Jon on Epstein Files vs. Pizzagate & Ronny Chieng on Trump's MBS Meeting | The Daily Show

On the premiere of season eight of the Epstein files, all the emails continue to resurface, sparking renewed interest. Because of exchanges like this one, which really encapsulates the absolutely astonishing astonishing nature of this entire affair. I give you, this is an email exchange between Jeffrey Epstein and his brother Mark.

In one email, Epstein's brother Mark told him to ask Steve Bannon if quote,

Putin has the photos of Trump blowing bubba. This sentence may be 18 words long? Seven of those words are Steve Bannon, Putin, photos, Trump blowing bubba. It's a rich text. Literary scholars will secure tenure off the analysis of this text. Steve Bannon, Putin, photos, Trump blowing bubba. And I know what you're probably thinking. Jeffrey Epstein had a brother?

He did, apparently. And to the second thing that you might be thinking...

Mark Epstein released a statement clarifying that the name Bubba was not a reference to former president Bill Clinton.

Thank you for clearing that up. No further questions, your honor. Uh, boy, before I go, one last thing. Which Bubba was he blowing then? It's not Bubba Gump. That's a restaurant. And you can't blow a restaurant. By the way, that's not a challenge, Mr. President.

You see, but these are the kinds of questions that can be answered by releasing the Epstein files, which Donald Trump has been steadfastly against.

I don't understand why the Jeffrey Epstein case would be of interest to anybody. It's pretty boring stuff.

Did you see the blowing email? It's kind of interesting. I mean, the little taste of that, no pun intended, did arouse, again, no pun intended, some curiosity about the rest of, if I may, the load. That one I meant. But pressure is built. Is there any way to talk about this story that doesn't sound ejaculate adjacent? People are begging on their No, this is not... demanding release. No, this is...

-♪♪ -♪♪

But the House of Representatives clearly now has the votes to demand that the Epstein files be released, which is why this weekend Trump pivoted.

The president writing on social media,

House Republicans should vote to release the Epstein files

at some point, the walls will close in, at which point, you, too, will probably find yourself saying, maybe not via tweet, hey, go ahead, look, I got nothing to hide. But you do. You do. And so does Trump.

Because guess what? If he had nothing to hide, he could have declassified and released these files himself at any time. How do I know this? A legal expert named Donald Jurisprudence Trump... said so.

If you're the president of the United States, you can declassify just by saying, um, it's declassified, even by thinking about it.

-♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ Come on Donny boy, don't think about it. No, I don't even think about baseball. Think about your grandma. Think about baseball. Think about your grandma playing baseball. Don't think about the class.

I declassified it. Oh, I shouldn't have done it, but I did it. I... I declassified in my pants. It's very clear Trump does not want these things out there,

which is obvious even from his nonsensical answers about it in the Oval Office today.

We have nothing to do with Epstein. The Democrats do. All of his friends were Democrats. You look at this Reid Hoffman, you look at Larry Summers, Bill Clinton.

First of all, are you okay? And second of all, we've tried to look at those people, but every time we do, your picture comes up. But f*** yeah, investigate everyone who had a relationship with Epstein, which includes, if we're being honest, you, Mr. President. And by the way, investigate the Democrats.

And maybe you'll find out... Yeah, exactly! Investigate them all. And by the way, while you're out there, see if you can find the Democrat who cut a sweetheart prison deal for Ghislaine Maxwell

after she told your lawyer she never saw you do anything wrong. Oh, and by the way, never saw Jeffrey Epstein do anything wrong either. Have at it. Because the perks that Maxwell is getting in prison

would seem sketchy for a run-of-the-mill white-collar larcenist, let alone a convicted sex trafficker.

Tonight, new details about the list of perks

that Ghislaine Maxwell is getting behind bars. Private meals and mail delivery,

cellmates reassigned for privacy, special visits in the chapel, and the warden helps her send documents and emails.

The warden? Hello, warden. It's Ghislaine. I'm having just an awful time converting this file to PDF. Would you be a dear? Uh, yeah, I'll send the IT guy.

