Trump Threatens Late Night TV Again, Might Be Upset We Won a Peabody & His Suspicious Health Report

It is primary election day.It was primary election day in Iowa, Montana, New Jersey, New Mexico, South Dakota, and here in California, where we have a real toss -up in the races for governor and for mayor of LA. I don't know that I've ever seen an election like this one, where no one is excited about voting for anyone on the ballot.Remember when we only had three channels, and it would be Saturday night?The only things that were on TV were TJ Hooker, and Airwolf, and The Finder of Lost Loves.And you'd sit there and watch one of them, and you'd go, hey, that is this election here in LA.You even get the feeling from the sticker they handed out, or have you seen this?

Well, I voted.California, we have what is called A jungle primary for mayor and governor, which sounds like more fun than it is.All the candidates, regardless of what party they're from, fight it out on one big ballot.And then unless somebody gets more than 50%, the top two get to eat whoever comes in third.The most interesting race is for mayor of LA.The polls say it's a three -way race between Karen Bass, Nithya Raman, and Spencer Pratt.

Yep, the guy from the hills.He has been doing a lot of screaming.He's upset because he's never had a job.and he wants one, and he would like it to be mayor.Spencer Pratt promised.He said, I will leave LA if I don't win.

Can you?OK, well, I guess that's not the threat he thought it was.If Spencer Pratt wins, either we're getting a lot dumber, or maybe we have to accept the possibility that crystals really do work.They have magic in them.Our city needs leadership.We all agree on that.

But Spencer Pratt promised.is like if your canoe is sinking and you thought it might help to add a rattlesnake.It's not.According to a poll in the LA Times today, Democrats widely believe that elections are secure, whereas Republicans have doubts, which is very on brand.They also have doubts about vaccines and whether climate change is real.It seems like you might want to get in touch with reality before you vote for a candidate from a reality show.

But our first reality show president is doing great.He's been busy posting nonstop nonsense on his social media site.According to an analysis by the Daily Beast, last month, Donald Trump posted on Truth Social 861 times, an average of 27 times a day.I don't know anyone who does anything 27 times a day.He is posting more than once an hour now, all day and night, around the clock.How does this man have the time to be a doctor and Jesus and also our most out -of -control relative on social media?

But I guess that's what you have to do if you want to make it as an influencer.If Donald Trump did one sit -up every time he posted something, he'd look like Jacob Elordi right now.You know, he has an assistant who actually types the stuff out for him, the stuff he, in case you're wondering why he posts so much in the middle of the night, that's why.Right there.Last night, Repost Malone fired off 47 posts in 31 minutes, including another threat against late night television.He wrote, in the last two weeks, I've taken out many bad political leaders and pundits, including Senator Bill Cassidy of Louisiana, lightweight Congressman Thomas Massie, Brad Raffensperger of Georgia, really dumb Steven Colbert of CBS and others.

My score for two weeks is 38 and 0 with three more limping late night.talk show hosts to go.Limping late -night talk show hosts.I'm not sure I'd be calling us limping when you got cankles like this, honey.It's like they put a shoe on a balloon animal made out of sausage links.Shouldn't the President of the United States have more important things to focus on, like finding a replacement for Milli Vanilli at his Coachella from Ella on July 4th?

I think Captain Kangaroo might be upset because our show won a Peabody Award on Sunday night.I wasn't gonna puke, because I'm not him, but we won a Peabody Award on Sunday, and it wasn't a FIFA Peabody, it was a real one.We are honored.This is a prestigious award.And while we've received a lot of nice feedback on it, the fact that we got it seems to have upset both the president and his nutlickers at Fox News.

Jimmy Kimmel accepted, you'll love this, a Peabody Award this weekend.The award's given to those who tell, quote, stories that defend the public interest.They granted it to Jimmy Kimmel for moments like this.

President Donald J. Lo, life, had a meeting with his His cabinet, this cabinet of his, they blew so much smoke up his ass when he farted, it set off the sprinkler system.

Oh my gosh.It's my kids' jokes.It's moments like that.That's what they give you awards for.

Sounds like a couple of people who never won a Peabody Award to me.But they're probably right.I mean, jokes like that are undignified.They're not appropriate when discussing, especially this president of the United States.He's an elegant man who would never stoop so low.to say something crude like that himself.

And as for Laura Ingraham and her effeminate bald uncle, you can say whatever you like about their politics.

These are deeply funny people.You know, I was watching an episode of you where measles came up.Wait, wait, wait.When did I mention measles?I don't know.It was on you.

What was on me?What are you talking about?Raymond, are you going to hear what I'm saying?

I never had the measles.The measles episode was on you.

We never did a measles and vaccine episode.Is this a joke?

It is.And hang in there, because this gets so much funnier as it goes.

I don't even know what you're talking about.It was on you.It was on you.

I've never had.Raymond, I've never had measles.What are you talking about?This is stupid.

It was an episode of a show, Laura.What's it called?You!

You!It's called you!I've never done a show on measles.I just completely give up.We gotta get out of here.I give up.

