We had an argument for the first time in our lives when we were 15 years old
What?
We couldn't talk for 5 days
So I'm married but not in a relationship When did you start talking about it? I don't even touch you
I had exes So I had relationships where I felt extremely bad Relationships that made me feel the worst about myself
In what honor am I going to bear to see my boyfriend f*** another one in front of me?
That's really with hindsight, I noticed that I hate the person I am when I'm in a relationship. Hello everyone and welcome to this brand new episode of Bips Sonore. If you don't know Bips Sonore, it's my podcast. By the way, don't hesitate to subscribe to the channel and to the podcast. It always gives a lot of support, knowing that we do everything ourselves. Today I welcome iconic guests that I love.
I'm delighted with this round table. I tell myself that these people couldn't have met elsewhere. And in the end... Who knows? Yeah, exactly. And in the end, that's the magic of Bip Sonore. So we have with us, for the first time on the podcast,
Pidgey!
Thank you for inviting her!
For the first time too, we have Poppy! So Pidgey, who is a content creator on social media, and Poppy, who is also a content creator on social media, specializing in everything that is food. Did I describe you well?
And beauty. Food and beauty.
Food and beauty.
What we love the most as women, food and beauty. Did I describe you well? Yes, very well. Ok, great. And now we have a person who has returned, who is back, who is like back. That's it.
That's it.
Back to your house, my children.
Here I am. I'm back in the house bitches! I'm back with you, I have Sarah who is a content creator a travel creator yes, well, that's it lifestyle travel
we don't really know how to define it but anyway, happy to be here again
listen, I'm so happy, by the way we did a face to face episode both of us, which was really good I really really liked that moment and so that's why you're back in the house bitches so cool today the subject is super interesting
because we're going to talk about relationships. So I received a little message. You're like surprised when you knew it.
No, you knew it?
But we received a little message that I'm going to read to you because at Bipsonor we answer your questions. So, in a society where being in a relationship seems almost mandatory, how do we avoid this pressure, manage to be in a good relationship, and especially how do we know
when we've found the right person?
Aie aie aie!
Wow!
Ah!
So... It's long. Yeah, exactly. I think we have a lot to say...
About this. Yeah. I think we have a lot to say about this. How long have you been in a relationship? It's been too long. I met my husband and the father of my children at 15. I've been with him for 15 years and I'm going to be 31.
Wow, how old are you? Wait, 15 years old, 31 years old. Oh, okay, so you're in high school.
Yes, I met him when I was in third grade. It still exists! He's the person I called the first time to tell him I had my college diploma.
So cute!
Oh, he's so cute! So I've been with him for 15 years, we're going to be 16 this year, and I had two kids with him.
Wow!
That's incredible.
And so, was it your first love?
Yes.
Oh!
I met him. Only him. Only him? Yes. That's crazy!
It's so interesting.
We are so different. Yes, yes.
But it's true that you have to maintain love relationships and it's not all beautiful and all rosy. I mean, there are ups and downs. Especially at 15, you're not the same as at 31. Before, I was a little teenager. Now I'm a woman and I'm a the same as when I was 31. Before, I was a little teenager. Now, I'm a woman and a mother.
So, obviously, there are a lot of things that change during the adventure. But on the one hand, it's great. After so many years, we know each other by heart.
It's great. I was going to ask you, after 15 years of relationship like this, it's raw, but do we still sleep together? But since there are kids, I guess so. But is it the same? It's what scares me in so many years of relationship and in the gay community we will have the opportunity to talk about it. It's very particular.
Unfortunately, I'm not in favor of it, but there are many couples who, after a certain period, a certain number of years, are forced to become free couples to have sexual relations elsewhere because it's suffocating and sex is still very important in a couple.
So I was thinking, after 15 years of relationship, it's a bit personal, but... Yes, yes. But sometimes, you know, Chéra, your mom doesn't want you to sleep for a week
because you're wasted.
Yes. You don't do it. Yes, you don't do it, you see. But we've always kept this thing of communicating.
Well, there are indeed disputes, because when you're a parent, there's always...
There are more disputes.
Yes, and we often say that a child is getting closer.
No, no.
No, it's clear. I think it's... There are a lot of people who say that. It's getting closer. And I wonder who can think that a child is getting closer.
I think it's getting closer once you've gone through, not this ordeal, but this new life. I think a lot of people say that when they're still in the bubble. I don't know if you see what I mean, but in maternity, you're in such a love bubble that you think, oh yeah, it's so good, and when you go back to the reality of the house, you're like, oh! You have to take on everything. Wow, it's hard, you know?
But then again, yes, there are always relationships, there is a lot of communication, which is very important after 15 years.
Yeah, that's true.
It's always the party of sleep.
But it's not all beautiful and pink. We had a dispute for the first time in our lives in 15 years,
where we didn't know how to speak for 5 days.
When?
First time in 15 years?
Wait, wait, because there is too much information. There is too much information, Pidgy. There's too much information. There's too much information, we've been turning to you for too long. So, 15 years, first big argument?
Yeah.
Not very long ago?
Yesterday.
Oh my god!
We talked about it again yesterday.
Wait, what?
Yeah, but it's been 5 days since we talked about it. But it was horrible. It could be shit, and it's stupid, you know? Because I bought a fucking shampoo and it didn't work.
Oh no, that's not true! But it's serious!
How can you be 15 years old with someone, never have a fight, and have a fight for a... Because I told him something... No, not even, actually, it didn't work, the shampoo, I said, help me, he said, read the notice. I looked at the notice, no, no, And bam, he didn't like that, the bad guy. But you exploded, it's the first time you said something so strong.
Yeah, so strong, because there's the accumulation, you know, you sleep badly, you take care of the kids, there's the mental load, you manage this, you manage that. Brun. And after a while, wow, there was a full-on, I said, you're a bad guy. And so there are so many excuses, except that I apologized. excuse it was a long time how did you live it?
before this episode
how did you hold it? I went to the bedroom
and we hugged I have a question that really bugs me in 15 years you never thought
wow maybe I should try something else
yes we already talked about it a few years ago, like, you're the only one, etc. But he took it really badly.
He too? Only you?
Yes.
Oh, okay.
That's crazy.
So we had already discussed, like in every relationship, you grow up, so you ask yourself questions. But he took it a little badly, he really thought it was going to end, and on the one hand I can understand. So we already talked about it, we already talked about it,
and then when the person suits you, yeah, when the person suits you and everything, in reality he's really chill, although he's maybe very pointy on certain things, because I didn't say sorry to this famous confusion. It lasted five days, you know? But on the other hand, she's a really great person,
and there's a reason why I'm still with her, after 15 years. But yeah.
It's crazy, because it would scare me, in your place, or in her, to think, damn, it's true that sometimes you're happy if it's the right person, it's all very beautiful, but isn't there a bit of a headache at 30, 40, 50 years old to say to yourself, well, I've only met one person, I think that's it, I want to have fun,
to discover something else. It's scary to think that one day it can, you know, or even to think, I may have missed something, I didn't enjoy it enough. In my case, you see, I didn't have a lot of, how to life, and today I'm thinking, I want to become a little slut. It's horrible to say, but I was so like that, all my life, I'm thinking, it's now or never.