Oh, no! You will attend to this personally. Yes, Gislaine. I'm sorry. Yes,

I'm sorry, am I still on the phone? Yeah. Yes, Ms. Maxwell. And scene. Alright.

I mean, come on! The f***ing warden? I'm Joe Maxwell. And scene. All right. I don't know what I was doing.

I mean, come on!

The f-ing warden? And it gets cushier. Literally. One of the perks that I think that people may be surprised

that is a perk is the idea of unlimited toilet paper.

What? The audience literally gaspsped right now. I've been a free man my whole life. I have never had unlimited toilet paper. Never in my life. I wasn't raised that way.

But Maxwell, she's just wiping and wiping. Hello, warden. Would you be a dear? Unlimited toilet paper. It does explain her prison Halloween costume this year. Oh, unlimited! Is it possible that Trump's whole bullshit facade is crumbling?

I mean, right now all he can do is distract from one lie with what is clearly another lie.

All I want is I want for people to recognize a great job

that I've done on pricing, on affordability.

Oh!

What planet do you live on? Great job on affordability. My Taco Bell order is now $72. By the way, I still round up for the children. I don't want you thinking I don't round up. This dude is flailing. I don't want you thinking I don't round up.

This dude is flailing. The normally reliable Trump is even struggling to deliver on his greatest gift, the cutting

nickname.

Over the weekend, President Trump repeatedly going after one of his closest allies and staunchest defenders, Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene.

Calling her Marjorie Taylor Brown because quote, green grass turns brown

when it begins to rot.

You know, I've always said that the best nicknames are the ones you have to explain in parentheses.

Right Bubba?

Hey Bubba!

Hey Bubba, he's from the South and he likes being blown! Bubba! But believe me, this is real. This Epstein thing is no Democrat hoax. And you know it's real because Trump's allies are working overtime to distract.

Or in the case of Fox News, not even to mention, when the emails came out, Fox devoted most of their airtime to such urgent matters as the socialist takeover of Seattle, the Treasury phasing out the penny, the Northern Lights, the growing popularity of Christian music, and as always, Kamala Harris goes crazy for carbs.

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Move over, elite pedophile ring. Kamala's gone Garfield on the lasagna.

-♪♪ -♪♪

My God! Any other problems with the emails?

Another critique we're hearing from some Republicans is that these emails are cut and spliced, they're taken out of context, some of them are a little bit difficult to decode, if you will.

Bullshit! Difficult to decode? Have you read these emails? They weren't put together by Navajo code talkers. Here are the emails. Hey Jeffrey, rented a huge house in Ibiza, invited lots of girls from Russia.

All models. The scout used to scout for Trump, but he doesn't work for him anymore. He's coming with 12 girls and would like to meet you. Or how about this one? I will send you a picture of this Burmese girl. Very pretty.

I will bring her to the U.S. Yeah, probably not on an H-1B. Look, these e-mails are explicit, and they were written post Epstein's conviction in 2008. And even then, these mother-fuckers felt so invincible that they didn't even think to

try and hide any of it. No mafia, hey, did you take care of that thing? No, the donuts are in the container. No, even, ixnay on the Earl's gay. But suddenly, the right is all, this is impenetrable. What language be this?

So let's go back and remember how this whole f-ing dance started. Let me take you back to 2016, when another batch of e-mails was released, and MAGA had no trouble busting out the Dakota rings for those emails.

The Pizzagate conspiracy began with the Clinton WikiLeaks. The conspiracy theory quickly spread to Reddit and YouTube,

feeding fake online news stories alleging a Clinton campaign child sex ring.

Well, that's an incredibly serious charge. And seeing how the right doesn't like to jump to conclusions on emails, I assume that these emails were pretty concise and clear about the extent of what would be a horrific crime.

The original source of all this, a leaked email to John Podesta, Hillary Clinton's campaign

chief.

It was from his brother, and it said simply,

would love to get a pizza.

