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PRIYANKA CHOPRA JONAS EXCLUSIVE:  The Full Story of Her Daughter's Traumatic Birth

PRIYANKA CHOPRA JONAS EXCLUSIVE: The Full Story of Her Daughter's Traumatic Birth

Jay Shetty Podcast

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0:00

When we were told that she's coming 27 weeks, I just shut down. And we got a text saying her birth is going to be put out. We were kind of forced into announcing her birth. We weren't ready because we didn't know what would happen with her. What's the most surprising thing that you enjoy about this stage of your life that maybe you wouldn't have seen five years ago or maybe wouldn't have noticed five years ago but you've

0:31

kind of discovered where you are right now, what's bringing you joy, what's lighting up your life? My daughter. And also I think I've found a sense of peace. I ran really fast for a really long time. And it was all I knew. I was dropped into a business at a very young age that I had no idea about, nobody in my

0:55

family had any idea about. It started with pageants and then Bollywood movies and then Hollywood. But I think in all of that, it's so uncertain, right? Our jobs, it's gig to gig. So when I first started, it was just like about, you have to keep moving, what's the next thing?

1:17

It was sort of like this weird training that I didn't know how to unlearn. And I didn't know that there was any other way of being. And over the last few years, and I don't know if it's the influence of my husband, moving countries, working at a different pace, becoming a parent, maybe it's a confluence of all of them,

1:40

but I feel at a sense of peace with what I've been able to achieve and what I may or may not achieve. Like initially I was, I'm still a perfectionist, but I think I was greedier when it came to ambition. Now I think I prioritize time with family, being at home, nesting. Like right now, we've just moved back to our house in LA. So unpacking, packing, putting stuff together, editing out, you know, Malte's closet.

2:16

She's four. I have stuff in there from when she was two. You know, Nick's stuff. It's just, it's so fun to go into. Like, I, my mother-in-law taught me this, but, you know, Nick stuff, it's just, it's so fun to go into, like, I, my mother-in-law told me this, but, you know, seasonal, to bring out like It's a shift in just my whole being, and I'm still coming to terms with it and familiarizing myself with it. But I'm allowing myself the time to kind of be in it. I would have, you know, berated myself earlier,

2:59

you know, made myself feel guilty for taking a day off. I really romanticize not taking time off. So it's a just like a complete 360, which is I'm coming to terms with it myself. Yeah, I can imagine. I mean, it feels like you're the expert of knowing when to shift speed. Because when you think about the way you dominated Bollywood and the success you had there, coming out to Hollywood at peak success, you know, when you think about the way you dominated Bollywood and the success you had there,

3:25

coming out to Hollywood at peak success, you know, when you're already winning, and then you go, oh no, I want another gear. So you come over winning here, and then now, as you're saying, winning here, and then going, oh no, now I want a different gear.

3:38

And it almost feels, would you say it's just time and age or is there something else that allowed you to be at peace as you said? Because peace is such a, I think we often think when we're young that pleasure and joy and enjoyment and happiness are the goal and then as you get older you realize peace was actually always... It's having time to waste. What a luxury. Not spend, because it's a currency time, I feel like, with your family, with people you love, or on the job. I love being on set. It's one of my favorite places in the world.

4:10

But it's when you can just sit and not be answerable to anything. And I take that privilege also very seriously. I know this has not been handed to me. I've worked really hard to be where I am. So I'm allowing myself. That time, you know, our daughter started in a new school. I love being able to pick her up from there, hear her stories and like be around.

4:36

You know, maybe it's just time, age, space, where I am at the moment. I'm not sure. But I think that every other pivot of mine didn't feel like it was something I controlled. Interesting. I felt pushed into it. This is the first time I feel like I'm allowing myself to not push myself so hard and see what happens. I always feel like, you feel like the sky will fall

5:05

if I stop working one day. And a lot of us are wired that way. I think especially from India and Asia, we have this work ethic, which our parents probably, because they had to, in order to survive and to make it in an ever-changing world

5:22

in their generation, they had to go really hard. So I think our generation grew up thinking that that was the way to be, but I think I've learned to look inwards a little bit and that's okay and allowing myself that. Yeah, but the other pivots, I just did the best I could.

5:40

I love that, that agency and that control. And you're right, the same, we were just talking about it off camera a second ago, best I could. But I love that, that agency and that control. And you're right, the same, we were just talking about it off camera a second ago, this idea of I was sharing that, you know, my mom would drop me to school, work during the day, pick me up, then she'd go back out to work in the evenings. And often I'd just go with her and fall asleep by her leg while she was in an appointment

5:58

or a meeting. And I just got to see how hard my mom worked. And that of course has lots of benefits, as you said, in terms of building discipline, hardworking mentality. And then at the same time, it comes a point where maybe you have to, when you get the privilege or the opportunity to peel back from it, to be able to shift. Yeah, and it's such a privilege. Like, you have to work hard to survive in this life. And people work really, really hard. And some people,

6:32

you know, work in jobs that, you know, you might not want or be in, but you have to survive. So I take that, that privilege of this. And it's just this year, honestly. It's the first time. First time I'm actually doing it, where I, you don't want to take that moment to kind of indulge in my family. And I think, you know, sometimes hard working limits your mind itself to finding that balance. And, but if you can find that balance, that's the dream.

7:05

Yeah, yeah.

7:12

Oh, wow.

7:13

It was the best interview. You don't have to say that. No, I don't have to say it. Yeah, you don't have to say that. I had so many people who called me about it and just hearing it both of you I mean it's who you are but

7:25

it's also my husband is just so sincere and honest and it's like disarming and to see that on camera it was a wonderful interview. I was going to ask you did you debrief do you both talk about when you get back from these Not when we get back when the clips come out like you know when you get back from these. Not when we get back, when the clips come out. Like, you know, when you get back home,

7:48

you're like, ah, let's watch a movie. Talked about myself all day. Can't do that anymore. I don't think we got into it. Like, I had no idea about what you guys spoke about. But when the clips come out and I'm seeing it,

7:59

then of course we talk about it. No, my favorite thing is to be sitting opposite someone who's that sincere because it just allows for this really genuine dialogue to come out. And yeah, no, I'm glad that you got a chance to see it. I'm glad that I got to be with you. It's not easy to be that.

8:17

No, no it isn't. And especially in our profession, like, I mean, you do it differently, but when it's a public facing profession, like, I mean, you do it differently. But you know, when it's a public facing profession, you get media trained. You can't help it. Like when you do it for long enough, you know, how to navigate different questions, how to deflect from what you don't

8:39

want to answer. And I have an added layer of it because I have a pageant background. So I can really deflect. So for me, it has always been really, really tough to reach that deep part of myself when I'm on camera. I find it uncomfortable. But it was very inspiring to watch that interview and see Nick do it. I mean, that's the most inspiring thing about my husband for me, which is why I give a lot

9:14

of credit to being married to him, to have been able to find this ease and comfort as I navigate life. Like even the tough things are kind of easier to handle because he's with me. And it's so different than what life was like 10 years ago. And so I think that, you know, it's being able to see him do that has helped me also get in touch with my feelings a little bit more and articulate them. Both of those things are mutually exclusive for me, were mutually exclusive for me. But now I feel them and I can talk about it. And that was a big step.

10:02

Yeah, I love that. I mean, both of you talk so beautifully about your daughter. And I was wondering, are you the strict one? Are you the chill one? Are you the fun one? Like, as a parent, like, what is your go-to?

10:12

If Nick's the sincere one and the, you know, what's your... Yeah, I'm the mom. I have to set down the rules. Like... Like I'm doing all the hard work here. No, we both do that. We both like, the good thing about our parenting and we kind of fell into this beautifully as a rhythm together was we always talk about how we will navigate a situation. And we are always on the same page when it comes to her.

10:41

So there's never a decision that I will say something and he will say something else or we're not on the same page about it. And we just kind of naturally fell into that. But yes, I'm usually a little bit more setting down the rules and you have to finish eating and you have to sleep at this time,

10:57

we have to wake up for school, like, yeah. Yeah, one person has to do it. I make a schedule. Yeah, one person has to do it. One person has to do it. Someone has to take the responsibility. Take the hit. Yeah. I love what you were saying though, like just about being open and honest in conversation

11:12

and in the public eye and how hard that is, especially now in a world where we do live in a world full of clips, like where everyone's judging you off what you said in 20 seconds without the context of even the fact. And that's why I think podcasting has been so revolutionary and helpful in that space is someone can actually listen to someone for an hour, two hours and actually make sense of what they're saying rather than, oh, I saw this 30 second clip of a three minute interview on a TV show and now this is my version of who you are.

11:40

Or I think you're the character you play in your movies. I don't really know who you are. So I wonder, why is it important for you to be yourself fully now on an interview or on a show? Like why are you even trying to do that? Why is that even meaningful to you? What would that provide for you right now?

11:56

I don't know if I can. I'm trying it out with you. You're trying it out with me? You're my guinea pig. I love it. Oh great. This is the experiment. Amazing. I love it. I don't know if I can. I don't know if you'll be able to get past that.

12:08

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

12:09

But no, I think it's the opposite. into what I want you to kind of think. And so now I'm like, I'll try it with Jay. Perfect. Thank you for trusting me. Comfortable seat, trustworthy man. Yeah, I appreciate that. Thank you. That's very kind. No, but it's real. It's such a real thing you're talking about. It's not easy to do that.