Shouldn't we take full advantage of it now?
I say that while I just got married, we'll have the opportunity to talk about it. Yes, but that's what makes me... But you see what I mean?
Sometimes, isn't there this thing thing in your head where you think, damn, maybe I could have lived intensely with other things?
I see what you mean, but now that I have my kids, I tell myself I have another fight. It's weird to say, but before I had my kids, when people looked at me in the street
after several years with my husband, and sometimes they thought I was happy to be able to say that I still like other men. Now that I'm a mom, someone who will tease me a little and say, she's beautiful and all, now it's a problem for me. It's weird.
Some will say, she has changed, but I have to change. Because when you're a mom, when you're a parent, there are a lot of things that change around you. Maybe before I could have said, yes, you're right, I've been with my boyfriend for a while, I've never known anything else,
maybe I'm missing something, but the grass never grows on trees. I think that the thing of saying I didn't enjoy it enough, there's another aspect in relationships
that people immediately found themselves in. Because you immediately found yourself. There was no break in your relationship. No, never. No break, no, I can't do it anymore. If you are both in the same mindset, you have fun 10,000 times more
with the same person all the time, but on different aspects. And then, as time goes by, you also discover a different person. It's so good, because after so many years, sometimes he tells me stories about youth
that I didn't know about. And I'm like, damn, that's cool. Because there are things that I didn't know. I'm like, oh, that's cool and all. But it's good because he's my best friend. He's my spouse. He's my life partner. He's the father of my children.
There's always something that makes me feel like there's always the little flame of the salamander at the end of the line. With her? No, I mean, right away. No, but it's really nice to know each other by heart.
But in any case, I think it's very beautiful because in the end, well, Poppy, I think that you and I, we will talk about it, but we are not at all in this kind of relationship.
Ah yes, I love it.
But I think it's beautiful.
I think it's great. I think it's a bit of a dream, I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. You found the right person at the right time. Society wants a woman who finds her husband,
who has children with seven people, who is her only man, who she stays with all her life. It's a bit like the prototype of...
Social success. For people.
For what women have to do.
But it's not the case.
It could be the case if she lives very well, it's beautiful, it's natural,
it's everyone's choice. It's everyone's choice.
It's a rare specimen.
I know a lot of people, I mean, not a lot, but I have acquaintances in my circle who have been together for a while. With their first boyfriend? I don't know about their first,
but it's been 7, 8 or 10 years. And what's nice is that sometimes we say, he didn't do first, but when it's been 7, 8 or 10 years, you know. And what's good too is that sometimes we say, hey, he didn't do that, but I'm the same, I even do it at home. And so it's not bad too, it's that we can also have discussions with friends who have been with their spouse for 10 years
and sometimes they can...
You go through the same things.
But no, but in any case, it's a kind of... So you, already, are in a relationship? A success? Well, for me it's complicated.
Explain us! Because we're going to do each person. So you, then.
So I'm married but not in a relationship. What? It's very strange. Actually, that's what I was saying. I think with Poppy we're on the same page. You'll have the opportunity to explain your point of view too. But I'm one of those people who think that succeeding in my life means already accomplishing myself alone.
I absolutely do not want to depend on someone in my life or have a companion or follow, let's say, social norms. For me, succeeding in my life is not necessarily being in a relationship, having a house, a dog and children. It's above all listening to me, being independent, being emotionally self-sufficient and not depending on anyone. Well, lack of skin, but I've been in a lot of trouble recently. A marriage?
A very unsettling encounter. Why?
Because I wasn't expecting it at all. I was in Thailand on a trip, a friend of mine was sleeping, I wanted to go party on the beach. Someone liked me on Tinder. At first, I didn't like my physical style at first, I didn't like it that much. I don't think I liked him either.
We just liked each other like that. And I thought, oh, nice, a French guy. I'm going to meet him. And I'm going to go to a party. And it's someone who's traveling. If it's possible, it's nice to meet.
I love meeting people. Let's go. and it was 8am and it was a date. And it ended a few months later with a wedding.
Oh yeah!
Yes, it's true! But wait, so how did it go? Well, it's very special, it's been years and years. I've only been in a relationship twice in my life and we can't really say it was a relationship because I didn't live with it.
We only saw each other for the good times, for the trips. It's also the secret for me, to break the routine, missing each other and not being one on the other. But I don't have much experience in the world of coupes, so I'm a bit of a novice in that. When I met this boy on a beach in Thailand,
and this connection was immediate, I didn't really understand, we felt like we knew each other forever. We were very comfortable from the start, we laughed a lot. And then yeah, I fell in total, I don't know what, but a little bit, it's true. Not necessarily physically, but on the personality and on what we lived. And in the end, the journey is very tumultuous. We lost our lives, we saw each other again, we found each other.
We experienced very intense things. And that's what I'm saying today, it's strange, but it's a relationship. A lot of people wrote to me saying, it's a twin flame. I got interested in twin flames. I love it.
And that's exactly it. It's an extremely intense relationship, but also painful, but it's inexplicable. And this relationship today, on its side like mine, we don't really know what it is. And I think it's also good in life to think about why put a name or a definition on something.
He told me from the start that he doesn't want to be in a relationship. It oppresses me, it makes me anxious. It's the same for me. When I have someone in my life, I live it pretty badly. I'm emotionally dependent, I can't handle myself anymore. You forget about yourself? I forget about myself, I have eating disorders. Oh yeah?
But isn't it hard for the person you were with? It's very hard for me to manage a relationship. It's very complicated. Okay. I would love to be in a relationship with him, but... But what's complicated?
Seeing you in love? Well, I'm not managing it well, I'm not physically well. I don't want my mood, my emotions to depend on someone. If you don't have a message or if you're upset about something, your day is a mess.
Yes, but I see what you mean.
It's horrible to live that, to be attached to someone and to be emotionally dependent. And I realize that's the case. I have a lot of work to do on that. And that's why I said to myself, go for it, enjoy it. We've seen each other all over the world, I think I've lived with him things I've never lived with anyone.
And we just said to ourselves, there's no need to give a name. This relationship is what it is, it doesn't have a name. We live intensely, we take advantage of the things we have to live together. Without, however, I'm convinced it's special to be in a relationship. While everything is as if we were in a relationship. You don't just use that word, couple. It's like your partner in a lot of things.
I don't know, and at the same time I'm not open to a free couple either.
Ah, ok.
So why did you get married? That's the question I'm asking myself.
We found each other, it was very complicated. It was a break-up, we broke up, in quotes. It was very painful because also very sad at times. When we found ourselves, we went through some crazy things, the encounters were so crazy and so obvious in the USA, that we were in Las Vegas and I said to myself, laughing,
let's be crazy, we decided on a whim, Las Vegas, we're getting married, we're going to do like Britney Spears, we're getting married on a whim. At first it started as a delirium. But we really lived like one and the other. This marriage, like a real marriage, I was moved, I cried at this marriage. Even if it was with Alvis and it was very off-the-wall.
I think that if there is one person in my life with whom I wanted to marry, it was him because I never had a connection with someone in my life, almost 40 years, like with him. So it was a crazy coincidence. And in fact, a marriage, it doesn't mean having children, living in the same house, etc.
