Now we know WHO killed gaming..

Gaming is over. Now we know who's responsible.

This is gaming in 2025.

Cutting edge capabilities of our game engine.

Pimps! Welcome back to the modern video game industry. The industry is so sterile it feels like it got snipped by a back alley doctor.

I disagree. I think video games now are amazing. It's just any video game made by a big studio is gonna be bad

Every publisher that's just how it is Every year another piece of your childhood is being auctioned off to the highest bidder That's right selling nostalgia by the pound Sony's they're selling Metroid Prime music for 30 What the fuck charging you a subscription to remember how to have fun And Microsoft's outback trying to pawn the Halo franchise Like it's an old lawnmower they found in the garage

Every Xbox ever is getting outsold by the PS5 And the PS5 is getting outsold by a LeBooBoo console

Because-

What? A console nobody has heard of just topped PS5 in sales in the US?

What the fuck is this?

You know what the LeBooBoo console has? Exclusives! Where was PlayStation this year? Their strategy for the year-

Damn!

Fuck it all in 2025- I'll play the fuck out of this game. They dropped that dumbass father. They dropped that dumbass baby off in the 25. Was an absentee father. They dropped-

Yeah, it was.

I wasn't sure.

That dumbass baby off in the desert went out for a pack of cigarettes. Oh, that's right. I forgot Ghost of Yotai came out this year.

Yeah it did.

Alright, so did everybody else.

I'm having fun!

Oh god!

I'm having fun, I'm having fun, I'm having fun! Oh wow! Ubisoft is saying gamers don't buy new games anymore.

Ubisoft blames it's declining revenue on gamers playing fewer games? Guys, it's not our fault, it's the customers' fault. Isn't that crazy? I wonder why. What could be the difference?

Oh, that game was so successful that they're going out of business next year. Now for the Nintendo fans, I know a lot of you are living in cardboard boxes right now because of the Nintendo switch to roll out. But just remember they patented cardboard boxes with the Lobo lawyers. That's just sad. I mean, they're they're up Nintendo right now, I think that they need to have a come to Jesus moment. They do The kind of shit that they've been making in like the last five to like ten years has just not been that good

It hasn't been that good at all. Like what are they doing? For real. Yeah, it's embarrassing. Joff?

You know what I fucking hate about him? Joff? Is every single fucking event that he does, He gets a sponsor from Wuthering Waves.

Every single time, for the last, like, two or three years It's been another sponsor for Wuthering Waves And he calls it Every. Single. Time. Wuthering Waves That's not how you say it That's never been how you say it

Stop saying it like that Wuthering Waves, that's not it. Like every, I'm serious. And it's so fucking annoying. It's like you've been sponsoring this guy for three fucking

years. You guys didn't think to tell him to say the name the right way. God damn. I played this. predictions and we'll all be wrong in about six hours, but first I just gotta say something. The Spike TV Awards were bombastic. They were proudly stupid. A celebrity walked on stage, mispronounced every game title, gave away the wrong award, and then wandered off to get free drinks. Hell Jack Black beat Kratos for best actor of the year. They honestly did not give a fuck.

But I'm not gonna be in the same game as those smelly 8-bit monsters. Why? Is it because I have an underbite and I'm gay?

Jaws niggas!

Stunts are making Kojima smile.

He'll build a ship! Well, hey, that didn't age well, did it? He was so mad that Death Stranding 2 didn't win anything. Oh, God, that was sad. I almost felt bad for him. But, uh, you know, again, make another Metal Gear Solid. I'll be happy. And, uh, yeah, he was burnt. He

was. And I do think that Jeff's event is really good, but I do wish we had the raunchy game awards where we had a bunch of sluts just come up and read the awards. it's like you get a bunch of girls that'll come up in like bikinis and like okay the game here is called for uh explanation 13 wait oh wait what is that oh oh sorry i just have to get them on there and do this

statue up for two weeks and yeah in cosplay of the character exactly It may be finally leave my wife for Kojima son life was a meaningless pursuit of fleeting pleasure until this next game