12:46

And I think you're so right about when you're still trying to figure yourself out. And sometimes when you're in the change, it's like everyone wants to know everything about you, but it's like you're so in transition that you're like, I have nothing to share.

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12:58

I feel like that between when I'm writing books. So when I have a book, I have lots to talk about because I've just spent two, three years studying this theme and looking at the science and the research and the wisdom and all this stuff. And then people invite me on interviews in between. I'm like, guys, I've got nothing to say because I'm working on new ideas. I'm, I'm building new ideas and I don't want to just say what I said before. I will give you credit though. hard on yourself because I remember the last time we interviewed you, the way you spoke about your parents and what you've learned from them and just how much impact they've

13:28

had on you, that not only is extremely genuine, it resonates really strongly. And I know it resonated with our audience. That interview we did five years ago has like 3 million views. And it's like people got so much from it. So I think you are being a bit hard on yourself and I just want to let you off the hook a little bit because would you say that's been a trait of yours as well as part of your, that ambition, that drive?

13:49

Have you had to be hard on yourself through this? My therapist thinks so.

13:52

Oh really? What does your therapist say, Virekha? That's what I want to know. What does the therapist say?

13:58

Yeah, that's apparently a character trait of mine that I'm very hard on myself. I didn't know that. I've recently, like I'm really turning the lens on myself a little bit in the last few years, where I'm kind of trying to get to know this new me. There are things that I do and say where I'm like, wow, this would not have been my reaction like six years ago. Patience?

14:25

Like, I was not patient. I mean, I really, I'm still like, I move very fast. I make quick decisions. I try to be, like, I'm always five seconds ahead when it comes to work. But I think having a toddler will teach you patience that is never in your control.

14:44

Yeah. I think that's fine. Sometimes I think having a toddler will teach you patience that is never in your control.

14:45

I think that's part, sometimes I think about it, I'm like, I know that the biggest personal growth I'll ever have is having a kid. Absolutely, you have no control. Yeah, you think, yeah, I'm always like, yeah, you think you've done all the self-work and then you'll have a child, Jay, and you'll know exactly how far you are. You will have no idea in the directions your personality will change.

15:06

You cannot predict it. It depends on who your kid is and who they turn into. And it just, you become metamorphosized into this other person. And in every aspect, priorities suddenly change. And everyone had told me that before, but when you're living it, it's really wild. So I'm still trying to get to know this new me who's completely different from even the one you probably spoke about five years ago.

15:38

Like that was before I became a parent and so it'll be fun to get to know her. Yeah, what have you discovered so far that's been the most surprising to you or something that you're like, oh, I didn't know that was there. Like what was something that you came across recently that stood out to you about yourself that you've been finding, discovering, searching? I'm much more patient with things when they don't work out. I would, like I said or you said, observed, was very hard on myself when something wouldn't work out. Or I would, you know, like just be

16:12

mad and my approach to like figuring out why it didn't go the way I needed it to go, like the control that I needed to have, like I just I feel like it's okay to not have that. And that's a huge change in me because it's affected every aspect of my life. How I interact with human beings, how I approach work that I take on, definitely how I parent. Even how I am at home, it's made me self-sufficient.

16:40

It's made me rely on myself a little bit more. It's like created a sense of confidence, which, again, this is something that I have preached, I know, my mind knows, but I was never able to implement to myself, which was, you know, when you're holding on to something really, really tight, you know, you're exhausting your muscles. It's so tiring. And that's people who like to control things and,

17:09

you know, like alpha personalities are like, it has to go my way. And maybe that was how I achieved what I did and my ambition showed itself in, you know, being a control freak almost, like holding on really tight. But that's something I've really consciously and subconsciously worked on.

17:30

As soon as I recognized the ease of letting the universe kind of push you in the direction you're meant to go, and then within that, of course, work hard every day to achieve your goals through the day. But it's okay if once in a while it doesn't turn out to be the way you thought it should be because you might end up with what you need instead of what you wanted,

17:57

which is even more important. Yeah, there's a beautiful Zen teaching that says, letting go is hard, but holding on is harder. Definitely. And it's exactly what you just described. It's just so...

18:08

When you're trying to hold on to this rope and it's tight in the grip. It's exhausting. Exactly, it's exhausting, it's painful, you'll end up with scars from it. But you just pointed out, do you think that... It's almost like, it's such a catch-22 because it's like, do you think you'd be this successful if you hadn't had that? No.

18:26

Right.

18:26

I don't think so. And I look at my 20-year-old self and I applaud her for surviving and doing whatever I needed to. flying all over the world, wanting to achieve everything, having the personality trait of being someone who just wanted everything and not be apologetic for it. My younger self was not apologetic for wanting a piece of everything, wanting a legacy, wanting to leave behind something. And I really had to separate myself and like look at her. And you know, in fact, when I was writing my memoir, it was a really critical experience for me, which helped me kind of navigate a lot of these things.

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19:19

Like, because I was talking to my friends and family and you know trying to corroborate my own memories because you know memories a funny thing. Absolutely. What I might remember maybe just my perspective and perception is definitely not reality and I used to believe a hundred percent that perception is reality what you become is what people believe and like as time has gone by I was just like man that girl really had to believe what she had to believe to get to the other side and that's okay yeah and you know I see a bravado which I admire today I maybe don't have it

20:00

anymore you know I'm a little bit more sensible, a little bit more level-headed maybe. Still is funny though, still is funny. Still is funny. The comedy is important.

20:09

Yeah, exactly.

20:10

Gets you through stuff. But you know, like, it's okay. I think I needed to be, and as we grow older, I think for all of us, at whatever age in life you're in, but to be able to forgive yourself for how you were when you were young. Or, you know, we all hold on to so many burdens of our past and are so hard on ourselves because of those things. And just, I think focusing on the future and the present is just a way of kind of letting go of that control.

20:42

Yeah, I really appreciate that perspective because I feel like so many of us as humans, when we discover a new way of kind of letting go of that control. Yeah, I really appreciate that perspective because I feel like so many of us as humans, when we discover a new way of living, we almost disregard, shun exactly the past way of being. And so we're like, oh, now I've figured out life. Now I'm at peace.

20:57

And it's almost like, wait a minute, you're forgetting the part that that kid at 20 years old, as yourself, you're talking about, needed to have that bravado, that holding on tight, that ambition, that drive to get here. And I love what you're saying, because I think that's really the work that we're all trying to do is accept that all these versions of us were just trying the best with what they know.

21:20

And now that we know better, we can do differently and do better, but that it's not a judgment or a shunning of that version of ourselves. And as we grow in life, we're going to keep changing. Like evolution is...

21:32

Hopefully.

21:33

Yeah, hopefully. And even if we don't, that's fine. That's your individual journey, you know. But like Nick's new song, it was so profound to me, gut punch, because that's what it really talks about is, when did I get so good at being mean to myself, right?

21:53

And we all do. And if we, you catch yourself on the couple of things which actually helped me. One, is this a constructive thought? So I'm going down the rabbit hole of anything, stress, fear, anxiety, anything. Is it a constructive thought? Will it get me somewhere? And if it's not, it's not meant to be in your head. And the second thing which has really helped me is thoughts are not facts.

22:25

So when you're spiraling about something or anxious about something or berating yourself for having done something wrong, you have to kind of come back to the facts. Like, what are the facts that I know? And then it just takes away the power. Those are tools that have really, I think, helped me in this new phase. I love those tools.

22:46

Zen phase. Yeah, I love those tools. Yeah, especially that second one because I feel like the mind is not a truth seeker, it's a storyteller. Absolutely. And so it will make up a story and it will create it and it will print it.

22:55

And we believe it. Yeah, and we'll plaster it. is the mind doing its thing and like you just start to believe whatever news story it tells you. And especially if we don't talk about it, which most of us are trained to not do, right? Like we've got to be tough, we've got to, like at least when I was growing up, there was no importance to therapy or constructive conversation, even within family. It was like, you're stronger than that, you don't have to feel that way, like almost dismissive of actual feelings.

23:26

And not just by parents, that was just the culture of how it was. And I feel like that's a wonderful thing that we've come to a place where we can actually talk about our feelings. But, you know, the more you keep it in, the more you're not allowed to talk about how you're feeling, which is totally different than how you should be behaving or what you should be doing in a situation,

23:50

completely different thing. How you're feeling is so crucial to acknowledge. And then it's easier to kind of move on. But the initial validation you need is, I am upset about something and it's okay. Whatever that might stem from, I might be feeling jealous, I might feel like angry that this didn't

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happen for me or whatever it was. But it's okay to acknowledge that feeling and I find it really beneficial to talk to like my best friend or my husband or someone. This is also a Nick Jonas learning actually.

24:28

Yeah, go on.

24:29

Oh man, I just realized early into our marriage we had, you know, argument that everyone does when you're just getting to know each other and newly married. And we had an argument and being the person that I am, you know, I'm the storm and Nick's teacup. That's how we are. Or at least we were, I don't know. We're evolving. I was like, well, we need to approach it this way. And, you know, this is how it'll get better and solutions and solutions. And he was like, well, we need to approach it this way, and this is how it'll get better, and solutions and solutions.