-♪ -♪

-♪

-♪ Oh, my God. -♪ Oh, my God.

Could it be any clearer that John Podesta and his brother are running a family-owned child sex ring? What else could, -"Would love to get a pizza," mean? -$1,000. That was the famous Pizzagate conspiracy. When people were so obsessed

with finding evidence of sex trafficking, they built a whole code book and applied it to those emails.

What they found were numerous references to pizza,

a term Urban Dictionary says is slang for child pornography. So somehow they concluded that Podesta and company were speaking in code.

These conspiracy theorists started saying that pizza and cheese and pasta were code

words referring in fact to child sex abuse.

Why did the Podesta emails mention the code word pasta for either little boy or sex 78

Why would he mention pasta 78 times? Other than the fact that he's Italian.

He's Italian.

What are you? He's Italian. If you try to type Podesta into your phone, half the time it will autocorrect to pasta. If anything, 78 times is low! I mean, who knows what this f***ing dude is into. But mentioning pasta doesn't make someone a pedophile.

Even if it does make them a pen-a-phile. All right.

All right. All right.

I'm comedian and daily show host Jon Stewart. Sometimes it's a challenge for a comedy show to discuss sex trafficking networks. So you have to find the jokes wherever you can. Generally, that does include pasta puns, even if they do make me feel a little flusilly.

But the Pizzagate conspiracy wasn't just left to grow on its own. People in MAGA World were very happy to feed that fire.

This is tied into Podesta with thousands of emails.

There were little kids going in and out of this bathroom. And this is a bar.

Besta, Podesta, the molesta.

QAnon, a lot of this stuff these guys have been talking about comes out to be true.

Pizzagate, as it's called, is a rabbit hole that is horrifying to go down.

Yeah, I think if people thought anytime someone mentioned pizza they were talking about having sex with kids. Yeah, that would actually be terrifying because it's the most popular food in the country. But you know what this shit does? It trivializes and tries to politicize what is an actual, real f**king problem in this country and this world.

And has now put those same influencers in the position to back away from this in present time with far more explicit evidence. This is an email without any context. Once again, ultimately it's just Epstein

trying to pull Trump in and implicate him.

And they'd been over him. They'd been cherry-picked. They know it's there. It's all old stuff. So it's just more gaslighting, more deception. As I've always said, context is important.

As I say on my show every day, the truth is oftentimes nuanced. That's why you got to be real careful with this shit. And as for Bannon, through these emails, we've learned he was working with Epstein to figure out ways he could rehabilitate Epstein's image. It's f***ing amazing. With these Podesta emails, it was all, they were the Enigma machine, decoding everything.

But these Epstein emails now are a New York Times crossword puzzle from a Monday. You can figure this shit out in ink. In fact, the only guy, the only guy, the only guy that I have to give props to is Alan Dershowitz. Not for moral integrity,

but this dude's been on Epstein's team from the get-go, and he's sticking with it.

He pleaded guilty to one count of having sex for money with a 17-year-and-10-month-old person. That's not pedophile.

Yeah.

Little rule of thumb for everyone out there. If you ever find yourself counting anyone's age in months, chances are the person you're describing is still a child. But maybe the most shocking thing about this, and I cannot stress this enough, convicted sex trafficker,

is the extent of his social network. We mentioned some of the e-mails

between Epstein and writer Michael Wolff.

Epstein e-mailed he received a gift from Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman.

Contacts include liberal academic Noam Chomsky.

Ehud Barak and Larry Summers.

Deepak Chopra, Sunyi Preven, Woody

Allen's wife, Lyndon Thomas of the New York Times, the former Prince Andrew,

Ken Starr, Peter Thiel. Look at the names in these emails. You get Democrats, Republicans, Silicon Valley billionaires, spiritual thought leaders, you got an Israeli Prime Minister and the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia. My god, the range! What it tells you is that a certain stratosphere, the petty differences of class and race and religion fade away.