Was announced let's take a look monster energy girls. Yeah, wasn't the streamer awards. Oh wait. Oh

Wow

Nintendo Layoffs and company with the leaf by the way you need to be using the great sword this weapon sucks dick Full harassment lawsuits now we have games for impact I'm gonna bring in the sincere music here because it's time to make a sincere point AC shadows wasn't nominated for games of impact But it should win because of the impact it had on Ubisoft stock my god you see that shit best voice actor we all

know charlie cox is gonna win because not quite best indie game doesn't even have indiana jones nominated what are we doing here there are too many true and not enough games to fill them i mean look at best fighting games we have best fighting games there's been like two fighting games what they need to do is they need to have more,

like they need to change the way the categories are. They do. Like they need to add in, I think, one or two extra categories for smaller video games. Like a game, like for example, there should be a category that Megabonk

is competing against, I don't know, a fucking ball pit. Like there has to be another category for this Bex Roguelike no, I don't want to there are too many roguelite games schedule one ball pit and mega bonk head-to-head absolutely

Real indie games This dick sucking piece of shit garbage flip-flop fucking limp dick erectile dysfunction millennial quirk personality of mayonnaise white bread

garbage boring repeatable no fish in the game, piece of shit. I know I gave it a seven out of 10, but that's because I didn't play Oblivion. When I played Oblivion and I found out

that they made a game 17 years ago that was better than this, well then now it's a six.

Filth! Next to a Vowed like that.

You're retarded, I was retarded, but the difference between when I'm retarded six. Filth! Next to a vowed like that.

I was retarded. But the difference between when I'm retarded and when IGN is retarded is I say I'm retarded and IGN says you're racist.

Knock a few of these out. Expedition 33! Expedition 33! Expedition 33! Alright, I've made my point. We're going to ignore every category moving forward that has expedition 33 in it because we all know it's

Gonna win so let's move our next category best expedition 33 competition is stiff this year I mean look of the five VR games It came out of the five VR games that came out this year nobody played any of them only five made it to the game Awards for our next category best pimps. That's you guys What's wait, what's this if there was a record we broke it if there was a graph

Yeah

Oblivion

We the new category is gonna be called best remake

So it's like is it gonna be the remake of oblivion or the remake or some other shit?

I really cuz I played that

Let's go for the three feet Wow, you got one more delay in your best art direction. This is just a category where critics pretend They'll see this is the kind of people that play avowed That those are the people that play it and they get excited about it, that's exactly what I was talking about

Yep talking about. Yep. Stand color theory. Meanwhile, Donkey Kong's like, I am yellow. The world is happy. That's what art looks like. I need to play that. I am player. I like right there. Stop the presses.

We just got word.

Todd Howard is going to be one of the announcers this year.

He's going to present the award for shortest game of the year. Get it because he's short. All right. Game of the Year

Get it cuz he's short

Alright, he's not that that short. I saw him at a and Silk Salt. Kingdom Come and Guys is a very realistic game. You swing your sword once and develop full-body cramping. This is the only game of the year nominee where hygiene is a game mechanic.

That's why I can't play it.

...to the first game. This is the second game.

Hades 2? He's so fat. Yeah, bro, they put Hephaestus. This guy's supposed to be the fucking blacksmithing god. He's a fat ass in a wheelchair. What the fuck were you thinking? Oh my god. It was a good game. It was a great game, but this was stupid.

Hephaestus, yes. but this was stupid. A FATSTASTIC! The game came out last year. You should replace this with an actual new game. Like Oblivion Remastered. All foolin' around, decide if the jury gives this shit the trophy. They probably just couldn't figure out how to spell expedition. Silksong finally came out and it is incredible.

I mean it is incredible.