We got married because in fact, our two souls connected. Our connection is there. And because we wanted to. And it was a great party. We don't regret anything. And sometimes he tells me, he tells I'm... Well, it's the case anyway. You're married.
We're married. And so that's why it's very complicated. People don't understand, it's controversial every morning on the networks. Yeah, but it's over the top, he's married, but he never sees himself, etc. So we've seen a lot of it, but especially there, we don't necessarily spend the summer together. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to do it. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to do it. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to do it. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to do it.
I'm not sure I'm going to be able to do it. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to do it.
I'm not sure I'm going that affects my affect in my life. It's complicated to manage. I understand. So you said you wanted to have fun today. The two times you were in a relationship, it was super closed, super exclusive, etc. Now you're married and that's where you want to enjoy your music. What do you mean by that? Meeting new people?
Anyway, I've never been someone... I'm a bit of an UFO in the gay world. I've never been someone who did ass shots and stuff because I need to be comfortable. I can't put myself in front of someone I don't know. Even less that I've never seen on apps
people who were like that in a live shot. I mean, I can't. And it's an important act for me. You do it with people you have having fun with, but I don't do that with the first one. But it's true that, well, there, suddenly, when I met him, I told myself, I'm living a bit of a teenager I've never had. Let's be crazy, I'm at the other end of the world,
I meet a guy I barely know, I'm talking about meeting him for the New Year, I'm getting married, crazy life, we just have to sleep on the first night, I never did it so quickly and I thought it was cool. On the other hand, I'm in a phase of my life where I would like to be the chosen one, the person who represents everything in my life, a benchmark, like my father, my mother, someone with a core. And at the same time, I'm also in a phase where I tell myself, fuck, time goes by, you're in the gay community, it's terrible,
but you're quickly a product of... well, a perimeter. After a certain age, you're not being calculated anymore, you're being rejected, the guys are very exclusive between them. And I'm telling myself today, fuck, I feel like I haven't been this... it's horrible to say, but this little setup
that a lot of people are, in the end. And there's no problem. I put myself too much like that during my youth. It's not good, you have to have feelings, you have to love. Whereas in fact, I'm in a phase of my life, which I started with the boys I married, to tell myself, we don't care, we only have one life, live intensely.
So yeah, it's a bit in my head, the existential crisis.
Yeah, okay. I don't want to be the little... The little... I wanted to before getting married but...
Now you're trapped. No, it's not that. Now we've experienced so many things that when you're with the person and you see cool things it's obvious.
You're exclusive. I don't know. We never defined the relationship. It's really weird. We got married without realizing it. I don't know, we never really defined the relationship.
But he for example... It's really weird, we got married without realizing it. Would you be jealous if you were with someone? I'm jealous when we spend time with someone else at a party while I'm there. And he's really bad at it because I'm really...
Yeah, it's really complicated.
Yeah, he's really square about it.
But I want to be essential to the person's eyes. Because you're the one, the person in your eyes is like that, that's why. In any case, it's certain that in my life it's out of the question to have feelings for someone else and to sleep with someone else. I mean, a relationship for me. Respect to those who do it, but I'm too bad. I'm going to be depressed if I'm wrong, if the sleeping somewhere else, whether the person has feelings for someone else, or whether the person is living things with someone else.
You're very exclusive.
Yes, I can't do otherwise. It's your way of functioning. It's my childhood, on top of that, on the fear of abandonment, the fact that my parents never told me, I love you, all that. So I have a big emotional, it's very complicated. Because unfortunately, to meet someone who is respectful of that, it's complicated. And the more you go through a certain stage, and it happens much faster,
not after 15 years of relationship, but sometimes after a year, you have a lot of gays who want to have a free couple. I can't, I'm sick of it. It's like the A3 plans and so on.
I mean, wait, in what honor I'm going to bear to see my boyfriend f***ing another one in front of me. I'm a bit like that. I kill the person. I admit that I'm very exclusive, so that's something I understand a lot. But is your spouse the same? Does he think the same?
Well, it's not my spouse. Your partner?
You say partner, you wouldn't even know how to... My husband, because it is! Yes, your husband. And it will stay that way, even if one day we get married. Anyway, because we live it once in our life. And because I didn't want to get married, it was part of the social pressures. Besides, I got married to myself a few years ago to contest this social movement where succeeding in life means getting married.
No! But anyway, I got married to she's not really my spouse. She's a person who's an important part of my life. And as I said, I think I'm also experimenting with something. The relationship, is it? It doesn't have a name, but it lives what you have to live and doesn't make you sick.
You'll see.
Let it be.
But above all, I think you don't feel trapped in something. Because it can be the trap of saying, I'm with someone, we don't really know what it is, but in your head you know what it is.
You have to stay open to other things, I think.
You have to say to yourself, you really have to be comfortable with that. Because a lot of times, for example, there are a lot of people who will tell you stories by saying, yes, the's my ass, it's my ass. No, you love him. You're in love with him, you want to be in a relationship with him, but you say it's your ass because you want it with him. He's in his head, it's very clear, you're ass, but you want to be in a relationship.
You see what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, but we're not on those considerations. There's no relationship, there's no ass. unique. And I think that sometimes, even people who have been in a relationship for 15 years, I'm not talking about you, but other people in a relationship for 15 years, don't even have that relationship or that complicity.
Yes, years don't mean anything.
It's true.
Because after a year or two, you see, they get married, they have children, and sometimes they tell other people, oh, but it's only been a year. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure. I'm in a phase of experimentation. And I'm going to tell you, it's not bad anymore. Because being in a relationship with someone in the flesh, in an apartment, I think I can't see the person in paint anymore. I get bored very quickly.
The routine is horrible for me. And in addition, love makes me very sick. So let's stay independent. Let's be respectful. Let's listen. Let's listen to the fear, the weaknesses of each other.
It's already a very good thing. All the things you say there, it's already very, very good to have a good foundation to build good things.
And in the end, what is life? These are people who are part of your life, travel companions, no one is irreplaceable, no one is eternal. So why give a precise place with a no? So I'm in this phase of experimentation, which I'm not hiding from you, sometimes it hurts me. It's not obvious.
It's a form of relationship, but it's unique. So there are ups and downs.
It's particular. But... And you're someone who's really in control. And now I feel like you don't have it and it's destabilizing you. It's exactly that.
Capricorn. You're a bit febrile, I think.
You understood everything.
You're a bit febrile. I'm in eternal control of my life and everything escapes me. But I learn a lot from myself and I also thank this meeting and this relationship to manage my traumas, learn to get out of my comfort zone. I mean, attraction is not only physical, it can also be a connection, a personality. And also, it's letting go. Exactly, letting go. And I think I might not be happy if it was my official guy,
cool guy, cool guy, living together. I think that, actually, no. Because I need an unconventional life.
Now, it's sure that it's painful at times to tell yourself,
fuck...
He's not here, I feel alone.
And then, what is this relationship? And then, nothing...
In fact, I think that the less you ask yourself the question, the better you will live it, really. And I think letting go is what will allow you to explore yourself as much as possible. I think maybe that's also why you travel a lot, because you need to let go, I think.
And to escape.
