Trump Claims Iran War Will End Soon, Suggests School Bombing Wasn’t U.S. & Hegseth Blows Billions

Oh, I'm Jimmy Adler host of the show. Thank you for watching. We're here in Virginia at our home in beautiful Hollywood, California.

And let me tell you, you picked a good night to turn us on. You picked a very good night to be here with us. The most famous carpenter since, dare I say, Jesus himself, Harrison Ford is here with us tonight. So remember when he was president? It was a movie, but still, it was nice.

I'd love to see him pop up on the real Air Force One and say, get off my plane. We are now on day 11 of Jabba the Pizza Hut's war on Iran. Trump said yesterday the war could end very soon, which would be encouraging had he not also told us he'd end the war in Ukraine in 24 hours.

The price of oil and, as a result, gasoline has skyrocketed over the past 10 days, so much so that some of Trump's advisers now want him to declare victory and pull out, like he should have done the night Eric was conceived.

That's a good idea.

You should declare victory.

Maybe they can go to Kinko's and print up a banner That's a good idea. You should declare victory.

Maybe they can go to Kinko's and print up a banner that says mission accomplished, too, right? That is basically what he is going to do. He's going to make a huge mess and walk away like it's the new toilet in the Lincoln bathroom. Trump claims we are way ahead of schedule on the war.

He's got a schedule, which means it should be over just around the time we see his taxes and the rest of the Trump-Epstein files. Ironically, this war he launched to distract us from those could turn out to be more damaging to him than the Trump-Epstein files themselves. They're saying this could be worse,

and that would mean he'd have to come up with another distraction from the war. And if you do need that, Mr. President, I got a good one. You know what would distract us from the war? Release the unreleased Trump Epstein files. That would be a shiny object we could gather around. Our Secretary of War, Pete Hegseth,

is trying to calm those concerned about the duration of this war. He said, I want the American people to understand this is not endless. It's not protracted. We're not allowing mission creep. And that's straight from the creep in charge

of the mission himself. Hegseth said today would be the most intense day of strikes on Iran. I think one of the things that's most troubling about this is how excited Pete Hegseth gets to bomb people, like he would do it even if he wasn't getting paid, just for the love of it, just for the hell of it.

But he is getting paid, and he's spending a lot of money. There was a report from a government watchdog group that says Pete Hackseth blew through $93 billion in September of last year alone. Again, just in September, he spent $2 million in taxpayer money on Alaskan King Crab. He spent $6.9 million on Lobster Tail, $140,000 on donuts,

$124,000 on ice cream machines, $26,000 on sushi preparation tables, and $15.1 million on ribeye steak. What is this, my 600-pound defense department? How are they eating so much food? Can you imagine? I want you to just put this in your head for a second.

Can you imagine the size of the egg Sean Hannity would lay if a Democrat had spent millions of dollars on lobster tails and sushi preparation tables? He would never walk again, OK? The president also spent more, Pentagon rather, on furniture last year than they have

over the whole past decade. But that's because the vice president humped all their couches into disrepair. They racked up quite a bill, the $12,000 on fruit basket stands, which is so funny. You know, he's been going around saying, we're making

the military manly again. We're war fighters. Now, where is the stand for my basket of fruit? Yesterday, Iran announced that their new supreme leader, who is the son of their old supreme leader, Mushtaba Khamenei, who is 56 years old.

It's weird that I'm older than the ayatollah, I have to say. When he was a freshman at ayatollah school, I was a junior. There was a big celebration when this guy was picked. Thousands of supporters of the regime filled the streets. But the new Supreme Leader himself is said

to be nowhere to be seen. No kidding. If I had that job, I'd be nowhere to be seen, too. I mean, by Atollah, I will never see any of you again. This war is said to be costing us a billion dollars a day, which, of course, was not a part of the MAGA platform. And so when Trump's special envoy to the Middle East,

Steve Whitkoff, was asked if he could explain that to Americans, he couldn't.

What do you say people to Steve, Americans who, you know, are struggling, they're worried about higher gas prices, higher grocery prices, what do you say to them

about why this is so critical for the US to be

doing what it is doing in Iran right now? I say to them Sarah that if they have

children think about what this world would look like if you didn't have

Donald Trump as the president. Oh we think about it We think about that all the time. It's usually, usually we think about it when we're praying. All the hench monsters are making the rounds on cable, trying to sell this war. We even got a visit from a character from the Trump reverse that we haven't seen for a while. Trump's favorite former real estate attorney turned now

expert on foreign wars, Alina Haba.

The regime is a terrorist regime. We've seen it time and time again and frankly President Trump should be commended for being the only one with the cahoots frankly to go after them not just for America but for the

world.

The only the only one with the cahoots? He has cahoots?

I didn't know.

What do you think she meant? A chutzpah or a kahone? Guillermo? He has cahoots? I didn't know he had... What do you think she meant? A chutzpah or a cojones? Guillermo?

Cojones, Jimmy.

You think cojones?

Yeah, cojones, yes.

I think maybe chutzpah. You know, she used to be a waitress at Cajuters. Did you know that?

But I am sure that was the only nonsensical screw-up she made in the interview today. So the fact that they're trying to spin this into a midterm situation is beyond the pale of ridiculous. And frankly, not surprising by them. But I think if you look at Kamala Harris's, if you look at polls, Kamala Harris's comments of desperation at Reggie Jackson's funeral, and she didn't even know him.

What?

Reggie Jackson is dead? Oh my, I love that guy. Mr. October is dead and nobody told me?

