Trump Crashes Spain's World Cup Moment & Jon Examines Team Trump's “Meritocracy" | The Daily Show

Class is in session, everybody!Got a great show for you tonight.Former Wisconsin DNC chair Ben is gonna be here later.He has a plan to save our democracy.Unfortunately, it's in book form, so no one will find out about it.You'll read the book.

It's an excellent book.Of course, by the way, the World Cup ended yesterday, finito, with Spain defeating Argentina 1 -0 in the footy.The Spain -Argentina final was like a reverse Super Bowl.where the players spoke Spanish, and the halftime show was in English.They had Madonna and Justin Bieber, and for some reason, the Muppets.Holy shit.

Is that the count?You got all the Muppets to choose from.Why in God's name would you make the vampire work during the game?Is it the bright glare of the afternoon sun?But for most of the game, the score was 0 -0.You're taunting this poor bastard!

the best team in this year's tournament, and they celebrated receiving the World Cup trophy with a trophy hoist, which is traditionally...It's a moment that is shared really only by the players.It's a special moment that is only for the players.It is really...What the...Must everything be did by the overinflated ego of Kankles Muldoon?

Why?Why?I will admit this.Afterwards, Trump had some really insightful post -game analysis.

I thought it was incredible.It was four times greater than any FIFA ever held.

What's a FIFA?How do you hold a FIFA?How could our FIFA be four times greater than any other FIFA?And it's probably about five times, actually, they're telling me today.Is that what they told you?You know, they're telling you that because everyone around you is to you.

Okay.

Second thought, I don't mean to...What's up with the guy behind Trump?Can we see that again?Can you bring that out?What the...Who the f*** is this guy?

Is this...Is this...What...Who in the world is it?Oh my God, is that a backup Trump?Or is that Trump?

Wait, is the one we've been dealing with backup Trump?Or is that Trump's?Let's move on from the World Cup final to something with no actual end in sight, the Iran War.The Iran War is reigniting, and as escalation continues with more intense and widespread bombing, there's no sign that either side is prepared in any way to...You're not...You're not...

This graphic, what...We have talked about this.You're not...Trump or back up Trump.I don't know what's happening.Anyway, clearly, the war is escalating.

And Americans are rightly concerned that we will be drawn even further into a war that has already cost too much in American lives and money.And so it was that Donald Trump delivered a primetime national speech on Thursday night to address this urgent situation.

In mid -2018, China was working to influence the results of the U .S.midterm elections, and later the results of the 2020 presidential election itself.They wanted to just make you sound like your president wasn't so hot, when actually your president has done a great job.

These bastards.President Trump.Job, blue tie, job.little better than red tie.But still!But, yes, apparently, the president of the United States called this meeting to announce a new entry in his long -running mystery series, 2020 Election.

What had happened was...

With the turn of a dial or the change of a chip, you can press a button for Trump, and the vote goes to Biden.Illegal aliens and dead people are voting.

Big technology companies censored the Hunter Biden laptop story, which independent analysis have said it cost Donald Trump millions of votes.

Surely would have changed the outcome.I remember back in 2020, when we were all wearing masks and socially distancing for fear we would come across a Hunter Biden dick pic.So now they've settled on maybe China did it, a theory that lasted all the way until a few minutes after Thursday night's speech, when reporters caught up with John Solomon, the guy Trump hired to find any evidence that China did it.

Did you acknowledge that there were no votes changed in 2020?All I can acknowledge is what the intelligence shows, right?

I only know the intelligence community has zero evidence that someone has flipped, that a foreign power flipped a vote in 2020, 22, or 24.

The 2020 election was in fact the results as we, the American public thought.I'm still researching, so let me, let me, this is the first.But there's no intelligence.

And he still see me?Peddling, look, we have fun.But I'm not actually worried about our election security, because we have a robust cybersecurity and infrastructure agency.monitors threats to our system.And knowing that that's a priority of the Trump administration gives me great comfort.

Trump fired a third of the workers last year at CISA, the Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Agency.

