Trump Goes to War with Iran, Bill Clinton Testifies About Epstein & Boebert Explains Inflation

I'm Jimmy.

I'm the host of the show. Thank you. Thank you for watching. Thank you for joining us here in our studio. It is Monday. We are back.

I'm glad you're here.

You know, when we left you last week on Thursday night, we were not at war. And today, we are at war. We are at war. And yeah, I used to say the one thing that surprised me about Donald Trump in a good way is that he hadn't gotten us into any wars. Now there's nothing good about him in Shazam. In retrospect, we should have seen this coming two weeks ago

when he convened the first meeting of his new board of peace. He met with the board of peace eight days later when we were at war. Turns out they probably should have just given him that Nobel Prize.

I mean, remember Star Wars R2-D2's playing Chess with Chewbacca and C-3PO suggests he let the Wookiee win? We should have let the Wookiee win. Now we have no arms. Poor Guillermo. This was, I know it was a tough weekend.

Guillermo, I know you and the Ayatollah were very close, right? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Every morning, Guillermo would call him. He'd say, hola, Ayatollah. And they had a great conversation. I'm sure you'll find a new Ayatollah. I bet you'll find an even better one.

Yeah, I think I'll be OK.

This Ayatollah was 86 years old. I feel like they could have killed him by slamming a door really hard. Early Saturday morning, just after midnight, the Pentagon launched what they are calling Operation Epic Fury, which is different from its original title, which

was Operation Epstino Distracto. It was a sophisticated military strike. They did it in concert with Israeli forces. It required intense secrecy, which is why Donald Trump watched it unfold from his membership only beach resort in Florida, from the very spot on which

just two months ago, Vanilla Ice performed on stage with a Ninja Turtle, just as the prophecy foretold. The president monitored the attack from his super secure bunker at Mar-a-Lago. Don't worry, I'm sure these fabric curtains are totally soundproof. The ceiling is open.

Trump probably just came in from the golf course. He's sitting there, he's sweating like a yam in a hat. And for whatever reason, they released a photo with a map in the background that revealed all the Iranian-American target locations, which surprises me. It's not like them to be sloppy.

He launched a top secret military strike from the same kind of enclosure they used to sell hummus at a farmer's market. You know, people stay at Mar-a-Lago. They have guests on site who rent rooms for them. How does that work? Don't go in the cabana next to the pool house.

They're having World War III in there tonight. Trump claims the operation in Iran could last four to five weeks or longer, and also that it won't be difficult. Of course, our Supreme Miss leader launched this attack without getting approval from Congress,

which is something regular presidents do all the time. Six Americans were killed in the counterattacks, without getting approval from Congress, which is something regular presidents do all the time. Six Americans were killed in the counter-attacks, which is terrible and tragic. And I hope that we show their families how grateful we are for this sacrifice that they made.

And of course, yes.

And of course, our president would have gone over here to fight himself were it not for those pesky bone spurs that still haven't healed up. And look, I think we could all probably agree that the world's a better place without the ayatollah. But no one seems to understand why it was so

urgent that we attack immediately. They got no approval from Congress. Even Ted Cruz said he saw no indication that Iran was close to getting nuclear weapons.

And wasn't Donald Trump supposed to be the president of peace? I will prevent World War III as only I can. I will prevent World War III. We're not gonna have World War III. I will prevent World War III. I will prevent, I promise, World War III. I promise I will be your peacemaker.

I'm gonna be a peacemaker. I'll be your peacemaker. I will be your peacemaker.

Before I even arrive at the Oval Office, I will have the disastrous war between Russia and Ukraine settled. I will get it settled before I even become president. I'll get that thing settled before I take the office. I will have that war settled in one day, 24 hours. I'll have that war settled in 24 hours.

My proudest legacy will be that of a peacemaker and unifier. That's what I want to be, a peacemaker and a unifier.