To escape something. In the end, you have a relationship that looks like your lifestyle. And that's exactly it. So, in reality, let yourself be guided. But it's true that it's not easy because at times I have big periods of anxiety, anxiety, crisis, anxiety, where I think about the future, when I'm going to get married alone, I don't have children, with whom I'm going to meet.
I think it's important to have someone who matters in your life.
With me?
Oh yes! Yes! Wait, Poppy, I'm really curious to know a bit about your relationship life, your love life and everything you think about it. Tell us everything. So, go ahead, because I'm 41 now. You're not that old. It's always disappointing to say,
you're not that old, but I don't dare to say it. No, no, yes, you're not that old. It's not at all a joke, I think. But it's true that you don't do it at all. And so I've been in a relationship my whole life. Well, since my first boyfriend, I was still 3 years old. I replaced 4 years, I replaced 5 years, I replaced 3 years.
Right away? Oh yeah, so you've had great relationships. Even a little one-point blind date. If it was, it was very rare. So I lived the beginning of my life totally in a relationship. And I thought I wouldn't be able to live without a boyfriend. I was really... Because I already lived a week without a boyfriend,
or a little break-up and all, and I still lived it extremely badly. Really, it was for me... I felt empty, I was missing something in me and all that. And it's true that when I came back from Paris, because I lived with a guy in Paris, when I came back to Strasbourg, I was single.
With the last one, let's say. And I found myself two years to be, but in a horrible state, where I had to learn to be single. Learn to live alone. Yes, because when you've lived your whole life with someone, you can't live alone anymore, you know?
You can't even leave, really. Yes, you're lost. Because you live for the other person all the time. It took me two years. I remember, I cried every day. I felt bad.
I didn't know why I was there. I was missing something. And after those two years, I think I worked on myself. I took psychology classes again. And it really helped me.
But the problem is that now, it's been 5 years since I've been single, I haven't seen a single guy. I haven't done anything. Not a single date? I mean, even when I was in a relationship, I've always been in a relationship for a long time.
I never had a plan. I don't criticize it at all and I would have liked it if I had liked it, but I don't like it too much. I need to have a connection like you, Jerem, to know me very well, I prefer to know before doing anything. And so I don't know that. So for me, it's out of the question to have a plan.
It's not you. And the problem is that now I have so much appreciated, I have worked so hard on me for that. Your own company that you can't put back together. You got used to being alone. Exactly. And as Jerem said, the problem is that when you're alone, and you like being alone,
you realize that there's no one else who can reach you. And when you're in a relationship, I think you give a lot of strength and power to someone who doesn't have your blood, who is nobody, who if tomorrow he wants to leave us, he leaves us. We are nothing, we are really in a horrible state. And I tell myself, in fact, it's a security to be alone. You see, the fact of being alone, no one can reach you anymore.
Because when you're in a relationship, the person is in a bad mood or she wants to leave you,
but your life is destroyed.
Yeah.
And I lived it. I got dumped once in my life. In five days, she was like,
I'm not going to do it.
It's like you're losing a parent. Because this person is part of your daily life.
Your family of heart, yes. And you put in someone's hands a force that's way too strong, I think. A power that's way too strong. And if the person, even if they're a jerk, or some women who fall for malicious men.
Their life is ruined. Their life is ruined. I think it's too much power.
You shouldn't put men in the same bag either. Men or women, or anyone you fall in love with. No, but I've never experienced trauma with a man. Because we've never had a common agreement. But I broke up with my leave me for a week. And this break-up, it made me...
When I tell you that I still remember it today, I think it's the worst thing that ever happened to me. And this pain, you know where you... You tear up, your heart is torn. You want to die, you know? You could really die for that.
And I thought, that's what you felt, you can't feel it. I had other relationships. That's why you kept going with them? To not feel that thing too much?
I was 5, 8 years old.
I mean, going with them...
Without a period of life.
It means you were with someone for 5 years, so it was super long, but then you went on with someone else for a long time. Because in reality, your heart did not leave time between big relationships to feel this pain again compared to the first. And I'm always afraid to feel this pain again. So I think that after, I never felt it so intensely again, while I think I liked guys more afterwards.
But this one is the one that made me the most... But the first love, it's like... It's that. It's that.
It's true that I realized that. Now that I'm lucid and I'm with myself. You're at peace with yourself. I'm thinking to myself, why would I give this power back to someone?
It's too risky.
She's right, we agree on that. We can't give a human being the power to be at the origin of our moods and notice good or bad. And in the end, it's the case for any relationship. She has the power.
That's it. And when we're in a relationship, it depends on the personality of each one, but I know that when we're in a relationship, I don't want to have children, but I'm their mom. I love to nurse them. Are you a bit of a nurse in your relationships? No, not a nurse. I love feeding them. Mom, baby, mom. It's weird, isn't it?
Yes, yes, yes. Are you a nurse in a coquine outfit too?
Like with my little animals, but I had a little dog and everything. I'm very maternal, but I don't have that maternal fiber with children, actually.
And so I never wanted to have children.
In all the relationships he was a parent. I love it. I never thought about it. Now I'm thinking, why should we have this life? I'm often told on social media, this is the mother of the child, she's still not married, she's in the quarantine crisis. No, not at all.
I've thought about it. What you want, what you don't want. You're very lucid with yourself. You're so good. with you and what you feel, and you as you are. But all your life you honestly think you're going to be like that? Obviously, you rediscovered your personal well-being. In fact, she discovered peace.
She's a woman in peace. In fact, it's the thing, it's a woman who is in peace.
But you know that when we talk to you,
there's a certain peace that's discovered. Yeah, there's a certain peace. Yeah, there's talking and you're relaxed. Peace!
My grandfather always told us that. He said, the only thing I want is to have peace. And so when my grandmother did things that bothered him, because sometimes he'd say, go do this, go do that. He'd say, I do it wrong, so she doesn't ask me
and I have peace.
It's the trap of all guys. It's the trap of all guys. It's so interesting what you're saying. What's captivating is that you don't even want to date. I don't want to. But you know, the more we do, the more we want to. Because when I was in a relationship, I wanted to.
I don't want to say I was a little nun. But now that I don't do it anymore, I don't want to say I was a little nun No, no But now that I don't do it anymore
I have no desire
No desire No desire The more we do it, the more we want it
The less we do it, the more we forget it
I don't even touch myself
When does your relationship end?
Around
Maybe 3-4 times a year
Now nothing I swear it must have been 2 years I mean, at first, maybe 3 or 4 times a year, but now, nothing.
Yeah, you don't want to.
I swear, it's been 2 years, and I don't want to do it anymore. But was it something that was important for you in your past relationships? For example, sex or seduction or something else? Yes, yes, yes. It was still... Because you can be in relationships with people where it's not necessarily a priority, or others where everyone has their own conception of relationships, and that's even why we're doing this podcast.
But yes, ok, ok. But in the end, you don't want to... I don't want to anymore. You don't even want to talk to a man or a woman anymore, or whatever, you know, to have... I think it's so much like a lock, you know,
at the door, like you don't want men to open the door and take control of your heart,
so you stay closed.
I think she didn't experience any trauma in a relationship.
Just the breakup. I felt really bad.