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25:05

And he was like, well, we need to talk about how we're feeling. And those were completely two different things. And I didn't know how to do that, or the fact that I needed to do that. And he was like, let's talk about how I'm feeling,

25:22

how you're feeling, and then we'll be able to move on to a solution, which was so mind-blowing to me at that time and profound, honestly. And it just changed the way, the direction of the conversation. It's so healthy to be able to acknowledge, you know, yeah, this made me feel this way. And the same honest truth.

25:45

So then you're like, oh my gosh, if something I said made someone feel a certain way, how do I feel about doing that to a loved one? You know, like, if a certain behavior from me or a certain behavior from you just makes me feel not nice, will you keep doing it again? Knowing that? So it was such a big, learning for both of us and you know we've never gone back to the storm in the teacup.

26:13

Radhe and I have been together for 13 years now, it's our 10 year wedding anniversary this year. Oh congrats you guys, decade. Super exciting and at the same time my point is of course we still have stupid arguments all the time. We've just built tools and techniques over the years that have worked for us and everything that's you know that everyone's dealing with. What gave you, because I find this to be one of the biggest things at least for me and Radhi that I think has been beneficial, what gave you the humility to be able to learn that from Nick right? Because I think in a lot of relationships, it's kind of like,

26:49

well, you want to do it that way, but this is the way I do it. So like you're saying, hey, I want to do a solution. I was like that. It happened for a few times and we argued where I was like, this is who I am and like, this is what I know. And it's worked for me. But I think I heard him maybe for the first time. And I don't know what, maybe I wasn't hearing him. I was focused so much on what I was feeling that I couldn't listen to what he was feeling.

27:19

And over time, maybe, you know, my husband is, and I've said this so many times, the most sincere, honest person, and that just disarms you. So when he looks at you with those eyes and says, let's talk about how we're feeling, we're going to talk about how we're feeling. Yeah, he has that deep presence. The room calms down and he just takes you in the direction that he wants to. That's the first thing actually that drew me to Nick when we first met is he has this quiet confidence which makes him like a natural leader. You know, you kind of want to listen to him and hear him out and know that, you know, he has thought about things and he's not impulsive and he's decisive.

28:18

But it's just this quiet confidence. It doesn't need, you know need to be put on display. And that was just beautiful. Yeah, I mean that takes a lot from you to notice that as well because sometimes I think quiet confidence is missed. Because it's quiet as in it doesn't have that flashy, it doesn't feel like, it doesn't look like leadership in the old way it's been propagated across the world and then it's

28:45

easy to miss. So it's also credit to you to be able to, you know, at the time to be able to notice that and see the value of it. I felt the value of it when I've been around him and had conversations with him and... It's always been something that has, it's been something I have seeked. It's been something that I have always been drawn to. And again, you know, it's different phases, different,

29:08

you have to be different kinds of confidence. There are times where you need to be a peacock or a porcupine. You know, it's fine. You're just like, bye.

29:17

I like that. Yeah.

29:18

You can be either or. But you gotta, you know, show it off a little bit. And then there are times you don't. It's really up to us to figure out when, you know, how much you need to turn it up and how much you need to turn it down. But the fact that you can turn it down, that is something like a lot of people don't know

29:38

and use. You know, confidence doesn't always have to be loud. It doesn't always have to be loud, it doesn't always have to scream, it just arrives. And that's the best type. Yeah, yeah, no, I mean, obviously he said that.

29:53

You also have that like quiet confidence. Thank you, that's very sweet, that's very kind of you. Yeah, I found it really fascinating because when I first came here, and I know I don't like this term, but people would always be like, oh you do motivational speaking, which I don't consider myself to do. Because I would think about all the motivational speakers that have come before and they're like loud, they're big, they're like, and I'm like, I'm just a little Indian guy, you

30:14

know, like I'm like, that's not my presence and I don't think that that's the only way to be powerful, it's a way. And I love... If you move people, it's powerful. Yeah, yeah. And I love what you're saying, that it can be done quietly. But I find it fascinating that you are seeking that,

30:32

because I think right now, when we think about dating in the modern world, when we think about, whether it's marriage, any sort of committed, monogamous relationship, I think, what women and men are looking for, sometimes we're all so confused because there's so many versions of what confidence, strength, attractiveness looks like. And what could be right for you.

30:50

Correct, and what's right for you. But you knew that was right for you because there was something that was guiding you to that. Was that intuition? Was it... It happened so quick. Yeah. Like, it was so quick. And I wondered for the first like year, I was like, what was it? Cause I'm not one to jump in full commitment.

31:14

It was like six months, right?

31:16

Six months since we first met, we not first met, like went out on our first date. We were married. Like we were engaged in like two months or something.

31:26

It's amazing.

31:27

It was so quick, but there was no part of me that could say no. I was so drawn and compelled by him. And I think that was the one of those things was his natural leadership. And that comes from his quiet confidence.

31:44

Like, he would just hold my hand and I felt the need to follow him. his natural leadership and that comes from his quiet confidence. He would just hold my hand and I felt the need to follow him. I'm usually the person that shows people the way. So it was just very attractive to me to be with someone that is so decisive and is not afraid to show it and doesn't need to scream off the rooftops. What Nick says, he can say it to you on this microphone, he can say it at home, he's just

32:12

like, that's who he is. And that was very new to me and disarming and charming at the same time. I love the way you both speak about each other. This is so special. I'm like, I'm literally gonna get the two clips of you both talking about each other

32:29

and put them next to each other. Because, no, it's wonderful. It's so wonderful because it's real. It's not easy. Like I said, it requires a lot of humility, even as what you just said.

32:40

I'm used to being the leader, I'm used to showing the way, but actually I'm really happy to let someone else lead sometimes. Yes, that's what every girl wants, is to be with a man competent enough that you will trust them to guide you in the right place. Because usually, you know, women are really good at figuring out and navigating through problems, but Nick has this innate wisdom that I trust and that I've always trusted. His honesty, I've trusted. And I think that was one of the first things

33:12

that I was like, yes, you will be great for life. That's it. That's amazing. That's so good. And I loved, I saw your congrats on the Variety cover. It was amazing. Oh, thank you. And I read the piece before as I was preparing for this and I just loved how you said in the article, you were like, I just, because when I hear you both, when I spend time with you both, I've been to your house, you know, spent time with you over the years at different

33:42

events. You see that love, you see the way you communicate, you see it even when I'm speaking to you both here, there's so much genuineness. And then naturally you talked about the variety cover with the negativity that naturally comes with having a relationship in the public eye.

33:55

And I love that you said, you're like, I just don't think about it anymore because we've been together for eight years. this stuff doesn't matter almost anymore. How hard was it to get to that point to be able to be like, you know what, now I'm, you know, we've always been good, we're fine, but how long did it take for you to feel, I'm not even letting that get to me anymore? I mean it's hard, I still like, will read a comment here or there and I'm like, why?

34:19

What did I do to you? Why? Why be so mean? Like, I don't even know you, I've never met you. You've seen like some aspects of my life and decided I might be this horrible person or we're not right together. Like, why? So it's still sometimes in weak moments will get me, like so many other things, like mean things do. But in general, I think I'm just in a place where I want to focus on the good in my life. And I feel really blessed to have the good that I do.

34:56

It's not been an easy journey. And to be in a place where, you know, you come out of a storm and the sun is shining and you just kind of like take that moment. And I feel like I'm in that moment right now. Yeah, me and Radhi don't obviously have nearly the amount of eyeballs that you guys have on us, but we went through this really interesting period where we'd been together every day during

35:21

the pandemic. And as soon as the pandemic was over, Raleigh was so excited to go back home and see her family as so many people were. And so Raleigh was spending a lot of time in London after the pandemic because she just missed her family, she missed her parents. And I did too, but I have work here, I have my team here, I've set up a life here and I go back and forth,

35:40

but not as often as she likes to. And it was really fascinating because I get a call from my publicist one day. She goes, Jay, I just got a call from this major publication and they've just been reading on the dark web. I was like, what is the dark web? They're like, I've been reading on the dark web that people are thinking that you and Radhi are about to, you know, break up and like you're not together anymore and that the pictures that you're posting are old and all this stuff. And I was like, we're in a really good place. Like, we're totally happy. Actually, the pandemic was amazing for us because we spent every day together

36:10

and fell more in love with each other, which was such a blessing to have that. And then we've always had this communication, me and Radhi, where London is such an important part of our identity, our family, our niece and nephew. And so we've always tried to live this LA London life as much as we can.

36:25

Not easy.

36:26

It's not easy at all.

36:27

Yeah, so Radhi will go back a lot more often. I'll run in and out whenever I can. And it was just fascinating to me that that was even being talked about. And she was like, yeah, there's loads of people just wondering whether you guys are still together, still in love, whatever. And it was just such a, and I remember having a conversation with Radhi and laughing at it, obviously, because we know what we're doing. But I was like, wow, like, where do, where do people even invent this stuff? And then how does it go from, we're living in different countries during a certain period of time with, with context, but you take that to be, we don nowhere near compared to the eyeballs that you and Nick have on you.

37:05

So it's just such a fascinating, and I struggled with that and Radhi struggled with it, where she got to the point where she was like, you know what, I don't want to talk about our relationship publicly anymore. Like, that's where she got to. She was like, I just don't want to talk about it because I don't like all these opinions a couple of thoughts on how I kind of navigated it. Yeah. One is we're living in a time and a period where we get to see and read the opinions

37:32

that people have of us, right? Like before social media back in the day, you think the aunties weren't talking in the kitchen?

37:40

Everyone was talking.