Where left and right, Jew, Arab, and Christian, ultra-rich and, oh, my God, is that a rocket rich, find common ground and show us that we can live in peaceful coexistence. It would be almost beautiful. If not for the sex trafficking part. Oh my god elite sex trafficking ring is there anything you

can't spoil? And I'm not saying these people are all in the ring but Epstein was a convicted sex offender at the time of these emails and of course mentioned in these emails more than anyone else, more than 1600 times, is Donald Trump. Is that evidence of his guilt? No.

But it shows that he's a part of that world. And certainly the circumstantial evidence points to his understanding of what was occurring. But if there are more of you out there that need definitive proof, perhaps this will convince

you.

It's wrong, isn't it?

But it feels so right.

Then it's a deal?

Yes, we eat our pizza the wrong way.

Crust first.

Introducing stuffed crust pizza from Pizza Hut.

Oh, my God, they're doing anal!

We've learned a lot in the last week about the monsters that Jeffrey Epstein surrounded himself with. But let's not forget, he also surrounded himself with total f-cking losers.

Harvard professor and former Treasury secretary under Bill Clinton, Larry Summers. On Monday night, Summers said he is stepping back from public commitments after messages between him and Epstein were released, where he asked the sex offender for advice about pursuing a young woman

he described as his mentee. And Epstein described himself as Summers' wingman.

Wow, really? I can't believe this guy needed help getting laid. Why are you asking Jeffrey Epstein to be your wingman? You are the president of Harvard, Larry Summers. Just ask Harvard to do a study on how to make you f-able. And by the way, Larry Summers is married,

but he's all over these emails asking Epstein about girls like he just got his first pube.

On March 16th, 2019, Summers wrote, we talked on phone. I said, what are you up to? She said, I'm busy. I said, awfully are you up to? She said, I'm busy. I said, awfully coy you are. Tone was not of good feeling.

-♪ ♪

Tone was not of good feeling. Awfully coy you are. Here's a tip on girls. Uh, they don't like guys who talk like Yoda.

-♪ ♪

And if you're wondering, when did Larry Summers stop emailing Jeffrey Epstein about women, the answer is, up until he couldn't.

In June of 2019, Summers asked Epstein about the chances of getting, quote, horizontal with a woman. Epstein responded that Summers needed to play the long game. Epstein was arrested soon after.

-�.5 million. $1.5 million.

Yeah, I kind of actually feel a little bad for Jeffrey Epstein. I mean, the walls are closing in on him at this point, and he still has to teach this... dork game? He's, like, texting, it's hot to talk, hiding from feds.

Keep negging. But Epstein emails are just a gross appetizer here. Everyone is still waiting for the disgusting main course, the DOJ's Epstein files. For months, Trump has done everything he can to prevent the release of these files.

He's tried persuading Republicans not to vote for it. Then he tried threatening them. Then he tried pointing up at the sky and going, whoa, what's over there? What is that? But nobody looked except for Tommy Tuberville,

who is actually still looking.

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But when it became clear that the House was gonna ignore Trump and vote to release the Epstein files anyway, Trump backtracked and said, oh, yeah, yeah, today, the vote passed unanimously. Almost.

In a rare show of unity, the vote was 427 to one. Louisiana Republican Congressman Clay Higgins,

the only member voting against this bill...

Okay, does Clay Higgins represent the Third Congressional District of Epstein Island?

--ha... --ha...

Who even is this guy? Oh.

Oh.

Okay, that makes sense. Uh... Now I believe this is a guy who would vote to block the Epstein files. I mean, he doesn't need the DOJ to release them. He's just gonna steal them from Indiana Jones later. But aside from him,

all the House Republicans voted against Trump. Even his most ardent supporter, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Georgia representative and woman who just started taking her meds. Trump was so mad, he called her a traitor this weekend. And I bet that got her back in line.

I was called a traitor by a man that I fought for five... No, actually, six years for. Let me tell you what a traitor is. A traitor is a... is an American that serves foreign countries and themselves.

-... -...