Maybe the vision of our parents. My divorced parents, a bit of a family story. I saw my mother very sad. I still have this vision of a man who is not...
Not crazy.
Like many women. I don't think I was cheated on, but I always say, we never know. I never pretend to say, I was never cheated on, I don't know. And for me, I don't know, I have a vision now. I'm not totally closed and against it, but in fact, since it's spreading...
It's going well on its own.
Wait, but I mean, let's say you're in the street. I'm always on the left. No, because there's a moment when I want to... I was the same as you before. Be careful, it can fall on your face at times. I know, I agree with you.
I agree with you, I'm not closed off. I was like you, since I broke up with my ex, I was like, oh fuck, we're back together, we're good, we're enough. But, I'm sorry, when you're in the street sometimes, a handsome guy from Dinguquat, do you have a perception to say to yourself, he's not bad, I'd give him a good beating?
Not a beating, but I've already said yes.
He's not cute. Yes.
Ah, still!
We're dragging you.
We're not dragging you.
Even on the internet, you never get messages like, you're too beautiful and all?
No.
Oh yeah?
That's not true, daddy.
A little bit at the beginning, but not when I see you. Because she doesn't opened her messages, she'd get some dicks.
Oh no!
I got one once by email.
By email?
I sent it to my lawyer, and he said, we're going to scare him a little bit. You're right. And the guy replied, with a thousand apologies, Please don't tell my wife
please let's stay here I will never do it again
sorry to miss popy
I would have liked to avoid
she was pretty or not?
I didn't look
she's an idiot it's super interesting what you say I think men won't necessarily dare to write to me. Because, seeing what I say on social media, I totally accept it. You're alone, and so...
A man might say to you, why would I write to him?
You don't know, because not everyone follows you. A guy who finds himself in a for-you-all, on your video, he doesn't know anything, he just thinks you're good. He can flirt with you, right? Well, it doesn't happen.
Mince.
Sometimes I think, a little chef, a pastry chef.
Oh, you think?
You think?
No, I don't think about it, it's really super rare. But then I get my reason and I say to myself, well, why not? But does it scare you? No. No, but I wouldn't prefer it for now. I'm fine like this. And when you're alone, I think you can think more about yourself, about your work. What have you discovered in your life, by being so alone, that made you evolve to this point?
First, that I can live without a boyfriend. That you can be very happy in life, without family, without children. That you can flourish a lot more. Only positive things, really. I'm super happy with my current life,
maybe it will change later, but...
In any case, it feels like you're in peace with yourself, and that for a moment you have the same person. It's true. It's like, it shines. It's nice, but it's true that in addition, I receive a lot of messages from women who are under a lot of pressure from their families.
Do you have any? No, not at all. And I think it helped me a lot too. And it's true that the fact that now I know that there are a lot of people who also count on my message, that it's not trivial, it makes me want to be more. To be the example.
Exactly. But I think it will do good to a lot of people who sometimes feel guilty about being alone. Yes, there are people who feel guilty about it. We don't realize it, even I don't realize it, but I have messages where women tell me that they have a huge family pressure. At 30, it's like, you're not married, you don't have a boyfriend, you don't have children. But there are women who really suffer from such pressures.
And I tell myself, I might be helping someone by trying to make them happy.
It's normal.
Just by existing, I think you're the example of doing what you really want rather than imposing a life in which you will be unhappy. Having children that you will make unhappy because you didn't want to and so your parents wanted it. Or you thought it was that, being happy,
and then you realize that in the end that having children will make you unhappy. You're not good in your relationship, and you're trapped in a life you don't want, but you thought you wanted. You know so much about what you want, that you live a life that is, I don't want to say atypical, but it doesn't look like what society says is a success.
But in the end, it's the biggest success for you, because you know who you are alone. Yes, that's true. And I even think that society will tend to that. I saw a poll recently, I don't know if it's a fake or not, but 45% of women will be single without children in 2030.
But it's possible.
Because society tends to that with women, they are tired of being alone at home with children.
But it's especially that women, mostly because women are tired of being mothers and want to stay women. I've heard it a lot.
For some, at least.
But that's the real...
But the thing is, it's just about saying what choice do you make? Are you making choices for yourself? Are you making choices because you want to? For example, for me, having kids for a long time was a time when I didn't want to have any more because I was thinking, the world, especially in 2020, the world is going crazy,
do I really want to have children in this crazy world? So for a long time I was very, I didn't necessarily want to have children, and then I thought, Raphael, my spouse, with whom I've been for 7 years, it's going to be 8 years.
Wow! Already? Almost 15! And we, on the other hand, often argue. But arguing is not bad! Yes, because there are a lot of people who say, I made a real to laugh during the dispute,
or I wanted to send him a real on Instagram
and I put, poor you, when you got into a fight with your boyfriend.
And so during the breakup, I said, you didn't even put a like on my real! And so he said, You didn't even like Montreal. He was so mad. He told me that the whole world knows we had a fight. I told him it's not bad to have a fight. You need to have some down to get back up. It's very important to have a fight.
It communicates. It creates a bubble. Sometimes when you're angry, you say things that you question. You say, shit, I'll know later that I shouldn't go to that limit. So it's not bad to argue.
Yeah, that's clear. But with Raph, we argue a lot. There are even periods where we don't talk for two or three days. But it's not that we don't talk. We don't have a conversation. But for example, did you sleep well?
Yes.
Did the kids sleep well?
Yes.
Did you sleep together?
Yes. So you turn your back on each other. Yes, yes, but it happens, but it's not often. But it's the cold that you instill. Oh, that's annoying. For yourself, understand yourself. Have space for yourself. Not wanting to talk now.
And you see, it's crazy because you said, yes, I anymore. I think it's true, but on the one hand, you can also have your space. At home, when I argue with Raf, we don't physically separate, but physically we are both there because we are there for our children. We will talk to each other, but we will let ourselves go down on certain points. And then we'll say, well, we'll look at each other, we'll laugh. We'll look at each other, we'll laugh, and then we'll say, well, I didn't like that, I didn't like that,
I have this, I have that. So when I say we don't say it often, we don't say it every day. But in any case, there is really hyper-communication that is present. And so, yeah, I thought, yes, in the end, having a child, why not?
I want to see what my life would look like have a child. We have never been in a baby project. I mean, I stopped the pill. I assume that the child comes into the family. It is he who decides. It is he who chooses. Spiritually, I say that it is the child who chooses.
You are totally right. And so, it happened, we had children. And it's true that it's what we can think of happiness, let's say, from an outside point of view. It's a symbol of success, etc. But I think that having a child can be such a life challenge. You discover what your life is like through someone.
You discover how a child can change you as a person. How it can also change your relationship. I have never felt so complete as I have my family. Your children, yes. Because it's funny, you said that when you're alone, you realize that nothing is more important. Well, it's with my family that I realize that nothing is more important than others. Oh, but than her?
Yes, than my family. Well, that's the problem. Yes, it's true. So it's not you anymore. We're not going to say that it's not me anymore, but... Well, yes, because something is happening to your children. Yes, that's clear.