37:41

They were definitely, that's brilliant. Everyone was talking about everything. We just didn't hear about it. Absolutely. So nothing's really changed. It's just how much information we are absorbing. So take that power away.

37:57

This is all the same people that would have talked about you guys even 40 years ago if you were in the position that you're in. That's kind of the position that you're in. That's kind of the gig when you become a public person. People will have an opinion on you. So protect your sanity by understanding that this is, this comes with the job.

38:17

It comes with the territory, right? So that's one. Of course it can still affect you and you know, hurt because it comes across your timeline and you're like, why? Like, what's the need of it? The second thing that I really strongly believe it's no one's business, honestly. And that's okay. Like, you share as much as you need to and what feels right. And even within our families, right? Like if you're going for especially Indian families,

38:50

everyone's in your business. Everyone wants to know all the things. But even there, I believe that if it's not your business, I don't need to tell you. And so protect, protecting ourselves from the cacophony of opinions is really important.

39:07

And that's just by like, you've got to do the self-talk and be like, do I want to react to this? Is this a constructive thought? Like just, you've got to kind of nip it in the bud and be like, that's not something I need to waste my time on. Yeah, I think me and Radhi made a pact early where even with the family piece,

39:25

it was like, we solve our problems together. Yeah, exactly. And if we need to communicate with either of our parents, you communicate with your parents, I communicate with mine, because that's the open line of communication

39:35

that has been there for decades. And it'll be honest and it'll be real. Whatever your version of that is, is I think like, just the public scrutiny, and it's for everyone now, like there are comments on everyone's socials, right? Like, not just people who are in the public eye. Oh, totally, yeah. Like, content creators, anyone who's out there, you have comments. So it's not just a problem of public people anymore, that's just the nature of the world we're living in. Correct. a problem of public people anymore. That's just the nature of the world we're living in. So for everyone who gets mean comments on your comments

40:10

or on your Instagram or TikTok or whatever, like really recognizing, and maybe young people don't even remember this, but like people always talked. There's a Hindi song, Logon ka kaam hai kehna, Log kuch toh kahenge, logon ka

40:26

kaam hai kehna. Which means people have to say something, so they're constantly going to say something. And that's just human beings. So like, just a pinch of salt sometimes is important while reading that stuff. Yeah, well said, good advice. I was thinking I want to shift gears because I know we can talk about Nick the whole podcast. So we'll get back. Did we?

40:46

Oh my God.

40:47

No, no, no, we'll get back. He did the same, so it's fine. We'll get back to Nick and I want to talk about family as well. But I want to shift gears to something you said earlier. You said to me that actually this is the first time where you're moving at. And before there was almost this pivot that felt pushed on you

41:06

or just felt like the way you had to go. And I was reading online about a, there was a director in Bollywood who was saying that Priyanka was treated badly. She was like, she was treated badly in Bollywood. We pushed her out was his language.

41:22

And I was like, I don't know how that feels when you're at the top, when you've won. You're one of the most iconic people we've ever had in the industry in Bollywood, without a doubt. Celebrated, done every major movie, worked with every major director, every major person in the industry. To me, it looked like a win, but that's what, I mean, people are almost coming out and confessing and feeling like, no, we treated her badly, we pushed her out. How do you feel about that when you hear that?

41:50

I have like conflicting thoughts with all of that because I feel like surviving in the movie industry is tough for everyone. It's not an easy place. It's political. It's networky. It's moment-driven. If it's the moment, you're the man of the moment, or the woman of the moment, and then the moment's gone. It's somebody else's moment. So it's fleeting.

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42:18

So I am pragmatic enough to recognize that. I feel like everybody has their struggles because of their choices. I did feel like I was in a place where I felt cornered, where work was limited, and in order to survive emotionally, mentally, physically,

42:38

I just needed to move. And that's always been my answer. I'm not someone who stays stagnant. I need movement to solve my problems. And this time it just happened to be across continents, you know. The hardest things to do.

42:53

Completely move, like completely to the country. But I was talking to you about the universe, right? So I was in this place where I was doing good work, but I kind of didn't see myself, like I told you, I look five seconds ahead of me. I'm like always thinking ahead is my nature. So I just didn't see longevity the way I wanted it in my situation at that time. And I'm honest about who I am. So, you know, I was never afraid of living my truth. But that's what it ended up being. I felt cornered. And Anjula, who's our common friend, who's for people who don't know, now my manager, but at that time she ran Desi Hits, which was a joint venture with Interscope Records, which shone

43:49

the light on Indian artists and South Asian artists and brought them over to America. And she saw an old movie of mine at her mom's house. It was called Bluffmaster. And she was like working with Jimmy Iovine at that time. They had just done the Pussycat Dolls version of J.H.R. So there was like that, you know, just cross-pollination, I like to use that word, of cultures within music that was happening. And she reached out to me. You know, I heard you can sing. I mean, that's, I can carry a tune with a little bit of help, but not like I used to

44:31

enjoy it. I used to go into the studio, sing with my friends. You know, in Bollywood movies, we have music as a, you know, we have a soundtrack to every movie. And that's usually recorded with,'s usually recorded with music producers. I used to go in for those sessions just because I loved seeing how music was made.

44:53

And so sometimes I would take the mic and just sing or whatever. So I had a few songs out there floating around and I don't know, she got her hands on them and she was like, you know, let's make you a pop star. And because I was feeling it was like a, the universe kind of just timed itself together. I was feeling very limited in my work in Hindi movies. I was feeling kind of like I don't have a direction to go on. And this was like an olive branch. And I don't get starstruck, but musicians like get me. Being able to be on that stage and command with a live microphone

45:38

so many people is incredible to me. So I was just blown away by, you know, being flown to London and then from there being signed to Universal, from there coming to LA, and you know, being in the studio with Will.i.am and Pitbull and just Chainsmokers and work with Red One and you know, I met the most incredible people during this two-year pop star era of mine. Such a welcome change. It was a breath of fresh air. And this is behind the lens, like what I was feeling.

46:17

I was feeling like I was drowning and I was suddenly pulled out. And I could breathe. And I didn't know if this would stick or not, but I was just breathing. And I was breathing in excellent company. I was making music that I didn't know how to make.

46:39

But there was faith in something in me. And I have to give credit to both Anjula and Jimmy Iovine for seeing something that I didn't see. I was honestly just breathing at that point and really happy to be given an opportunity to work with some of these incredible artists

46:59

that I had admired for so long. I mean, I spent my 30th birthday with Bono. How many people can say that? Like, it was just so cool to be in that rarefied air of just artists who make music with a guitar and, you know, songs that come into their mind. And I was just inspired and feeling a sense of being alive, creatively and emotionally. I lost my dad within that phase as well, which was a really big hit for me. So it was a tough like period of five, six years, a lot of change, a lot of leaving feelings and things behind and trying to come out on the other side of it.

47:50

And I was alone because I had moved countries. That was an extra layer of tough. I didn't really have a lot of friends. I have a lot of family in America, but everyone's really busy with their lives. So I was bi-coastal between LA and New York, and hotel rooms get lonely. So I moved into an apartment and after the music phase was over, I was like, after four songs out there, I was like, I don't know if this is, I'm as good as I would like to. And then Jimmy suggested that I find representation in acting. And I did. And that's how it started. You know, I got Quantico, which was a bunch of auditions, which was also one of my first auditions in like years.

48:43

Terrifying in itself, the whole process. When I was working in Bollywood I'd reached a point where people knew my work, I'd get direct offers. It's so crazy that as actors we do this and you know, rejection is such a large part of it too. But that first time when I walked into that audition hall and there were all of these girls on a chair and I realized they were all here for the same part. It was a crazy feeling. And does everyone look similar? Is that the goal or like, Or was that different because you were doing it here?

49:27

It was different for that show because it was written for an American girl, that show, which I clearly wasn't. But I'm an actor and I was like, yeah, I can study an accent and I went to school here. I'm not unfamiliar with the States. So I worked on being American because she was an FBI agent. So I worked a lot on that, I worked with acting coaches. I really wanted to see if I was built for America. Because it takes different gears almost for anyone who's familiar with

50:09

you know, Bollywood and Hollywood. It's just the industries are it's different. So the first few times for me, I spent like about six months in LA. I was also finishing a movie back in India that time called Bajirao Mastani. So I was flying back and forth

50:26

a lot. And I just was like, do I have what it takes first and foremost to do that? And which meant kind of erasing my accomplishments up until now when I walked into a room. And I was, it took me a little bit of talking to myself to do that. I was like, OK, what are my choices? My choices are to do limited parts and see what that'll turn out to be like, to do music, which I kind of thought I was mediocre in,

51:00

or to try and work in a completely new industry, which, you know, you have to start all the way at the bottom again. And that's alright, because the edge that I had is I was not new. So I knew my job. I knew what it's like to be on a big budget movie. I knew what it's like to be on a big budget movie. I knew what it's like to be the lead of a pod. To hold the attention on screen. Or even stand on your mark, say the lines, know where the lights are. I know the profession, I know my craft.

51:35

So that's the edge that I had over someone newer who was coming into that space. And I think that's what really helped me is I focused on my craft. I focused on the job. I took away the noise of, you know, well, you've done like 50 movies in India

51:53

or you've been on the cover of this magazine. Why should you like that thing that we do to ourselves, which is, you know, you can get in your own way. I chose to get out of my way. And I don't know which part of my survival helped me do that.

