kind of dismissive, right? Could we just say, 15 year olds aren't supposed to die, right? Marriages are supposed to work out. You committed your life together forever.

That's what it's supposed to be, right? But sometimes it doesn't. And we can't put the sanctity of marriage over the dignity of a person. Again, that's fear-based, right? You know, some of the criticism was, you're an influencer and if you get divorced you're undermining marriage and the importance of family. Well, you could look at it that way, but there are individual people in this equation that need to preserve their own dignity. And I've shared this before, but I heard dignity described as the ability to choose. And I do believe that that is what Jesus

came for, right? And so the reason I even want to go down this path right now, again, I don't think I'm going to change the mind of any Christians right now if they have super strong beliefs in that. That is not my goal. The point of me even going down this path is that if you are in a relationship that has been confusing, if there has been behavior that has been demeaning and demoralizing and

dehumanizing, please start to learn about this yourself because we can't take a single verse and just make this blanket statement over it, especially when it is not being used correctly. And so my encouragement to you is to start to learn this and discover it on your own. You know, I've used the word deconstruct and OMG. Again, it's like the fear comes in, right, of the Christians around me. Oh no, if you deconstruct, you're gonna, you know, go, this is gonna happen or that. Do you realize that that is based out of fear? I think the Bible says 365 times not to fear. But if this is your life and

your in your circumstances, you have to know what you believe and you have to look into it because we can't just rely on what others have said and taught us and has just been kind of passed down. You have to know what you believe for yourself. And I do believe there's some scriptures that have been very misused and, uh, to the harm of women. And so again, I'm saying this, go crazy in the comments. I don't even care right now because my goal is not to convince anyone of

anything. It is for those who have been feeling this frustration and this confusion of, but this doesn't make sense. And that's what I remember the most of just being like, this, this doesn't actually make sense that this should be allowed to continue to go on. So anyways, I will probably just leave it at that. But faith-wise,

belief-wise, yeah, I feel actually in a really good place about that and knowing what I believe for myself. And I do think it's actually an important process for all of us to go through, but we will stop talking about that topic now and move on to some other questions. So another question that comes up very frequently is, do you plan to move out? And so, no, not right now.

So I'm living with my parents. My brother who's two years younger lives here as well. And then the kids are here half the time. This is exactly where I want to be right now. I like having them around. It's been good time to reconnect. We got to do the video in my mom's kitchen last week. By the way,

thank you for all of the kind comments on that video. I was a little more out there, I guess, or a little just more straightforward with my thoughts around decluttering now. And that's probably more how I am inside of our membership group. I realized that I just feel like I'd be a little more unfiltered and real. But also my thoughts around stuff have shifted a lot through this process.

Prior to moving out and everything, and we had been minimalist for many years, I had our house simplified. Now there was still clutter that would creep in and we'd deal with it, but it was my job, right? My house didn't really stress me out. And it wasn't until moving all my stuff out and moving into my parents' house where again, they've been awesome, but I didn't have tons of spaces.

I could have taken more spaces, but I just was trying to not intrude. Right? But I became so hyper-aware of all of my inventory and my clutter threshold lowered so much. And I felt stressed by the extra inventory. And I felt like I had to go even further with decluttering. And so for anyone who's just in that season right now, where it's just like, it's too much, that's where I'm just like, let it go, throw it away. Whatever you got to. Our mental health and sanity and peace of mind is worth way more than any of

this stuff. So you might see me a little more unfiltered, even the video next week too that I'm going to share will probably be more unfiltered too. But I do appreciate all of your kindness on it. And also led to another question of, did your mom want to put all the stuff back? Right? And so, So I love my parents. They are the coolest. I'm so grateful that I get to live here on their farm with them for right now.

And down the road that might change, but for right now, I'm totally happy here and plan to keep staying here. Two questions that kind of go together. What helps you stay positive and do you still walk every day? So like I said, in the past, I'm just a very naturally optimistic person. The joke is that I get that from my dad, glass half full. Even through the hard things that were going on behind the scenes at home,

I just always felt so fortunate. And there were so many good things going on as well. I know, oh, what's his name? Rick Warren? What's the purpose driven life? He would talk about life being like two railroad tracks of like, generally for most of us, we have hard things going on and then good things too, right?

And they just kind of coexist. I just always felt like there's just so many things to be grateful for and that were working out for me. And then this past year and a half, that's the first time I was just like, ugh. There were some really sad, hard times.