But I think that, in truth, putting my happiness in their hands is the most beautiful thing I could do in my life. Because it's the sacrifice I have to share it with them. I don't know if you see what I mean. But I understand what she's saying. Your happiness depends on another human being. And it's true that when you have an individual life,
it can be complicated to manage for some people. But there are a lot of people like you who are very happy. And I think that if I were a woman,
it would be incredible to live life and have that from you.
But there are a lot of people who don't and realize that it's not at all what they wanted and then they end up with their children they end up not happy because they can no longer live for them you see when you want to live for you and when you want freedom when you want to have a calm mind it's not at all the case it's downright you go into a life where it's a thousand to the hour it's like you're entering a life where... It's a thousand at a time. It's a thousand at a time, it's sacrifice, it's a lot of questioning. But you see, this discovery of my person thanks to that... But you're getting better.
Yeah, actually, it's that. I discovered the person I am by being a mom. You're better since you were a mom. I wouldn't say I'm better, but I would say that I never thought I'd be this woman. I always say that my children were the missing piece of the puzzle. So I've always been very happy with my spouse, but there was always a but. You see what I mean? And I always asked myself the question, do I really know something?
And it may be related to what you were saying,eremie, that with the traumas of childhood, you know, I was abandoned by my dad, you see, I didn't have the very fusional relationships between a mom and a dad. And suddenly, the fact of having been abandoned and everything, well, I always ask myself the question, like, well, I was abandoned. Well, why was I abandoned? Because in fact, I'm shit.
You see what I mean? And suddenly... of abandonment. That's it. And so now that I'm a mom, I tell myself, my children were the missing piece of the puzzle. I tell myself, I'm finally using something. I am finally the woman I wanted to be and I want to instill in them all the things that
I was not given as a child.
And so they repair that while you give them what you didn't get.
Exactly. My children have repaired my heart, though my husband had already fixed it, because it's weird to say, but I've known my husband since I was 15. I've never known a dad, and yet Val, when I was 15, played the role of a big brother, of the best friend. And that's why, after so many years, I can't live without him,
because I think, he gave me so much.
It's a different subject, but also very often attracted to toxic profiles. In fact, it's always the same when you meet someone and the person is great and has everything to make it work. I think it makes you less excited than with someone who is problematic. And in fact, it's an eternal problem to look for an asshole in a guy, but who, for me, is also linked to the good-looking aspect.
Good-looking, yes. an asshole aspect, but which for me is also linked to the good man aspect. And it excites me, not only physically. And so, like you, for a long time, always in my relationships, I'm looking for a presence of someone who is actually the man of the situation. You see what I mean?
He's there. He's present.
Why are you looking for a bad boy? I think I'm looking for a guy who's a bit...
To be safe?
I think I'm looking for that because when I was younger, I was more with my mother, I felt less close to my father. I was also greatly rejected at school by straight boys in particular. I didn't feel integrated because for me, straight guys, men, virility, all this image I had in high school, scared me because I was different. I hung out with my mom, I was more attracted to feminine activities.
We're going to speak vulgarly, but I wasn't going to cut wood with my dad on Sundays. I preferred to put on makeup, well, bullshit, you know. And so I think that unconsciously I'm looking for that, and at the same time it's weird because all these guys who made me miserable at school, who made fun of me because I was effeminate or not virile or whatever, at the same time attracted me in this a little bit... Bad boy. And so that's what I'm looking for today.
But is it funny what you're saying because aren't you attracted by people rejecting you? Like, it's like you're... I was attracted to the big problematic raccoons who are in the toilet. So I'm not the welcome as a babtou, often among homophobic raccoons. And basically, it was a big problem. I had stories, me at the time of reality TV, of the toilets and everything. I had relationships with guys who were in the toilet.
It's not true.
Ah yes, they called me in secret and everything, from their cell. But I thought it was a running gag. No, frankly I had a relationship, well a relationship, I was flirting with a guy who had a job, a service station, and who was incarcerated afterwards, and I was like well, it's over.
And in fact I was attracted by very problematic profiles of guys, who I normally thought hated gays, almost homophobic and so on, I'm attracted to everything that rejected me. Yes.
Very often in my childhood. It's weird.
Isn't it because you've been through a lot? I think it's because of the guys who reject me. It's not just human. I think there's also a physical attraction. I've always liked bad boys and virile guys. I don't like effeminate guys.
I need... Often my guys looked more or less straight. It's surprising. it's special. And in fact, for me, it's terrible. For a long time, I preferred to be badly accompanied than alone. And it was very problematic.
I was afraid of abandonment, of loneliness, of this desire to be loved at all costs. That's why I created the character of Jeremstar, by the way, in search of love and validation from the public. But it's terrible because in the years before, I found myself in relationships with guys who absolutely didn't fit me. And I was thinking, wait, wait, wait,
no, but it's nonsense. And I was at a stage where I was telling myself I'd rather be badly accompanied than alone. But today I tell myself like Poppy, fuck, but what freedom to self-suffice anyway
and to be able to say to yourself, You can be happy without having someone in your life. You have to surround yourself with people like you. That's what I'm trying to do now.
Like you too, Bobby.
Because in the end, you have to do everything to make a world. Because it's by meeting people who are not necessarily from the same environment, or you, who have been single for years, it's also cool to have that little arrow at your bow. You see what I mean?
Yeah, of course. I had a question for Poupy. Your friendships, are they... Because having a best friend, for example, I know that for a long time I was always with a best friend. I was making the best friends, but you still make relationships. I think that giving your heart and everything you feel to a friend or someone very fusional with you,
it can also give them power. So how do you... I pay attention about that too. Because for me, friendship is the same. And we can be even more disappointed in friendship than in love. So I'm a little...
Now I'm trying to be careful, I don't let a lot of people in my life anymore. Well, you could even believe sometimes that I'm a little hard or a little associable. Sometimes I'm told that. Because... It's to protect you. I'm really careful, I don't open the door too much.
It's really going to be from time to time, little by little, like Jeremie recently, we've been talking for a year, but it has to go slowly. And then,
it's only by doing that you know if someone is going to be mad or not. Do you have long-term friends? Yes, and my two best friends are a bit like me. They are my age, no kids, not married. And sometimes I ask them, if we changed, wouldn't it push others to change too?
You know, sometimes I ask myself, isn't it because my two best friends are like that, that it helps me? If both of them got married with kids, wouldn't I feel alone with kids. Excluded, you mean. But wouldn't you be bored too? Because sometimes when I go to see
friends who have kids now,
they're not my friends anymore. We're fun. I have kids, I'm super fun. But I also have friends who have kids and are married and I love them as much. Of course, when you have kids,
they have their own lives.
It's true, it's normal.
Your relationships with your friends are different, they evolve. I think having kids is also a challenge in life to know if your relationships with others are... if people are able to put themselves in your shoes, if they won't say, now that we have kids, it's good, she doesn't have time for us anymore, etc.
It allows you to discover yourself, but you also discover your real entourage. It's hard to do both. I had two children, one of them was one year old and the other two years old.
I fell pregnant when my little one was 3 months old. You were 18 months pregnant after you got pregnant.
Yes!
So it was very hard, very fast, and I put a lot of things aside. And now I regret it because I lost friends, or I put aside friendly relationships that I should have kept. Because you would have succeeded.
Exactly, I don't know. And now it's done should have kept it. Because you would have succeeded.