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52:12

I really don't know. It was a really dark period in my life. Moving here, being alone, losing my dad, losing like friendships and my family, my mom was not here, nobody. Belonging. Belonging in a rented apartment, not sure if I should live in New York or live in Mumbai,

52:35

living out of suitcases for a couple, like for many years. It was just tough and I don't know, I just, I was like, I need to get out of my way. I need something to give. I need something to work. And it was many, many years of trying to figure out what will stick. Where I just like put my head down and I was like, just do the work. I worked on my scenes. I went in for the audition.

53:04

I got the job. I continued working on... because that didn't mean that the show gets picked up if you just did the pilot. I continued working on other things, looking at movies, working with acting coaches, just learning scenes, learning how to speak in the English language. Not speak, but delivering speak in the English language, not speak, but delivering dialogues in the English language.

53:27

My brain was tuned to improvising in Hindi. I can do that because I've done so much work in the Hindi language. So it was a pivot of my brain as well to be able to read sides in English and deliver those lines. So I worked with a lot of acting coaches, so amazingly talented people,

53:47

both in New York and LA to be able to get more comfortable with that. Yeah, I just decided to focus on the work and slowly picked up. It took a lot of smaller parts, figuring out where I land, to now producing the movies that I work in. So it was a long journey, emotionally traumatic, in many ways personally for me.

54:18

But I'm happy to be on the other side of it. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, when you describe that period of your life as drowning, and transitioning away from the industry and then finding air even in the newness of music and how that comes in, I mean that, and then adding on all the context you just gave us of how hard that time was, whether it's personally with your father, whether it's

54:42

professionally with new work, new industry. Just not knowing anyone. Just not knowing anyone, the loneliness that comes with it. I mean, it sounds like you put, you said in your own words, it's a really dark time. It's, it was tough. It felt really dark, but I think the fact that I could pull myself out of it with the help of, you know, some amazing people that came into my life

55:07

like Ange, like Jimmy, like Dana, my team in India, Natasha. These are people that really held me together at that time when I didn't have friends and family around me. We've all worked together now for 15 to 20 years. But you know I was very lucky to have had picked people around me that didn't let me feel the weight and the gravity of what it felt like to me.

55:35

Because it may not have been the reality. Yeah. But it felt like that to me. And now you know I acknowledge feelings. So this is me acknowledging what I felt those 12, 14 years ago. What are we in 2026? This was 2010. 15, 16 years ago.

55:55

But I felt like that. Yeah, well it's, I think it's fascinating that we don't necessarily give people the credit they deserve when they're here with us and living on the planet. And, you know, that is, it's a really... I always think about that so much. Right?

56:10

It's such an interesting human trait. I always think about that so much. And, you know, I actually started thinking about it after my dad, honestly, because it was such a personal loss for me and there were so many people that came out for, we called it his celebration ceremony, but it's actually the chautha, which happens on the fourth day after you lose someone in Hinduism.

56:37

And so you give the family like four days to mourn and the fourth day, you know, everyone else can start coming in to give their wishes. And there were so many people that celebrated my father and spoke so highly of him. And I was like, why didn't you say that to him when he was here? He would have loved to hear that. And I have started actually making a practice in my life of reaching out to people, just

57:08

if I think of them, or if I see good work, or someone's on my mind and I haven't been in touch with them for many, many years, I'll just send a text saying, hey, I'm thinking of you, I appreciate you. And it usually takes people, they're like, when you texted me after 10 years, I feel like it heals me every time I think of,

57:31

you know, seeing someone's achievement, or because I would have wanted that, I would want that for me, and I would want that for, I think everybody deserves to hear that you are appreciated, or that you mean something to someone, or you've done something that moved somebody.

57:48

And we should try and do that while people are on this planet. And it just takes a text or a thought. The more you start doing it, it's a butterfly effect of just niceness. Yeah. And I love that you spoke about your father because this isn't about doing it for people just in the public eye, it's just the idea of life. Not at all in the public eye.

58:10

Yeah, this is not a public eye thing. I'm talking about like, nobody needs to know this, it's between you and that person.

58:15

Yeah, that's correct.

58:16

It's not on Instagram. Yeah, that's why I love what you said about your dad. It's a text. Yeah, it's just people need to know while they're here, while they're living, while they're breathing, how you feel about them, and for people to be celebrated and honored while they're here with us. Because you see all the time someone passes away and all of a sudden there's an eruption of love and joy, but it's like they weren't experiencing that while they were alive.

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58:41

And what a loss. What a loss not only for them, but for us to even have the opportunity to express that gratitude or notice that about them. It's such a privilege to be able to express to someone what you feel for them. As a world, as a society, we don't encourage our young

58:58

or our ourselves enough to be able to be honest when you feel something for someone. Just appreciating people. I didn't know that at all when I was younger. Which again, I guess, as you evolve in life. But in my 20s, I was like, my attitude literally was everyone is doing their job.

59:20

So you know, I'm doing my job. I'm not expecting appreciation. So why should anybody else expect appreciation? It was so tough. Yeah. That's the hard on yourself. I guess I was allowing myself to not have the expectation of appreciation because I never got it.

59:42

Yes.

59:42

So I think it came, my attitude came from protecting myself. Now I understand this. At that time, even a few years back, I was like, I would just, I was like, I don't expect you to say I did an amazing job or if my scene is right, I'm not expecting the director to be like, clap for me. So why do I have to do that for people?

1:00:03

It was such a tough attitude, but I understood why, because you know I would not get appreciation. I was navigating this insane new industry, but you do. Everyone does. And now I've understood that it's just, I don't know what that learning was, but I think just appreciating people is just nice. It's just nice. But I love the self-reflection of it,

1:00:41

that again, I think we all go through that phase where you're really blocking something because you're right, we don't want validation. No one wants to want it. But we all kind of like it. And then you're fighting against that feeling of why do I want it, I shouldn't want it, and therefore no one else should want it.

1:01:00

But really deep down we all need it because I was saying to someone today, we were talking about the need for usefulness. Everyone wants to feel useful. We think people want to feel important or significant or celebrated. And it's like most of us, like good humans, who are not narcissists or living in it,

1:01:15

we just want to feel useful. And it's when you don't feel useful to someone that you feel valueless and helpless. Like, did I add something?

1:01:24

Exactly. you feel valueless and helpless and... Like, did I add something? Exactly, all we want to do is...

1:01:26

Did I bring something to the table? Yeah. And without having to ask for it.

1:01:30

Yeah.

1:01:31

You know, you don't want to have to ask, like, do I bring value? Yeah. You know, and especially when you're starting out in any job, you're like, if you're told even once that you bring value, it just, it makes you want to do better work, you know? And I think that why I did that to myself was because I didn't know if I would get it, and I didn't want to put myself in a position where I had the expectations and then I was let down.

1:01:57

Of course.

1:01:58

So I just normalized the fact that nobody needs appreciation. I don't need it, you don't need it. Yeah, exactly, yeah. Yeah, we repeat what we reward. So if we reward the feeling of, oh, I don't want it, I don't need it,

1:02:11

we're gonna repeat that. And if we reward someone for putting in effort and doing good work, that person will repeat it because that's what inspires all of us. I really appreciate you going there on that theme of just how hard that transition was because I think from the

1:02:25

outside you make it look easy. Like I said, no one's business. It's hard for me to talk about personal struggles because there's just so much hardship in the world. I feel really like even what was hard for me, it's not as hard as what everybody, like there's so many people going through so much worse. So there is a part of myself that still is hard on myself.

1:02:55

Because it's not hard enough. Yeah, because it's not hard enough. You're like, don't, you shouldn't be feeling that way, don't be silly. But you know, everyone has struggles in their lives and it's tough to talk about it because you're like, what was so hard about that? Just personally, it was. Yeah, not in context or comparison to anyone else. It's acknowledging how you feel. I mean, that seemed like a big transition for you. And when Nick was on the show, he spoke so vulnerably and openly

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1:03:26

about the birth of your daughter, which was traumatic to say the least, and of course, amazing. But in that moment, just how heavy it was and difficult it was just for both of you in going through that process.

1:03:38

I wanted to ask you if you were comfortable sharing from your heart and your words

1:03:42

what that experience was like for you.

1:03:44

The whole thing was tough because our journey to Malati itself was really rough. I don't want to get into details because I don't know if I'm ready to talk about it, but it was very hard on me. And she's a miracle baby because she was my only hope at that time to be able to have a baby. So when we were told that she's coming at 27 weeks, I just shut down.

1:04:23

I remember I sat in front of a fireplace in our house for I think like nine hours or something. And for someone who's always so solution-oriented, I didn't have a thought in my brain. And Nick was somewhere and he came back and we just he grabbed me, we loaded the car and our dogs and we drove. She was purple. We didn't The NICU nurses couldn't... Their little finger was too big for her mouth. How they intubated her was...

1:05:39

I still see that image. And thankfully everything was fine with our surrogate. So we could focus our energy. I was just numb. I just remember, I didn't know what to do or how to be useful in that moment. We went with her to the NICU. One of us was allowed at a time, and she cried the first time. And it was like a cat, like just a, just like that's all we got. My mom flew down, my in-laws flew down, but we were in the hospital. And it was such a personally traumatic time, but somehow, because we were in and out of the hospital, I remember it leaked and we got a text saying that her birth is going

1:06:38

to be put out by the papers, and I don't want to give credence to who sent us that message or which network it was, but that if we don't, they're going to put it out in three hours. So we were kind of forced into announcing her birth, because we wanted to hold on to our own narrative of it, but we weren't ready because we didn't know what would happen with her or how she would be.