And so walking is how I keep my peace of mind, my sanity. On days I don't walk, I do walk almost every day. I just feel like I feel kind of ug and heavy and, and so I'm like, okay, I got to get out for a walk. And, uh, I'll show some of the videos too, just like when I get to get out. So in, we're in Minnesota and when it's nice out, like right now, I love been really cool. And then as soon as the weather starts to get too cold, then I'll go to the gym and walk on the treadmill there,

do some stuff there. But if I can be outside walking, that is hands down my preference. And so I would encourage you, especially if you just have any tough stuff going on right now, the benefits of walking are off the hook. Like just the list. Not only with mindset, with physical changes, how we feel, you know, keeping our brain sharp, hormones balanced, sleeping better. It even curbs appetite when we walk. It's pretty wild, all of the benefits.

And so just start out, you know, 3,500 steps for a goal and then work up from there. I try to get like 10,000 at a minimum, but I feel best if I can get like 18, 19,000 steps in. That is like my happy zone. And I feel like I get the most mental health benefits.

A lot of times I'm not listening to anything. I am just letting my brain process. Like if I'm not talking on the phone with Diana, I'm just like letting my brain process. But sometimes, especially if your brain gets going a little too much, you're like, you need to shut the brain down, then I'll put on a podcast or something. But yeah, no, I definitely still try to make that a habit every day.

What are you glad is behind you with the season you've been through? The year of firsts. So everyone will tell you if you go through something like this, or if you've lost a loved one or something like that first year when you have to do all the first things, all the first Christmases and all of that. I am so glad to be getting close to putting that behind me. It was hard. And there's a question too from a gal who says,

four months post divorce, 16 years of marriage, three kids. What thoughts help you hope and cope struggling here? Four months was probably the worst that mark of. You're still sometimes kind of like questioning yourself, did I do the right thing? You're seeing it in your kids.

Did I do the right thing for them? And it's just hard. And hopefully you have people around you who understand and can support you, but likely there are some that don't. And it's, yeah,

that was probably one of the lowest times for me. And so I just want to say, keep going. It does keep getting better. You know, you still have your days and weeks. My therapist actually just this morning, he said, you know, there's, as you come out of things like this, there's going to be continual contraction and expansion. And so he's like,

you'll go through times of expansion where you're growing and you're learning and you're, you know, like you're seeing the good benefits of it. And then there's times of contraction. And even this past week, I'm like did the whole world conspire on me just to like contract again? And he's like, here's the good thing, right? The expansion, unfortunately the expansion can't last forever and you go back to contraction, but he's like, the contraction cannot last forever either. And it will break, and it will go back to expansion again.

And so you definitely start to find as you continue going through this first year that you start getting to the point where the good times do outweigh the bad times more. But it is hard. And people tell you it's going to be hard, but it's just, you just don't know really what to expect. It's all new territory. And I've often heard it described, that people will generally choose a comfortable pain,

a pain they're familiar with, over a new pain. Because it is just so hard not knowing what to expect and how long it's going to last and all of that. So anyways, keep going. It's hard, it sucks, but I do believe that you'll start to find this too, that it'll keep getting better. What positive life lessons do you think your reinvented path has

provided your kids? You know, again, this is, this is kind of a tricky one, but I think, you know, the turning point for me like a year and a half ago was just... It was the kids and me feeling like if I keep going like this and allowing this to happen, I'm not showing them self-worth and dignity. And so my hope for them is just that they know their worth and

that they know even when hard things do come across our path, that they can get through it and they are capable. And this still wouldn't have been my first choice for how I'd want things to work out, but we do still have so much to be grateful for. And families do come in lots of different shapes and sizes. And so that's my hope for them. And I don't know,

some of the questions I don't know. Some of the questions I haven't answered before I feel a little more like fumbly on the answers. But I don't know. Some days I'm like, is it still sometimes in the back of my head like, oh what did you do, right? Yeah, obviously that'll creep in. But ultimately I just want them to know their worth and what they are worthy of and deserving of. And so hopefully that is translating through this experience.

How do you deal with homeschool critics? It's like with anything, you have to be really resolved and know what it is you believe in while you're

doing it.

And probably some of the first significant criticism I got was over simplifying and minimalism. And then from there it was homeschool, and then now it's divorce and all that. Right? So I've had my fair share of criticism over the last handful of years, but I've really found that if you know why you're doing it, I don't even try anymore to try to find the perfect responses or anything.