I don't know, but now it's done. You have regrets. I always question myself because it's not bad to question yourself. Sometimes I'm alone and I think if I don't have friends it's my fault because I didn't maintain the relationships, because I became a mom twice in a row.
It's hard to see that it's care of her. So it's hard too, you know, to see that's it.
It's like that. Yeah, but I think it's working because I know people who have children. So, as I said, I moved away from them, even though they were great friends. But I'm sorry, I'm not interested in spending an afternoon with my friends in the family, where you're interrupted by the kids, where they don't listen to you. or it's boring. Anyway, it doesn't make me dream of a life like that. And it's true that we're going to talk about that in our discussion.
It's a soup.
I understand. And on the contrary, I have friends who have kept their side. Go ahead, my guy is keeping goals. I go out in a club.
I drink.
But that's difficult. And there's also something I think mothers forget. I have an experience in this, but it's that your children, up to 18 years old, are at your disposal, you have to take care of them. But when the children make their lives, that's where often the mothers break the plans, they say to themselves, I don't have any more girlfriends. Because after, you have to redo your life, because your who are no longer part of your daily life, because they have their own life, you need to have a good balance
to have kept a social life, because you have to take it back.
That's why it's important. It's very hard.
When I was in a relationship, I didn't want anything, I didn't date anyone. I didn't like the person I was in a relationship with. I hate the person I'm in a relationship, I didn't want to see anyone, I didn't date anyone, I was only with my boyfriend. And I didn't like the person I was in a relationship with. I hate the person I'm in a relationship with. What is the person you are when you're in a relationship? There's only my boyfriend. You know, girlfriends, it's not that you don't want to see them anymore, but that I hate the person I am when I'm in a relationship.
I can't stand myself. If I could see myself, I couldn't stand myself. I would hate myself. When you look at your photos and see where you are... I would hate myself. I can't stand this kind of girl.
Her boyfriend, my boyfriend all the time. I have to cook of my boyfriend. I have to be home at 11 because of my boyfriend. And with my boyfriend we did this. He's looking for me at 3.30pm. I don't get it. Now that you've managed to do this work on yourself, do you think you could be in a relationship with someone
without telling yourself that you're putting your happiness in their hands? No, that's why I think I also try to not have a boyfriend because I don't like the person I'm in a relationship with. I don't like to feel like someone else. He holds my mood. And I don't want to risk that. You're too much in your peace to be able to...
And I'm too afraid to become... There's only my boyfriend. Even the networks, I think I... I don't know.
Maybe I won't post anymore. I'll just say, my boyfriend is more important. Yeah. I don't want that. Yeah, but you also have to think, shit, I'm someone who doesn't like brown hair. But it's true that brown hair is hard. Yeah, it's hard. The thing is,
when you've found the right person, you can be yourself with that person. Yeah, that's why I've been with my partner for so many years, because even if he says he doesn't like nail art, I've done heart on my fingers. I don't care.
I don't like it, but if I like it, I do it. You know what I mean?
I think it's how we live it. You and me. We're going to get in a mood ourselves. It's not even the person who is responsible. It's self-destruction. It's sabotage of ourselves. I've never been as uncreative and performant in my work, in my visual production,
as when I'm in a relationship or I have someone in mind. Because I do everything before except my job. And now I'm back home, as I told you, everyone with my husband, everyone is like, it's coming a little bit this summer. Oh, but since I've been in my apartment in Paris, I'm overflowing with ideas,
projects, I'm moving forward on my stuff, whereas before I was... It slows down a relationship, despite everything.
I think it's not the relationship that slows down, it's how you are in the relationship. You progress a little more when you're with someone because you feel good and you say... There are people who make you feel even better, you know.
Yeah, we're responsible for that, we don't say the opposite.
But I understand that your brain is thinking about something else, since you're not there to think about yourself. And maybe we both have more gaps in our relationship that are not settled and that make us like this. And it's not necessarily the other, you know.
Maybe we should get together. We wouldn't leave each other, I think.
We wouldn't leave each other.
Poppy, you were saying, when you're left, you're completely destroyed, that's what you were saying, right? Yes, that's it. From one day to the next,
no one disappears from your life
and you're abandoned, you see,
and you have to rebuild everything. I find myself a lot in what she says, in the sense that I stayed 4 years with a previous partner in a relationship. And in fact, it's terrible, this break-up. That's when I became aware of life and the difficulty of getting someone into your life. This break-up was horrible. Obviously, as you said, your boyfriend is your best friend, he's your pillar, he's your core. And overnight, we got into a fight, we got into a fight.
He blocked me on WhatsApp. And the breakup, well, it happened like that. I was blocked on WhatsApp. And in fact, we don't know, after four years of relationship, never again, talk again. And in fact, that's when I said to myself,
but wait, it's like he had a car accident, that the person was dead overnight. It's true. We've been through so many things together, and overnight, this person becomes non-existent in your life. You'll tell me, sometimes it's better to cut it off radically, because if you keep on chatting, talking,
you're reliving it, you still want to sleep with the person, you're still attached, and you say, well, no, we're going to get back together. So sometimes, a clear break can help you move on. But I admit that I have this break, frankly, it ended up on a WhatsApp blockage, and we know, but still at the moment, we haven't even said good continuation. After 4 years of living.
And in fact, you tell yourself, the person, she was everything in your life. And she is nothing all of a sudden.
And all of a sudden, from one second to the next, she no longer exists and you have to relearn in your life. And it's terrible, it develops a lot of anxiety, it's very complicated, especially with the abandonment, which is in the middle of it, and it's crazy to think that even someone you're going to be married to, if one day you separate, well, anyway, everyone has to live their own life and the person disappears from your life. And it's horrible. At least a friend, you know what? If he's sincere and reliable, you have him alive. I've had friends for 15, 20 years.
I know they'll be there and there won't be a break. So, shouldn't you sleep with your friends? No, I don't know, but...
You know, I have an anecdote. I was traumatized. A friend told me at the time I'm sure it will traumatize us. I have a lot of trauma about breakups and that's probably why. She's been with someone for 4 years, they live together. One day she's fed up and doesn't know what to do. He goes to work, she tells me she took everything.
I changed my phone because I couldn't take it anymore. I left him.
This guy came home in the morning or on his way back from work, and he never managed to join his girlfriend with whom he had been living for four years. It's not possible.
She told me that.
No, no, I know her.
No, but I mean to do that, it's horrible.
If he had accepted someone,
and even I, who listened to him,
who was supposed to be a girlfriend,
and say, ah, ah, ah, too good, it shocked me. I live that, you don't get over it. Or you really spend years, it costs you a lot of money. I don't know, I think that... It's scary to give yourself to someone, because you don't know what that person is going to do with you, your feelings, etc.
And even if I'm wrong, the person, I mean, when you know it, it's already hard, but if you don't know it, we all... You know what, I see social media, ideal family, when I know everything that's going on behind the scenes. In fact, I tell myself, but everyone is cheating, it's horrible, and the ultimate betrayal.
And when you don't know, well, it might be better than knowing. But I'm telling myself, in fact, I think that the human being will end up by disappointing you one day, by abandoning you or by hurting you. So, in fact, for whom they respect, don't attach to anyone. I completely agree,
but I start from the principle that life deserves to be lived through experiences. And in truth, yeah.