You didn't play it, I didn't play it, but it is incredible. Okay, I I will eventually play Silksong I beat Hollow Knight I did and I watched a video of somebody doing Absolute radiance and then I quit the game. I

Didn't beat it myself, but I watched somebody else beat it Edible folks song fans. I did you want to see your family get kidnapped? It was incredible Let's be honest the fan base. That's a screenshot from Concord by the way three separate tax brackets people who were teenagers

When the first trailer dropped now have I'm gonna be honest like I was watching this one girl play Silksong or no play Hollow Knight before Silksong came out and She had every buff and every advantage in the game. And she was doing the final arena challenge and she couldn't beat it for hours. And I was sitting there feeling so validated because I beat

it pretty early. And I was like, wow, I, these, this bro, like these people, I'm so I'm so good. Was she hot?

Of course.

Why do you think I'd be? Duh.

Obviously.

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Ugh!

Whoa!

Uh-oh.

What? So it's out death stranding to I only know two things about this game number one if you stare at feet for long enough Hideo Kojima appears what number two if you idle for long enough they start playing hentai Very strong go to what then we have the strongest contender. Uh-huh Cody expedition 67 of course everybody loves expedition 33 it stole every mechanic it has from paper Mario the greatest game of all time even when

Honestly paper Mario went hard as fuck I'm gonna be real like I remember I remember so clearly my mom buying me paper Mario

Nintendo fans try to escape Nintendo. They just find the Nintendo in other Nintendos That's right

It's French, it's sad, it's beautiful And by the way, Fweekazoid I think is a little bit younger than I am Paper Mario stole all of its mechanics from Super Mario RPG Okay? So I don't wanna hear about like, oh, Paper Mario-

Uh-uh.

No.

It's the same shit. It's everything American gamers pretend to understand while eating a bankinator at 3 AM. It's turn-based combat, but every attack comes with a metaphor, a trauma dump,

and a dissertation on the human condition. And I'm not saying this because I just unlocked the swimsuit scene. I'm saying this because I just unlocked the 2B mod. These cutscenes that last longer than most marriages are finally watchable. People have been shitting on the quick time event era of gaming for the last five years,

and they make a game that is entirely quick time events, and it's about to win every trophy in this fucking building.

All I ask-

The thing that's fucking annoying is not the quick time events because the Grinner I'm playing a fucking cinema. I'm playing a game and a cinematic starts. I'm like, okay great I put it down right and then it says Oh press triangle. I'm like, oh and now I'm sitting here. I've got like food in my hand And it says failed and then the boss fight starts again That's the reason why that's why people hate quick time events are fucking annoying

You all finally admit that Resident Evil 5 is the best Resident Evil game

Isn't that the game where you went to Africa to kill all the zombies?

I think Resident Evil 5 is that that's the one right? Yeah?

Yeah, I need to make another one of those. Why are you I wonder why they haven't made another one of those games, huh? It's weird

Damn bro, like when's it gonna happen? Oh

Your passion and quality they put into this game makes it obvious to anyone with eyes in their head why the game of the year Is yakuza zero pill the godian 1988 the godian 2015 the godian 2023

Is this game worth playing is y Yakuza 0 worth playing? I played the FUCK out of Yakuza Pirate. I-I beat the whole game, I did all the extra stuff too, like I did all the little missions, collected all the stuff, like is it worth me playing it?

Damn, I might have to do it.

I got like three games added to that.

Fuck you Greek gods that are built like Michelin men. Yeah, fat. I got like three games add to that Damn it looks like that character from Concord Wow Wait, wait, bro. Is he actually selling body? God damn Jesus Despite no good games coming out this year besides Pirate Yakuza, we had tons of fun and next year is looking even more promising. I'm actually on a plane to Japan right now to study the ancient arts of big titties and

body pillows. We will harness the Bushidou ways to craft a shaker cup the pimps truly deserve. So Merry Christmas and I'll see you all in January.

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. This video. Was really good. I wow, that was fucking funny.

I didn't know what to think about it, but that was really, really good. I'm going to link you guys to video you too. Yeah, of course. Right. And, uh, that was 10 out of 10. It was fleek is goaded. I think he's really fucking funny and the kind of stuff. Yeah, bro And, uh, that was 10 out of 10. It was fleek is goaded. I think he's really fucking funny and the kind of stuff. Yeah, bro The ceiling bird bro, like you really had to hit you really had to hit him with the ceiling bird like god damn