Well, you're 0 for 2, I guess. Trump has been, now, after the bombing, calling for the Iranian people to rise up to topple the regime, which is the opposite of what he said he would do. Usually, you know, he only calls for the overthrow

of a government when he loses an election. But now it's different. Immediately after the attack, the president offered this message of hope and liberation to the people of Iran.

Now, OK, you ready?

Can you handle this? Hamburgers for all.

Oh, I, well, you know what? That was him at Whataburger on Friday. That's what he should be invading. Fast food restaurants. Trump is suddenly all about toppling regimes, which is interesting because I remember a time when the idea that a president would start a war because he couldn't make a deal was seen by some as a negative.

Our president will start a war with Iran because he has absolutely no ability to negotiate. He's weak and he's ineffective.

Well, look at that. Another prediction he got right. Nostra Dumbass has done it again.

But hey, you know what?

When your best friend was a pedophile and you're losing bigly in the swing states with an election coming up, what do you do? I'll tell you what you do. You fire the weapons of mass distraction.

Yes, I believe that we will end up in a war with Iran because I think Obama views that as politically good for him. But he's losing in swing states. I have said for a year and a half that in the end, we'll end up with it somewhere before the election,

we will end up in a form of war with Iran. And I think he's doing it for political reasons.

And since Obama didn't do it, Trump said, well, why not? I'll do it. And this is another one. This is from 2012. He tweeted, now that Obama's poll numbers are in a tailspin, watch for him to launch a strike in Libya or Iran. He is desperate.

I guess at least we know why he did this. Only one in four Americans, by the way, believe the US made enough of an effort at diplomacy with Iran before using military force. That includes many from his MAGA base who feel that Trump violated his promise

to keep us out of foreign entanglements and regime

change.

Secretary Pete Hegseth said this is not a so-called regime change war, but the regime sure did change. Which, you know what? In times like these, I, for one, am grateful that the lives of the men and women in our military

are in the experience-capable, totally not at all shaky hands of the former weekend co-host of Fox and Friends, right? They're so casual about this. Blob Vila hosted a Medal of Honor ceremony today. He was supposed to be honoring veterans who lost their lives in Afghanistan in World War II.

But along the way, he got distracted and started rambling about the curtains and drapes.

I picked those drapes in my first term. I always like gold. But I think we can save a lot of money.

I just saved curtains.

He saved Christmas. He saved curtains. He saved drapes. He's a drapist. He's an alleged drapist. Would someone please check the expiration date on his brain?

Meanwhile, Melania was in New York today presiding over a meeting of the UN Security Council. This is the first time ever that a First Lady has presided over a Security Council meeting less than 72 hours after her husband started a war. It looks like the worst season of The Bachelorette yet, I will say. But even though it was her first time, Melania handled it like a seasoned old pro.

Good afternoon. The 10,113th meeting of the Security Council is called to order.

Very good.

My husband wanted to be here, but your escalator is trying to kill him. The First Lady was there purportedly to promote education and as a means to advance tolerance and peace around the world. Even though an event like this is largely ceremonial,

it appears by the spouse of the leader of the free world is significant.

Collectively, your mission to maintain security while upholding the responsibility of preventing conflict during times of both war and peace is significant.

That's right.

That's how it's pronounced now. Actually, significant is her new signature perfume.

AI is democratizing knowledge.

Those poor UN translators. I mean, how do you say democratizing in Chinese? In fairness, she had a very long day trying on hats. So on Friday in New York, former President Bill Clinton testified for more than six hours in front of the House Oversight Committee to answer questions about his relationship

with Jeffrey Epstein. They had a lot of questions for Bill. They wanted to know about the 16 times he flew on Epstein's jet and also how many shoes Hillary threw at him when she found out he flew 16 times on Epstein's jet, and also how many shoes Hillary threw at him when she found out he flew 16 times on Epstein's jet. James Comer, the Republican knucklehead of the committee, said Clinton was charming and

showed Southern people skills. You know a guy's smooth when he's subpoenaed to testify about a pedophile and leaves with a new fan. The Clintons have now, by doing it, by testifying, they put Trump in a tough spot. Because on the one hand, Trump loves

to drag them through the mud, especially Hillary. But on the other, he's now the only president who palled around with a pedophile who hasn't answered questions under oath.