1:07:10

It was three months, almost 110 days. We stopped everything. We were in the hospital every day. With her, we did shifts so that she could be on our skin. The nurses said from day two of life that we should be doing skin to skin so Nick would sing to her on his guitar.

1:07:35

I used to have this little iPod which played all my mantras. My Mahamrityunjaya mantra, my Gayatri mantra, my Om Namah Shivaya, like all of it would play all day inside her crib just softly. There were a lot of people praying for her. She was very, very desired, very coveted, and treasured because she was so hard. It was so hard, her journey, to get to this planet. And she had like six blood transfusions.

1:08:11

I used to feel like she looked just like Nick and I as a combination, but everyone says that she looked like him. But even in those days, as soon as we would be switching out, like she would recognize our voices and smile, like just her eyes weren't open, but she would have a little like slight smile. And if you ever meet our daughter, she has the most glorious smile on the planet, like full face laugh. It was a brutal time, but I think I talk to myself when I'm in tough situations. Once I got out of the stunned nature of it, I realized how afraid she must have been. So I didn't have the privilege of being upset or afraid.

1:09:00

I had to show up as her mom, and I had to be tough through it. I had to smile for her. I had to equip myself to take care of a preemie baby and make sure she's the healthiest that she can be. And that's just what my focus turned into. And I was like, it is not about me or him.

1:09:25

And this happened immediately as soon as that. She was on my chest for the first time at almost 27 and a half weeks or two or three days after. And she was so tiny that her fingers felt like butterflies on me. She was just this little. One pound, 11 ounces. In that moment, I was like, I will go to the ends of the earth to protect you. It's a feeling I have never felt before.

1:09:56

And I think every first time parents says that, but it's like your heart is beating outside of your body. And especially with her, because she was so vulnerable. I became a tigress about everything, from her nutrition to her medication to her transfusions. Nick and I, as a team, we didn't have to talk to each other. It was just done. We used to look at one another and, you know, we'd have the diaper bag, we'd have, like, tomorrow we have to— tomorrow's her bath day, we'd have the bath—

1:10:35

like, all the little things, make sure that, you know, she has this much of milk, and is she— just every little thing about her to make sure she gets to that weight and just survives was the only order of business. Everything else took a backseat. And the day we brought her home, she was still so tiny. And I have a big mandir in our house with a big Shivji's murti, who I really am a big Shiv

1:11:06

bhakta, I really believe that, you know, Bhole Baba has guided me through every difficult moment in my life and I've like sat on his shoulders. And we just as a family sat in front of his vision. And I think that's the first time I really wept. She was still so tiny, but I just, I wept for the grace that she survived, the gratitude that she was home, that she chose us, that we could make this happen, where she could be in this world and

1:11:48

have this thriving life. IVF is tough, and everything that contributed to her being on this earth, I was just so grateful for and just relieved and after that we had a big havan for her when she came home and her naming ceremony and then it just became real. Gosh, I think anyone who hears that, just you know, so sorry you had to go through that, sorry that the family had to go through it together as well.

1:12:32

I was thinking about it, you know, because I saw on your podcast when Nick talked about it and I knew we would talk about it also, but I was kind of thinking about like why I've started thinking a lot about the whys in my life. How did I navigate that? Because when you're doing it, you just do it, right? You just take your choices.

1:12:56

You're not really thinking about the why. But in retrospect, I like to kind of unpick at that a little bit. And I was unpicking at it, and I guess my choice to have kids at a later stage contributed to this being a really tough journey for me. But if I would have done it earlier, would it have been the wrong time? It wouldn't have been her. So I kind of made my peace with the fact that this journey came from making the right choice for me and for my biggest

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1:13:40

flex, honestly, I feel, is I'm living this life with the right guy, with the right father, for this incredible baby that we have. And that was meant to be, and the journey was meant to be. I feel really blessed to be on the other side of it, like I said, but it couldn't have been any other way.

1:14:07

Yeah.

1:14:08

So, you have to kind of forgive yourself. Yeah, I feel like that overthinking brain of, well, if I did it this time, if I could have done it like this, if we did it like that. She wouldn't have had to deal with what she went through. And you're like, oh, it would be a different soul. It would completely be a different person. Or different circumstances.

1:14:28

I don't know what that would have been like. I can't speak to that, whether it would be good, whether it would be bad. It just wouldn't be this. And this is great. So, you know, I can't speak for the parallel lanes

1:14:42

of the multi-universe of our life. Yeah, that's what the mind does. I always try to bring back to the present and the gratitude of our little family and being able to be together. Yeah, the mind plays all those games of sliding doors and if this then that and shoulda coulda woulda and it's fascinating.

1:15:06

I love how much faith in your life is such a central pillar of a stronghold of how you come back to that. And I know that's been there since day one, right, with your family. First of all, I think when you grow up in India, it's kind of ingrained in whatever religion

1:15:23

you might grow up in. Faith is a big part of Indian spirituality. When you grow up in India, it's kind of ingrained in whatever religion you might grow up in. Faith is a big part of Indian spirituality. And, you know, we are a country of multiple religions. So, I was very influenced by just faith in general. The multicultural nature of my family as well.

1:15:43

My grandmother's Catholic, you know, my maasi is Muslim, we were grown up raised as Hindus, but I went to like a Catholic school, like it was just a lot of influences. And to me, faith is basically a relationship with something larger than yourself. And religion is your path to get there. And it's unique to everyone and every journey. But I've had a really, really strong faith in my life since I was a kid. Both my parents did, especially with Lord Shiva.

1:16:23

And you know, we've been Shivhakts from when we were kids and that's a big pillar of my faith and it's really gotten me through really scary times and tough times. I kind of just like close my eyes and go into a little box where I'm just talking to my God, like I'm just talking to Bhole Baba and I'm like, I say my prayer and I say, you'll get me through it. And it's like, I feel safe in the box. It's almost like I'm held and somehow I come through it.

1:16:59

And that's what it is, right? Like faith should feel like a hug, like a safe place. And my faith has always felt like that to me. Thank you for sharing that. It's as hard as it is to hear, and also to hear how hard it was for all of you, it's inspiring and hope-giving, I think, to so many to just hear about how you all came together, how that hope and that fight and that persistence and

1:17:28

the shifts that you both did for, you know, the months that you both switched for and probably not even seeing each other much in the changeover because you're trying to give time and the way you both describe her as the miracle baby. It's such a, you know, Yeah.

1:17:41

Such a beautiful.

1:17:42

Her soul was meant to be here.

1:17:44

Yeah. And she clawed her way into life. Yeah. It's such a beautiful. Her soul was meant to be here.

1:17:45

And she clawed her way into life. And I will celebrate that every day. And so will Nick. Like we celebrate her every day. She literally said that yesterday to me. She's like, Mama, my birthday just doesn't end.

1:18:00

And I was like, it doesn't. That's amazing. We celebrate you every day. That's amazing. Somebody came in and got her a present, her birthday is in January. She was like, this just doesn't end. And I was like, and it won't.

1:18:12

That's so cute. Every day is your birthday. I love that. Well Priyanka, we've reached out to, I reached out to Nick to share a letter for you.

1:18:24

That I can share with you. So I'm going to read it to you now. Did he do this on the day you did the podcast? No, no, no, no, no, in between. In between, not on the day. So I'm going to read it to you from Nick.

1:18:35

So this is from Nick to Priyanka. So he says, my Jaan, which I love. I was like just seeing him write that is beautiful. Wow. This is the first time I'm reading it too. So I've not read it. I always save it because I'm not,

1:18:48

I don't like reading it before it comes. I've never read it. Oh gosh, I'm embarrassed. He says, my John, I'm constantly in awe of the person you are. It's not just the big titles, a sister, and my wife. The focus and thoughtfulness you bring to every single day is something I try to live

1:19:06

up to. Everyone sees the public side of you, but it's who you are in the quiet moments that really floors me. You have this incredible patience and a way of listening that makes people feel completely

1:19:19

safe.

1:19:20

I've seen people who usually keep their guards way up, just let it go all around you. Finding a kind of healing they didn't know they needed. One of my favorite qualities about you is that you truly never judge. You just meet people where they're at and always find the good in people. That's a rare thing. You're a leader in every sense.

1:19:40

In these last eight years I've watched you take on challenges that would have broken most people. Whether it's on a set or navigating the massive life change of moving countries and blending two very different worlds, you do it with a fire that honestly lights me up. You've stayed so true to your roots while adapting with a kindness that seems to never run out.

1:20:00

I'm so incredibly proud of you. I know your dad is looking down with that same pride, seeing the woman you continue to be. As you talk with Jay today, and he better have those tissues ready, just know that Malti Marie and I are right there with you. You're the center of our universe. Building this life with you is the greatest honor I have. Knowing we're a team gives me a sense of peace I can't even describe. No matter what life throws at us, I know we can handle it together.

1:20:28

I love you endlessly. Nick Jonas. That's crazy, man. Where are those tissues?

1:20:33

They're next to you.

1:20:34

The said promised.

1:20:35

I know, I'm like, I can't believe Nick. All of a sudden. I know, I'm like, Nick, come on.