Sometimes I'll say, well, why do you ask when someone is saying something that feels a little judgmental or critical? Because every once in a while, I'm surprised that they're actually sincerely asking either about homeschooling or decluttering or divorce. And I interpret it as that they were coming at me,

but they actually really weren't, and they were sincerely wanting to know, and then I find out more about their situation. So often that's a question I'll come back with, because if they do have impure motives, often if you ask, like, why do you ask?

It'll show itself or they'll kind of divert the question or change topics or go on. But just know why you're doing what you're doing. And also I'm not married to any of these things anymore. I understand now that my views on things might change or evolve, or we might switch our schooling plan or I might get more ruthless on decluttering. I don't know, right? And so I don't see, like I said earlier, I don't think I don't see things so black and white. I don't think others have to subscribe to my way of

thinking on all things. And there's a lot of freedom that comes with that of me not trying to push my values on other people and then also I don't feel as much pressure to take on their values either. Will you ever do a day in the life? Ugh. You know, it's just a little tricky recording here at my parents' house. They're awesome, but I never want to be like, can you be quiet? I'm trying to record or push people out or people that don't want to be on or

anything. So probably not. I will, actually, I will say this though.

For those who are inside of our membership community,

I record, I have a five minute video in there every single day.

During the week we do live decluttering together. We do a household planning meeting every Saturday morning that we're on live together. So I'm often like, oh, this is what's going on this week. So actually there's a lot more behind the scenes going on in there just because we just are doing life together pretty much every day, except Sundays. So that does go on in there. But yeah, for YouTube, that just feels very stressful. I feel like my stress level just went up right now thinking about that. Also a similar question. Have you thought about filming decluttering other people's spaces? I just feel like I don't have my full bandwidth back. And we had done that,

I don't know, four or five years ago, gone to people's houses and decluttered. It was very stressful for me. Cass from Clutterbug, she's great at it. She has a team. They have it all dialed in. Me, I just felt like we were fumbling around. And if I go to someone's home, I never want them to feel pressured. Like they have to get rid of a lot of stuff. I don't want them to regret something that they've gotten rid of. And so, yeah, probably not anytime in the near future. I still do feel like I have to be kind of protective of my bandwidth a little bit. Just

like, man, I look back at what I used to be able to accomplish in a week and I'm like, I am nowhere near that. And it's fine, but there are times where I'm just like, ugh, can I like, I just get stressed more easily, I get tired more easily, I get sad more easily. I don't know. I don't even know if it'll return or not, or is this just being 42? I don't know. But it's fine, I'm learning to work within it more. But anyways, those both of those ideas stress me out a lot. All right, actually, dude, there were some good YouTube questions too. So why don't we answer those real quick?

I have been making videos on YouTube since 2018. It is 2025, so seven years now. So I've seen a lot of changes and there was questions about like, how long does it take you to make a YouTube video? So I will say like that kitchen video that I made last week took about three full days, a full day of filming, and then two days of editing.

It was also almost an hour long. So that was one of my longer ones. I do have someone who helps edit videos, but I send them the shorter ones, the ones that are like under 22 minutes and where I don't have to do a lot of editing. Like this, I will 1000% edit myself because I am, again, I'm just thinking so carefully about what's getting put out there and wanting to

say all the right things, right? And cut out all the dumb things and everything. So not do all of them take three days. No, but for sure I'd like to plan at least two days for a video. And then when you do like the thumbnail and title and that kind of stuff, I will, I would say probably the only pushback I get on YouTube is sometimes seeing like remarks about the sponsors. Obviously there was a sponsor earlier in this video. I will tell you this, because some creators have like every video sponsored, others like me

it's not every. For me, some months are more than others. I get to choose ultimately, but also you kind of want to keep the sponsors happy too. If they're like, Hey, we have a promotion. Can you do an extra video this month? Like you want to keep a good relationship. But here's what I'll say about sponsorships.

So YouTube of all the social media platforms, YouTube treats their creators the best. Hands down. I see gals that create content for Instagram get burnt out all the time and it stinks. You have to constantly be putting out new content on Instagram and in a lot of ways, Facebook too, right? YouTube treats their creators awesome. And also there are still just a lot of up and downs.

You can create a video thinking like this video is going to do so well, and then it doesn't. And then another one that you didn't think it was going to do well does. You can't really count on the income from it, the steadiness of it. There's a baseline consistency to it, but there is so much up and down with it.