Would have me shitting my pants if I wasn't already getting my pants due to the cuts to our food monitoring system.Mission wide dialysis.At least we have that outbreak under control, as our incredibly competent FDA has finally identified the source of the outbreak.

The Food and Drug Administration now taking back what it said about the source of the cyclospora outbreak.The FDA now says the sample from Mexico -based Taylor Farms was a false positive.The FDA admitted it made a mistake and apologized.

Apologize to this great nation's gaping, burning anus.We were talking about...And the question's before the show.These people are here, even though we can still soothe our burnesses in the cool, crystal -clear waters of our nation's Lincoln Memorial.reflecting pool.

Tonight the reflecting pool in the nation's capital being drained again.

I'll shower lettuce!Starting to get the sense that this administration is not as stay with me competent we've been led to and it's not just the pool or the diarrhea He said he was going to cut our energy bills in half.Electricity's up 18%.He said gas prices would go below $2 a gallon.It's up to $4 a gallon.He said he was going to stop new wars.

He's bombed at least seven other countries.He said he was going to lead a booming manufacturing jobs.We've lost tens of thousands of manufacturing jobs.They said they would be saying Merry Christmas again.No one's wished me Merry Christmas in my life.The country was going to enter a golden age because only qualified people would be in charge now.

They promised.No more of the woke bullshit.that had held this country down for so long.

We will terminate every diversity, equity, and inclusion program.DEI is a cancer.It's a cancer that destroys merit.We want the most competent people.They have to be at the highest level of genius.A meritocracy.

Isn't that a beautiful word?

It is a beautiful word.Where the f*** is it?It's meritocracy.We have seen it.It's just another word.Like diaphanous.

or jimothy.May I just say something quickly about jimothy?Hear me out, hear me out.I f*** with jimothy.I f*** with him heavy.Now I know some of you were perhaps worried about what I might say because of my previous punch kerfuffle.

Let me tell you people something.Jimothy is everything punch wishes he could be.Look, look at jimothy.Look at him cavorting.That's his family cavorting with jimothy when he was a baby.Look at them all.

Jimothy, that's not my judgment.That is the judgment of the community.They have decided.Not an easy decision, by the way.I'm sure at first they were like, is that a raccoon or an ottoman?I don't know what's happening.

But I'll tell you what I think Jimothy is.Short king.Jimothy has merit.Unlike all those that were running the government before Trump.Trump's merry band of gifted and talented technocrats stacked in to save the day.First stop for them to save the day was the economy.

No longer would our nation's growth engine be hijacked by lesbians and Latin exes.No!The best and the brightest would be in charge from here on out, and the results to the economy would be immediate.

I think we're off to a great start, and President Trump's gonna bring back the golden age.

Yes!Fortunately, DEI had a great day.on the levers of our government than we had originally thought.The first quarter's surely Biden.First quarter, then.Q2.

That ends in April.So April is when our best and brightest finally...It's coming, and it's coming now, and I tell you what, it feels great.Enough about your Epstein testimony.What about the economy?

In the not -too -distant future, I think we will be back to firing on all cylinders.

So, May?over the next three months.So the economy will be fixed by our meritocracy three months by August of 2025.

I think we're going to really pick up in the fourth quarter.

So no later than December of 2025.

I think we are at the cusp of the liftoff in 2026 -2027.

That is a long liftoff.Really a liftoff is...Well you know what?

If this ever -competent administration can't turn this woke, laden economy around, they still have options.

See, that's what the competence has gotten us.That's what the meritocracy has done for us.The economy's gonna boom in a month, in a year, in two years.You know what?How dolls do you people need?Just get two and cut them into pieces.

Now you got 16.Older kids get the tops, younger ones get the bottoms.Punch gets whatever's left over.This meritocracy talk was a sham from the get -go.Remember once uber -capable Elon Musk doged out the unworthy, woke, deep -state minorities?We were supposed to have been cooking whatever is available to use as fuel.

Doge firing thousands of IRS workers, creating chaos.

Hundreds of layoffs at the Centers for Disease Control, the FAA, and FEMA.