I don't like seeing him depose.

But, you know, they certainly went after me a lot more than

that.

I don't like, I don't like, look, I like, I like him, and I don't like seeing him depose.

In fact, I believe we should stop deposing presidents permanently starting right now. You see, folks, it's important, The important thing to remember is that even though the president's name has been redacted hundreds of thousands of times from the Trump Epstein files, he doesn't know anything about them.

I don't know anything about the Epstein files.

I've been fully exonerated.

Well, and case closed, I guess. And of course, the little MAGA fan club that's running this investigation, James Comer, Nancy Mace, and their fellow GOP-ons, even though there is a detailed, multi-part accusation of Donald Trump from a young teenage girl that none of us have seen because it disappeared, even though that's still being hidden by the Department of Justice, Republicans on the House Oversight Committee have the audacity to agree with the president's claim that he

has been somehow exonerated. Mr. Chairman, President Trump said today that he knew nothing about the Epstein violence

and he was exonerated. Do you agree that he is exonerated in this matter?

From all the evidence I've seen, he's been exonerated for a long time.

Nancy, can I ask you, when have survivors said to you that President Trump is exonerating you?

Yes.

Because they've only ever told me

they want to see him questioned.

Nope, I've never heard that from a single victim.

Oh!

Whatever happened to being struck by lightning? Where are you, God? Where are you?

Woo! Woo! Woo!

Woo! God, where are you? These clowns, you know, they made a deal with the Clintons. Clintons wanted their testimony to be live on television so we could all see it. But the Republicans didn't want that, which kind of tells you all you need to know about this. So they agreed on some rules.

One of them being there would be no photos released from the deposition. That was an agreement that Congresswoman Lauren Boebert immediately violated on Thursday. She shared a photo of Hillary Clinton, so they stopped the testimony.

James Comer promised it wouldn't happen again, and then it did happen again. Another photo went up. And then on Friday, Lauren Boebert posted a photo of Bill Clinton on her Instagram or whatever, proving once again, whether it's a Beetlejuice musical

or a congressional hearing, you cannot take this woman anywhere. Lauren Boebert is not among our best and brightest. She was on the Piers Morgan show. One of the subjects was inflation. Piers asked her, I think, a very good question.

He asked the Congresswoman this.

What is inflation?

OK, the question for Lauren Boebert, a member of Congress who sits on the House Oversight Committee, is what is inflation?

Well, inflation is when the price of things is too expensive because of the federal government really squandering the tax dollars. So you have the Green New Scam, hundreds of billions of dollars spent there to provide affordable energy. And it was not affordable.

It was never free. It was never discounted.

Well, first I want to congratulate peers on not laughing. But this is an important subject, inflation. I want to make sure everyone understands it. So what we've done is we've written out Lauren's definition.

Thank you, Guillermo, of inflation.

You're welcome.

You can, you know, take a screen grab of this or whatever. She says, well, inflation is when the price of things is over, is too expensive because of the federal government really squandering the tax dollars. So you have the Green New Scam, hundreds of billions of dollars spent there

to provide affordable energy, and it was not affordable. It was never free. It was never discounted. Lauren Boeber. It's, You know what? I'm going to tell you something that's going to shock you.

She never graduated high school. She got her GED at age 33. And they might want to think about taking it back. According to the Federal Reserve, the Federal Reserve says the definition of inflation is the increase in the prices of goods and services over time. But she was so close, you know?

You give her a nice try, Lorne. You know what? Give yourself a hand this time. We have a good show for you tonight. Sarah Pidgeon is here.

Cy Smith is sitting in with the P-Thones. And we'll be back with Irvin Magic Johnson. And we'll be back with Irvin Magic Johnson.

Stick around.