And many of us have brought people on to help us. I've talked about my assistant, Jackie. She is just the coolest person in the entire universe. We have worked together for five years. She works with me full time now. Does all just the detail-oriented stuff. Like I've joked like she's the detail part of my brain that I was never born with. I have gals on that help with my membership community and we do body doubling

like every day in our membership, that takes coordination. There's lots of schedules to manage. There's just more. We keep adding things and more things and whatnot,

and other social media promotion and different things.

where we're able to have other women, usually women, I know there's some guys too, video editors and whatnot, we get to have these other people come and help, which I love. I hope I am providing a good environment for them to work in. And also we have to pay them every month and we don't ever, we wouldn't ever want to go back on our commitment to them. And then we have this up and down that we're dealing with. So when sponsors come to us and they're like, Hey,

we will give you a set price for this video and it's guaranteed, it's really hard to turn that away. And Helix has been the coolest to work with. I love their mattresses. I fully believe in it. When I say my mom sleeps on one and my grandma slept on one and my kids sleep on them and my sister sleeps on one, it's all the truth. Like I would not promote a crappy product to them. And so I feel very fortunate that I found a couple brands that I actually really do like and use and believe in. And also they're willing to pay me to talk about it. Right?

Like it feels like I'm very grateful for that. And so I am committed that I will only ever promote sponsors that I believe in, but also to have that steady contract where you know each month that you can count on it, like they could back out, right? But it's been like we have a good relationship and you can count on that. That brings so much security and peace of mind.

And so I try to keep it in balance. I don't want every video to be sponsored. And also I know you can click past a sponsor, right? You can do the fast forward and you can fast forward past it too, right? That's what I do when I'm listening to a podcast. So I don't feel like you're held hostage for two minutes while the sponsorship is going on either. But anyways, I just want to explain that because if you see other creators or on my channel or wherever and you're like, oh, another sponsor, just know for us,

that is the steady and reliable income and all the other stuff is just so hard to know what it'll be next month or not. So that is that. YouTube, there's a question too, did you ever think you would be here? No! Are you joking me? I am like the quiet girl in the background. I'm the happy helper. I've always wanted to help everyone else. And that's maybe why this works, because I feel like I'm helping you to clutter your house, and so I'm willing to get outside of my comfort zone and like put

myself out there for it. And also I get to record the videos, like by myself in my house. If I had to do it live in front of a live studio audience, oh, like no. And then I can go back and edit it and I can edit out all the silly things I say. I'm like, why did I say that? But no, this is still so bizarre to me. And I look around and I'm like, how did I get so lucky? Like why? Why do I get to be so lucky? Why do I get to... I mean, I look at the comments,

I did look at the comments on the kitchen video last week. They were so kind and encouraging. Like to the point where it brings tears to my eyes because I'm just like, wow, I can't believe I'm so fortunate. I'm just trying to share what's been helpful to me, but to know that it's helpful to others and everything, I, like, it blows my mind and I just feel so fortunate. All right, well,

I have probably gabbed your ear off enough now, but thank you for listening and for hanging out. And I'm glad we could spend this time together. I am so grateful for you. Thank you for continuing to watch the videos, for rewatching them, for sharing them with friends. The kind comments go so far and I just am so incredibly grateful for that and all of your support. And if you haven't done so,

if you wouldn't mind subscribing, really only half the people that watch the channel are actually subscribed. So if you wouldn't mind doing that, that is helpful as well. If you do want to spend even more time together, I would love to have you join our membership community. I have to check with Jackie about,

it might say $45 a month on the website right now, but we can get that down to 22 for anyone that wants to join. Right now, we're just heading into fall and kind of getting reset for fall. We'll be doing our five days to an organized Christmas coming up in October. And so lots of really good stuff coming up. And then definitely the new year, oh man, we go all in. It's really good. I'm really proud of the group actually.

And it's actually been a really positive thing for me to have, especially in October, I'll have been running the group for six years. But especially over this past year and a half, I've been really grateful just to have the support of all the women in there, but also to feel like there's something I'm good at and still good at and contributing to the world, I guess. So, um, I've been really, really grateful for that group and everyone in it,

but also grateful for you too. So anyways, details for that down below. but also grateful for you too. So anyways, details for that down below. But I love you. I hope you have a really good day and I'll see you again soon.