1:20:41

Knows his wife, knows what'll get me. It's beautiful. I love your love. Long may it flourish and continue and thrive and I'm so glad that Malta Marie has both of your love as well and I hope that continues as well. You've been so kind. I hope that was a, I know he says it to you every day probably anyway but. He is one anyway, but. He is one to say it.

1:21:05

He is one to say it.

1:21:06

He is not one to not say it. And I think he promised me that very early in our engagement actually. He said when he asked my mom for my hand in marriage, which he did before he even asked me, what a gentleman. But he said, I promised your mom that I'll always keep you happy. And that's going to be my quest, is your happiness. And I'll always tell you how loved you are.

1:21:36

And you can say that, like, when you just get married. Yeah, yeah, of course. But to keep up with it, and to make sure he tells me. In Little Things, I was just, I told you, I was, I'm purging my house at the moment because we've just moved back to LA, right? I'm like switching it out for what's right for us now.

1:21:57

So I have this memory drawer in which I keep cards. I love the cards that people write me. I love a handwritten note. So I was pulling out all my cards and they're all mixed up. And all of these letters that Nick has written to me over the years, and I put them all together and I was just reading them.

1:22:17

Right from the beginning, he just always told me. And you know, it's the simplest thing, but tell your loved ones you love them. It makes such a big difference. Absolutely. Such an important reminder. Especially if you can write that well as well. Marry a musician. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Priyanka, we now end, you didn't do this last time, we end every

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1:22:42

episode with these two fun games that we created. One's called Would You Rather and the other one's Gut Reaction. So Would You Rather is first up. So Priyanka Chopra, this is your Would You Rather. Would you rather play the hero or the villain for the rest of your career?

1:22:56

In movies, obviously.

1:22:57

Yeah, thank God. I mean, I do love playing a bad guy, but it would get boring for the rest of your life. Because I don't know how creative I could get with how many bad guys, but I'll say the villain. It's more interesting.

1:23:11

The villain, yeah.

1:23:12

The Bluff. Okay. Yeah. We're going to get to see you. Well, I'm not a villain in The Bluff. No, you're not, but we get to see you do a lot of crazy action scenes. Yeah you know it's so this movie which I've done a lot of work with

1:23:27

Amazon Prime and this is another one of our collaborations but this movie is at such a pivotal point in my life because my character is a former pirate who was known as Bloody Mary, self-titled, you can tell why. She was tough and gruesome. And based off of Grace O'Malley from Ireland and many other female pirates that

1:23:53

did exist at that time, whose lives were just insane. If you read the books, I can't imagine being a female and a pirate at that time. But why this movie really resonated with me is something I said earlier too in the podcast, which is how far would you go to protect your family? How far would you go to protect your children? And this is the story of a mother and a woman

1:24:17

who says, you're not coming for my family. One of the most amazing lines in this movie which I really deeply resonated with is, you come to my home, you threaten my family, and then I kill him. And I say, where is my husband? Where is my husband? Every wife when they're playing golf, isn't it? I love that! That's so good! But, you know, I really, it's, it really, that's what I love about this movie. It's really fun. It's like a bloody gory.

1:24:51

The action scenes are insane. It's like, I love doing that. It's gory, it's got drama, it's beautifully shot, based in the Caribbean. What more could you ask? Our director was humongously talented, Frankie Flowers.

1:25:05

Yeah, it's beautifully shot.

1:25:06

What would you do? How far would you go? And you've lived through that in your own version of that. And I will continue to. Like, I'll go to the ends of the earth to protect my family. I saw that in your eye when you said that.

1:25:17

I was like, wow, do not mess your eyes. Don't come for my family. You're big guy and your eyes are like, Jay, do not. And I'm like, I'm trying to beat family. I'm like, this is like, you know, this is, I saw that in your eye. You're like fully locked in there. And I was like, OK, I'm scared now. All right. Would you rather have to wear your Miss World crown

1:25:37

to every major Hollywood premiere for the next year or have to introduce yourself as Miss World 2000 in every room you enter? Oh neither! Oh no, that's the worst. One should be a Miss World choice and the other one shouldn't be. Neither. I'm very proud of that achievement for my 18 year old self at that time but it's not something I would care to do again. Okay. Would you rather accidentally send a flirty voice note meant for Nick to your entire production group chat or accidentally read one of your own romantic texts out loud thinking it was

1:26:12

part of the script during a table read?

1:26:14

Well, I wouldn't do that. But I may have even done this. I am notoriously known for sending the wrong messages to the wrong people. So I think it would be funny. I think it would be hilarious. All right, this one applies to the bluff as well.

1:26:33

Would you rather film a brutal stunt sequence in one take, absolutely nail it, but get injured and never be allowed to do your own stunts again, or play it safe, let a stump double take over and always wonder if you could have done it yourself? I have done enough work with incredible stunt teams to know when I can and when I can't. I'm very, very safe and practical. I'm not a hero when it comes to set. I don't need

1:27:00

to prove a point. I'm a professional. I go to set, I see what I have to do. The bluff especially, in fact, there's a lot of one-take scenes and a lot of injuries that I did get in this movie. But because it's a dramatic performance of a, you know, stunt movie, it really required my face in everything. It required me to convey the emotion of what I was feeling while I was in the stunt scenes. So I did a lot of it myself.

1:27:27

I was trained by an incredible stunt team. My stunt coordinator and double, Anisha Gibbs, worked with me very, very closely. In fact, we shot a whole year. The first three months was Heads of State. While I was filming Heads of State, I was trained for the bluff. I really enjoyed the movie.

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1:27:44

That was great. Thank you. Yeah, it was so much fun. It was so fun. It was so much fun. So in between shots, we would train the sword fighting sequences on set. So Idris and John would be like, we don't use swords in started filming The Bluff, which was for three months.

1:28:06

So it was just so intense, and you were right in. Training happened while filming.

1:28:13

Wow.

1:28:14

Learning choreography happened while filming. So I would get a few hours off after finishing a scene, and I would go learn my choreo, or in between shots. So it was just very very alive and creative, but I'm very safe. Like I learned very early in my career

1:28:30

that the person doing the stunt, you have to walk your path. Even if your stunt double's checked it for you, you walk your path, you see if there's, you know, a nail coming out from somewhere. If you could get injured, if, you know, where you're falling

1:28:43

doesn't have like a protrusion, like you have to be really practical in order to be able to pull off stunts and stuff like that. You can't be a hero. I like the pragmatism and the practicality, very useful. Can't be a hero. Great answer.

1:28:57

All right, one last one of would you rather and then we've got reactions here. Would you rather perform, I think I know the answer to this one because I saw you already do this and it was amazing. Would you rather perform one full Jonas Brothers song on stage by yourself in front of a sold-out stadium or open a Jonas Brothers show with a five-minute stand-up monologue about your relationship? I'll do the monologue. You did so good on the roast. The roast is so good. That is hands down still one of my favorite clips of you. Can I tell you a secret? Yeah, please. Nick wrote my roast.

1:29:25

No, did he actually? No, don't tell us that, don't ruin it.

1:29:30

It was so good.

1:29:31

But I'm not ruining it, that's our partnership.

1:29:33

Yeah, yeah, that's your partnership. But your delivery was brilliant.

1:29:35

Thank you. I mean, he didn a good writer and a comedy too, what can't this guy do? And he knows his wife, he wanted to set me up for success and he was like, you need to lean into this joke, you need to say that. And I was like, no, I don't want to address that. The Instagram thing was all Nick.

1:29:56

It was such a good joke.

1:29:57

Where he was like, you have the most Instagram followers of all three of us combined and I was like I'm not saying that on your own. That was so good though. He was like you have to say it. So you know he was like and yeah that's our partnership where you know we want to set each other up for success.

1:30:14

I love that.

1:30:15

That was such a beautiful moment for me where he just like came up with his own roast. That's awesome. They were great jokes. They landed so well. All right gut reaction to your instinctual response because you did the final five with That's awesome. They were great jokes. They landed so well. Thank you. Alright, gut reaction. So your instinctual response, because you did the final five with us last time. So we made this up for you. The thing I pretend I'm chill but inside I'm like a duck. Under the water.

1:30:49

But up front you don't see anything. So I'm stressed about most things. The most unhinged thought I've had this week was... It's not unhinged, but it's an honest thought. Just came up actually in your library. Oh, God. So when we first moved into our house, I was filming a lot and we had people who were doing

1:31:11

the interiors and helping us with the interiors of our homes. I have a library, which is my pride and joy. And so I walked into the library and the books were color coded. And I was like, what are you doing? Whose library is color coded? Your library is color coded. I was like, Jay, do you read your books? Or are they just pretty?

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1:31:34

That's so good. That's so good. Do you actually read them? I love it. I'm glad. Thank you for being honest. This is good. I like it. I like it. That's good. Well, I have two. You will see the one in the house when we go there later today. So that's my bookshelf. That's my proud and joy. It's all mixed and messed up and everything. See, that's like the… And this was like during Zoom days of pandemic. So it was like everything's ordered.

1:31:54

Yeah, see, you can tell.

1:31:55

Yeah, exactly. You can tell. So funny. The most humbling mom moment I've recently had was? So being a working mom is tough. I saw my mom being a working mom and her mom. So I know it's doable. Whenever me or my husband leave, either one of us are with Maltese.