I didn't know either.

No, I think he's fine. Yeah. One of the most disturbing things we've seen over the past two weeks was the deadly attack on an Iranian school for girls. Now the video footage appears to show the school being hit by a US Tomahawk missile, but the president, who knows more than all the generals combined, isn't sure that missile came from us.

He suggested repeatedly that Iran may have bombed that school themselves.

You just suggested that Iran somehow got its hands on a tomahawk and bombed its own elementary school on the first day of the war. But you're the only person in your government saying this. Even your defense secretary wouldn't say that when he was asked, standing over your shoulder on your plane on Saturday. Why are you the

only person saying this? Because I just don't know enough about it. I think it's something that I was told is under investigation, but tomahawks are used by others, as you know. Numerous other nations have tomahawks. They buy them from us, but I will certainly, whatever the report shows, I'm willing to live with that report.

Oh, please. You don't even live with your wife.

Who are we kidding you?

Don't live with that report. He's been golfing a lot.

He hasn't had time to catch up on all the schools we've bombed. The only countries who have tomahawks, and the president knows this, are us, the United States, the UK, Australia, Japan, and the Netherlands. Only one of those countries is currently at war with Iran. But sure, maybe it was the Netherlands. Maybe the windmill people did it.

They've had it out for him for quite some time. And then you have Lindsey Graham, who last week compared Trump and Netanyahu to Churchill and FDR, and last night took it one goose step further.

We literally dodged a nuclear bullet. If President Trump had not done this, they could have had a nuclear capability within months, weeks, not months. And if they had a weapon, they would use it. To all those who don't believe that, you're stupid.

You're a fool, and I hate to be so harsh. People got Hitler wrong. Donald Trump is the right man at the right time.

You want to take that one again, Gomer Goebbels? People got Hitler wrong? Pretty sure he's one of the few guys we got right. And while all this is going on, the president's wife would like to remind you that her documentary is now streaming on Amazon Prime.

I mean, Prime. Amazon Prime? Yeah on Amazon Prime. I mean, Prime. Amazon Prime? Yeah, Amazon Prime. The front runner for the Razzie, the $75 million documentary, Melania, came out last night on streaming.

Very exciting. Between this and Sinners, it's been a big year for vampire movies. And while some might say... That it is not a great look to be plugging your vanity project while your husband's

bombing another country, Melania has never cared much about optics. She can't even pronounce optics. This documentary is mostly just Melania trying on outfits for the inauguration, but there are also some fascinating insights into Flotus's relationship

with Flatus, her husband. This is a real conversation. This is not a Trump impersonator. Melania is on the phone with her husband the night the election results were certified by Congress.

Hi honey.

Hi Mr. President. Congratulations.

I will tell you, it's great.

That's fantastic.

Did you watch it? I did not, I did not. Congratulations. I will tell you, it's great. That's fantastic. Did you watch it?

I did not. I did not. I had meetings all day.

You really should try and watch it.

It is amazing. I will see it, yeah. I will see it on the news. So, but that's great. Congratulations.

Congress certified all the votes. These numbers, nothing like it has happened before, ever. It's a landslide. That's for sure. Looks like it's going to be about 312 to 226.

Yeah, it's a good one.

It's one of the funniest conversations I've ever heard. It almost makes me feel a little bad for him. She does not care at all. He won the election for president. She didn't see it. She had a meeting to go to.

What does the man have to do? And then the director caught up with Big M in her car to ask the question we've all been dying to know the answer to.

Who's your favorite recording artist?

Michael Jackson.

Well, what Michael Jackson song is your favorite?

Billie Jean.

Oh, wow.

Billie Jean.

There's so many of them.

It's hard to, Thriller. It's hard to pick, yeah, because there's so many good ones.

Right, right.

That's why she was only able to name two. It's Thriller and Billie Jean. She loves the part of Billie Jean when he sings, the kid is not my son. She says that about Don Jr. all the time. And then we got an opportunity.

We went back to her husband, where we got a glimpse of his intense and never-ending persecution complex. He was upset to learn there was a big college football game on the night of his inauguration.

We are competing with the championship we are competing

and we have that have.

I'm unsure Sir.

Well we always had this day because the state's been here for hundreds of years. So they put a game.

We're working extremely closely with the networks and why did

that to put the national championship at the same time?

I'm not clear.

They probably did it on purpose.

That's right, yes. Every Division I school in America got together many years ago to make sure the national championship game would be scheduled on the night his inauguration ball was happening, to take attention away from him. I think that calls for a tactical strike on the NCAA.

I don't know. Those are the highlights by the way. More than anything this documentary is dreadfully dull. The whole thing is Melania going to fittings, riding in a car, trying on clothes, and interviewing people to work for her.

I have already hired my chief of staff and I'm interviewing people to work for her. I have already hired my chief of staff, and I'm interviewing candidates to fill the remaining positions. I have received a lot of resumes from people who would love to work in my office, and I need to make my decision soon.

What would you change from the last time in my East Wing office?

This time, I will try to make it even more Be Best.

My Be Best initiative, I think it's very important.

Super important. So how much vacation do I get?

It's not like 9 to 5 job, busy non-stop.

I can be your secret Latin lover.

That's fantastic, sir. We will see you in the White House.

Oh, yes. I'll see you at the White House.

I had no idea.

We've got a good show for you tonight from Scrubs. We've got a good show for you tonight from Scrubs.

Sarah Chalk is here, and we will be right back with Harrison Ford, so stick around.