Okay, what the fuck is happening with Marjorie Taylor Greene? Did she get the severance surgery? Was she bit by a radioactive Rachel Maddow? Like, she's getting so liberal that a month from now, she's gonna be performing on NPR's tiny desk.

-♪ ♪ -()

I mean... and how dare she? How dare she imply that Trump serves foreign countries? Okay? The president is out here every day

thinking about America first.

President Trump rolled out the red carpet for Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman.

Okay, look... sometimes America first means Saudi Arabia first. But so what? He rolled out a red carpet for MBS. It's not like Trump is endorsing everything he's done.

Your Royal Highness, the U.S. intelligence concluded that you orchestrated the brutal murder of a journalist.

You're mentioning somebody that was extremely controversial. A lot of people didn't like that gentleman that you're talking about. Whether you like him or didn't like him, things happen. But he knew nothing about it. And we can leave it at that. You don't have to embarrass our guest by asking a question like that.

Yeah, hey, hey, shut up! A little etiquette, please This man is a guest in our country. Why are you asking him about the journalists? He bone-sawed? It's like no one has manners anymore Trump is dealing with a lot of shit right now. Okay, he lost the Epstein vote. They're being mean to his best friend One more reasonable question and he's gonna f***ing lose it. Mr. President, why wait for Congress to release the Epstein files?

Why not just do it now?

You know, it's not the question that I mind, it's your attitude. I think you are a terrible reporter. It's the way you ask these questions. You start off with a man who's highly respected, asking him a horrible, insubordinate, and just a terrible question. And you could even ask that same exact question nicely.

You're all psyched up. Somebody psychs you over at ABC, they're gonna psych it. You're a terrible person and a terrible reporter.

-$1.5 million.

Well, I hope you guys are happy. Would it have killed you to ask MBS about the murder nicely? Just a little, like, excuse me, Crown Prince, will you be so kind as to stop murdering my colleagues? Pretty please? Please?

And as for releasing the Epstein files, Donald Trump's position has been very clear.

Kind of.

I just want to be super clear on your position. Do you want to see that pass the Senate? Would you sign that bill if it gets to your desk?

Sure I would. Let the Senate look at it. Let anybody look at it. But don't talk about it too much because honestly, I don't want to take it away from us.

It's really a Democrat problem. Oh.

It's a Democrat problem. So you don't want to talk about it to help them?

-♪ ♪ -♪

That's nice.

-♪ ♪ -♪

Yesterday was a big day at the White House, because Donald Trump got to have a play date with Mohammed bin Salman, the crown prince of Saudi Arabia and all-around great guy who definitely doesn't hold a grudge and I, Ronny Chieng, have no problems with. And the two of them couldn't keep Trump's hand off each other.

We work with all presidents.

Does Trump blow them all away?

Son of the league, Mr. President.

Mr. President. Thank you. Mr. President?

And Trump doesn't give a fist pump. I grabbed that hand. I don't give a hell where that hand's been. I grabbed that hand.

-$1.2 billion.

-$1.2 billion.

What the hell was that? That was the worst handshake I've ever seen. That was like the 9-11 of handshakes. And... once again, Saudi Arabia is involved. Okay. Uh, and, Trump,

why are you wondering where his hand has been? You're the one whose hand is decomposing.

I mean...

Now, you might be wondering, wait, how is Donald Trump best friends with MBS? Isn't Trump the Muslim band guy? Didn't he just spend a month calling Zohra Mandani a terrorist? Well, the difference is that Zohra Mandani is a Shia Muslim whose family comes from Uganda by way of India, whereas MBS is giving Trump money.

The Trump organization already has multiple projects in Saudi Arabia, including Trump towers in Jeddah and Riyadh and a Trump pl Plaza in the works. In the last year alone, the Trump Organization's Saudi partner pumping more than $20 million into the family business.

Wow. Three Trump Towers in Saudi Arabia? See? America can f-ck up your skyline, too. But enough about collusion between global elites. Let's move on to the Epstein files. Yeah! Where my Ep-heads at?

