Products That Apple Never Released 💀

So since we're completely out of ideas and we haven't had a new one since 2011, we've decided to revisit some old products Apple never released because of the slight possibility it might make us look bad. Don't we already look bad though? Yep, so we should have nothing to lose. So with that, John's gonna begin with our first product, so John, I'll leave the floor to you, man. My name's actually Phil, we've been working together for years. But anyways, so feast your eyes guys on the future of kitchenware, the iBlade. It's a titanium switchblade that, with our new A15 slice chip, provides the fastest cutting

performance on the market. What? It'll back up your cutting history to the cloud automatically, and best of all, it uses an Apple cutting board to operate, which will be $399 plus tax. Nice. Alright, so I like that idea, except for the fact that it's really f***ing stupid. Anyways, let's move on over to Jim and see if we can forget what Phil just said.

Jim, you wanna tell us what you got for us? My name's actually Ron, I was the best man at your wedding. But anyways, today I wanna introduce a product that was made for anyone making over $10 million a year, the iWindow. Instead of looking through a normal window

like a poor person, the iWindow records the outdoors and displays it on a 4K OLED screen. Okay, that seems like an unnecessary amount of hardware for something that Windows already do anyways. Let's move on over to Bill here. Bill, you wanna tell us what you got for us? My name's Skyler and I'm your brother-in-law. Go ahead, Bill. Alright, f*** it.

So feast your eyes on a revolutionary technology that'll change the tech world as we know it. $20 says it definitely won't do that. It's the newest iPhone touchscreen that if cracked or damaged, it'll fix itself automatically using nanobot technology. Wait, are you for real? That's freaking awesome. Why haven't we released that yet? Oh, well, that's just because I have no idea how to make it. Come again? Yeah, I wouldn't even know where to start.

That would take an incredible amount of funding and research to do successfully. But it'd be really sick if we could though. Yeah, if we can make innovative technology that actually works, that'd be super sick. Hey sir, real quick, what do you think about this one? The Apple Air, a jar of perfectly filtered air, oxygen and nitrogen molecules sold separately. Yeah, please get this out of my face, Jim.

All right, sir, all right, I got one. Check this out, the iCarpet is a fully wireless charging pad and a carpet. Oh wow. So if you drop your phone on the floor or couldn't make it to your couch because you got so drunk your stupid legs don't work. Huh, been there. Yeah, that's because you're an alcoholic. Wait, I am?

The iCarpet will ensure that your phone stays fully charged. The iCarpet will ensure that your phone stays fully charged. Okay, yeah.