It's a show called you on Netflix.There's a show called luring of a Netflix.

I'm moving on to Adele.Adele?

Oh, you guys.Adele?What is Adele?You mean a farmer in Adele?Where do they come up with this stuff?Last night I mentioned that The president received yet another excellent health report, his third annual checkup in a little over a year.

It's very suspicious.You cannot trust anything his people tell you, not even the doctors who work for him.And so today at a White House press briefing, some of the reporters asked Dr. Oz about this.They asked why the president's getting so many checkups.And Dr. Oz explained that getting his head examined is simply something the president enjoys.

Hey, I just wanted to follow up on her question behind me.If the president's in such perfect health,why does he keep going back in for checkups?

I think he likes the results.He does really well.He aces the test every single day.And I do actually believe that he is curious to make sure everything is going in the right direction.He's a very meticulous person in so many ways that are often underappreciated.

I get it.I do the same thing.You know, I put one hand here.I read the eye chart every day, just for fun, to see if I can ace it.Identifying an illustration of a giraffe fills him with a sense of accomplishment.Is that so unusual?

So you know how the president sued the IRS for $10 billion, then got the government he runs to give him A slush fund worth $1 .776 billion as a settlement, the money he can use to pay out literally anyone he wants to, starting with the Storm Trumpers on January 6th.Well, it turned out that was a bridge too far, even for the MAGAs in Congress, many of whom are running for re -election and don't want to have to explain why the shirtless guy in the Viking helmet's getting $100 ,000.So after a lot of backlash, it's no longer happening.Happening in general.Todd Blanch.He said the Justice Department is not moving forward with the fund, which is a major bummer for all the patriots from January 6th who are expecting a check like this guy, who is, by the way, not a Nazi salute.

He's just thanking his mom for cutting his hair.That is Jake Lang.He was hoping to get money from Trump's fund.And he said some of the cases, like mine, may be looking at upwards of a million dollars.He was hoping to get more than a million dollars because he went to jail for hitting a Capitol Police officer with a metal baseball bat on January 6 and wanted a million of our dollars for doing that.And then there's this Pillsbury proud boy, Andrew Paul Johnson, who after Trump pardoned

this guy, was convicted of repeatedly sexually abusing two middle school kids.Police say he's guilty.He told his then 12 -year -old victim he would give him and the other kid some of the $10 million he was expecting the government to pay him in exchange for keeping quiet.And now he's getting nothing.How many of these doofuses from the insurrection, how many of them you think already went out and bought a bunch of jet skis and sex robots on their credit cards, expecting to get that check from Donald Trump?But don't worry, the DOJ is still going forward with the part of the deal that says the IRS is forever banned from investigating the president.

and his family and his businesses for any unpaid taxes.So it wasn't a total loss.You know, Donald Trump might be the only American in history who, over the course of his lifetime, actually makes money from the IRS.We got an update from the president on his very brief excursion into Iran that has now dragged on for three and a half months.Trump posted this today, which I mention because he posted the exact same thing last week and posted the same words exactly the same the week before.They say history repeats itself.

So does senility, it turns out.Secretary of State Marco Rubio was in front of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee today, where Senator Cory Booker tried to get an answer on what the hell's going on over there.

You keep telling us how we're winning this war.The president keeps saying - Well, the war's over.Completely annihilated.The war is not over.Well, not with that attitude, it's not.

The war is over.Marco Rubio says the war is.Maybe he should tell Pete Hexeth so he can stop bombing the place, that the war is over.Suffice it to say, this administration has been sending some mixed messages about this war and the Strait of Hormuz.It's on, it's off, it's open, it's closed, it's over, just getting started.At this point, it's very difficult to keep track.

So to help you, we put together a handy timeline to let you know what either side is doing.or isn't happening in Iran.

President Trump just posted on Truth Social that if Iran doesn't open up the Strait of Hormuz, the United States will hit and obliterate their various power plants within 48 hours.28 hours later.President Trump instructs the War Department to postpone any and all military strikes for a five -day period.Five days later.President Trump just announced on Truth Social, I am pausing the period of energy plant destruction by 10 days.10 days later.

President Trump announcing a ceasefire in Iran, saying he will suspend attacks for two weeks.Two weeks later.President Trump extends a ceasefire with Iran indefinitely.

And definitely later.Over the weekend, President Trump says he's in no hurry to reach a deal with Iran, and added that protracted negotiations have started to get very boring.

I don't even f***ing know, man.Happy Taco Tuesday.

There are so many dangerous and unpleasant things happening all over the world.It's nice to hear about a silly one from time to time.And hear about it, we will, straight from the president's adopted home state.It's time for This Week in Florida.

First I was upset, hurt, like, wow.Now I'm just mad.

This Ring Cam video shows the moments a man rides a tricycle on Sean Haynes' property in North Fort Myers to steal her gnomes.Why would someone do that?The gnomes.And then it happened again.A gnome collection that's been growing over the last 30 years once filled this area.But after over 25 of them were stolen, Sean Haynes keeps the rest inside.