-♪ ♪

Just me. Uh... Yesterday, a house of representatives voted to release the files thanks to brave Republicans like Nancy Mace, who was very clear about not being a part of the Epstein network.

The Epstein email suggests that, in fact, there is a widespread code among people with power and money who support one another. Does that exist in Washington?

I... I'm not part of the powerful. I'm not part of the elite. I'm an island of one. I don't get invited to parties.

I don't have any friends. I have a dog.

-♪ ♪ -$1,000. -$1,000.

Wait, are you... are you fishing for an invite to the sex party? Like, why did you make not being a part of a pedophile ring sound so sad? Like... There's a middle ground between Epstein Island and Friendless Loser.

Like... walk the middle path. Um... I mean, she doesn't go to parties, Epstein Island and friendless loser. Like... Walk the middle path. Um... I mean, she doesn't go to parties, she doesn't have friends, she does have a dog,

but after a day with her, even the dog's like, where's Christine Nome when you need her? But thanks to these Republicans, the House voted to release the Epstein files, and I just cannot believe this is gonna happen. Trump has been trying to stop us

from seeing these files for months now. I mean, they must have some plan to drag this thing out.

House Speaker Mike Johnson says he expects the Senate to amend the bill, which would then send it back to the House.

Of course. That's the plan. Yeah, it's obvious. They're gonna let it pass the House because they know it'll go to the Senate, aka where the legislation and senators go to die.

Breaking tonight, in Washington, D.C., the Senate has unanimously agreed to pass the bill to release the Epstein files.

Wait, what?

Wait, wait, wait. Hang on, hang on.

Wait, how... How the fuck did it pass this fast? I thought a bill in the Senate had to go through amendments and committees and floor votes and Mitch McConnell's neck folds and... and they have to add some unrelated earmarks that somehow make Lindsey Graham millions of dollars.

Like, how'd they get around all that?

Senate Democrats pressured their Republican counterparts to pass the Epstein-Files Transparency Act by something that's called unanimous consent, meaning the Senate accepts the House version of the bill as

written. Wait, you can do that? Unanimous consent? Well then why don't you do that with every bill? I mean does it only work on bills of Epstein's name? In that case, we might need to pass the Jeffrey Epstein Universal Health Care Epstein Act, featuring Jeffrey Epstein.

-♪ ♪ -♪ Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

No, don't... Why are you cheering Jeffrey Epstein? But back to this bill. There's no way they're gonna let this pass, okay? Yeah, it got through the House and Senate, but I'm sure Donald Trump will veto this bill as soon as it reaches his desk.

President Donald Trump says he's ready to sign the bill

as soon as it reaches his desk.

Wait. My God, what the hell is happening here? Is Trump really gonna release the Epstein files? He's not going to burn them or hide them or put them on Barron's head so no one can reach them? I can't believe this. Look, there's just no way that this man is going to release the Epstein files that he

is in.

I mean, he must have a plan to get out of this. We should note the legislation as it stands clearly says, quote, the attorney general may withhold or redact personally identifiable information of victims or victims' personal and medical files and any material that would jeopardize

an active investigation or national security.

Yeah, there we go. See? That's how they're gonna keep these files secret. National Security. America's go-to justification. It stops us from bringing shampoo on a plane, it puts terrorists on bananas, and soon, it can prevent you from seeing

if the president is a pedophile. And by the time Pam Bondi is done with these files, there'll be more censored than the airplane version of Anora. Now... more censored than the airplane version of a Nora. Now, I'm not saying we'll never see the Epstein files. I'm not saying we will. All I'm saying is we need to find other clues

that the president inappropriately touches people.

All right?

Last night, Trump signed the Epstein File Transparency Act into law. It was the first step towards proving that there's no connection between him and Jeffrey Epstein. Unfortunately, he signed the bill like this.

-♪ ♪ -♪ ♪

-♪ ♪

Not again.