3 ,500 jobs from the FDA.

Hundreds of senior staff at the Department of Homeland Security.Making cuts to the National Weather Service as severe weather moves into the South.Laid off nearly all federal workers who investigate firefighter deaths.

Accidentally fired some veterinarians and animal health technicians working to prevent the spread of bird flu.

People trying to prevent bird flu?Who's gonna teach birds how to sneeze into their elbow?Maybe Doge sending in teenage ubermensches to gut entire departments on ideological grounds might have led to some problems.But hey, at least they reduced the federal deficit.

I think it was more important to reduce the federal deficit from $2 trillion to close to zero.

Did you reduce the federal deficit?

No, we didn't.

Well, the real treasure was the friends you made along the way.Oh wait, you made no friends.Up and down this administration, we were promisedmeritocracy.We got ideologues and talk show hosts who, as we reignite a new war with Iran to reopen the strait that they closed because of our original war, throw out shit like this.

Today, I'm authorizing a new screening program for testosterone deficiency for our service members, ensuring you have the right testosterone levels to operate at your absolute best.

Hey, you can't spell meritocracy without more T. Yeah, that's right.Watch out, Iran.We just declared war on Deez Nuts.The Human Services.How's old Robert F. Kennedy Jr. doing with that?A growing measles outbreak.

Deadly outbreak of the hantavirus.

The flesh -eating screwworm is spreading beyond Texas.

So help me God, if Jimothy gets screwwormed...It's okay, folks.There's no need to be concerned that public health will suffer from unqualified, incomprehensible leadership.They've already dealt with the real problem.

We cut a billion dollars worth of DEI studies.DEI research has never cured any disease.It's never produced any new drugs.

Now, excuse for a moment that what he just said is factually f***ing wrong.that the broad nature of what they consider DEI would exclude treatments for sickle cell anemia, autism, pregnancy complications, women's cardiovascular health, and many other great advances made by the people you all consider suspect.But for you, Robert,Kennedy Jr., of all people, to have the balls to hop on board the anti -DEI, only meritocracy train?Motherf**ker.If your name wasn't Kennedy, here's how all your job interviews would go.

It says, uh, here you are a heroin addict who eats roadkill.Do you have any references with you?I mean, I knew Harvey Weinstein.Bill Cosby came to my house.I was on Jeffrey Epstein's jet two times.Welcome aboard.

This whole thing is insane.This whole thing is insane.It's one thing to fall short in his duty to country, but Trump's meritocracy is even struggling with the one thing Trump was supposed to be good at, petty revenge, like the cases he tried to bring against James Comey and New York Attorney General Letitia James.

Tonight, a federal judge throwing out both criminal cases against two of President Trump's biggest political foes.

Judge Cameron Curry finding that Prosecutor Lindsey Halligan was not an attorney authorized by law to conduct grand jury proceedings.

You can't spell meritocracy.Well, I think, actually, they can't spell it.Um...But forget lawfare.Trump's meritocracy couldn't even do state fair.

More hiccups for the Great American State Fair at the National Mall.Struggling to draw a crowd.

Ten states or territories did not show up.

Pillars that hover above ground.Vinyl -wrapped buildings have crinkled on occasion.

The power went out in the food hall at one point, and also on the Ferris wheel.

Part of the stage fell while dancers were rehearsing.They can't bring their own water.

First responders treating people for heat -related illnesses, others huddling under a replica of President Trump's triumphal arch for shade.

Is there a better image that represents the rise of Trump's meritocracy than the MAGA faithful?huddling under a plywood replica of a memorial Trump is going to erect to himself, using money that should have gone to the weather services that would have warned these people about the heat wave they were seeking refuge from.You're heat -stroked.You're bored.You're huddled masses, yearning to rehydrate.For this is Trump's America.

We were told over and over again that the problem in this country is that government only exists to the benefit of the entitled DEI mooching class.But the reality seems to be that their version of meritocracy only rewards legacy, fealty, and access, leaving the rest of us with the real DEI.Diarrhea.Everywhere.Indefinitely.