1:32:15

If I'm traveling, he's with her. Or we have the grandparents, my in-laws who are beautiful and gracious while I'm doing this press tour there with our daughter or my mom. But I was packing up and I was leaving for a film shoot. I'm working on an Indian movie called Varanasi in Hyderabad. Yeah, congrats. So excited for this.

1:32:36

Thank you. This is huge. I just want to point out for everyone who doesn't know, it's like, this is a gentleman who made RRR, Rajamouli. S.S. Rajamouli, who's making Varanasi. It's amazing. Yeah, this is a great part and an incredible movie and great partners in the movie. So I've had to fly back and forth from Hyderabad like every month because I come back to Malti.

1:32:57

Yeah, I literally, my airline status has gone up because of this one movie. But I was leaving and I was packing up and before I leave for a trip, we talk about it and we have this invisible string which is in her heart and my heart. And you know, we talk about the fact that mom has gone for like 12 sleeps or 15 sleeps. And so we're having that chat. And whenever she has real feelings, she talks to her babies because she is a mama and she has little dollies which are her babies.

1:33:31

So when I was leaving she was looking at her baby and she says, I'm such a good mama, I don't leave you and go to work. She was three and a half at that time. Oh gosh, that's heartbreaking. So what was the question again? Yeah, that was my childhood.

1:33:48

That is the most humbling moment.

1:33:49

I was like, my toes curled. I was almost about to cancel my flight. I was so stressed out. And then she laughed and smiled at me. She knew it was a joke. You know, she jumped on me and I was like don't say that and she was like no mama no like she doesn't like getting me or

1:34:09

Nick or any of us like upset she's very sensitive to that so but I was like I was thinking about it the whole flight to Hyderabad I was like oh my gosh first a child to humble you in one second. That is painful that's heartbreaking that's not humbling That's just heartbreaking. I know. So tough. If I ever have a little girl I'm going to be wrapped around her finger.

1:34:30

It's over. It's so hard. Because they have that little voice and those eyes. It's just over. That's crazy. That's crazy. How does it feel to be going back to India to do a movie again after so many years. If there was any film to be done, it would've been this. Like, this is the best way of going back into Indian films.

1:34:50

I missed it so much. I missed, you know, dancing. I missed the chaos on set. I missed the creativity. And, um, with S.S. Rajamouli sir, he's so, his mind is, and his vision is so far beyond limited imagination that just to be able to see what he's thinking and kind of be the vessel to tell that story is great. My part is amazing. I have like a beautiful graph of ups and downs in the movie. My co-actors are great. You know, it's awesome to be able to work with actors who like know their stuff, arrive, you know, on time, like are great to be around, are fun. And, you know, it's been a really, really gratifying journey so far.

1:35:47

It's long. He takes a long time to make movies. It's almost been 14 months but you know it's going to be really special and the journey of it has also been special. In fact, I took Malti to Hyderabad once and she went to the farm and she saw like they have this beautiful farm outside of Hyderabad,

1:36:06

which, you know, so his wife, his family, they like run themselves. And it was so much fun. You know, she met like calves and saw paddy fields and like ran around and it was beautiful. I love it. I'm so excited for you, for the bluff, for Varanasi, for your family. Congratulations on it all and thank you today for just sharing it as it is and what's going on behind the scenes. What all did I say? What's happening, what's really going on. You can tell me offline if we got there.

1:36:38

I don't know. That's the thing about you.

1:36:40

You just black out.

1:36:42

Yes. One, when I'm doing an interview, I try not to think about it. But you also have this amazing innate quality of being able to get people to talk about tough things without feeling judged or without feeling critiqued. I don't know what'll happen when these clips come out. But while we're on this couch, it's real good.

1:37:05

Oh gosh, well no, my only intention is just that, you know, that people get to talk about the things they don't get to talk about anywhere else. And people get to really understand what's going on when we think we know everything. I think we live in a world right now where we think we know what everyone believes, and it's nice to have an opportunity to create space. And I think it's not just creating space for each other, but hopefully this ripples out into people creating space in their families and their friends and amongst each other.

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1:37:32

It isn't just- Giving each other benefit of the doubt. Yeah, some grace in space. Some goodness, believing in people's goodness. I used to think, actually, Nick writes this in his letter, but I used to think that was like one of my worst qualities because I'm the worst judge of people. I always see people for the good in them. Like I don't understand, like why would you have a bad agenda? Yeah, right, right.

1:38:01

Like why would you not be… Yeah, Radhi's like that too, yeah. It doesn't make sense in my brain. Like, why would you say something to me that you don't mean? That's so convoluted and exhausting to think about. But there are people like that in the world. And as I've navigated, you know, many different countries, you have to, and I'm raising a daughter, like I want to be able to equip her to protect herself. And sometimes that kind of transparency or just, you know,

1:38:30

oh my gosh, what you're saying is probably what I'm getting is not the right thing because, you know, there are tricky people in the world. But it's just tough on me. I've just never been able to navigate that very well. Yeah, that's a good quality as well. Is it though? It's a tough on me. I've just never been able to navigate that very well. Yeah, that's a good quality as well. Is it though? It's a little too trusting. Yeah, I mean I guess as long as you have good boundaries when you discover something, I think that's the...

1:38:53

Oh yeah, but the problem is the discovery. Yeah, the discovery could be terrible. It depends on how... Or you never discover it. Or you never discover it, yeah. Some people are really good at maintaining, you know, like two-faced nature or whatever. Yes, my husband's great.

1:39:09

Oh my God, he's the best judge of character. I don't know why he says that about me. I like can't tell. I'll tell after you show me your cards, like after someone does something, I'm like, that's us. But I cannot tell without that.

1:39:26

Well you're a great part, great team, great partnership. Priyanka it's been a joy truly it's been such a joy talking to you again. I'm so glad to have you back on after five years. Please do not wait five years to come back. I hope you come back sooner. Yes for sure. I'm glad to be here actually in the studio instead of doing it virtually. Absolutely you're the best. Congratulations.

1:39:46

Thank you.

1:39:47

Oh, you're doing production now. Yes. Coming to my side of the business. Yeah, we just announced.

1:39:51

Yeah, yeah.

1:39:51

It's so exciting. Congratulations. Having so much fun with it.

1:39:54

Are you?

1:39:54

It's like, you know, when I'd be when I grew up. And so the fact that I even have the opportunity is such a blessing and such a fortune. So I'm very excited about the projects we're working on. So proud of you. I tell everyone navigating just your career,

1:40:20

and maybe I'm saying this out of experience, but we are living in an incredible time where you can actually think of the most insane idea and monetize it for everyone. This is not just like for me as an actor. In fact, it's limiting for me as an actor,

1:40:39

but like you can, you know, go beyond the medium that you've been given. Like you could be a content creator, you could become a producer, you could write yourself a story and fund it. You could be enterprising.

1:40:53

I tell every person who's navigating this ever-changing world of any business that you might be in, with AI, with, there's so much change. Like, be enterprising, be an entrepreneur for yourself. Learn to sell yourself and your strengths.

1:41:14

And understand that, you know, the end goal might look really large, like, you know, you're working with Netflix and you're producing TV shows, like, that's insane if you tell your 10-year-old self.

1:41:26

Totally, yeah, even my 20-year-old self.

1:41:28

Or even your 20-year-old self, but you're enterprising and you know your strengths and that's just good business. And to be able to be excited about the opportunity is very humble of you, but I would like to applaud the fact that you've been able to build that road for yourself and you've been enterprising for yourself and you know, built yourself into such a strong business.

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Donni, Queensland, Australia

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1:41:51

That's just what I really encourage everyone to think like that for yourself. You know, and dreams just, we're at a time where it's kind of magical. Absolutely. Well, it's people like yourself and even the story you shared today about pivots that may not even be the end point. It may not even be the direction.

1:42:09

It's part of the journey. People like yourself. I think it's really inspiring when you're at the top of your game, you can pivot, try something, go, no, this isn't me, and then move again and win. And it's like that, I think watching people do that, people like yourself, I think have set such a great example for everyone to not, and everyone around you

1:42:28

will tell you the opposite by the way. Like when I wanted to start doing this, everyone was like, Jay, you know your lane, just do your thing, know your lane. And I was just like, well, what is my lane? I didn't know this existed 10 years ago.

1:42:39

It's the worst advice, yeah. Never stay in your lane. That's like the worst advice because everyone is running so hard to find a lane. Like when you have something that's unique, which you do about yourself, you can pivot that into anything. Creativity is not limited to like a book.

1:42:58

If you're a writer, you could write a screenplay. You could write a script. You could turn that writing and problem solving skill set into production. You could turn production into direct. I'm just talking about my field because I just know my field. But you know, even being able to pivot and navigate within the industry or the medium that you know is really cool.

1:43:23

So just open your mind up for that. Never, ever actually stay in your lane. Yeah, well, you've set the standard and you've paved the way and shown a great example. So happy to get your mentorship and guidance and all the steered insights you have for me,

1:43:38

for sure, along the way. I'm so excited for you. Thank you. I can't wait to hear more about it. Oh, you. Thank you. I can't wait to hear more about it. You're so sweet. If you're feeling inspired by this episode, you won't want to miss my conversation with Wicked's Cynthia Erivo.

1:43:50

We are afraid to let a person go and we need to be okay with letting people go. We don't know what path people are walking on when they walk into our lives. We don't know what path people are walking on when they walk into our lives. We might just be a stepping stone in their path, just like stepping stones in their life.

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