-♪ ♪ So now this bill's a law. It's fully legal, or as Megyn Kelly would probably call it, 16. In the meantime, Pam Bondi has opened a new investigation into Epstein's relationships with Democrats, and it's not just because Trump ordered her to

on Twitter for the whole world to see. No, that's not why. She had a perfectly good explanation for that that she's not nervous about at all.

What changed, uh, since then

that you launched this investigation?

Information that has come for... Information. Um... at all. What changed, uh, since then that you launched this investigation? Information that has come for... Information. Um, there's information that... New information, additional information.

Perfect answer. It was perfect. What-what part of information in the information... What you got information... Do you not understand? Also at the briefing was FBI chief podcaster Cash Patel,

who...

seems to think that if he stands still long enough, we won't notice that he's a part of this whole thing.

I mean...

I've heard of a thousand-yard stare, but this dude looks like he could see to China right now. Hey, Cash, could you check in on my family in Malaysia while you're at it? I mean, what's my mom doing? Actually, no, don't look at my mom.

But Pam Bondi isn't the only Trump official investigating Democrats and f-cking it up. We also got Lindsey Halligan, whom Trump made his personal lawyer after he saw her on a golf course in a suit. Which sounds like a joke, but it's not.

She's now a U.S. attorney leading his crusade against James Comey, and she's crushing it.

The case against former FBI director James Comey may be in jeopardy. Lindsey Halligan, the inexperienced prosecutor President Trump handpicked for the job but who has never tried a criminal case, admitted she never showed the entire grand jury

the indictment it was supposed to have approved.

It's a mistake that could end up

getting the case thrown out entirely.

It turns out the unqualified lawyer f-ed up the case.

I mean...

This is how legally blonde would have gone if it was real. It's like, well, I've never tried the case before, but I'm gonna do my best. Case dismissed, you are disbarred. Roll credits. In her defense, how is she supposed to know

she has to show the indictment to the whole grand jury? Okay, they almost never show that part on suits.

A.I. will alter war more profoundly than any technology since nuclear weapons. The shift from soldiers to machines is already underway. Autonomous helicopters, swarming drones, and recon aircraft are here now. Fighters, less jets, and autonomous bombers are on the way. Happy Thanksgiving.

Thank you. -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪

Wow. Uh... The new Terminator movie is weird as hell.

I mean, I...

I can't even tell if she's for or against this future that she's describing. Like, maybe she's just waiting to see who wins and then declare her allegiance. She's like, the robots will destroy us, and they're good or bad.

We'll see. who wins and then declare her allegiance. She's like, the robots will destroy us, and they're good or bad, we'll see. And finally, big news from the Secretary of Transportation, Sean Duffy. The FAA has had a lot of problems recently, worker shortages, system failures,

mixing up the sky and the ground, but luckily, Sean's got a solution that will fix everything.

The Department of Transportation is urging airline passengers to be on our best behavior.

Let's bring civility and manners back. Ask yourself, are you helping a pregnant woman put her bag in the overhead bin? Are you dressing with respect? Are you saying thank you to your flight attendants and your pilots? Are you saying please and thank you in general?

-♪ ♪ -♪

Our manner is the most important thing for the FAA to be dealing with right now. This would be like if in the middle of Vietnam, Henry Kissinger said, hey, everyone, just here to say chew with your mouth closed, okay? But Duffy's right. We should all be more civilized,

including the president, who just today posted, hang the Democrats. Does that sound polite to you? No. It should be, please hang the Democrats, thank you. But they are really committing to this civility campaign.

They even released a whole video about how they want to take air travel back to the golden

age.

Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away.

Air travel is a miracle of American ingenuity. We respected the dignity of air travel and the men and women who made the dream possible. Flying was a bastion of civility. But today...

Yeah, get him! F*** him up. -♪♪♪♪

Hey, I mean, it's not... it's nice to see Americans being physically active. I know flying isn't as classy as it was in the 1950s, but at least with these passengers, 9-11 is not gonna happen again, all right? Because no way a bunch of terrorists can defeat four angry Karens in their pajamas.

They're gonna be like, They're gonna be like, I got a box cutter, too, bitch!