Yes, but me too.
Yes, of course. It's just that in my head, I always tell myself
that one day, the person can betray me.
Of course, everyone makes it. When you meet someone, I had exes, I had relationships that I felt extremely bad about, relationships that made me feel the worst. I grew up in a family where my father abandoned me, so I don't know who he is,
I don't even know what he looks like. I lived with the example of a mom who, for 30 years, never made a new start in her life. She left the principle, she doesn't want to live with men anymore. So she stopped dating anyone, she stayed alone, she lived only for herself. So for me, that's the example I have of women.
Women who are very independent, and who really don't need men to feel good in their life and succeed or be happy and you feel that when you're not in a relationship you have less problems because your problems aren't multiplied by 2 or even multiplied by 3
because if your spouse has problems, you feel it but if there are problems in the relationship, it's a double problem in addition to you, your problems so obviously, it's sure that you add, let's say, something. There was also something that is said a lot on social media, it's when you're in a relationship with someone,
when you're in a relationship, that's when you start to be more and more ugly or other, you know. But in fact, I start from the principle that it's also a lot of your spouse who makes you a good or bad person and everything. but to have a chain of relationships that were a bit chaotic, either on my side, I'm not going to say that it's always the other people, the toxic people, or who are wrong or other,
I also think that by living with trauma or stuff, I must have been a bad person for those people too, you see. But it allowed me to understand myself and learn to know myself, and above all to say to myself, how am I going to find the right person? I had the right person under my nose to answer the question of how to find the right person. Raphael, the first time I saw him, he was painting, it's super funny,
so I was painting, and he comes into my field of vision, I remember the sentence he said all my life, he was like, fuck, I was sick of this job interview, so he was with a costar and everything, I see him, he was doing an interview while you were working? No, I was painting in my best friend's garden
I mean, my ex-best friend's garden and he's the cousin of my ex-best friend's fiancé So, he arrived and I felt an aura I felt something and I got a flash of inspiration I think I didn't realize it because I don't know, it was in 2015, we've known each other for 10 years
and I saw him and something happened and I had this feeling of wanting to be with this person all the time it means that she was next to me and I always had to have a physical connection with this person so for 2 years, I was in a relationship, he was in a relationship, etc. and when I left a relationship that didn't go, or I cut the bridges overnight like you, so I was that person.
Oh shit.
Yeah.
But you know, sometimes being that person is the best solution to get out of a relationship, because as you say, if you can't get out... In fact... You have to be violent sometimes. Yeah, you have to be violent, because in front of you will manipulate you and you will stay with the person.
Whereas if you know deep down that he's not the right person, and you just leave. And for me it was a solution anyway. And so my best friend told me, you know what, Krav, he's the man of your life. And I didn't even realize it. And I was like to you, etc. But I start from the principle that for me it also allows me to let go because if I have too much control
over my life, I'm not happy either. You see what I mean? Yeah, but I'm a little bit. That's my conclusion. Whatever happens, I'm happy.
No matter what happens,
you'll have a bond, and they'll exist. And they're alive. How did you know he was the right person? It was through his brother. In high school,
I was in the same class as his little brother. I didn't know him from the start, my spouse, actually. It's his little brother who says, I have brothers and everything, I say, yeah. They are six.
Wow!
So he's the father of many sons.
I saw one, I was like...
You were like, wow!
I was like, wow! It's mine! I love it! Oh yeah! He said, yes, it's me. We exchanged our numbers and everything, but at the time, you see, I was young, I was 15 years old. So we started talking, we talked on MSN, we sent each other texts, but super shortened. So, who by the way, my spouse is now a content creator and he does the same job as me. And the people who take the train now and who didn't take it before, they tell me they're in a relationship for the buzz, or they do this for that.
Whereas I know my partner named Valoose on social media, who wasn't Valoose, it was Valentin. So it's crazy, I knew it was him because I fell in love, I gave him a kick. Did you realize that it was the right person? Because when you're 15, you don't know it's the right person.
Honestly, I was in a relationship with him, but I didn't know if it would last. But it lasted for a year, two years, three years. We moved abroad together, to England. We lived in another country. We were in total trouble. We didn't have any money.
And it's only, you see. That's what made you reveal yourself?
It's him, you see. And his job was to find small talents at the time in his company and to highlight them on the networks.
Okay, okay. Yeah, that was his job. Okay, great. And one day he wakes me up, he says, well, actually, I'm looking for people, how am I here? He's like, yeah, I'm sure you have a little something. You have a talent incubator? Yeah.
Okay, wow.
He said, yeah, you have a little something, and he put me on the network, and it worked.
In fact, it's a proxenet.
No, but it's crazy, you see, these codes, and you see, at the time, when I was 15, and he was two years older than me. We were already talking about having a child, and we were thinking that later, when we have a child, we'll call him MJ. Is that the name of my child? It's crazy. And when we were talking about having a child, we were thinking that later, when we have MJ, when we have MJ,
and MJ is two years old now, you see. It's crazy. And his name is MJ. You need everything to make a world. It's true that sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes you're happy all alone. And then you have someone in your life. And then it's complicated because there's the lack too. And you don't necessarily know how to put a word on the relationship.
But you need everything. But I think that to answer the question, how do we know that it's the right person? I don't think there are 50,000 things. In fact, you feel it. Yeah, you feel it. And if the person is benevolent, that they listen to your fears, that there is dialogue, that you are not judged, and that even in bad times, the person does not flee and that the person is present when you go through big storms,
well, you can survive everything.
Exactly.
Okay, and I have a little theory too, to finish. In the end, relationships really be lived as experiences, whether they are friendly or romantic. It lasts as long as it lasts. For example, I am very happy to have lived all my relationships. I don't regret any of them. I tell myself that each one has brought something,
each one has filled a moment in my life where I was like that. Maybe afterwards we evolve here, there, we separate, we meet again. You just have to enjoy the moments with the person in question. And live it as an experience. And I think that's great.
And it's not a problem if we have one, 10, 50, 200, 10,000. Or zero. Everyone does as they want. If they want to be alone, they are alone. If they want to have more relationships, they have more relationships.
The main thing is to be happy, to know who you are, what you want, and to be in peace with yourself. I think the right person is the one who makes you good. Exactly. Otherwise, if you're not good, you're not the right person. Exactly. You shouldn't think too much.
And let go.
Yeah, it's not always easy, but hey. My faith.
It's complicated, anyway, since the night of time, love is a vast subject. Love and relationships, it's true, it's a vast subject. In any case, thank you all very much. I loved this round table, I found it super enriching. Really, I'm so happy because I know that each of the people who will watch this episode, they will feel represented and listened to, so I think it's really great.
Thank you very much for your generosity and especially for sharing your stories with us. I'm really so so happy.
Thank you for the invitation.
In any case, don't hesitate to tell us what you thought about it in the comments and to follow these extraordinary people on their social networks that I would put. Really, I love them, they are crazy. They are crazy. They are crazy. I'm talking about these people as if they weren't there. Anyway, take care of yourselves and I send you big kisses! Kisses!
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